Mr. Chatywin et al. Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I just found out that my boss won’t give me the time off I need to go to my grandfather’s 97 birthday on Thanksgiving (his birthday is a few days later, but have always used the holiday as a family gathering to celebrate it). What should I do? It’s not a great job, but it pays well enough to justify wanting to stay. And yet at the same time potentially seeing my grandfather one more time means more to me than any job. Should I demand that I have the time off? Buy the tickets and just skip work and deal with the consequences? Quit? This is extremely frustrating, and I don’t know how any decent person could deny someone from seeing an old, ailing loved one potentially one last time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lany Freelove Cassandra Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 is it a matter of having someone in the office and others requested the tie off first? if so, can you get someone to trade with you? explain how important it is, that it may the last chance to see him? I had a similar problem as I took the time between Christmas and New Years off, but then my son-in-law was only able to get the week before off, so my daughter and grandchildren, whom I've haven't seen in a few years will be coming then. I tried to switch my time off and was denied, but my boss explained that for the first time ever, we'll actually have a lot of work during the holidays and one of us has to be here. I talked to my co-worker and she agreed to change dates with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mance Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 42 minutes ago, Tywin et al. said: This is extremely frustrating, and I don’t know how any decent person could deny someone from seeing an old, ailing loved one potentially one last time. I think if I ever did need to ask for time off work because of an actual, for realz, no-bullshit sick or aging grandparent, I would seriously consider fabricating some other semi-plausible excuse. Like, I recognize that you have no reason whatsoever to make this shit up for us, here, and i don't even believe you. But, seriously, is there a chance that your boss just thinks you're bullshiting for some extra holiday time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baxus Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 50 minutes ago, Tywin et al. said: I just found out that my boss won’t give me the time off I need to go to my grandfather’s 97 birthday on Thanksgiving (his birthday is a few days later, but have always used the holiday as a family gathering to celebrate it). What should I do? It’s not a great job, but it pays well enough to justify wanting to stay. And yet at the same time potentially seeing my grandfather one more time means more to me than any job. Should I demand that I have the time off? Buy the tickets and just skip work and deal with the consequences? Quit? This is extremely frustrating, and I don’t know how any decent person could deny someone from seeing an old, ailing loved one potentially one last time. Here's your answer, plain and simple. If I were you, I'd sit down and talk to your boss and tell him what you just told us. If he still doesn't see your point of view, then I'd ask for days off and take them whether I was given them or not. In my career I've had some problems with American employers when asking for vacation days. It went on until I said that if the company can't spare me for a week we need to renegotiate my salary. After that, I never heard a word on the matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Chatywin et al. Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 49 minutes ago, Lany Freelove Cassandra said: is it a matter of having someone in the office and others requested the tie off first? if so, can you get someone to trade with you? explain how important it is, that it may the last chance to see him? No, I requested the time off 3 months ago, a month earlier than the next person. I’ve also made it clear in the past that I will always need the Friday after Thanksgiving off because that’s when we celebrate the family’s patriarch’s birthday, and that’s the only holiday I’ll ever need off. I live in the Midwest and he lives in California, so it’s next to impossible to go their for his party and get back in time on Friday for work. We now have a new boss who is truly awful and won’t allow it. 25 minutes ago, The Mance said: But, seriously, is there a chance that your boss just thinks you're bullshiting for some extra holiday time? No, she’s despised me ever since I embarrassed her in a meeting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3CityApache Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 28 minutes ago, baxus said: In my career I've had some problems with American employers when asking for vacation days. It went on until I said that if the company can't spare me for a week we need to renegotiate my salary. Heh, a good one. I assume there is no mandatory day off in the US, that you can take without asking your employer for permission, once or twice a year? We have something like that here in Poland (most EU countries have I think). Never had to use it, but - come to think of it - I'm glad it's there. Did your boss tell you in person you can't have this day off, or was it said by email or some other form of office communication? Because if the latter, I'd try to talk to her in person. It's always harder to say no to someone's face, no matter the reasons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mance Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 12 minutes ago, Tywin et al. said: No, she’s despised me ever since I embarrassed her in a meeting. That.. actually makes it more likely that she thinks you're full of shit. Or at least more disposed to dismissing you as a cheeky, upstart, who thinks he can get away with lying to get that coveted friday off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Chatywin et al. Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 12 minutes ago, 3CityApache said: Did your boss tell you in person you can't have this day off, or was it said by email or some other form of office communication? Because if the latter, I'd try to talk to her in person. It's always harder to say no to someone's face, no matter the reasons. Via email, but a face to face conversation won’t change anything. I’m not getting the time off as it stands now. 8 minutes ago, The Mance said: That.. actually makes it more likely that she thinks you're full of shit. Or at least more disposed to dismissing you as a cheeky, upstart, who thinks he can get away with lying to get that coveted friday off. No, they know I’m telling the truth. They simply don’t care and think that it’s more important for me to be at work on Friday than it is for me to see a sick, elderly relative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S John Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I have evolved from asking my employer for time off to telling them that I'm taking time off. I very rarely take days off and I also avoid taking time off when we are busy or have a big project going, so when I need vacation I just give 'em an FYI and do it. I have a ton of vacation built up, that's my time motherfuckers, if something important to me is going down I'll inform and see y'all when I get back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lessthanluke Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 6 minutes ago, S John said: I have evolved from asking my employer for time off to telling them that I'm taking time off. Yup same here. I only rreally take time off for comps nowadays but I just tell them when I am going to be off and thats that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I'd try to arrange with your co-workers to cover, because if they're left short-staffed they will be the ones screwed over (I'm not sure of what you do exactly), so a bit of pre-emptive warning will go a long way to build goodwill there... otherwise yeah, what baxus said. You may or may not get fired over taking the day anyway, so don't quit ahead of time, but personally I'd just call in "sick" on that day if you can't get your boss to see reason, and they can react however they're gonna react. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iskaral Pust Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Sounds like you're on a collision course. Do your best to create a constructive alternative with a colleague covering for you and then go back and make your request again in person, and make it clear that this situation is a deal-breaker for you and it's making you reluctantly reconsider your continued employment. Your boss has the right to say that is a critical work day for your role, and you have the right to vacate that role. Decide beforehand if this is the hill you want to die on. I would just point out that you can visit our grandfather any day of the year. Celebrating his birthday is certainly special, but he might also enjoy seeing you on a quieter day when he doesn't have lots of other guests. Regardless of outcome, congratulations to your grandfather on reaching 97. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Chatywin et al. Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 I’ve already notified the coworkers that need to know, so that’s covered. As far as going at a different time, that won’t really work. He’s living at a hospice and memory care center now. It would be different if he still had his place, but it’s not easy to spend any time with him while he’s there. Also, my dad’s side of the family is very large, and they live all over the country (all the major cities in California, Chicago, Twin Cities MN, all over Michigan, all over Florida, and all over New York). The only time of year that we all get together is for my grandfather’s birthday party during Thanksgiving. Absent that I’d never see 95% of them. And this isn’t some small affair. He rents out the entire country club main hall for this. It’s kind of like a party straight out of The Great Gatsby. It’s not something one wants to miss, even if my grandfather was in great health. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lessthanluke Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 26 minutes ago, Iskaral Pust said: I would just point out that you can visit our grandfather any day of the year. Celebrating his birthday is certainly special, but he might also enjoy seeing you on a quieter day when he doesn't have lots of other guests. Regardless of outcome, congratulations to your grandfather on reaching 97. Did you miss the part where it might be his LAST birthday? Its only a job, far more important things in life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
all swedes are racist Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 33 minutes ago, Iskaral Pust said: I would just point out that you can visit our grandfather any day of the year. except, yknow, until he can't, which seemed to be an important part of tywins op. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manhole Eunuchsbane Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Start putting out feelers for the next gig now, but yeah. put me in with the damn the torpedoes crowd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mlle. Zabzie Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I don't have great advice as to what to do for this particular situation, because I don't have enough context to understand what the fall out would look like and whether your personal financial situation is such that you could weather that. That said, as many others have said, whatever you do with respect to Thanksgiving, it is probably time to get a new job. That is a pretty toxic environment. We rearrange stuff all the time on my team so that people can get to weddings/see relatives/whatever. Sometimes someone gets a little screwed, but we do try to be fair about it (e.g., your situation would trump someone else's anniversary trip, but if we for some reason needed the coverage and it was your situation and someone else either in a similar place or who was getting married or whatever, you might lose in that case if we couldn't figure out a third solution (which we would try our damnedest to do). This sounds pretty arbitrary. I would be trying to get out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ljkeane Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Yeah, I’d agree with Zabzie. I don’t know what you’re in a position to do with regards to actually going to your grandfather’s birthday but I’d certainly start looking for another job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lany Freelove Cassandra Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Have you looked into what kind of bereavement leave your company offers? Some places make allowances for a parent or grandparent in hospice care. (but then that might affect leave for a funeral...personally I'd prefer to see him alive one last time, if given the choice) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Chatywin et al. Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 Oh yeah, I’m definitely on the hunt. I actually already was, but it was kind of passive. That’s about to change. MZ-The financial situation is fine. I’m very close to my goal for saving up to go to grad or law school ($32,5000), and I can dip into that if need be. I’ve still got two years to save up more so a few months without a pay check won’t be the end of the world. 34 minutes ago, Lany Freelove Cassandra said: Have you looked into what kind of bereavement leave your company offers? Some places make allowances for a parent or grandparent in hospice care. (but then that might affect leave for a funeral...personally I'd prefer to see him alive one last time, if given the choice) I don’t think that would make a difference. This feels like a retribution situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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