Yukle

So have we as a couple become too couple-y?

58 posts in this topic

I'll use my gf's deodorant in a pinch. Actually, growing up with all women, I never even realized that fruity smelling shampoo was considered feminine...I never thought about it, just grew up assuming that was what shampoo smelled like, and though previous ones never said anything my current gf jokes about my 'love' of fruity smelling toiletries. 

I'm lucky in that after sports or working out or w/e my sweat smells 'clean' or just doesn't smell...not my observation, but repeated observations by others over my life. But that raises the danger of what I call the Stink Gap, ie the period after starting to smell ripe and before you realize it, which for me can happen when I'm really focused on writing or w/e and days go by without being aware, but other times creeps in for no clear reason. Then suddenly I'll catch a whiff and, wow...pong! Shower emergency!  So because it's not normal or predictable I am always trying to account for the Stink Gap in advance, and that means I'll absolutely use a woman's deodorant if my own isn't available.

I don't think I've ever worn a gf's clothes other than like a scarf or similar, just because women's shoulders just don't really come in guy size or at least my size, so non-starter, but girls (roomies too, not just gf's) will make use of my stuff with regularity. Usually for like sleeping, lounging around or cleaning kind of deal. I've gotten so used to it over the years I barely notice except when I find them in something I wanted or spent time looking for, at which point I gripe (with no discernible effect).

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6 hours ago, James Arryn said:

... ie the period after starting to smell ripe and before you realize it...

This sentence is especially scarring for anybody who has been through labour. ;) 

I've shown some arguments to my brother, who said somewhat drolly, "You even shared your genes. Strictly speaking, you have shared the same vagina."

To which I replied, "Perhaps altering your views on sharing would allow you to share a vagina one day."

He also replied to that, but I'm telling the story so I'm leaving it there so it looks like I won. :D

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I see healthy relationships where they share a Facebook account, email, etc. We don't share any social media, though for some odd reason she uses my email for anything and everything. It's crazy the number of emails I have from hair care products to Amazon and on and on. Doesn't bother me really, just don't know why she can't take 2 mins to make a email and my inbox would be a lot cleaner. Clothes, well, she wears a good deal of my jogging pants, hoodies, socks and t-shirts. The t-shirts is where I begin to get a little pissy. I cannot stand a shirt that is loose around the neck (a V-neck you will not find in my wardrobe), well she tends to yank and loosen them up when she wears them around the house for what reason, I have no clue. But, when it ruins my shirt so when I put it on and it feels loose around my neck, it's hers, it goes in her laundry pile and I want nothing to do with it. I say it's a conspiracy, because then they become her "nightgowns". 

I'd say the one thing that shows a unhealthy or abusive relationship more than sharing social media or the like, is the perusing of the others cellphone. When I see someone do that to their significant other, I know there are problems there. I've seen men and women do it publicly and it just blows my mind. That's not directed to the OP in any way, just in response to some of the comments in the thread.

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Posted (edited)

3 hours ago, Michael Seswatha Jordan said:

 But, when it ruins my shirt so when I put it on and it feels loose around my neck, it's hers, it goes in her laundry pile and I want nothing to do with it. I say it's a conspiracy, because then they become her "nightgowns". 

I'd say the one thing that shows a unhealthy or abusive relationship more than sharing social media or the like, is the perusing of the others cellphone. When I see someone do that to their significant other, I know there are problems there. I've seen men and women do it publicly and it just blows my mind. That's not directed to the OP in any way, just in response to some of the comments in the thread.

T-Shirts make the best nightgowns. It is a worldwide women's conspiracy! :D

Perusing anything, even the bank records or emails that we share, is weird to both of us. That's not really very trusting and we'd not have come very far if we weren't trusting each other. Even with teenagers, that's overly intrusive. It's kind of like a pre-nup in my mind: if you think you need one, perhaps it's not the best for you to continue as you are.

In the same way that I'm not bothered where he goes with his friends, or that most of his friends are women and he isn't bothered if I come home and say, "Look! I bought all of this clothing!" or where I head out with my girlfriends and so on.

We're a couple, but still individuals, if that makes sense.

