Spectacular Exits: The quit your job fantasy thread

[Lily Valley]

So it's the end of the semester and one of four (or six) times a year that I spend far too much time thinking about quitting my job.

The plan:  I have a couple of pals with total potty mouths and a love of practical jokes and science.  Three of them have volunteered to "substitute teach" for me.  I'm gonna wait and see how long I can get away with that before I get fired.

Plan #2:  I truly push the envelope of "acceptable work attire" until I get fired.

Plan #3:  Go back to washing dishes after sending out an email blast to all my students saying, "THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE A SOW WITH TOO MANY PIGLETS AND NOT ENOUGH FUCKING NIPPLES!!!!!!!   I QUIT!  TEACH YOURSELVES YOU RIDICULOUS NEEDY BRATS!!!"    I will follow this up with an email to administration thanking them for wasting valuable time forcing us to comply with ridiculous paperwork/ dress codes / work schedules that are not in the contract I signed.  (That issue varies by semester.  Currently, I have to get pre-approval to take a sick day or I have to fill out a stack of paperwork explaining why I didn't get pre-approval to be sick and miss class).

I usually love my job, BUT, give me a shit week and a vivid imagination and I can have a regular peevish party up in my head.

What are your job-quitting fantasies?

[BigFatCoward]

Not a work thing, but one of my friends quit a football match after he got p1ssed at the manager shouting at him by walking over to the sideline, taking off his shirt, shorts, socks, boots and shin pads and throwing at the manager, before walking off to the changing room in just his underwear.

[The Wedge]

12 minutes ago, BigFatCoward said:

Not a work thing, but one of my friends quit a football match after he got p1ssed at the manager shouting at him by walking over to the sideline, taking off his shirt, shorts, socks, boots and shin pads and throwing at the manager, before walking off to the changing room in just his underwear.

That's shades of the end brawl scene of "Slap Shot." Approve!

I always thought I'd invite my favorite colleagues out for a surf and turf lunch, cover the bill, then say "Adios. Don't call me, I'll call you."

[maarsen]

6 hours ago, Lily Valley said:

So it's the end of the semester and one of four (or six) times a year that I spend far too much time thinking about quitting my job.

The plan:  I have a couple of pals with total potty mouths and a love of practical jokes and science.  Three of them have volunteered to "substitute teach" for me.  I'm gonna wait and see how long I can get away with that before I get fired.

Plan #2:  I truly push the envelope of "acceptable work attire" until I get fired.

Plan #3:  Go back to washing dishes after sending out an email blast to all my students saying, "THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE A SOW WITH TOO MANY PIGLETS AND NOT ENOUGH FUCKING NIPPLES!!!!!!!   I QUIT!  TEACH YOURSELVES YOU RIDICULOUS NEEDY BRATS!!!"    I will follow this up with an email to administration thanking them for wasting valuable time forcing us to comply with ridiculous paperwork/ dress codes / work schedules that are not in the contract I signed.  (That issue varies by semester.  Currently, I have to get pre-approval to take a sick day or I have to fill out a stack of paperwork explaining why I didn't get pre-approval to be sick and miss class).

I usually love my job, BUT, give me a shit week and a vivid imagination and I can have a regular peevish party up in my head.

What are your job-quitting fantasies?

This is not a fantasy but what I actually did on my last job. On my last day of work, I was called to fix a problem with a multispindle lathe that was not making parts to spec.  I told the lead hand that the problem was that it was not set up properly and to do so before calling me.

"All you ever do is tell me it is not set up properly!" she yelled at me. I said "Yes you finally understand. My work here  is done!" 

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

Plan #4: Drink in class. 

[Larry of the Lawn]

I would definitely pull thing from HalfBaked where you point at everyone and give your opinion on them "fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you..."

When I worked at a garden center a long time ago I fantasized about not doing any of my assigned tasks and then when questioned by the boss i would say 'it was just too hard'.  

Would also be fun to order a bunch of takeout for everyone at work between lunch and the end of the day so everyone gets an extra break, and it'd make management look bad to send it away or let it go to waste.  Go all out and send a few cases of beer and wine.

