Wizard's First Rule

[Piper]

The evil chicken thing has been ridiculously blown up on these forums. Of course it sounds idiotic to talk about an "evil chicken" and such, but the whole point was that the chime (which isn't inherently evil so much as inherently chaotic) was possessing the chicken, which did seem so ridiculous that no one believed Richard.

Psh, context, only spoils the fun

The statue...well yeah, that one's a stretch. I guess it's TG's world, and he can make his huddled masses behave how they wish. I can see it somewhat.

Every fantasy book requires the willful suspension of disbelief; 'tis the nature of the beast. The problem I guess most of us have is that, hard as we might try to suspend our doubts here, we just can't. We can't imagine a statue (carved by someone with no experience or training carving statues, btw) that would have so profound an effect on so many people. I've seen Michelangelo's Pietà and his David, and they are truly inspiring. Yet the Pietà hardly converted my to Christianity, nor changed the way I think in any profound way. That statue anecdote in Goodkind reeks, to me at least, of a deus ex machina way to solve a situation without any real internal logic or cleverness on the part of the author. But if it works for you then I can't argue it doesn't.

[MinDonner]

The Statue scene was particularly wrong-headed; the idea was that the evil commie Imperial Order only had statues of ugly people and horrible things, but then Dick carved this wonderful statue of noble happy people and it made everyone convert to his cause... maybe his statue looked like this or this - yep, in the real world, who's making the noble statues? It's the commies. Do some research Tairy, you cretin.

[Antares]

The Statue scene was particularly wrong-headed; the idea was that the evil commie Imperial Order only had statues of ugly people and horrible things, but then Dick carved this wonderful statue of noble happy people and it made everyone convert to his cause... maybe his statue looked like this or this - yep, in the real world, who's making the noble statues? It's the commies. Do some research Tairy, you cretin.

Wow, I imagine that first statue (the 1 kilometer tall one) would be pretty inspiring.

I think I have the sudden urge to break down into tears and convert to communism.

[niamh]

Was I close in my hypothesis? Did I get it? =)

You got it to the last idea. It's exactly that.

[Jaxom 1974]

The evil chicken thing has been ridiculously blown up on these forums. Of course it sounds idiotic to talk about an "evil chicken" and such, but the whole point was that the chime (which isn't inherently evil so much as inherently chaotic) was possessing the chicken, which did seem so ridiculous that no one believed Richard.

It's a CHICKEN! An EVIL CHICKEN! Context has nothing to do with it. It's AN EVIL CHICKEN! There is plenty of other animals that could have been used, but no, TG had to use a CHICKEN! GAH!

[MinDonner]

The evil chicken thing has been ridiculously blown up on these forums. Of course it sounds idiotic to talk about an "evil chicken" and such, but the whole point was that the chime (which isn't inherently evil so much as inherently chaotic) was possessing the chicken, which did seem so ridiculous that no one believed Richard.

You mean... it wasn't a chicken? Some kind of, say, chicken-that-is-not-a-chicken?

Nah, there's no getting out of this one. The line "But that was no chicken. It was evil manifest" deserves nothing but ridicule.

[niamh]

I have to admit that my suspension of disbelief took a hit when Kahlan (the mother fucking confessor) is totally terrified by a chicken, to the point of helplessness. That particular scene sort of failed to scare me, if you get my drift.

[theMountainGoat]

It was evil incarnate actually. Obviously one step more scary than merely evil manifest.

However the line that really deserves all the scorn was where Kahlan finally came face to face with the evil chicken and could "suddenly understand the concept of a chicken that-is-not-a chicken". How could she have been so silly to doubt Richard?

[Watcher]

It's a CHICKEN! An EVIL CHICKEN! Context has nothing to do with it. It's AN EVIL CHICKEN! There is plenty of other animals that could have been used, but no, TG had to use a CHICKEN! GAH!

Terry has a thing for the mud-people's chickens. In SoT he mentions them at least twice, once as a warning of danger. Makes me wonder if he was trying to foreshadow the evil chicken.

[Solitary]

I have to admit that my suspension of disbelief took a hit when Kahlan (the mother fucking confessor) is totally terrified by a chicken, to the point of helplessness. That particular scene sort of failed to scare me, if you get my drift.

