HelenaExMachina

Mental Wellbeing Thread

124 posts in this topic

I have that weird feeling where I'm concerned that I'm not sad or depressed and because I'm not I think something must be wrong.

My triad relationship ended really abruptly.  The mess and the filth became too much, it was making me physically and mentally ill.  I decided to move out.  I take things literally and can be nothing other than honest and have a hard time figuring out when people aren't being literal or don't want honesty, so when they asked me to be honest about the reasons why, I told them simply that they were too mess and filthy for me but still felt our relationship could continue if we lived in separate housing.  It really was horrible, if I explained how filthy then you'd all understand.  But they didn't like that and took offense and we exchanged mean words and I thought fine, whatever I was starting to hate that location anyway.  Plus it was getting really cold and I honestly hate the cold.  So I started driving and driving and driving and ended up back to where I started years and years ago and I feel really ok with it.  More than ok, I feel like I never left and a certain sense of peace that I'm where I want to be.  Haven't felt any missing of my friends/girlfriends.  Haven't answered them or felt a desire to reach out in return.  I feel content with this decision.  But also wondering if maybe I'm numb because I had several big moves last year.  

I get really uncomfortable when I feel content.  It doesn't feel normal.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm now seeing a new doctor at my County's Community Health Center. The transition from the Summit Center to there was painless for the most part. After taking a year off, I'm back attending my local Junior College. I'm currently taking Sociology 101 and just finished my first major exam.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have had some issues for the past couple years, on the surface stemming from some chronic pain I began experiencing a little over 2 years ago. Hands and feet feel sensations of pain / excess warmth. After tons of tests, I was sent to a neurologist who told me that I didn't have neuropathy (damage to peripheral nerves), just an excess of stress ultimately screwing up my nervous relay system -- my parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems are out of wack and I need rest / less stress to eventually fix the issue.

So, I've been working at it. Limiting diet to healthy foods to not overstimulate system. Haven't quite got there with caffeine yet -- it's hard as a teacher to work with middle school kids all day long without an occasional boost (or 3), but I'm working at it. Deep diaphragm breathing has really helped to mitigate the pain when it flares, and to calm myself down. I had massive, massive anxiety about this for a year and a half-- not sure what was screwed up with me--to the point of suicidal contemplation, the nerve irritation was so consistent and mentally affecting. I've managed to mostly get over that period (end of last summer), when my stress was at its worst.

The thing, though, is that through analyzing the various stresses in my life and bringing them down to manageable levels, I've realized my wife is one of my biggest stresses. She is verbally, psychologically, and occasionally physically abusive (when enraged she strikes out). We've been married for 10 years and have two children, and while I manage to intervene enough to keep her temper from going overboard on my daughter (7), it's still very painful and stressful when she shouts and begins badgering. There is little love and basically no intimacy in the relationship at all, from the conception of my son a little over two years ago; we are both exhausted from raising two children, juggling life stress, etc. Part of the reason it took me a year and a half to receive a diagnosis is that she is such a cheapskate she had us off insurance, and it took a year+ to get on my work insurance due to the enrollment process. Whenever I'd talk about the issues, she didn't want to hear about it, and complained about the money I did spend attempting to locate its source. This really affected my psychologically, and I've been dominated/abused to the point that I fear spending money due to the stress I have to deal with at home (buying a coffee could be the source of an argument, in the past, to give this some perspective).

At this point we are nearing my leaving our current area to move to a different place, where we can afford to buy a house. My dilemma is that part of me respects what she does to raise our children -- teaching them other language, how to play piano, general housemaker stuff -- and I don't want my children being raised in a broken home. On the other hand, the stress of living with an overly critical, at times abusive person has led me to experience chronic pain on a daily basis, and it's hard to imagine living with this person another year, much less 10 or 20. 

Not sure what to do. I've mostly tried to just focus on keeping myself healthy and deep breathing to mitigate anxiety & nerve pain. But certain decisions will have to be made at some point, and that point is approaching.

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, kuenjato said:

I have had some issues for the past couple years, on the surface stemming from some chronic pain I began experiencing a little over 2 years ago. Hands and feet feel sensations of pain / excess warmth. After tons of tests, I was sent to a neurologist who told me that I didn't have neuropathy (damage to peripheral nerves), just an excess of stress ultimately screwing up my nervous relay system -- my parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems are out of wack and I need rest / less stress to eventually fix the issue.

So, I've been working at it. Limiting diet to healthy foods to not overstimulate system. Haven't quite got there with caffeine yet -- it's hard as a teacher to work with middle school kids all day long without an occasional boost (or 3), but I'm working at it. Deep diaphragm breathing has really helped to mitigate the pain when it flares, and to calm myself down. I had massive, massive anxiety about this for a year and a half-- not sure what was screwed up with me--to the point of suicidal contemplation, the nerve irritation was so consistent and mentally affecting. I've managed to mostly get over that period (end of last summer), when my stress was at its worst.

The thing, though, is that through analyzing the various stresses in my life and bringing them down to manageable levels, I've realized my wife is one of my biggest stresses. She is verbally, psychologically, and occasionally physically abusive (when enraged she strikes out). We've been married for 10 years and have two children, and while I manage to intervene enough to keep her temper from going overboard on my daughter (7), it's still very painful and stressful when she shouts and begins badgering. There is little love and basically no intimacy in the relationship at all, from the conception of my son a little over two years ago; we are both exhausted from raising two children, juggling life stress, etc. Part of the reason it took me a year and a half to receive a diagnosis is that she is such a cheapskate she had us off insurance, and it took a year+ to get on my work insurance due to the enrollment process. Whenever I'd talk about the issues, she didn't want to hear about it, and complained about the money I did spend attempting to locate its source. This really affected my psychologically, and I've been dominated/abused to the point that I fear spending money due to the stress I have to deal with at home (buying a coffee could be the source of an argument, in the past, to give this some perspective).

At this point we are nearing my leaving our current area to move to a different place, where we can afford to buy a house. My dilemma is that part of me respects what she does to raise our children -- teaching them other language, how to play piano, general housemaker stuff -- and I don't want my children being raised in a broken home. On the other hand, the stress of living with an overly critical, at times abusive person has led me to experience chronic pain on a daily basis, and it's hard to imagine living with this person another year, much less 10 or 20. 

Not sure what to do. I've mostly tried to just focus on keeping myself healthy and deep breathing to mitigate anxiety & nerve pain. But certain decisions will have to be made at some point, and that point is approaching.

 

 

 

So sorry you are going through that.

It sounds to me, at the least, like you need to see a marriage counselor.  If your wife does not want to or does not see the need, you need to make her understand this is a necessity, with the stress and anxiety you are going through and with you pinpointing that to her, this is something that must happen.

If you find a good, reputable marriage counselor, it's a possibility that they could help open the communication between the both of you and make things better, make her see the stress she's causing while still seeing that respect you have for her and maybe there are some areas you are misunderstanding her that a therapist could help and maybe relieve things bothering her. From what you've said, I see no better way to hope for an improvement to your situation and your wife needs to understand that and that not doing it could lead to worse things for everyone and that no matter what the status quo can't hold for long without something breaking.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now