Avalost Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Dan Brown, simply because so many people think he is good. His writing sucks. I'm sorry, and I the only one who has noticed that this man cannot write? The same can be said about the kid who wrote Eregon and Eldest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 I'll add my vote to Jean M Auel - I see your Stone Age porn and raise you a Mary Sue (and a Gary Stu). Tall, blonde, beautiful, big-boobed Ayla, deadly with the sling and sole inventor of spear-throwers, horse-riding, dog-domestication, tinderboxes, travois and probably the wheel, gifted with languages and able to talk to the animals; and Jondalar, with his rippling pecs, huge cock and tender lurvemaking... :sick: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oneeye Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Paolini is the worst Ayla was cool in the first three books. What's wrong with a blond babe winning 12 noble prizes ;p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wolf Maid Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 I'll second Dan Brown as well. I never understood what the fuss about his books were. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Ayla was cool in the first three books. What's wrong with a blond babe winning 12 noble prizes ;p Lest we forget, she also invented jungle fever in the aptly titled, Mammoth Hunters... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gerold Hightower Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Dan Brown isn't literally the worst author but if you multiply the badness by the number of copies sold he definitely wins the prize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ser Greguh Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Yeah, Dan Brown is hardly the worst ever, but the popularity of his works translates to a well-deserved backlash. His books are a bit like a bored hand job: serviceable but pedestrian. Readable, but not exactly worth gushing over (pardon the pun ) My vote would go to Dennis L. McKiernan, author of probably the most shameless Tolkien ripoff in existence, the "Iron Tower" trilogy. Absolutely craptacular. Putrid writing style, and the fucking cheek of that bastard, inventing his own race of "little people" (calling them "Warrows" but making them hobbit-like in virtualy every respect), even lifting character names directly out of the text of Tolkien. McKerinan is like Tolkien, butcherd and mangled, left out in the sun for a decade, and sold for spare parts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candre Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Of course the names Goodkind and Brooks come to mind. However as a German I absolutely can recommend the works of Wolfgang Hohlbein, who is a genius in writing the same (boring) stories in every book of his career (about 80 books so far) and has a large fanbase, who will buy these books though 90 % percent of their content are identical. He´s one of the main reasons Germans will buy every creepy book, if it just has a nice cover. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winterfella Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 This thread isn't complete without mention of Robert Stanek, the guy who's made a career out of posting false reviews and constructing entire message boards full of fake threads about how great his (ETA: self-published) books are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Templar Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 This thread isn't complete without mention of Robert Stanek, the guy who's made a career out of posting false reviews and constructing entire message boards full of fake threads about how great his (ETA: self-published) books are. Too funny. I just posted basically the same thing on the "worst books" thread. Great minds think alike, I suppose. I agree, BTW. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arbor Gold Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 If she wrote more frequently, or had a larger following, we'd give Auel the same kind of treatment that we've given TG. That being said, I'm not ashamed to admit that I own all 6 of her books. They're right next to the Goodkinds'. Oh, the parodies would be so much fun!! And wait...there's 6 books?!? I thought there were only 5... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nearly Headless Ned Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Anyone for John Norman? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Oh, the parodies would be so much fun!! And wait...there's 6 books?!? I thought there were only 5... Ha! It is only five...Shelters of Stone I thought was #6...but that comes from 18 years between titles... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myshkin Posted June 6, 2007 Author Share Posted June 6, 2007 Yeah, Dan Brown is hardly the worst ever, but the popularity of his works translates to a well-deserved backlash. His books are a bit like a bored hand job: serviceable but pedestrian. Readable, but not exactly worth gushing over (pardon the pun) That was the best simile I've ever read! The world needs more metiphorical hand-jobs. My vote would go to Dennis L. McKiernan, author of probably the most shameless Tolkien ripoff in existence, the "Iron Tower" trilogy. Absolutely craptacular. Putrid writing style, and the fucking cheek of that bastard, inventing his own race of "little people" (calling them "Warrows" but making them hobbit-like in virtualy every respect), even lifting character names directly out of the text of Tolkien. McKerinan is like Tolkien, butcherd and mangled, left out in the sun for a decade, and sold for spare parts. I haven't read these books, but I don't see how they can possibly be a more shameless ripoff of Tolkien than Terry Brooks' Sword of Shannara. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Monkey Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 He's been mentioned before, but I think that Kenneth Eng deserves a further look. He did write Dragons: Lexicon Triumvirate, excerpts from which can be found on Amazon.com. He's also a terrible person; he claimed credit for inspiring the Virginia Tech shooting, describes himself as The God of the Universe and published an article called, "Why I Hate Blacks", which details why he hates blacks. And whites. And pretty much everyone except for Kenneth Eng. He also threatened kill his neighbor and her dog and got himself arraigned. Basically, he's like Terry Goodkind without class and respectability. (I bet no one's ever typed that sentence before!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doc awesome Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 After reading some of those articles I must say that I am sure that Kenneth Eng is some sort of joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Drunken Daughter Posted June 7, 2007 Share Posted June 7, 2007 Of course the names Goodkind and Brooks come to mind. However as a German I absolutely can recommend the works of Wolfgang Hohlbein, who is a genius in writing the same (boring) stories in every book of his career (about 80 books so far) and has a large fanbase, who will buy these books though 90 % percent of their content are identical. He´s one of the main reasons Germans will buy every creepy book, if it just has a nice cover. All his main characters are identical, and all of them at some point feel "a ... thing" inside them. There are also other recurring sentences throughout his books. "Und er fühlte dieses... Ding in ihm." You can find this or a similar sentence in every single Hohlbein book And Ding (thing) is almost always in italics. He's been mentioned before, but I think that Kenneth Eng deserves a further look. He did write Dragons: Lexicon Triumvirate, excerpts from which can be found on Amazon.com. He's also a terrible person; he claimed credit for inspiring the Virginia Tech shooting, describes himself as The God of the Universe and published an article called, "Why I Hate Blacks", which details why he hates blacks. And whites. And pretty much everyone except for Kenneth Eng. He also threatened kill his neighbor and her dog and got himself arraigned. Basically, he's like Terry Goodkind without class and respectability. (I bet no one's ever typed that sentence before!) Oh, and don't forget his Yellow Skull Organizationl This guy's got some serious problems... *goes back to lurking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wolf Maid Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 This guy's got some serious problems... *goes back to lurking With that information, I therefore declare him as in league with Goodkind in the 'not only do they have issues, they own the fucking magazine' category. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazzlebane Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 This thread isn't complete without mention of Robert Stanek, the guy who's made a career out of posting false reviews and constructing entire message boards full of fake threads about how great his (ETA: self-published) books are. Stanek has expanded his empire to include game design. You can download the 14 page instruction book today! His own description: In an age of Ruin Mist long since lost from the memory of the living, the kings of old played the game of King’s Mate as a way of settling their differences. The board itself and the players were very real, consisting of soldiers, scholars, and even commoners who acted as the kings’ champions. Swordmasters, priests, priestesses, and keepers were the essential champions. They had special places of honor on the board. The champions also included fools, whose value was never discounted, and a player who acted in the role of the king. It was a matter of high honor to play part of the king on the board. These champions of old moved on the game field, each in their turn, according to their king’s bidding. When opposing champions met, they clashed and the victor claimed his or her place on the board. To win the game, one of the two kings had to capture the other’s king piece. Before this could be done, however, both of the defending swordmasters must be eliminated, for only the swordmasterless king can be captured. The game of King’s Mate is played throughout the kingdoms to this day. In the books, Vilmos learned the game from the troant, Edward Tallyback. Edward Tallyback gives a bit of bad direction when he instructs Vilmos on the setup of the board and the rules of the game, but what else would you expect from a troant? A troant must be true to his nature after all. 'Tis true, a Troant must be true to his nature. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kesky Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 That Salvatore idiot must be one of the worst. And the bloke that wrote 'Black Company'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.