Ah, yes, the famous Evil Chicken quote. Man, when I saw that QOTD I really wonder whether some of you didn't make that up. I have to agree wholeheartedly with niamh O'Toole on that one. I mean - being scared by a fucking chicken.

I would understand if this was a huge, mean predator or even - I know I'm talking about a different genre here - something akin to the Shrike from the "Hyperion" books. Now that was a terrifying creature.

But a CHICKEN? The Mother Confessor of the whole Midlands being afraid of a chicken :lol: Now how's that for a strong female lead?

TG really must have been drunk, while he was writing this.

[Mme Erzulie]

Funnily enough, all the Goodkind hate on this board has almost got me reading him, just so I can get all the jokes in those threads

Do it! Just don't pay for it.

Ouch! All for the crime of being perfectly willing to entertain myself for a few hours by reading a book? Well, fine. As long as they aren't rusty nails. That would just be the last straw.

Mmm, Rusty Nail.

I'm gonna be an attention whore here for a bit, since the OP echoes many of the thoughts I had upon embarking on the purgatorial journey it is to read this book.

Here's my take on parts of WFR:

http://asoiaf.westeros.org/index.php?showt...oodkind+mauling

Cheers

[Ser Warpechowski]

Looks like this book is a real comedian treat. Ill get it just for laughs.

[WLU]

And based on one of his interviews, he doesnt believe in story integrity.

Well that's obvious.

I've seen Michelangelo's Pietà and his David, and they are truly inspiring. Yet the Pietà hardly converted my to Christianity, nor changed the way I think in any profound way.

What was David's impact on your sexual preferences? Perhaps there's still room for Goodkind to 'pull a Homer'.

That statue anecdote in Goodkind reeks, to me at least, of a deus ex machina way to solve a situation without any real internal logic or cleverness on the part of the author.

Nail. Head.

To all who are tempted to read the series to see if it's all true - I have read all the threads, and apparently the pinnacle of Yeardi's writing abilities. Oh, it's all true, it's all bad. Read the parodies instead. There has to be a way to convince people that the books are not worth reading even to make fun of them. Too many innocents have lost their way and had an evil, electric butt-plug of pain metaphorically inserted. Antares, you are not being superficial, you merely possess the wisdom that I lack.

... we get to the first combat scene in the book... its not only confusing and lacking in anything resembling choreography, but it is completely unexciting, and the characters walk away unshaken and without any scratches. I'd trust the Hollywood producers to think of something better.

Well, Hollywood producers did provide us with the 'human necks snap with the equivalent resistance of (dare I say it?) a chicken's', which Yeardi also stole along with, oh, everything else. The amount of force it requires to snap a human neck, providing it is not osteoporotic, is considerable. You have to work at it. How do I know this? Never you mind...

Oh, but may I ask something quickly to those who have read the whole thing through:

If it is so horrible, then why is it so popular, and on the recieving end of so much praise from critics? Is it because of the deep philosophies in the book?

I venture that they are popular for two reasons. 1) L Ron Hubbard effect. The fans keep buying them to make their idol look good and justify their increasingly strained praise. 2) People like Mad Moose who just can't give up and have to finish the series to see how bad it actually gets. It's ugly. Like the inside of Michael Jackson's nose. Incidentally, you should really add some ironic quotes around 'deep philosophies'. Objectivism is a joke among actual philosophers (though oddly popular among strawmen).

To jump on Erzulie's bandwagon and toot my own horn, I humbly submit for your attention my own recent reflection on the experience of re-reading WFR.

http://asoiaf.westeros.org/index.php?s=&am...st&p=780391

Final comment to Nora Stark - there is nothing wrong with reading and enjoying the books, as long as you do it properly. Which is either with a sense of reverence at the truly non-fantasy important human themes (like riding dragons and killing people with your magic sword), or with an appreciation of the minimalist fluff of the plot that helps while away a boring hour. I forget which one is objectively proper. Though I hear every time you use the latter, a night wisp dies.

[Fez]

Looks like this book is a real comedian treat. Ill get it just for laughs

It appears that the secret to Goodkind's continued success as a bestseller has been discovered.

At least I hope this is why, I mean no one would intentionally read this, right? Right?