Sharing money is no issue to us. Money is just money, you can't eat it and it's there to be spent. We save some, we spend some, whatever really. We co-ordinate our shopping sometimes, or try to time car services so that they don't happen at the same time, just to keep lots of rainy day funds aside.

Even though we share a Facebook account, we don't use it a lot even between us. It's more that I am his de facto secretary and let him know when events are happening.

Edited by Yukle

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I am not married but my girlfriend and I have lived together for about 2 yrs.  We really do most things together, socially and domestically, but there are some privacy boundaries as well.

I honestly couldn't see myself sharing email or facebook with anyone, unless I also maintained my own private one.  I am never up to no good or anything, and I trust her as well, but I think that would be a little too much for both of us.

I could see using her deodorant if I was in a bind cause she goes the unscented route.  But doubt she'd use mine unless she wants to smell like a dude.  She sometimes commandeers hoodies or t shirts but usually they are ones that I don't really wear anyway.  

For money we split all the groceries, rent, and bills 50/50 but separate money management on everything else.  I think we do a pretty good job of splitting up household duties as well.  I am the bathroom cleaner, the trash guy, am usually the one to do the dishes, and take care of most house or vehicle maintenance issues - but she does almost all of the cooking and definitely does laundry more than I do, so I am happy with the division of labor. 

 I have used her toothbrush by accident in the morning on a few occasions.  When I realize it, 'god dammit' and disappointment in my groggy self is the prevailing attitude.  

No sharing of socks, but she does throw mine away when a hole appears, whereas left to my own devices my philosophy is that a sock has to be in pretty sorry shape before it's tossed.

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Posted (edited)

On 3/15/2017 at 3:28 AM, dmc515 said:

 

Edited by Lily Valley
DP

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What a great thread! I can totally relate. 

My wife always uses my T shirts as night gowns. However, they are exclusively kept in my set of drawers (I only get 3, she has a bigger closet and extra chest of draws). They are also considered my laundry and I have to fold them all! She wears one a day to sleep and I wear one a day under my work shirts, not fair!

As for social media. We separate Linkedin and have our own skype accounts. We share an Apple ID, but have separate I cloud accounts (recommended). I don't have facebook and she does so sometimes I get some information from her. 

Email addresses totally have to be separate. They are free and take like 3 seconds to set up. Yes, you will have to update your profile on Westeros.org! 

Food is a no-brainer. I just let her order for me and for her and we typically share (which means I eat whatever she likes least).

We share bank accounts and some credit cards, but have some separate cards as well. (I need to surprise her once and a while)

In short, I don't think your too couply. People get married to share their life together, and all of the above is part of your lives. The best part about being married is being able to share successes and burdens alike. By burdens I mean kids! We have 3!

Definitely get your own email though, it may cause some confusion down the line if you decide to seek new employment, sign up for school alerts, etc. 

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On 3/15/2017 at 0:25 PM, Mlle. Zabzie said:

My husband used my deodorant this morning.  His ran out yesterday and we didn't venture into the snow to buy more.  Mine is cucumber scented.  We'd all rather this happen than the alternative.  Given that we swap various bodily fluids, him rubbing his newly showered armpits with my deodorant seems relatively tame.

Well then why didn't he just use some cucumbers!!!  Yeah, I didn't mean to present myself as the dude who can't share basic hygiene products in a pinch, or is trying to prevent women's deodorant privilege.

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The thing about a shared Facebook account is everyone thinks "okay, which one of you cheated and can't be trusted anymore" unless both of you are 60 years old or older. That's just the message it sends- that one of you lost privacy privileges.

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YBD and I (as he's been nicknamed in the dating thread) basically live together and will officially once my roommate leaves in a few weeks. We do not share a phone plan but he has used my deodorant when his was unavailable. Bills are split 50/50 except I pay $100 more because I refuse to share the only offstreet parking spot. I also share my Netflix and HBO accounts with him and my dad and my assistant. We would never share an email or Facebook. Ever. We are both self employed and need to use those things for work stuff but we still wouldn't otherwise. We are very separate people, we don't even make plans. He shows up whenever and has keys, I show up whenever. We never announce when that will be. If I'm not home he just goes about his business and hangs out with my cats. We are more like two indoor outdoor cats that are in the same house. Occasionally it'll be like "when will you be home?" And I'm like "Tuesday, I'm in Chicago." And then he sends a picture of my cat Hugo and him in the bookstore an hour later. It's cool.

