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NFL 2017: The Injury Report Is The Best Team In the League

Manhole Eunuchsbane

By Manhole Eunuchsbane,
in Entertainment

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Jace, Extat Council Member

Jace, Extat

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Alright, y'all. You done got lucky that I got sucked into a podcast for the fact that you're about to get a precious gift.

That's right, it's the state of the League!@@@@!!!!!

AFC East:

Looked frisky for a moment there in October.

-Bills have no threatening offensive weapons except Shady and it's showing, the defense is not special and has been exposed up the middle.

-Dolphins executed the quickest collapse on all fronts I've seen since operation Barbarossa, but unfortunately the Dolphins lack the great depth of the Soviet Union. This team was weird bounces and goofy plays from the start, and now the mask is off. This team is vindicated only by the mind boggling incompetence present elsewhere in the league.

-Patriots get whatever they want. They will win the Supber Owl.

-Jets suck, they played over their head for a few weeks but McCown done come back down. Limited team showing its limitations.

AFC North:

Has always been falsely pumped up as a 'tough' division.

Cincy- SUCKS! Marvin Lewis is an idiot, Jared Burfect is a scumbag, and Andy Dalton sucks. Also, A.J. is apparently very 'weak'.

Browns- Are on a sneaky 0-16 watch again this year. There's a strong chance it all burns this year, as it should.

Pitt- Same as every year. Streaky, Rapeburger makes crippling mistakes. Best RB and best WR and good O-line. But this team is a reflection of its undisciplined coach and can lose any game.

Ravens- Is Flacco elite?

 

AFC West:

A lot of people thought this would be a good division, they were all wrong.

Chargers-Somehow it's a surprise that this team that has sucked for a decade sucks. Phillip Rivers has been a second-tier franchise QB for a long time, I hope his kids get the rickets.

KC- Is good, been on a slump. I still believe, the defense has been pretty disappointing.

Raiders- Are awful, I think Carr is still good but maybe he overachieved last year. This team's stadium is going to be empty for the next 2 years until Nevada gets robbed.

Broncos- WOW! How dreadful! I was worried I'd have to try and like Vance Joseph, who once sexually harassed a woman by exposing his dick to her in public, I don't think that will be a concern. I would not be surprised if he gets shitcanned, that piece of shit Elway has proven his roster is good with multiple coaches.

 

AFC South:

Turrible division, even the best teams are kind of turrible.

Jags: Blake Bortles

Titans: Mike Mularkey

Texans: Fuck, this team might be good. And I'm ok with that, but since the realignment I can't think of a time two franchise QB's have been good at the same time in the same division. I'm trying to think but all I'm getting is the NFC South (the most forgettable division) with Cam and Breese. But the Saints and Panthers haven't been like actual competitors together since this year. Anyway, Watson is very good. I hope his knee repairs properly.

Colts: Top-4 pick, one hopes. Unfortunately the Colts are a 2-14 talent team that had the misfortune of being lucky on the field and the presence of a number of extremely disappointing teams in the league. What should be the first or second pick in the draft has turned into what is hopefully a top-5 that lets the best defensive player in the draft fall to the horseshoe man. Luckily the presence of Brissette removes the pressure to potentially hop up a few picks and take one of these passers. The Colts have so many critical needs that it does not matter at all what position the best defensive player is at, he will be an immediate upgrade. I would be very excited to see an interior DL in the mold of Suh or Gerald McCoy. Those types of guys seem to float around the top-5 every couple of years, and for once the Jets have too many wins to take them off the board for the 6th time in a row. Since I've watched football the Colts have never really had an even halfway decent interior lineman. And I don't know about a pass rusher, I firmly believe that you can scheme pressure with the type of talent you find late in the first and early in the second. This is the first time in 6 years the team has had a crack at a top-10 pick, and if it happens again there's a fucking problem. So this one needs to go to the best all around player, not be wasted on a misguided pressure to nab an elite pass rusher.

 

NFC still to come.

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DanteGabriel Council Member

DanteGabriel

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@Pony Queen Jace

I got interested in the "two good franchise QBs in the same division" question.

I haven't looked stuff up yet, but some pairings that come to mind:

Early 2000s had Peytie Poo and McNair in the AFC South (co-MVPs in 2003 I believe), and Rich Gannon and Trent Green in the AFC West

Mid to late 2000s had Hasselbeck and Warner in the NFC West

Rodgers and Favre were in the same division for a year

Does Eli Manning count? He and Donovan McNabb cohabitated the NFC East for a bit, and then he and Romo for a few years

Russell Wilson + Kaepernick or Palmer in the NFC West

Depending on how you feel about Flacco and Dalton (lol) they've both been in a division with Roethlisberger for years

Some of those combos had guys that were just good for a year or two. I don't know if Mark Sanchez's couple of years of seeming promising or if Jay Fiedler or Chad Pennington counted for the AFC East during Brady's run. Certainly the division has not presented a huge amount of quarterback talent during the Brady/Belichick era.

