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Worst theory you've ever heard


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5 hours ago, maudisdottir said:

Any baby swap theories involving Dany being taken from the TOJ/Starfall to Dragonstone/Sunspear/Braavos to be passed off as the dead baby of Rhaella (because, why?) or that she's just some random silver-haired infant that someone with foresight decided to lump with Viserys-on-the-run in case one day in the future he needed a bargaining chip. And who luckily turned out to have the ability to hatch dragons.

+1, A + R ≠ D theory.

Fairy realms, Dany dying in childbirth but it's a possibility, I just hate it. :read: 

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Howland Reed is the High Septon

Mance is Rhaegar, Qhorin is Arthur Dayne / Gerold Hightower, Willem Darry was really Willem Dustin (yeah, no one died at ToJ, they all went and hid in plain sight for years), Euron is Daario Naharis or (and??) the Dusky Woman

Ned's not dead, baby (he warged a, um, well, er, make up your own sh** will ya)

Jojenpaste

Bloodraven or time-travelling CotF cause every single major event and every character is unwittingly directed by them rather than having any agency.

On 08/12/2017 at 2:57 PM, 4 Eyed Crow said:

H + C = R

Hodor + Catelyn = Rickon

 

On 08/12/2017 at 11:46 AM, Knight Of Winter said:

Asha is actually a man

Ned/Brandon/Rickard/Bran from the future + Lyanna = Jon

Cersei is Tyrion's mother

Ned killed Lyanna for besmirching Stark's honor
 

To be fair I think those five are simply bad trolls or poor jokes, the others seem to have a following who are genuinely behind them not just having a laugh or trying to wind people up.

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That the proper tool for interpreting the books is Occam's Razor - that the simplest explanation that fits the definitive and proven evidence is the one most likely to be true.

Similarly, that the books "can't possibly be that complicated" because one person couldn't think of all the things in them.

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Ashara became pregnant as a virgin and gave birth to Jon who is Westeros’s version of Jesus and he’ll take the position of Azor Ahai reborn. He’ll use the power of the Lord of Light to defeat the Others and enforce the faith of R’hllor upon all of Westeros, and forever be worshiped at Westeros’s nightfires.

(I made this up just now but it sounds terrible).

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19 minutes ago, GyantSpyder said:

That the proper tool for interpreting the books is Occam's Razor - that the simplest explanation that fits the definitive and proven evidence is the one most likely to be true.

Similarly, that the books "can't possibly be that complicated" because one person couldn't think of all the things in them.

I completely agree especially when Occam’s Razor is elevated as “evidence” for a view. This is rapidly becoming a pet peeve for me.

Definition by Merriam Webster:

: a scientific and philosophical rule that entities should not be multiplied unnecessarily which is interpreted as requiring that the simplest of competing theories be preferred to the more complex or that explanations of unknown phenomena be sought first in terms of known quantities

Occam’s Razor is meant to be applied to very specific things and neither general human psychology (typically extremely complicated) nor fiction are options.

And a series which started out as a trilogy and has ballooned into possibly 8 books and lots of other stuff besides is absolutely not being written with Occam’s Razor in mind.

Also, for all of the hype about the fantasy elements of the series, the books are structured more like a mystery, a mystery about secret and convoluted political and magical plots. You don’t write a good or compelling mystery by employing the “simplest of competing theories”. GRRM loves multiplying entities.

 

 

 

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14 hours ago, Asshai Backward said:

How about the one where Catelyn Stark isn't really dead--her body was dragged out of the water by Nymeria and reanimated by Beric Dondarrion, who himself wasn't dead, even though he'd been killed 7 or 8 times.  Thoros of Myr (yeah, right) kept reanimating Beric with a magic kiss.  Some people and their wacky "x isn't really dead."  I've even heard that some people think Gregor Clegane didn't die, or is being reanimated Frankenstein-style.  Don't they understand George isn't writing that kind of book?  Where do they get these ideas?

Spoiler alert--I've only read the first book so far.  So-so, so far,  but these forums are crazy entertaining.

Good job friend you did it.

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47 minutes ago, GyantSpyder said:

That the proper tool for interpreting the books is Occam's Razor - that the simplest explanation that fits the definitive and proven evidence is the one most likely to be true.

Similarly, that the books "can't possibly be that complicated" because one person couldn't think of all the things in them.

That would be a hell of an interesting read.

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Not really one theory but I always hated all the "Robert's Rebellion timelines". I've probably seen 10 different ones where the maker of that timeline claims THIS is the real and best one while they always serve just the theory that the maker wants to defend (usually about who was born at the ToJ). They are always so random because people try to fill in the gaps with "evidence" that just isn't there.

