HelenaExMachina

Mental Wellbeing Thread

113 posts in this topic

2 minutes ago, Let's Get Kraken said:

I'd say "spirituality", but yeah, pretty much the same thing.

I was trying to side-step suggesting that religion was a better cure than psychiatry. Enchantment to me can include a sense of excitement or a feeling that even if one is deluding oneself in creating a positive aura around something, it's ok.

5 minutes ago, Let's Get Kraken said:

I'd say "spirituality", but yeah, pretty much the same thing.

I became familiar with Jodorowsky through his comic work. The Mettabarons I think, but I found his name through the Jodorowsky's Dune documentary. I haven't read Psychomagic yet, but it's been on my shelf forever.

Magic has something to do with Alan Moore's shtick too, doesn't it? I haven't read as much of his non-comic stuff as Jodo's, but I think he said something like art is modern day magic. Manipulating words and images to produce changes in the psyche. Jodorowsky goes waaay further down the rabbit hole with it though. I honestly think the guy is a genius. Or a wizard...

Still reading Moore's Jerusalem right now- seems pretty clear that he believes in predestination. Overall I'd take Jodorowsky as my oracle over Moore, as the latter is a bit more pessimistic.

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9 minutes ago, Weeping Sore said:

I was trying to side-step suggesting that religion was a better cure than psychiatry. Enchantment to me can include a sense of excitement or a feeling that even if one is deluding oneself in creating a positive aura around something, it's ok.

Fair enough. I typically don't define spirituality as inherently religious, but I know many people do. Probably the topic for another thread.

I do feel that magic or art or spirituality or whatever one might call it scratches an itch deep in our genetic memory. It's certainly helped me a lot.

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On 28/09/2017 at 2:52 AM, Dr. Pepper said:

Yes, I also find it impossible to seek out professional support.  I haven't even started, which is ridiculous because I have free comprehensive health care in a country where that's not super common.  I haven't even googled the number I need to call to get assigned someone.  It's just too much work sometimes, seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist.  All the appointments and the talking and if you need meds then you have to try all the meds.  Sometimes I just like to wait it out.

Destroying relationships is a bad place to be in and I'm so sorry this is happening.  I think if you're able, then going to the GP surgery for a same day appointment is a very important step to take.  Can someone go with you?  Can you text or message with someone while you're there so they can help you with your nerve while you're waiting?  I'll message with you to help you stay until you are seen.  Doesn't matter what time it is where I am.  

I totally get you on the whole "it's too much work" thing, and it's even worse if at the end of all that you find a therapist who doesn't work for you. I have seen 4 in my life so far. Of those the first was a useless incompetent who first failed to realise I was depressed ("it's just teenage mood swings she will grow out of it") or anorexic ("she's just suffered from gastroenteritis she'll bulk back up") and then when he finally did diagnose me, shoved me in a children's General Ward and ignored me for 3 weeks until my parents kicked up a fuss, at which point I was carted off to a residential clinic in Scotland...

The second was a lovely lady at the residential unit. She really connected with me and in our first session alone I had poured out my heart and soul and said more about myself than even I consciously knew. I spent six memorable months working with her and I genuinely don't think I would be here today without her. I owe her so much, and often wish I had been able to tell her that. 

The third was a therapist who worked with both me and my parents in group/family therapy. She was also very good, especially at managing to convey stuff to my parents without making them fly off the rails.

The fourth was another useless incompetent attached to the same local service as the first therapist. This lady made me feel worse about myself leaving the sessions than I did going in, as though everything that befell me was entirely my own fault and I was a burden on everyone. I hated my time with her and eventually just refused to attend appointments. Oh well.

TL;DR - finding a therapist that works is hard.

I hope you find time to seek help sooner rather than later. The longer you leave these things the more difficult it is to make that step and reach out for help later. (I know, I know, pot meet kettle, I'm such a hypocrite here)

Thank you for the kind offer to message with me while I wait. I'm lucky enough to have some wonderful ladies in my life who I know from my time in hospital that are totally aware of my situation and still willing to offer me that support, so thank you but I do have others to do that. Your offer means so much though, I really do appreciate the sentiment :grouphug: 

 

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23 hours ago, Let's Get Kraken said:

Fair enough. I typically don't define spirituality as inherently religious, but I know many people do. Probably the topic for another thread.

I do feel that magic or art or spirituality or whatever one might call it scratches an itch deep in our genetic memory. It's certainly helped me a lot.

Agreed. i've never been religious at all, but I often find myself curious about magic 

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Posted (edited)

On 30/09/2017 at 9:56 AM, Let's Get Kraken said:

Fair enough. I typically don't define spirituality as inherently religious, but I know many people do. Probably the topic for another thread.

