Men. Men. Men.

[mankytoes]

35 minutes ago, Isis said:

The officer made the information known at a time when there was an ongoing investigation into a claim against Green - of inappropriate behaviour toward a female journalist. 

I understand that, but there is no evidence of any link. If he was showing this pornography to other workers, then fair enough. If they had inappropriate emails from him, again, release by all means.

1 hour ago, Dr. Pepper said:

The poster I quoted linked it to harassing, raping and assaulting by claiming it was necessary to control sexual urges.  No, it's not.  It's amazing how so many men are able to make it through their work day without doing any of that, and even without having to stop to have sex with themselves.  Despite what you've been told, you can control your penis.

Yeah, it is fucked up.  I also have to admit that I do it too.  I'll be at the park, maybe with my kids or maybe alone, and I see a solo dude and I'm on high alert.  Intellectually I know it's wrong and problematic for me to react that way, but my lived experience and everything we teach in society tells me that solo men at parks where children might be nearby must be predators.  

I taught English abroad in several different countries including Vietnam and I have to say that my experience was a bit different, which is mostly because as a woman I had access to women only spaces and conversations where we freely discussed all of the harassment we faced and how perverted and gross so many of the men were with their students with a special focus on immigrant white men.  I think what was being in spaces you weren't invited or language you didn't understand might surprise you. Definitely not trying to say that your experience was wrong, just that there was a different view that you might not have been privy to.

I dunno about you, but I don't like feeling pent up, I don't think I'm at risk of doing anything wrong, but if I'm trying to do work I don't need constant distractions like some "every seven seconds" stereotype. I don't think this is just a guy thing either, I've worked with women who seem all frustrated like this. Give yourself a break.

The funny thing is, I'd probably be fine, I've got this baby face, little jewfro, I don't think I look like anyone's idea of a peadophile. Which is also complete shit- I think I read the average convicted nonce is in their mid twenties. It's the little middle aged dudes with pinched faces and glasses that have to be extra careful. Absolutely bizarre, really.

You mean like primary school kids? Grim. Obviously there's a certain very depressing side to white men in South East Asia, but I didn't feel like teachers were being lumped in with them. There was a certain snobbery towards "tourists" that applied, and I think that distinction was made in this area. There weren't any spaces I didn't feel welcome in, it was a really nice, inclusive atmosphere. Did you work in Cambodia? I don't know if I could live there, I thought the sexual exploitation was too much, so in your face. I really felt like I was one bad mood away from assaulting some fat old pervert.

I did get a message at a place I worked with adults saying we shouldn't flirt with the students (most were late teens/early twenties), implying some people were. The thing is, it's clearly good manners for the girls to say "you so handsome", and I'm an awful blusher.

1 hour ago, Derfel Cadarn said:

The police copied the drives as per prpcedure so they dont have to take the physical hard drive away. Those copies are long gone i believe.  The only proof is thst the cops noted the details of what they foubd in their police issue notebooks as theyre meant to.

What is a grey area is that at least one of the cops kept that notebook after retiring and is disclosing the details.  

But it is in the public interest that while some public servants are underpaid and overworked, others have time to view thousands of porn files on public computers.

So the contents of police issue notebooks aren't confidential? They can just release anything? Obviously they know it's wrong, or they wouldn't have waited until they retired if this wasn't dodgy.

So this is totally separate from the allegations of inappropriate behaviour towards the journalist?

[Darth Richard II]

3 hours ago, Dr. Pepper said:

The poster I quoted linked it to harassing, raping and assaulting by claiming it was necessary to control sexual urges.  No, it's not.  It's amazing how so many men are able to make it through their work day without doing any of that, and even without having to stop to have sex with themselves.  Despite what you've been told, you can control your penis.

 

It's true.

Also, I want that on a tshirt.

[Eggegg]

5 hours ago, Dr. Pepper said:

Wooooow.  I mean, really, wow.  "Hey men, you're too primitive and dumb to figure out how to stop your urges for 8 hours, so now you're all forced to perform sexual acts and be paid for it!"

And we wonder why men can't stop harassing and raping and assaulting.  

Yes it was tongue in cheek. You don't seem to be able to spot that.

I think you'd be surprised how many of your co-workers 'stop off to have sex with themselves'
:https://www.timeout.com/newyork/blog/39-percent-of-your-coworkers-masturbate-at-the-office-according-to-our-survey-122115
 

[Dr. Pepper]

13 minutes ago, Eggegg said:

Yes it was tongue in cheek. You don't seem to be able to spot that.