 

 

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33 minutes ago, Jaehaerys Tyrell said:

Ashara became pregnant as a virgin and gave birth to Jon who is Westeros’s version of Jesus and he’ll take the position of Azor Ahai reborn. He’ll use the power of the Lord of Light to defeat the Others and enforce the faith of R’hllor upon all of Westeros, and forever be worshiped at Westeros’s nightfires.

(I made this up just now but it sounds terrible).

It exists only there is Lyanna instead of Ashara and like 30% of people believe it. (not denying R+L=J, just the second part)

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1 hour ago, the trees have eyes said:

Howland Reed is the High Septon

A classic!  Haven't seen it floated here for a while now.

Robert Baratheon was killed because Bloodraven warged the boar that gored him. 

Olenna Tyrell has been warging Taena Merryweather so that she can gather intelligence from Cercei whenever they share a bed.

Any theory that involves intelligent humans being warged by anybody.  (It's called skinchanging, people!)

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5 hours ago, Tygett Lannister said:

That would be a hell of an interesting read.

"You're the three-eyed raven!" said Bran.

"I am an old man who lives in a cave by a tree stump," croaked the pale figure before him, through an aged and dry throat. "And ravens do not have three eyes. They have two eyes."

"But I saw you! I dreamed you!"

"Dreams are imaginary," said the man. "That is to say, the images in the mind don't tend to show much proven relation to the world around us, except by coincidence."

"But Jojen has green dreams! His dreams come true!"

"Certainly war is not that strange or exotic!" he shook his head. "And I doubt what he saw was that specific. This animal or that animal, this building burns or that one does not. Anyone could make a reasonable guess as to how this conflict would work out to date, within a margin of error. The great houses play their game of thrones, and the smallfolk always pay. Nothing has changed in a long time."

"But why? Why? Why these wars? Why the White Walkers? Why the cold? Why does civilization never change?"

"It's a wind current that is very cold and periodically sweeps in and kills a lot of people. The people who live north of here wear a sort of white blanket over their faces and blue goggles. But even they need to come south when it periodically gets cold. Between the cold and the starvation, it is hard to make much progress. In truth this is just a shitty place to live."

"But the Wall! Who could build something so impossible?"

"Look, you may have guessed why I am here, or who I am. If you must know I lived near here and I came inside here because outside it is cold, and now I am too old to walk much. But also I live far away from people because I do not like them. Every once in a while some random teenager wanders up here looking for answers, and I have to tell them I don't know any more than they do. I don't particularly like company. So if you could make sure the door is shut when you leave, that would be great."

"Hodor," said Hodor.

"What's his deal?" asked the man.

"Oh, he's disabled," said Bran.

"That explains it," answered the man.

"Yes it does," said Bran.

"Hodor," said Hodor.

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37 minutes ago, GyantSpyder said:

"You're the three-eyed raven!" said Bran.

"I am an old man who lives in a cave by a tree stump," croaked the pale figure before him, through an aged and dry throat. "And ravens do not have three eyes. They have two eyes."

"But I saw you! I dreamed you!"

"Dreams are imaginary," said the man. "That is to say, the images in the mind don't tend to show much proven relation to the world around us, except by coincidence."

"But Jojen has green dreams! His dreams come true!"

"Certainly war is not that strange or exotic!" he shook his head. "And I doubt what he saw was that specific. This animal or that animal, this building burns or that one does not. Anyone could make a reasonable guess as to how this conflict would work out to date, within a margin of error. The great houses play their game of thrones, and the smallfolk always pay. Nothing has changed in a long time."

"But why? Why? Why these wars? Why the White Walkers? Why the cold? Why does civilization never change?"

"It's a wind current that is very cold and periodically sweeps in and kills a lot of people. The people who live north of here wear a sort of white blanket over their faces and blue goggles. But even they need to come south when it periodically gets cold. Between the cold and the starvation, it is hard to make much progress. In truth this is just a shitty place to live."

"But the Wall! Who could build something so impossible?"

"Look, you may have guessed why I am here, or who I am. If you must know I lived near here and I came inside here because outside it is cold, and now I am too old to walk much. But also I live far away from people because I do not like them. Every once in a while some random teenager wanders up here looking for answers, and I have to tell them I don't know any more than they do. I don't particularly like company. So if you could make sure the door is shut when you leave, that would be great."

"Hodor," said Hodor.

"What's his deal?" asked the man.

"Oh, he's disabled," said Bran.

"That explains it," answered the man.

"Yes it does," said Bran.

"Hodor," said Hodor.

May I suggest a thread solving all of ASOIAF's political and magical mysteries using Occam's Razor? Or you could use another favorite of mine - "oh, it's probably nothing".

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1 hour ago, GyantSpyder said:

"You're the three-eyed raven!" said Bran.