The number of people who get confused when I explain that I'm a non-materialistic atheist (spirituality but no God) is truly amazing.

Edited by Roose Boltons Pet Leech

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I've been struggling lately. Girlfriend works weekends so I on my own at home and everything feels like a chore. Took me 3 hours to psyche myself up to go to the shop last Saturday. 

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Posted (edited)

19 minutes ago, lessthanluke said:

I've been struggling lately. Girlfriend works weekends so I on my own at home and everything feels like a chore. Took me 3 hours to psyche myself up to go to the shop last Saturday. 

SAME. sweet jesus it was absurd. and then I had to take a nap afterward. :grouphug:

I have a therapist now. First appointment is next week and I'm a bit scared about the whole thing. But it's better to at least try to fix whatever is wrong because I had another episode last Thursday where I just fell into this inferno of hatred and it 1) ruined my entire day and 2) made me physically ill -- I'm still feeling the effects and it's Tuesday! I was a weepy mess at work yesterday. Gods I hope I can pull it together enough to be support to my mom this weekend. 

Edited by Xray the Enforcer

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Posted (edited)

8 minutes ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

SAME. sweet jesus it was absurd. and then I had to take a nap afterward. :grouphug:

I have a therapist now. First appointment is next week and I'm a bit scared about the whole thing. But it's better to at least try to fix whatever is wrong because I had another episode last Thursday where I just fell into this inferno of hatred and it 1) ruined my entire day and 2) made me physically ill -- I'm still feeling the effects and it's Tuesday! I was a weepy mess at work yesterday. Gods I hope I can pull it together enough to be support to my mom this weekend. 

Also needed a nap afterwards!

Most of the time right now I am constantly busy so its fine, work, training, comps etc but as soon as I have free time I don't know what to do with myself and just feel like crap and any motivation to even move seems to disappear.

You got this. Hopefully the therapist helps :)

Edited by lessthanluke

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Posted (edited)

6 minutes ago, lessthanluke said:

Also needed a nap afterwards!

Most of the time right now I am constantly busy so its fine, work, training, comps etc but as soon as I have free time I don't know what to do with myself and just feel like crap and any motivation to even move seems to disappear.

I was going to sarcastically ask if you had "tried working out" to help ease the blues -- but then I remembered that there are probably a bunch of people here who don't know your background and would have torn me a new asshole for that. :lol: 

I wish I had answers for you. I know that, for me, I broke things up into smaller, more goal-directed tasks. Like "go to store, buy these five items that I will need immediately to clean the bathroom." This is different than how I usually shop, which involves much longer-range planning and multiple tasks to complete. So I went to the shops four separate times over the weekend (it's walking distance) rather than one big trip. 

Edited by Xray the Enforcer

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13 minutes ago, lessthanluke said:

Also needed a nap afterwards!

Most of the time right now I am constantly busy so its fine, work, training, comps etc but as soon as I have free time I don't know what to do with myself and just feel like crap and any motivation to even move seems to disappear.

You got this. Hopefully the therapist helps :)

I'm having exactly the same problem and it is leaving me absolutely exhausted. I've been in a pretty good place this year for the most part but it seems to only be because I'm so overscheduled I don't have time to think. The second I get any sort of break it all comes rushing back and suddenly the simplest day to day stuff just seems way too much to cope with.

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Posted (edited)

I spent the last two months reading tons of easy, escapist books - the kind that you read in 3-4 hours.  A book a day (2 a day on weekends) on the nook at an average of $8 for two months made for a shocking credit card bill. I tell myself I am doing better, but when I do stuff like that there is obviously still a problem.

But really, I am managing ok. (or rather I am managing work, and that takes every bit of willpower I have, so by time I get home, I have nothing left. But if I don't take my meds on weekends, I can't hardly manage getting off the couch, so my meds do work, but I'm at the max dose.

Then last week my 15 yr old son left his sketch book open on the living room floor, and on the open page he had written what I thought at first was a poem about being depressed, but it turned out to be more of a letter to us.  It started with "I lie to my friends.  I lie to everyone, even myself." he then went on to say how he felt broken, that he just wanted to start over, to not be who he is.  I could have written that myself. My heart broke for him. 

I put aside all my guilt, and talked to him about how he feels, that he's not alone, that we can get him counselling if he wants.  He really doesn't want to, so I printed out a guide to teenage depression, a list of things for them to do (and not do) to help and we talked about it over dinner. I told him I have all the same feelings too, and that we will work together to get through it and make changes in our lives that hopefully will help.  I did make him agree that if he hasn't noticed any improvement by the end of the year, we will see a counselor.