I think you'd be surprised how many of your co-workers 'stop off to have sex with themselves'
:https://www.timeout.com/newyork/blog/39-percent-of-your-coworkers-masturbate-at-the-office-according-to-our-survey-122115
 

Yeah, it's real surprising how I couldn't spot the tongue in cheek with your "men can't control their sex drives" post from your other "men can't control their sex drive" posts.  

[Red Tiger]

On 23-11-2017 at 8:51 PM, Kalbear said:

It's not that it needs to be replaced with something more feminine; it needs to be replaced with something less harmful to everyone. Most importantly, less harmful to themselves.

In a lot of ways I wish the term toxic masculinity was replaced with toxic machismo, because the problem is not that masculinity is toxic in some innate way, nor is it that men are toxic - it is that the traits associated with machismo are directly harmful to men. 

And note that masculinity is not something specifically genetic. It is largely a cultural value, and in this a lot of what is toxic is specifically toxic in the US. There are a lot of other cultures where masculinity is much less toxic in certain ways. My favorite example is Japan, where male children of any age think nothing of hugging and holding hands with their fathers and grandfathers in public.

Hugging in public is largely frowned upon in Japan, unless you are a foreigner.

[Darth Richard II]

1 hour ago, Dr. Pepper said:

Yeah, it's real surprising how I couldn't spot the tongue in cheek with your "men can't control their sex drives" post from your other "men can't control their sex drive" posts.  

Its true! I saw a lady's ankle the other day and had to run into the restroom so I could furiously masturbate, before my rape instincts took hold!

[Dr. Pepper]

47 minutes ago, Darth Richard II said:

Its true! I saw a lady's ankle the other day and had to run into the restroom so I could furiously masturbate, before my rape instincts took hold!

Good idea for them male compulsory mastaburtory stations we'll soon have scattered round the place.

[Darth Richard II]

10 minutes ago, Dr. Pepper said:

Good idea for them male compulsory mastaburtory stations we'll soon have scattered round the place.

Haha, wow, there's an idea for a good dystopian sci fi porno. Or maybe utopian?

[litechick]

 

6 hours ago, Dr. Pepper said:

The poster I quoted linked it to harassing, raping and assaulting by claiming it was necessary to control sexual urges.  No, it's not.  It's amazing how so many men are able to make it through their work day without doing any of that, and even without having to stop to have sex with themselves.  Despite what you've been told, you can control your penis.

Stop here.  Dr Pepper, I don't know you and this is not personal.  You have expressed what I think is a very common opinion in very succinct terms.  I have issue with it but it is very much something that I am still mulling and trying to come to terms with in my own mind.

For me, I can testify to having made some mistakes while horny.  I would postulate that the majority of people have made such mistakes.  Among those who have made horny mistakes, I hope that most of us didn't hurt anyone else.  I do not apologize for anyone who hurt others. 

One time I was arguing with a man and asked straight up, "Don't you think women get just as horny as men?"  and he replied, "No, I don't think you have any idea."  Louis CK echoed this in a bit where he said [paraphrasing] "You (a woman) Get to have perverted thoughts, I Have to have them."  It is echoed again in the NPR show This American Life  when they presented  the POV of a transsexual man taking hormones.

So intellectually, I have to consider the possibility that I have no idea.

You would never say to a blind person, "what's wrong with you?  It's right in front of your face!" or to an asthmatic "what the fuck?  Just breathe!  I do it all day, every day, even when I'm asleep" or a depressed person, "come on lazy ass, just get up and do stuff!"

What if some people really can't control their urgent sexual needs? Or the struggle is much harder like a person with a migraine vs. a person with a headache?

This is a particular quandary because our culture values male sexual aggression.  Even if there was a safe, reliable, an-aphrodisiac most people would shun it.  I don't think most men would take a medication which reduced their sexual urges even if it meant a release from stress, keeping them out of jail and making them better citizens.

Nevertheless, there is historical precedent to cultures struggling with this issue.  In WW2 the Japanese tried to employ comfort women to this purpose, there are many rumors of saltpeter in the military or in prisons.  I'm sure this article has been referenced before on this forum, especially since it contains a GRRM reference.  Right now I am particularly interested in the bit "We Think you are conspiring with our boners to ruin us."

