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LGBTQ+ 5 -- Now With More Gender Outlaws


Xray the Enforcer

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2 hours ago, Weeping Sore said:

It's definitely me that's holding me back. I mean if/when I transition it will mean a divorce, I don't really care what the rest of my family thinks now that my mom has passed. I am the obstacle.

:hugs:   One of the first things that I moved was your Christmas card.  It still holds a prominent place on my refrigerator.  It's the whimsical and wicked spirit behind that card that makes me love it so much.  It has made me smile on many an early grumpy morning.  It's also the reason my gf understands why I waste spend so much time on here.   I'm really glad you can come here.  This place has saved my life more than once.

Xoxoxo, my friend.  

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@Robin Of House Hill- Thank you. Of course you're right. The mind/body interface just ratchets up some days and doesn't make it feel like a choice, more like an inevitability. But not looking forward to a train-wreck at home or at work...

On ‎10‎/‎13‎/‎2017 at 5:34 PM, Lily Valley said:

:hugs:   One of the first things that I moved was your Christmas card.  It still holds a prominent place on my refrigerator.  It's the whimsical and wicked spirit behind that card that makes me love it so much.  It has made me smile on many an early grumpy morning.  It's also the reason my gf understands why I waste spend so much time on here.   I'm really glad you can come here.  This place has saved my life more than once.

Xoxoxo, my friend.  

Thank you honey. I know when I start losing my sense of humor about things I'm not in a good place. You and other great people on the board have been a lifeline. xoxo

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I'm pretty sure if that came out it's because you needed it to, a therapist is there to support and help you so don't be hard on yourself for that. I hope they were good about it? Even if they don't have much specific knowledge. Try and remember to be kind to yourself, you're amazing and you deserve kindness.

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There was context, so you're probably correct that I needed to just get it out there. My therapist was totally fine with it, although I know that this isn't an area of specialty for her. I figure that if I need that level of care, I'll have to find someone who focuses on that. Right now I'm more concerned with navigating what is turning out to be some intensely murky waters with the rest of my family. The tl;dr of which is "there's a reason why I live across the continent from them."

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@Weeping Sore -- Sending you lots of love while you navigate those waters. 

@Lily Valley -- This place (and a couple of offshoots of it on other platforms) saved me from losing my shit when I was essentially housebound during The Wilderness Years. I am quite convinced that I would have killed myself -- or done something almost as drastic -- had I not had this outlet. 

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2 hours ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

There was context, so you're probably correct that I needed to just get it out there. My therapist was totally fine with it, although I know that this isn't an area of specialty for her. I figure that if I need that level of care, I'll have to find someone who focuses on that.

I found a pitfall where I started detecting some subtle skepticism from my therapist on gender identity issues and it made me put a wall up to prevent meaningful sharing about anything else.

In other words, maybe "fine with it" isn't enough- I need them to "get it".

 

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7 hours ago, Weeping Sore said:

I found a pitfall where I started detecting some subtle skepticism from my therapist on gender identity issues and it made me put a wall up to prevent meaningful sharing about anything else.

In other words, maybe "fine with it" isn't enough- I need them to "get it".

 

Totally legit. This was only the second session, so I guess we'll see what happens over the next three as we both figure out if this collaboration is going to work out. 

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If you think you so need help with your actual feelings of identity and self then yes, I think that does call for someone with that expertise. However if you just needed to include that information about yourself, and talk about how that is impacting familial relations/feelings then I think a good and accepting therapist of any kind can take that in their stride - provided they do truly accept it and just factor that in as the context it is. And whatever you need in this regard is ok, as is needing to take time to figure out what you even need.

Basically everything is fine and I'm just going to keep telling you this, your needs are your needs.

I used to be close to my family, and emotionally I'd say I still am but since Mum died I feel like we've fractured. Maybe the others are still seeing each other a lot though, and it's just me but I could live on the far side of the country for all I see any of them except my Dad. Partially that's my health being shit ever since then, and partially it's not really knowing how we stand and preferring to barely interact and retain the love rather than push things and potentially lose it. Politically and socially we live in different worlds now, I boggled at the life half of them live now last time we had a big catch up. 