I often fantasize about openly smoking marijuana in front of customers I don't like.

 

[Lily Valley]

This week I have thought about answering email honestly.  That would definitely get me fired.  

[Starkess]

It was a polite email, so not that spectacular, but there was a certain satisfaction in telling my last job that I was leaving get my PhD at MIT (hadn't decided on Chicago at the time). First response of my client was "huh, we really weren't utilizing you well, were we?" No. No you were not.

[kairparavel]

Working in cleanroom environments I've fantasized about running through the fab with an open sack of flour on my last day at most of my jobs. 

[Lily Valley]

23 minutes ago, Starkess said:

It was a polite email, so not that spectacular, but there was a certain satisfaction in telling my last job that I was leaving get my PhD at MIT (hadn't decided on Chicago at the time). First response of my client was "huh, we really weren't utilizing you well, were we?" No. No you were not.

Nice one.  I did give my manager at my exit interview such a LOOK when he asked about future employment opportunities with the company that he said, "Right.  I'll call someone else."

13 minutes ago, kairparavel said:

Working in cleanroom environments I've fantasized about running through the fab with an open sack of flour on my last day at most of my jobs. 

Yessssssss.

I did get to answer an email received at 815 pm about doing makeup work with the sentence, "School is over."

[DMC]

1 hour ago, Lily Valley said:

I did get to answer an email received at 815 pm about doing makeup work with the sentence, "School is over."

That's awesome.  The problem at my current school is they post when grades are due, so every asshole student knows up to what point I actually am capable of doing something about their grades - and complain-emails accordingly.  Got to the point that the last semester I taught I put in an arbitrary date and time in the syllabus for when the grades will be "final."

Anyway, in terms of quitting fantasies, considering I'm just writing my dissertation at this point mine is boring - simply telling off my chair.  Going to refrain from details on what that would entail out of hard cold (and irrational) fear he somehow reads this and figures out who I am.

[Lily Valley]

1 hour ago, dmc515 said:

That's awesome.  The problem at my current school is they post when grades are due, so every asshole student knows up to what point I actually am capable of doing something about their grades - and complain-emails accordingly.  Got to the point that the last semester I taught I put in an arbitrary date and time in the syllabus for when the grades will be "final."

Anyway, in terms of quitting fantasies, considering I'm just writing my dissertation at this point mine is boring - simply telling off my chair.  Going to refrain from details on what that would entail out of hard cold (and irrational) fear he somehow reads this and figures out who I am.

I have that too, doesn't stop them from sending emails saying, "I'll finish that take home I turned in last week for more credit.  Mmmmm-k?" In an email to me.  This happened at 815 tonight, a week after the incomplete (and late) take-home had been turned in and while I was still giving a final to this student's peers.  I get 6 or 7 of them a day AFTER SCHOOL IS OVER AND FINALS HAVE STARTED.  My syllabus clearly states the last date and time I accept "late" work.  It is one week after I accept "work".  I have ten classes.  TEN.   So that "arbitrary" point if they are all giving me some argle-bargle, means I have an UN-Do-ABLE amount of work.  Not-doable.  Then they have no teacher.  That sucks for the students who do their shit.  In addition, it gives an unfair advantage I have to provide to EVERY student (3 weeks extra time) if I give it to ONE precious shithead. 

No.  I like my job.

 

[DMC]

20 minutes ago, Lily Valley said:

I get 6 or 7 of them a day AFTER SCHOOL IS OVER AND FINALS HAVE STARTED.  My syllabus clearly states the last date and time I accept "late" work.  It is one week after I accept "work".  I have ten classes.  TEN.

Yeah couldn't imagine that courseload.  How many students per class?  At least the community college I taught it capped it at 35.

20 minutes ago, Lily Valley said:

That sucks for the students who do their shit.  In addition, it gives an unfair advantage I have to provide to EVERY student (3 weeks extra time) if I give it to ONE precious shithead. 

Yep, that's exactly what I try to express when I get that shit.  Well, maybe I clean it up a bit, but your earlier mention of answering emails honestly is spot on.