"I am an old man who lives in a cave by a tree stump," croaked the pale figure before him, through an aged and dry throat. "And ravens do not have three eyes. They have two eyes."

"But I saw you! I dreamed you!"

"Dreams are imaginary," said the man. "That is to say, the images in the mind don't tend to show much proven relation to the world around us, except by coincidence."

"But Jojen has green dreams! His dreams come true!"

"Certainly war is not that strange or exotic!" he shook his head. "And I doubt what he saw was that specific. This animal or that animal, this building burns or that one does not. Anyone could make a reasonable guess as to how this conflict would work out to date, within a margin of error. The great houses play their game of thrones, and the smallfolk always pay. Nothing has changed in a long time."

"But why? Why? Why these wars? Why the White Walkers? Why the cold? Why does civilization never change?"

"It's a wind current that is very cold and periodically sweeps in and kills a lot of people. The people who live north of here wear a sort of white blanket over their faces and blue goggles. But even they need to come south when it periodically gets cold. Between the cold and the starvation, it is hard to make much progress. In truth this is just a shitty place to live."

"But the Wall! Who could build something so impossible?"

"Look, you may have guessed why I am here, or who I am. If you must know I lived near here and I came inside here because outside it is cold, and now I am too old to walk much. But also I live far away from people because I do not like them. Every once in a while some random teenager wanders up here looking for answers, and I have to tell them I don't know any more than they do. I don't particularly like company. So if you could make sure the door is shut when you leave, that would be great."

"Hodor," said Hodor.

"What's his deal?" asked the man.

"Oh, he's disabled," said Bran.

"That explains it," answered the man.

"Yes it does," said Bran.

"Hodor," said Hodor.

A lot of folks on this side of the forum will stop reading after "three-eyed raven." 

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Syrio is Jaqen H'ghar

Shadrich "the Mad Mouse" and his two buddies are really Howland Reed, the Elder Brother,and Sandor Clegane(!!), who is under glamour.

Any theory involving Dany being substituted for the real thing.  None of them work

Joffrey wasn't the target of the purple wedding, and the poison was in the pie.

Mance is Rhaegar

Mance hired the catspaw.

(TWOW spoiler) 

Arya was on assignment when she killed Raff.

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The Robert Baratheon knew everything theories.

1. That Bob knew about the twincest and just didn't give a damn. He knew Joff was Cersei's and Jaime's but hated Stannis so much that he rather have Joff be King.

2. That he knew Ned was hiding Rhaegar's and Lyanna's child and called him to King's Landing to deal with the fallout of his death as pay back. Which he knew was going to happen on the hunt.

3. He knew Stannis and Renly would end up going to war with each other. The idea of it amused him greatly.

Bobby B knew good food, drink, wenches, war hammers and how to win battles. Sadly that's where it ended.

 

Also that Cersei wouldn't have kept her promise of sex if Ned had he agreed to keep the twincest a secret, at least once. She believes Ashara Dayne, one of her competitors for the most beautiful women in Westeros, may be his bastard's mother. With Jaime far away she'd want to see if she could make the Quiet Wolf howl, for her.

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2 hours ago, Nevets said:

Syrio is Jaqen H'ghar

Shadrich "the Mad Mouse" and his two buddies are really Howland Reed, the Elder Brother,and Sandor Clegane(!!), who is under glamour.

Any theory involving Dany being substituted for the real thing.  None of them work

Joffrey wasn't the target of the purple wedding, and the poison was in the pie.

Mance is Rhaegar

Mance hired the catspaw.

(TWOW spoiler) 

  Hide contents

Arya was on assignment when she killed Raff.

 

There is a video with a very good theory for tyrion being the target instead of joffrey. Using the way stannis maester died after being poisoned, the interest LF and the tyrels had in getting sansa, LF and tyrion's enemity and probably other things I don t remember.

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8 hours ago, divica said:

There is a video with a very good theory for tyrion being the target instead of joffrey. Using the way stannis maester died after being poisoned, the interest LF and the tyrels had in getting sansa, LF and tyrion's enemity and probably other things I don t remember.

it is a good theory it would make more sense than what really happened, which is that ollena and lf poisoned joffrey

there is undeniable proof to it, wine changes color at purple wedding

but yeah lf-ollena aliance makes no sense as doesnt poision in wine and that joffrey is target.

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13 hours ago, divica said:

There is a video with a very good theory for tyrion being the target instead of joffrey. Using the way stannis maester died after being poisoned, the interest LF and the tyrels had in getting sansa, LF and tyrion's enemity and probably other things I don t remember.

It's not a good theory, that's why people are listing it here.  The people who push it do so passionately and if you listen to them in a bubble they can sound convincing but that is because they ignore a lot of information and make assumptions to support the theory that are not logical to make.

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