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r'hllor's red lobster

help! i can't stop cheating!

20 posts in this topic

so, as some of you may know, my wife and i have had this thing of ours going on for quite a while now. (and i mean a while, nahimean fellas?) it's been just the two of us for what seems like an eternity.

so, basically, the problem is as follows: we're still operating under the same rules we agreed to when this began, o so long ago, but i am finding myself more and more frustrated with how things have been going. i mean, she seems to always have the upper hand, and i can never seem to catch a break or get any relief. after what seems to have been an eternity, i've decided i just can't take it anymore, and i simply no longer give a fuck. flipping over the table type shit. my attitude has noticeably worsened; my otherwise jolly and cheerful disposition has turned sullen, despondent and angry. i have even sought the advice of friends and various message boards, and the overwhelming consensus seems to be "never get trapped in this kind of situation with just one other person" most have recommended a minimum of three, even four people for proper balance and stability.

so, despite my best intentions and instincts, i am ashamed to admit i have stooped to cheating. it's terrible, and i always feel like shit after the fact, but in that moment there is such a rush of excitement (of the taboo, maybe) and a brief but overwhelming sense of relief.... the sense that i am my own man, i can control my own destiny, i have agency and... *sigh*  it rarely lasts, however. and, worst of all, she has yet to confront me (for lack of proof most likely) yet i fear she suspects. she is no fool after all.

i think of myself as an overall good guy, and i not only worry i cannot keep up the charade, but deep down i truly don't want to. but this is the kind of thing that tears people apart and destroys marriages, I've seen it happen.

so, my question to the board; how do i get out of this? do i come clean and admit all?do i, next time she goes to the bathroom, surreptitiously replace her armies i had previously swapped with mine when she wasn't in the room? do i simply do and say nothing, and resolve to do better next time? do we, despite all the trials and tribulations and hardships, try and start over? i mean, the sheer amount of time and emotional energy you put into a game of Risk is nothing to scoff at, and i worry the shattered trust may be too much to overcome. i may just end up throwing the goddamn game away, it's probably not worth it

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I'm so glad you were talking about Risk, because DUDE, you can't play Cards Against Humanity with just two people and EVERYONE KNOWS you always steal the David Bowie card.

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Posted (edited)

You gotta stop doing this to yourself, and to your marriage. If you keep on this current course of action it'll only result in more frustration and tears. I know change is scary, but it's the only way forward. Put Risk away and get some better board games. 

Edited by KiDisaster

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Army swapping seems like a good way to get caught. You gotta change it up.  All she has to do is snap a cell photo of the board and your pathetic ruse is up.

Bring some new toys into the act--get some loaded dice and practice your sleight of hand, start rigging the deck, etc.  Maybe some uv dye and special contacts to mark cards.  

Dont stop cheating, and don't cheat harder, cheat smarter!

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I was gonna suggest my favourite strategy: Just take Australia, heap 5 men on your border every round and watch all the other players sweat and struggle for the rest of the map from your relaxed position of invulnerability. It's kind of like just putting all your men at Moat Cailin and relaxing in Winterfell while the rest of Westeros scraps it out in the distance. Then, when the bonus men for handing in your cards are at a high enough level, and your enemies have weakened one another in a recent battle, just sweep across the world and take it all for you.

But then I saw that you are engaged in a game of just two players. Which means whoever starts the game basically wins it. That's not a real game of Risk. That is just tossing a coin. Don't do it to yourself.

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Posted (edited)

Ha, ha very funny. But explain to me how laughter is going to get the lube back in the bottle, will ya? What a waste.

Edited by James Arryn

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Posted (edited)

i am, quite frankly, shocked and appalled...that you are playing Risk...and not this fantastic metal looking alternative...

Edited by Theda Baratheon

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4 hours ago, Theda Baratheon said:

i am, quite frankly, shocked and appalled...that you are playing Risk...and not this fantastic metal looking alternative...

lmao holy shit

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8 hours ago, Free Northman Reborn said:

I was gonna suggest my favourite strategy: Just take Australia, heap 5 men on your border every round and watch all the other players sweat and struggle for the rest of the map from your relaxed position of invulnerability. It's kind of like just putting all your men at Moat Cailin and relaxing in Winterfell while the rest of Westeros scraps it out in the distance. Then, when the bonus men for handing in your cards are at a high enough level, and your enemies have weakened one another in a recent battle, just sweep across the world and take it all for you.

But then I saw that you are engaged in a game of just two players. Which means whoever starts the game basically wins it. That's not a real game of Risk. That is just tossing a coin. Don't do it to yourself.

so you're saying the key is, to go down under, early-- and stay there? 

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31 minutes ago, commiedore said:

so you're saying the key is, to go down under, early-- and stay there? 

Can't you hear, can't you hear that thunder? You betta run, you betta take cover.

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Risk has been known to end marriages.  You might want to consider taking a step back focusing on the fundamentals.  Getting back to you and her time with something a little more vanilla until you get your groove back.  Perhaps a card game like fish, or a nice game of cribbage.

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Posted (edited)

Cheating or no cheating, please say you guys play with rules that the cards turn in at set amounts and not that ascending number shit. 3 infantry gives you 4. 3 cavalry gives you 6. 3 cannon gives you 8. And one of each gives you 10.

This way usually lets the play last longer. Who the hell wants a short session?

Edited by A True Kaniggit

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You're being a fool. 

Cooperative games are the way to go. Ever heard of pandemic? Forbidden Island?

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5 minutes ago, ants said:

You're being a fool. 

Cooperative games are the way to go. Ever heard of pandemic? Forbidden Island?

Cooperative? Pfft.

There may not be an I in team. But there sure as hell is one in winner!

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27 minutes ago, A True Kaniggit said:

Cooperative? Pfft.

There may not be an I in team. But there sure as hell is one in winner!

Well then, his only option may to be to man up. 

 

No, I don't mean admit it. I mean train! Memory exercises, you tube strategy videos, and play play play. Learn to beat her. Preferably do it as a montage, possibly with Rocky music or Team America music in the background. 

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Swap your cards for more favourable ones in the deck. Also, if you stash one or two extra infantry onto the areas you've not used in a while, nobody notices. If you spread them near the borders you can plausibly pretend you "Just noticed" that you left 2 armies on Ukraine, not 1, and there were "3 on Northwest territories, how about that?"

Or, my favourite method, is to take a photo of the board with your partner's consent to show you're not up to funny business. Then, when they leave the room, add more armies onto their side. Go to the toilet, come back and demand why they've cheated. They'll deny it, so you show them the evidence.

They'll be flummoxed and assume they must have cheated by mistake. As they scream their apologies through their tears, saying it was a simple mistake, you scream, "My only mistake was trusting a CHEAT LIKE YOU!"

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@Yukle - You are cold.  Perhaps even evil.

We could be such good friends.

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