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Crackpot Theories... Anyone have a complete list?


The_BlauerDragon

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Eddard Stark's head is detachable.

Robert was killed by Littlefinger warged into a boar.

Littlefinger's Braavosi father was a Faceless Man, and his magical skills passed onto Littlefinger, and Littlefinger can change faces.

The Titan of Braavos is a mech.

R+L = J, but he was still illegitimate, and hence cannot be king anyway.

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This is my own:

SPOILER: AFFC Margaery
Joff raped Marg, which is why she needed Moon Tea, because she couldn't be preggers when she married Tommen after the Purple Wedding

Yes, I'm aware it's completely crackpot, but it's what I initially thought when the whole Tea thing came out.

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I just read something in the blog of Ice and Fire that got me to thinking.

I'm posting this here, because I'm not sure if it holds water yet.

When Bronn first "found" Shae for Tyrion, they were in Tywin's camp. Tywin knew his son's weakness for whores, and he had most likely already decided to send Tyrion to KL (provided that he survived the battle, but then Tywin was expecting him to break and run). I think that Shae was Tywin's creature all along. She was a spy that he planted to keep him informed of Tyrion's activities in KL. She was also the means by which he could manipulate Tyrion from an unseen vantage point if he needed to. She was also Tywin's insurance against Tyrion becoming involved with one of LittleFinger's brothels while in KL, and against his siring silver haired, purple eyed bastards while he was there.

That's why she was in Tywin's bed... She was his all along.

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I just read something in the blog of Ice and Fire that got me to thinking.

I'm posting this here, because I'm not sure if it holds water yet.

When Bronn first "found" Shae for Tyrion, they were in Tywin's camp. Tywin knew his son's weakness for whores, and he had most likely already decided to send Tyrion to KL (provided that he survived the battle, but then Tywin was expecting him to break and run). I think that Shae was Tywin's creature all along. She was a spy that he planted to keep him informed of Tyrion's activities in KL. She was also the means by which he could manipulate Tyrion from an unseen vantage point if he needed to. She was also Tywin's insurance against Tyrion becoming involved with one of LittleFinger's brothels while in KL, and against his siring silver haired, purple eyed bastards while he was there.

That's why she was in Tywin's bed... She was his all along.

I found it! (Saw your post on the blog thread and was looking for what you'd found).

This actually seems really feasible. I surprised I did not notice that as I wracked my brain trying to figure out why she was there.

Considering how cunning Tyrion is I'm sure he put two and two together, sans the bastard part of course.

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This has been suggested before of course (sometimes with the addition that Tywin brought Bronn at the same time).

I guess that my problem with it is that it does not really add anything to the story. We don't see Tywin acting on any information he might have gained for Shae. Why does Shae annoy Tyrion with her aspirations to become his official mistress if she is being paid by Tywin just to stick close to Tyrion? Why doesn't she leave Tyrion in ASoS, especially seeing Tywin is keen for Tyrion to get Sansa pregnant? Tyrion has already been sleeping around with plenty of whores of his own choosing, in KL and elsewhere, so Tywin is hardly likely to be worried about the possibility of a bastard. Finally, if Shae is some sort of spy, I doubt Tywin would want to use her as his personal whore as well, making it less likely she would turn up in his bed at the end of ASoS.

Edit: it does make a good crackpot theory though. I suggest combining it with the one that Tywin killed Joff, and that he orchestrated Tyrion's trial to get a guilty verdict.

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Alright, scraping the bottom of the barrel here:

1) Doran not gouty, just lazy.

2) Gregor Clegane and Sandor Clegane are Brothers.

3) Jalabar Xho had Jon Arryn killed. Because, well, everyone knows Westrosi lesson #1: You. Do. Not. F***. With. Jalabar. Xho.

4) If Khal "Ivan" Drogo can change, and you can change, maybe we all can change.

5) "Green Dream" is a euphemism for wetting the bed.

6) Hot Pie's mildly retarded.

7) House of the Undying is a night club. Dany just can't handle her liquor, freaks out, burns the whole thing to the ground.

8) Varys as a woman? Kinda hot.

9) Everyone in Westoros is a faceless man. Except Hodor.