It's hard, but we are working together. I am making him spend an hour with me every night with no screens. We're starting a tai chi dvd (he has P.E. this quarter, so he is exercising, but I thought it good to start this so it will continue when the quarter ends soon), coloring (I got him a swear word coloring book because all the others seemed rather girly and I didn't think he'd use them if he didn't like them), (both also for the meditative aspects) and I'm making better dinners (I could (and frequently do) skip dinner and just let him eat some leftovers or more often something frozen and quick to fix-without veggies)

He actually went out and hung out with a friend after school yesterday instead of just getting on the computer and his friend called his boss at "Land of Fear" since they are looking for another zombie and Alex has an interview Friday afternoon.  It's just an October job on Friday nights and weekends, but he's excited: "I'll even get paid money" :lol: but the getting out of the house will be so good for him.  Jobs are very limited for 15 yr olds, but I hope he likes the "doing" of something and will try and find something after this gig is up. (I've told him to ask where his friends volunteer and do some of that too)

It's a long process, and my husband doesn't really get depression, no matter how many times I've told him over the years, so Alex and I are doing this on our own.

 

Edited by Lany Freelove Cassandra

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39 minutes ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

SAME. sweet jesus it was absurd. and then I had to take a nap afterward. :grouphug:

 

 

31 minutes ago, lessthanluke said:

Also needed a nap afterwards!

 

8 minutes ago, brook said:

I'm having exactly the same problem and it is leaving me absolutely exhausted. I've been in a pretty good place this year for the most part but it seems to only be because I'm so overscheduled I don't have time to think. The second I get any sort of break it all comes rushing back and suddenly the simplest day to day stuff just seems way too much to cope with.

This is so me at the end of my days.

39 minutes ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

 

25 minutes ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

 

I wish I had answers for you. I know that, for me, I broke things up into smaller, more goal-directed tasks. Like "go to store, buy these five items that I will need immediately to clean the bathroom." This is different than how I usually shop, which involves much longer-range planning and multiple tasks to complete. So I went to the shops four separate times over the weekend (it's walking distance) rather than one big trip. 

I've taking to do this too.  I have 1 1/2 days worth of yard/house work to do, and I've broken it up to do over a week (plus the weekend if needed). I also know that after I stop for lunch, I'm not going to continue. No matter what I do, once I stop, I can't seem to manage to start again.

I end up worse off and doing less if I try to do too much and fail.  Then it's a complete shut down for months. I'm lucky if I get my laundry done, and only running out of clean underwear forces me to do it. I considered buying more, that would be more work than laundry.

 

 

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Posted (edited)

32 minutes ago, brook said:

I'm having exactly the same problem and it is leaving me absolutely exhausted. I've been in a pretty good place this year for the most part but it seems to only be because I'm so overscheduled I don't have time to think. The second I get any sort of break it all comes rushing back and suddenly the simplest day to day stuff just seems way too much to cope with.

Bolded part is me exactly. I will try your suggestion this weekend XRay :) 

 

Edited by lessthanluke

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15 minutes ago, Lany Freelove Cassandra said:

 

 

I end up worse off and doing less if I try to do too much and fail.  Then it's a complete shut down for months. I'm lucky if I get my laundry done, and only running out of clean underwear forces me to do it. I considered buying more, that would be more work than laundry.

 

 

Yeah I had a whole list of plans/things last weekend then I ended up not doing a single one and felt terrible about it.

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3 hours ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

I was going to sarcastically ask if you had "tried working out" to help ease the blues -- but then I remembered that there are probably a bunch of people here who don't know your background and would have torn me a new asshole for that. :lol: 

I wish I had answers for you. I know that, for me, I broke things up into smaller, more goal-directed tasks. Like "go to store, buy these five items that I will need immediately to clean the bathroom." This is different than how I usually shop, which involves much longer-range planning and multiple tasks to complete. So I went to the shops four separate times over the weekend (it's walking distance) rather than one big trip. 

I might have to borrow this idea, I feel it would be very useful for me. I do manage to get out at least once a day because of the dogs (I feel guilty if I don't because I feel they are being badly cared for because of my selfish behaviours) but the shop idea would likely keep me occupied throughout the day instead of laying around doing nothing.

2 hours ago, Lany Freelove Cassandra said:

I spent the last two months reading tons of easy, escapist books - the kind that you read in 3-4 hours.  A book a day (2 a day on weekends) on the nook at an average of $8 for two months made for a shocking credit card bill. I tell myself I am doing better, but when I do stuff like that there is obviously still a problem.

But really, I am managing ok. (or rather I am managing work, and that takes every bit of willpower I have, so by time I get home, I have nothing left. But if I don't take my meds on weekends, I can't hardly manage getting off the couch, so my meds do work, but I'm at the max dose.