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9 hours ago, karaddin said:

I used to be close to my family, and emotionally I'd say I still am but since Mum died I feel like we've fractured. Maybe the others are still seeing each other a lot though, and it's just me but I could live on the far side of the country for all I see any of them except my Dad. Partially that's my health being shit ever since then, and partially it's not really knowing how we stand and preferring to barely interact and retain the love rather than push things and potentially lose it. Politically and socially we live in different worlds now, I boggled at the life half of them live now last time we had a big catch up. 

And now I'm crying -- for me, and for you, and for everyone who, after losing a parent, ended up also mostly losing their family. 

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14 hours ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

And now I'm crying -- for me, and for you, and for everyone who, after losing a parent, ended up also mostly losing their family. 

:grouphug: I hope one day most of us will find our ways back to each other, everyone is busy with kids etc. The kids will grow up and maybe we'll have more time and energy then. There at least haven't been any major bridge burnings, just a drift.

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 I lurk in this thread sometimes but I usually don't have much to contribute, but today I do have an uplifting story which I think we all need in the days of Trump.

 

I work at a Chinese university and I assist the students with the English and Foreign Affairs clubs. And one of my students in the foreign affairs club organized a conference on LGBT issues and invited me to speak at it. I was very honored that they invited me as a speaker, and I was very proud of them for organizing this at all, in a closed system like China these kind of things are not encouraged and viewed with a bit of suspicion. Anyway we had a nice discussion and had a good attendance of students. We discussed issues Chinese students face  and showing tolerance. Especially treating these things a bit more seriously there is little out and out hatred here but being gay is seen as a big joke especially to Chinese boys. I spoke a bit about LGBT issues in America and how while we have come far on some issues America is not a perfect by any means and we still have a long ways to go. I also discussed some solutions to problems LGBT people face in China. Many Chinese parents would be ok with the general concept of someone being gay or lesbian but would be very against it in their own children as getting married and having children is very important here. So I tried to bring up some solutions to show that being gay doesn't mean you can't have a family with adoption and surrogacy and that with these things it is still possible for a gay or lesbian couple to have a family. Honestly I was a little out of my depth, I'm a CIS white male and not as knowledgeable on these topics as many of you all. But I did my best to foster an atmosphere of sharing and tolerance, and also provide a bit of hope. Chinese sometimes think that they will never progress on these issues and so I tried to share that America is not perfect on these issues and China is more accepting now then America was 35 years ago and while the issues faced may be different they can be solved the same way through exposure education and acceptance. Anyway I know it's just a small thing but after being a teacher for four years this is the proudest I've been of my students, and I was very honored that they would consider me as the person to invite to be a speaker about this. I know for me the election of Trump has made the world seem a lot darker and it's nice to  know some people are trying to bring some light to the world in places you might not expect.

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So my couple friends that I have a crush on?  Well, we're all moving in together this weekend.  It's a somewhat temporary thing as we're all relocating to the same city and are renting a cheap house while looking around but the plan is still to eventually purchase property together.  Only I'm sitting here feeling like a dumb schoolchild with this big secret looming over our heads.  A few weeks ago one of them randomly said "we could just be a throuple".  It threw me so off and I had kids screaming in the background so I didn't really respond other than to laugh and move on.  Now I'd really like to revisit it, but omg all of my stuff is sold or in boxes and I just put in a change of address and I'll sort of be fucked if the response is negative.  I've never had such issues just telling someone what's on my mind or how I feel.  I worry me keeping quiet now is just going to ruin it all later.  But seriously, they are the best and so amazing and for nearly 10 years we've been talking about doing this and finally it's happening! Thankfully we each have our own separate goals in new location so it's not like we are throwing all of our eggs into one house, but still.  

Just needed to tell someone this.  

 

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"We could just be a throuple" is the kind of joke that I don't see most people making when its truly just a joke - I would read that as some desire for it there that they're not confident expressing openly. I could be wrong of course :\

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