10) All of Westeros exists in an autistic boy's snow globe.

11) Sorrowfulmen don't apologize to the victim. They're apologizing to their employer because they're horrible at what they do.

12) S+S = H (Smiler + Stranger = Hodor).

13) Littlefinger's well-endowed.

14) Jon Snow has Lyanna, Brandon and the Rickard locked up in his basement.

15) Rickon's actually 19. He really should be more articulate.

16) Her consistently horrible experiences with men will lead Sansa to become a lesbian. An unexpected chain of events will lead her and Dany to meet, come back to Westeros and set up a lesbocracy.

17) Ashara slipped.

18) Lysa Arryn isn't dead. Just pissed.

19) Jorah Mormont isn't pissed. Just dead.

20) Ned Stark - perpetually drunk.

By far still the best list.

My personal favorite is #3 (as a matter of fact that IS what happened to Jon Arryn, and everyone must accept that)

Oh and #8 "Varys as a woman?"

I always thought Varys was a woman. And just made up the story of losing his genitalia to a sorcerer due to penis envy.

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  • 3 months later...

Okay, I know someone has already suggested something along these lines, but I believe they got the most important part totally backwards and I have to set the record straight.

- The Others are described as tall, slender, graceful and aloof, much like Tolkien's elves.

- They live in the uttermost north.

- A crucial omen: a direwolf is found dead, killed by a broken antler. It's presumed to be the antler of a stag, but there could be other antlered beasts up in the north.

- The red priests believe that R'hllor is the source of all good things, and is locked in a cosmic struggle with an evil force, possibly the Others. His enemy might be his equal and opposite, as the Zoroastrians believed -- or something like the way many Christian traditions describe Satan and his demons (also true of Tolkien's Sauron): fallen angels who rebelled against the divine.

- R'hllor is also known as "the red god."

- R'hllor's followers wait for the god (or at least his visions) to manifest in a fireplace.

How much clearer could it be? Santa Claus is here to save us from His own elves.

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I just got this one. After countless days of insomnia and getting wasted on all sorts of substances, I have been thinking constantly about the series and I have come up with the big twist that the book will end on

To start off, Arya is actually a boy. The reason he thinks he is a girl is because Catelyn and Ned has always treated him like a girl. That is why he not only looks like a little boy but also why he acts it too and has never been comfortable being a princesses. (Why does she freak out when everyone finds out he is a girl... because its all in his head. Do not forget we are getting bias POV)

With this in mind, I am able to conclude that Jon Snow is actually Arya from the future. Have you noticed that the only accounts we get of Jon before he is 11 is from Arya, Jon Snow, and Ned. (and Catelyn but I have considered this and it is explained later) For future Arya, the reason he really thinks he is Jon Snow is because he has forgotten his former self, in order to perform the act better, but once the others come he will remember his past and know what to do with the faceless powers that Arya has learned from specifically for this mission.

Why did Ned play along so well? It is all about what happened in the Tower of the Sun with Lyanna. You see, she got a big secret out of her relationship with Rhagner. You see, the Taraygans have been spending the last 300 years preparing for the Others to come and take over. There is a prophesy however that a faceless wolf from the future will come back in time and defeat the Others at the wall. So the dragon must rule to ensure the Song of Ice and Fire is fulfilled. This was not meant to leave the family but it did so now Lyanna was to be locked in the tower to keep the secret from leaking. When Ned came to save her, she told him about this and that he must do all he can to keep the secret himself and make sure he protects the Stark child. Lyanna then gives Ned her baby and dies, which he takes home. This child dies when he is 7, but no one tells Catelyn, thats why she does not notice and think that Jon is the same bastard. This is also why Ned keeps the secret when future Arya comes back in time.

Of course little does the Taraygans and Dany, who's victory in Westeros would lead to an other takeover, that the faceless men have found out about this and will train Arya to fight the others. When the others are about the invade Jon will remember his past and use the spells he learned to fight off the others and save the world.

This is why Arya and Jon Snow look so much a like, act so much the same, and get along so well. Because they are the same person. Genius know? Sorry to spoil the whole story, I just could not hold it in.

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  • 1 year later...

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