Worst theory you've ever heard

[Universal Sword Donor]

On 12/11/2017 at 9:11 AM, the trees have eyes said:

Howland Reed is the High Septon

Look they both have brown hair, people have dirty feet, and I remember a topknot ok!

You guys are impossible

[Faera]

On 11/12/2017 at 11:10 PM, Lost Melnibonean said:

A lot of folks on this side of the forum will stop reading after "three-eyed raven." 

Yep.
 

3 hours ago, Universal Sword Donor said:

Look they both have brown hair, people have dirty feet, and I remember a topknot ok!

 

Nevermind that Howland is a good thirty years younger than the High Sparrow, doesn't follow the Faith of the Seven and has no good reason to do any of what is going on in KL anyway.

Do we even know what Howland looks like apart from him being vertically challenged? Or do we just assume he has brown hair because both his kids have brown hair! What if they got it from Jyana? (who's not Ashara Dayne or Lyanna Stark, alive and well).

He could be ginger for all we know...

[maudisdottir]

On 12/12/2017 at 2:38 AM, GyantSpyder said:

That the proper tool for interpreting the books is Occam's Razor - that the simplest explanation that fits the definitive and proven evidence is the one most likely to be true.

Similarly, that the books "can't possibly be that complicated" because one person couldn't think of all the things in them.

Well I personally don't apply it to everything in a fantasy series with layers of mystery, but there is certainly something to be said for weighing up the evidence and applying it to that.

If you look at Jon's parentage, for example, Occam's Razor says Ned is his father because the characters all acknowledge it on the page. But take the clues for R+L=J against, say, R+Ashara=J/D/?, you have Ned's recurring dreams/flashbacks to the events surrounding Lyanna's death, "Promise me Ned" and "Rhaegar loved his Lady Lyanna" plus a whole bunch of other references to the kidnapping/elopement; versus "some lady throwing herself off some tower because her stupid prince was dead", and then a whole lot of speculation because there isn't anything else in the books to suggest it. So, applying Occam's Razor to the evidence, you would say that the first column needs the least assumptions to make sense, versus the second where you need to make up a lot of stuff (and some of it pretty out there) in order for it to work.

Nobody but an automaton would read the books and take everything at face value. But there's a limit, to me at least. We're talking about an actual human author, not a thousand monkeys.

[WildlingWitch]

Rhaegar is still alive theories

If Rhaegar is still alive and was hiding out somewhere while his his pregnant mother and younger brother  were on the run and decided to abandon a pregnant dying Lyanna, then when he does come back Jon needs to give him several punches in the face. And then Daenerys can feed him to her dragons.

Tyrion is a secret Targaryen

One secret Targaryen is enough it doesn't add anything to the story

[asongofheresy]

Rhaegar + Lyanna = Jon

Young Griff is Blackfyre

Ashara + a man here who is not Ned Stark 

Bloodraven is Three Eyed Crow 

Rhaegar being alive as someone else, he was cremated ok get over it. 

Brandon fathering a child, no he didn't if he had a bastard he would have one from. Barbrey Ryswell/Dustin not Ashara/Catelyn 

Daenerys is someone else's daughter and not Rhaella and Aerys' theories. Please now Viserys will throw baby sister to the trash if he knew Daenerys wasn't his sister, he was nine. 

Rhaegar wanted a Visenya doesn't make sense to me, more like he wanted a Maegor for his Aenys. His son was the perfect prince yes but born to a sickly woman who knew if baby Aegon wouldn't end up weak as well that's why he needed another son to complete his weak side in the future. (But that's me) 

Lyanna is Knight of the Laughing Tree, the knight was referred as male always and so there is no mystery about his gender

Jojenpaste 

 

[AlaskanSandman]

7 minutes ago, Jova Snow said:

Please now Viserys will throw baby sister to the trash if he knew Daenerys wasn't his sister,

Right, or sell her off for an army.....

[Lady Dacey]

Roose is half white walker who's been around for ages, or that he's a wight

or anything that implies that Roose is more than just a human being and connects him to magic... magic is used sparingly by Martin. Roose Ian a very interesting character and I believe dehumanizing him will really make him loose his impact

[Nevets]

4 hours ago, AlaskanSandman said:

Right, or sell her off for an army.....

After dragging her around for the last ten years on the off chance that he might be able to do so?  I think not.