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I never wear deodorant anyways, so sharing deodorant isn't an issue. I occasionally use her toothbrush, but it's because they both look so damn alike I can't be bothered to consult the spirits to divine the difference. But I always water pik before I brush my teeth anyway so I imagine that most of the creepy-crawlies get rinsed out during that process anyway. Besides, if you're regularly playing tonsil-hockey with someone, I fail to see the issue. It's distinction without a difference in my book.

I'm philosophically opposed to Facebook on moral grounds, and haven't had an active account in years so sharing that isn't an issue. I don't have any other social media accounts (Twitter, Snapagram, Instachat, etc.) and neither does she. I'm also philosophically opposed to banks, so I don't have an account to share anyway. She wears my t-shirts to sleep in sometimes; I wear her panties when I'm feeling a little saucy.

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On 3/18/2017 at 3:05 AM, Kelli Fury said:

The thing about a shared Facebook account is everyone thinks "okay, which one of you cheated and can't be trusted anymore" unless both of you are 60 years old or older. That's just the message it sends- that one of you lost privacy privileges.

Hahaha! That made me snort as I was drinking tea.

I'm not sure everyone knows that we share it. It's just we both log into it. I do the very rare posting that actually happens. He'll just login sometimes to shoot a personal message or check the events pages.

It's in my name, it's not a combined account as such.

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20 hours ago, Yukle said:

Hahaha! That made me snort as I was drinking tea.

I'm not sure everyone knows that we share it. It's just we both log into it. I do the very rare posting that actually happens. He'll just login sometimes to shoot a personal message or check the events pages.

It's in my name, it's not a combined account as such.

With ours. I have no facebook account and never have, and have never felt the need for one.

However, we have a page for work - which is an offshoot of Ali's facebook page; so that page is open in the background whenever we're at work. Equally, because I don't have an account, we use Ali's to keep in touch with nieces / nephews and siblings; whether mine or hers.

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On 3/19/2017 at 6:00 PM, Yukle said:

Hahaha! That made me snort as I was drinking tea.

I'm not sure everyone knows that we share it. It's just we both log into it. I do the very rare posting that actually happens. He'll just login sometimes to shoot a personal message or check the events pages.

It's in my name, it's not a combined account as such.

I'm not even sure I'd consider that sharing an account.  It's more that one has an account, the other doesn't.  When I think of couples sharing accounts, it's the sort of thing where they change their name to "Mike N Suzy."  Like K Fury said, at the least everyone else usually starts wondering who cheated. I guess you both technically share it, but the manner in which you two use it makes it less "share-y and couple-y".  

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9 hours ago, Dr. Pepper said:

It's more that one has an account, the other doesn't.  When I think of couples sharing accounts, it's the sort of thing where they change their name to "Mike N Suzy."  Like K Fury said, at the least everyone else usually starts wondering who cheated. I guess you both technically share it, but the manner in which you two use it makes it less "share-y and couple-y".  

Now THAT would be too couple-y.  My exposure to facebook is very limited, but I do have two married friends that share their accounts in the same way Yukle does - I understand the best way to get in touch with them is to contact their wives' profiles.  The idea of a "Mike N Suzy" profile is pretty nauseating on its face (heh, no pun intended).

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Hell, we've been a couple so long that our college friends (and we graduated 20+ years ago) refer to us a "Philandmichelle" all one word, as a joined entity. 

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On 3/22/2017 at 2:09 AM, Dr. Pepper said:

 When I think of couples sharing accounts, it's the sort of thing where they change their name to "Mike N Suzy."

 

On 3/22/2017 at 11:53 AM, dmc515 said:

Now THAT would be too couple-y.  My exposure to facebook is very limited, but I do have two married friends that share their accounts in the same way Yukle does - I understand the best way to get in touch with them is to contact their wives' profiles. 

Yep, my sisters and law and I always joke (with more than a little truth) that we're our husbands' secretaries. 

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11 hours ago, Whitestripe said:

Hell, we've been a couple so long that our college friends (and we graduated 20+ years ago) refer to us a "Philandmichelle" all one word, as a joined entity. 

Our joint email account is a mash up of our first names. That's completely normal.

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