I'll admit that I did intentionally buy WFR, but after 20 pages or so I realized just how bad it was; so I read the other book I bought that day: one of the Magic: The Gathering books. And even I, at that tender age of 15, realized which one of these books was closer to having rich characters, a compelling plot, and a believable world. Not to say the Magic book had it, it was just far closer when compared to WFR. Later, on one rainy sunday, I did read all of WFR and I do believe that it was a life scarring moment. Luckily I was so young that I didn't fully comprehend how atrocious it was.

[WLU]

Looks like this book is a real comedian treat. Ill get it just for laughs.

DAMMIT! The Sword of Truth series itself is never funny, it is SERIOUS LITERATURE!

To my fellow lemmings of discord (if I can be counted among that heady group):

There has to be a way from either a) actually causing people to read the books or Goodkind getting some sort of benefit or satisfaction from it. I can think of two possible solutions.

1) Have people sign a 'Yeard pledge', where if they are going to read the threads, they must promise they will never read the books, or at the least never buy them new.

2) Everyone who ends up reading the books as a result of this forum must write a letter to Goodkind. The letter must detail how much they loved his world building, cool magic system and awesum combat-writing skillz, but wished he would spend less time focussing on Richard's speeches and all that boring talking. Then go on to detail how the books could be turned into a wikid vidje game, and how the books are even better when you read them while on drugs that you purchased only from pushers who have killed a baby. Or terrorists. Finish with a discussion of the role-playing game you are writing based on the Sword of Truth world. Explain that the Sword of Truth itself is a +5 vorpal blade with optional colour-changing and cool-sound making enhancements. Try to find a fat guy to sweat on the pages. The p.s. should be how mad you are that Robert Jordan keeps ripping Goodkind off.

If we're lucky, he'll die of an aneurysm before publishing Confessor.

Sweet.

[Antares]

Well that's obvious.

What was David's impact on your sexual preferences? Perhaps there's still room for Goodkind to 'pull a Homer'.

Nail. Head.

To all who are tempted to read the series to see if it's all true - I have read all the threads, and apparently the pinnacle of Yeardi's writing abilities. Oh, it's all true, it's all bad. Read the parodies instead. There has to be a way to convince people that the books are not worth reading even to make fun of them. Too many innocents have lost their way and had an evil, electric butt-plug of pain metaphorically inserted. Antares, you are not being superficial, you merely possess the wisdom that I lack.

Well, Hollywood producers did provide us with the 'human necks snap with the equivalent resistance of (dare I say it?) a chicken's', which Yeardi also stole along with, oh, everything else. The amount of force it requires to snap a human neck, providing it is not osteoporotic, is considerable. You have to work at it. How do I know this? Never you mind...

I venture that they are popular for two reasons. 1) L Ron Hubbard effect. The fans keep buying them to make their idol look good and justify their increasingly strained praise. 2) People like Mad Moose who just can't give up and have to finish the series to see how bad it actually gets. It's ugly. Like the inside of Michael Jackson's nose. Incidentally, you should really add some ironic quotes around 'deep philosophies'. Objectivism is a joke among actual philosophers (though oddly popular among strawmen).

To jump on Erzulie's bandwagon and toot my own horn, I humbly submit for your attention my own recent reflection on the experience of re-reading WFR.

http://asoiaf.westeros.org/index.php?s=&am...st&p=780391

Final comment to Nora Stark - there is nothing wrong with reading and enjoying the books, as long as you do it properly. Which is either with a sense of reverence at the truly non-fantasy important human themes (like riding dragons and killing people with your magic sword), or with an appreciation of the minimalist fluff of the plot that helps while away a boring hour. I forget which one is objectively proper. Though I hear every time you use the latter, a night wisp dies.

Yeah, after reading about why the Quartets exist, I too wondered why they carry daggers as weapons... instead of say... spears or pikes... or even... CROSSBOWS. I mean, you'd have to be pretty stupid not to think of that right off the bat. Especially for a "genius" evil wizard.

[Mme Erzulie]

That link was for you, Antares.

[Antares]

What are you talking about? Do you mean I should click on the link and post my reply to the post in its proper thread? Preposterous!

[WLU]

What are you talking about? Do you mean I should click on the link and post my reply to the post in its proper thread? Preposterous!

A proper response by a true and moral individual would be a picture of your avatar kicking his avatar in the jaw. Or riding down a peace protester. Take your pick.

[Elfqueen]

continue to read .....

continue to read !!!!

oOOOOOOH,PLEASE I BEG THEE CONTINUE TO READ!!!!