[Back door hodor]

That the Valyrians are aliens and there is a spaceship under dragon stone.

also, Varys is a squisher

[YOVMO]

that TWOW and ADOS will ever be published

[the trees have eyes]

17 hours ago, Jova Snow said:

Rhaegar + Lyanna = Jon

Lyanna is Knight of the Laughing Tree, the knight was referred as male always and so there is no mystery about his gender

I don't mean to derail the thread and am merely curious but who do you think Jon's parents and the KotLT really are?

[Foot_Of_The_King]

Not the worst theory but one I do not like at all is Tyrion Targaryan. The Tyrion/Tywin dynamic is so fascinating to me. They are so much alike. The moment when we see Shae is Tywin's bed added so many more layers to this. 

Tyrion not really being Tywin's son ruins this for me. 

[Megorova]

16 hours ago, Back door hodor said:

That the Valyrians are aliens and there is a spaceship under dragon stone.

(I have a similar theory ) There's a spaceship near Asshai. Shadow Lands are covered by a shadow of a giant spaceship, that is hanging in the sky in a stealth mode.

On 10.12.2017 at 2:59 AM, Megorova said:

And why I think that it's possible, that dragons were brought on Planetos from another planet:

Most likely first dragons, and their original masters were aliens, that came to Planetos on giant spaceship:

"in Qarth, tales state dragons came from a second moon in the sky, which was scalded by the sun and cracked like an egg, and a million dragons poured forth. In Asshai, however, there are many tales - some impossibly ancient - which claim that dragons first appeared on the Shadow Lands and a people so ancient they have no name first tamed these dragons, brought them to Valyria and taught the Valyrians their arts before departing from the annals of history."

Second moon in the sky is a giant spaceship. People that brought dragons to Planetos, and taught Valyrians how to control them, were aliens that also came on that spaceship. And later they probably either became extinct, or eventually interbreeded with original inhabitants of Planetos. Shadow Lands near Asshai, are covered by a shadow casted by that spaceship, that is hanging in the sky in a stealth mode, invisible. Ghost grass that grows in Shadow Lands, is a mutant plant, affected by some sort of radiation, emanating from that ship. Anomalities in seasons change in Planetos, are caused by terraforming climate control device, that is still working on that spaceship. And nearly all magic in Planetos, is actually some sort of bio-technology of ancient aliens. The most developed "magic" are practiced by people, that live close to the Shadow. That's Planetos' version of Roswell's Area 51. Based on their ship being "scalded by the sun and cracked like an egg", probably their arrival to Planetos was result of an emergency. Their ship was broken, so they had to come to nearest inhabitable planet. And after that they were unable to leave, their ship was too damaged. Probably people on that spaceship were characters from one of GRRM's sci-fi works.

 

[Back door hodor]

I understand that much of the basis for this alien stuff is inspired by George's other sci-fi works.....it's just not my bag though

And while I do agree that a second moon exploding and a giant spaceship exploding would probably be described very similarly by primitive cultures( I love the ancient alien show) I actually tend to lead more towards the thing that exploded actually being a moon In this case, as I could accept that the destruction of said moon being used as a way to explain the out of whack seasons non magically. In other words, that the force of the explosion or the after effects of the gravitational pull being different sending planetos off it's wobble 

[Wild Bill]

There are unfortunate parallels with John Norman's Gor novels...  I really, seriously, don't think that is the case, but, in the spirit of OP, perhaps grrm was influenced somehow...

 

Edit: nb, no endorsement from me on the series content. A little innocent at first, and then generally vile..

[JNR]

On 12/8/2017 at 5:25 AM, Livesundersink said:

tell me what's the worst theory you've come across thus far

In the summer of 2015, I had a theory that TWOW would be finished in 7-10 months.

(Turns out GRRM had the same theory at the same time, and we were both wildly wrong.)

[Jon Fossoway]

Varys is a merman and also 3 more things at the same time.

Bran Stark has warged through time all other Brandon Starks in the past, back to Bran the builder. It is specially bad because the series actually is going there. 

Roose is a vampire.

[Dragonsbone]

On 13.12.2017 at 2:19 PM, YOVMO said:

that TWOW and ADOS will ever be published

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner here 

[btfu806]

Probably that Tyrion is a secret Targ. I agree with an above poster that the dynamic between him and Tywin would be ruined, or even him and his siblings. I mean, there are crazy outlandish theories out there that are bad, but looking at ones that people have really spent time and a decent amount of people believe in, this is one that I just don't get. 

[Nowy Tends]

Oh, I almost forgot: Bronn is a Tarbeck.