 

 

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Jace, Extat Council Member

Jace, Extat

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8 minutes ago, DanteGabriel said:

@Pony Queen Jace

I got interested in the "two good franchise QBs in the same division" question.

I haven't looked stuff up yet, but some pairings that come to mind:

Early 2000s had Peytie Poo and McNair in the AFC South (co-MVPs in 2003 I believe), and Rich Gannon and Trent Green in the AFC West

Mid to late 2000s had Hasselbeck and Warner in the NFC West

Rodgers and Favre were in the same division for a year

Does Eli Manning count? He and Donovan McNabb cohabitated the NFC East for a bit, and then he and Romo for a few years

Russell Wilson + Kaepernick or Palmer in the NFC West

Depending on how you feel about Flacco and Dalton (lol) they've both been in a division with Roethlisberger for years

Some of those combos had guys that were just good for a year or two. I don't know if Mark Sanchez's couple of years of seeming promising or if Jay Fiedler or Chad Pennington counted for the AFC East during Brady's run. Certainly the division has not presented a huge amount of quarterback talent during the Brady/Belichick era.

 

 

Yeah, I totally forgot Air McNair and maybe I'm biased but I barely remember Rich Gannon and I started really watching footbal right when the realignment happened.

As to Hasselbeck and Warner, I will say that while I always liked him I don't think he counted as a top tier franchise QB. There's no comparing him and Warner, practically a different species in that time. (Remember when Kurt Warner dislocated his elbow? That shit was gross, and then he played like 2 weeks later)

Then Rodgers and Favre. I thought of that, but the two years they were both in the North saw Rodgers be ok in 09 while Favre was good. Then in 10 Rodgers was good while Favre was legendarily bad. So I didn't think that counted.

Eli doesn't count if Hasselbeck doesn't count, same with McNabb. Though personally I'd take him above both.

I never thought Kaepernick was a franchise passer, and even my love affair of Carson Palmer didn't leave me thinking he was top-shelf material outside of a stretch or two.

 

Yeah, I didn't really get specific but I think there's been a lot of good qb's in the same divisions (Ryan, Breese, and Cam) have been at least good for almost a decade. The thing seems to be seeing two of the clear cut best overlap their peaks in the same division at the same time.

I guess it's just so rare to see it all come together it's not surprising that a single division would struggle to support two of the greats. It's going to be interesting with all of these oldies retiring.

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DanteGabriel Council Member

DanteGabriel

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Okay if it's about elite franchise studs and not just guys who were okay for a while and had a couple very good/great years, the number of combos does drop way off.

Does Stafford count to pair with Rodgers?

Oh, my brainfart. Obviously Ryan and Brees count as concurrent studs in a division. It's that forgettability of the NFC South, and of Matt Ryan again.

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Manhole Eunuchsbane Council Member

Manhole Eunuchsbane

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2 minutes ago, Pony Queen Jace said:

If Wentz only throws up, I'd call it a moral victory.

He's gonna hang 350 yds, 3 TDs and no picks on that rooty-poot, no Hightower having defense. 

McNabb is going to be walking the sidelines with a box of Cheaties, wearing a Cheatriots t-shirt. It's going to be epic.

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Jace, Extat Council Member

Jace, Extat

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13 minutes ago, Manhole Eunuchsbane said:

He's gonna hang 350 yds, 3 TDs and no picks on that rooty-poot, no Hightower having defense. 

McNabb is going to be walking the sidelines with a box of Cheaties, wearing a Cheatriots t-shirt. It's going to be epic.

Bill likes the ones who try to run.

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Howdyphillip Council Member

Howdyphillip

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On 11/7/2017 at 7:15 PM, Kalbear said:

I'm sticking with being hopeful that he's a eunuch slave

You have one two month period where you undergo a surgery and gracefully bow out of football discussions so as to not to create an opium inspired thread derailing every day and your friends all want your balls. I'm watching you KB... Oh, I'll match your UT/Cowboy fan futility and raise you your Ducks/Chicago Bears loyalties. At least my teams have a New Hope.

 As for characters I'm assigning Padme to Jace. She came on strong with her full support to the Republic Colts, yet in the end she really was supportive of the rise of the New England Empire. Manhole gets Lando because he is smooth like that, and Kal gets Salacious Crumb for obvious reasons.

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