It is not a woman's fault if the mere sight of her induces a sexual frenzy in a man, that is the man's problem to deal with in a respectful manner.  It is also not a man's fault if he experiences chemical triggers in daily life and he needs a private wank to overcome them.

I just want to see us stop throwing stones of self-righteousness for the sake of the greater good. A civilized society should have mechanisms for "What should we say about the crop reports? Oh, right--have a wank and come back to the discussion."  Just like (dare I say it?) "go ahead and change your tampon and come back to the discussion." or even "call your child care provider and come back to the discussion."

Ignoring our personal needs doesn't work on any level and our personal needs don't negate our ability to attend to business.  We just need to find a way to dance around all this shit and get the job done. 

YMMV

[Eggegg]

2 hours ago, litechick said:

snip

Thank you @litechick for this post. I did want to reply to some of the above comments but I feel like your post would hopefully get a fairer response than anything I would have said. I do think there is something in what you are saying, but its a difficult topic to discuss without your intention being misrepresented and torn apart. 

[Kalbear]

10 hours ago, litechick said:

What if some people really can't control their urgent sexual needs? Or the struggle is much harder like a person with a migraine vs. a person with a headache?

 

And I'll stop you, right there. While it's true that testosterone increases all sorts of sexual thoughts and encourages sexual aggression, there is basically no sign at all that men in general cannot control their urges once they are given incentive to do so. There is similarly no sign at all that women in general cannot control their urges once they are given incentive to do so. 

The difference, IMO, is that men are shown from an early age that it's perfectly fine to give into those urges, and women at an early age are shown that it is almost completely unacceptable for them to give into them. 

[Toth]

14 hours ago, litechick said:

Ignoring our personal needs doesn't work on any level and our personal needs don't negate our ability to attend to business.  We just need to find a way to dance around all this shit and get the job done. 

...

What?

...

I've read your post several times to ensure that you were really saying what I think you are saying and I'm still quite confused.

I... I can't be the only one who doesn't consider this a 'personal need' at all, can I? I'm serious here, everything you've been describing strikes me as genuinely alien. Especially when it comes to workplace situations. Due to the gender-imbalance of one of my subjects and pure chance in the other one I tend to work quite a lot with women, women of my age, not exactly unattractive women, and I never, ever felt the urge to 'relieve myself' or something. Sure, it could be me that is wrong in the head, after all my utter lack of interest in sexual activities leads me to the conclusion that I'm asexual, but if being heterosexual means such a ludicrous lack of control just by being around the other sex, then I sure as hell don't want to be heterosexual!

[Darth Richard II]

What the fuck

[maarsen]

 Hand cramps from too much masturbating makes for bad typing.

[MercenaryChef]

so after reading the last few pages of this thread this morning I took care of myself before I went to work.  not only did I not rape,  assault or harass anyone which I don't do anyway, but I did find myself a bit more calm when dealing with my usual work adversity. 

I am not ready to graduate to midwork self stress release but I intend to offer up my plans for including it as a need in next weeks budget meeting. 

[Kalbear]

1 minute ago, MercurialCannibal said:

so after reading the last few pages of this thread this morning I took care of myself before I went to work.  not only did I not rape,  assault or harass anyone which I don't do anyway, but I did find myself a bit more calm when dealing with my usual work adversity. 

I am not ready to graduate to midwork self stress release but I intend to offer up my plans for including it as a need in next weeks budget meeting. 

Also, I recommend passing on the clam chowder at his restaurant for the next couple of weeks

[Lily Valley]

Y'all are a mess.  :passes the tissues:

[Week]

4 minutes ago, Kalbear said:

Also, I recommend passing on the clam chowder at his restaurant for the next couple of weeks

I *really* hope he doesn't serve Manhattan clam chowder.

[DMC]

On 12/3/2017 at 3:04 PM, Pony Queen Jace said:

I don't give a shit what's happening in this thread, but every time I see it I immediately associate it with a 'Two and a Half Men' thread, or a spoof of Motley Crue's 'Girls! Girls! Girls!' song.

 

I just needed someone to know.

With you on Two and a Half Men, mentioned it earlier.  As for Girls! Girls! Girls!, that actually reminds of this more than the song:

 

[Prince of the North]

2 hours ago, Kalbear said:

Also, I recommend passing on the clam chowder at his restaurant for the next couple of weeks

Also...pie of any sort.