Then last week my 15 yr old son left his sketch book open on the living room floor, and on the open page he had written what I thought at first was a poem about being depressed, but it turned out to be more of a letter to us.  It started with "I lie to my friends.  I lie to everyone, even myself." he then went on to say how he felt broken, that he just wanted to start over, to not be who he is.  I could have written that myself. My heart broke for him. 

I put aside all my guilt, and talked to him about how he feels, that he's not alone, that we can get him counselling if he wants.  He really doesn't want to, so I printed out a guide to teenage depression, a list of things for them to do (and not do) to help and we talked about it over dinner. I told him I have all the same feelings too, and that we will work together to get through it and make changes in our lives that hopefully will help.  I did make him agree that if he hasn't noticed any improvement by the end of the year, we will see a counselor.

It's hard, but we are working together. I am making him spend an hour with me every night with no screens. We're starting a tai chi dvd (he has P.E. this quarter, so he is exercising, but I thought it good to start this so it will continue when the quarter ends soon), coloring (I got him a swear word coloring book because all the others seemed rather girly and I didn't think he'd use them if he didn't like them), (both also for the meditative aspects) and I'm making better dinners (I could (and frequently do) skip dinner and just let him eat some leftovers or more often something frozen and quick to fix-without veggies)

He actually went out and hung out with a friend after school yesterday instead of just getting on the computer and his friend called his boss at "Land of Fear" since they are looking for another zombie and Alex has an interview Friday afternoon.  It's just an October job on Friday nights and weekends, but he's excited: "I'll even get paid money" :lol: but the getting out of the house will be so good for him.  Jobs are very limited for 15 yr olds, but I hope he likes the "doing" of something and will try and find something after this gig is up. (I've told him to ask where his friends volunteer and do some of that too)

It's a long process, and my husband doesn't really get depression, no matter how many times I've told him over the years, so Alex and I are doing this on our own.

 

:grouphug: I'm so sorry to hear about your son Lany. I'm glad you've been open and talked to him about it and your own struggles. Depression can often make you feel isolated but particularly as a teen I think you just feel you are completely alone in how you are feeling. I hope you are both able to help each other through your struggles, best wishes to you both 

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7 hours ago, Lany Freelove Cassandra said:

 

This is so me at the end of my days.

I've taking to do this too.  I have 1 1/2 days worth of yard/house work to do, and I've broken it up to do over a week (plus the weekend if needed). I also know that after I stop for lunch, I'm not going to continue. No matter what I do, once I stop, I can't seem to manage to start again.

I end up worse off and doing less if I try to do too much and fail.  Then it's a complete shut down for months. I'm lucky if I get my laundry done, and only running out of clean underwear forces me to do it. I considered buying more, that would be more work than laundry.

 

 

Sending you lots of love, Lany. I was depressed at 15 but I couldn't talk to my parents about it. It's a great thing that your son can talk to you and like your company and feel comfortable opening up to you xx

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Sending tons of love to everyone. :love::love: 

One thing I want to flag for those who feel over-subscribed or over-programmed -- it is OK to have a sloth day. Just sit the fuck down and pretend to read a book or pay no attention whatsoever to an episode of Bojack or Rick and Morty or Sherlock or whatever-the-fuck. I have to do this sometimes or I'll just lose my goddamned mind. 

@Lany Freelove Cassandra -- you might want to look into borrowing books on Kindle if you're burning through throwaways. There's so much out there for a flat fee that you should be able to manage that cost. 

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Aso sending much love and hugs.

13 hours ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

 

One thing I want to flag for those who feel over-subscribed or over-programmed -- it is OK to have a sloth day. Just sit the fuck down and pretend to read a book or pay no attention whatsoever to an episode of Bojack or Rick and Morty or Sherlock or whatever-the-fuck. I have to do this sometimes or I'll just lose my goddamned mind. 

 

Wishing this worked in reverse.  Like can't I tell my brain its ok to have an over programmed day.  Or at least pretend to enjoy the over subscribed days.  Or taking regular showers.

 

 

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I haven't had the courage to post here when I've been anxious and depressed (bulk of the last couple years), but reading this thread let me know I wasn't alone. 

I'm in a better place right now and wanted to say thanks for helping me make it through some of that without feeling so alone, and I love you all.

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I just read a fascinating article about former WNBA superstar Chamique Holdsclaw. She is retired from basketball and working as a spokesperson/advocate on mental health issues.

Her story is quite interesting as she describes the journey she has had from HS and College All American, to the number one draft pick and All Star in the Pros, all the while struggling with Bipolar Disorder. And how for many of those years she was undiagnosed.

Today Chamique (once the worlds best in her sport) out of the spotlight, never touches a basketball, but describes herself as more fulfilled and never happier. http://www.espn.com/espnw/feature/20826369/espnw-former-wnba-great-chamique-holdsclaw-shattered-facades-reclaimed-purpose?addata=espn:frontpage

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