Goodkind XXIV: Entertaining the Illiterate with Sweeping Epic Themes

[WLU]

It's funny... I actually couldn't tell whether or not you were joking when I read your quote at the beginning of the thread. I am glad to see that you were.

Always assume that anyone who praises TG on this board is kidding. All the Yeardites know better.

[The Wolf Maid]

What do I think about Goodkind? I think he's great! I think he's the best author! I think--

*blop*

(that was the sound of my brain imploding)

[Myshkin]

Don't listen to these worthless death choosers. Goodkind is beyond great. I heard somewhere that no one before has ever had an impact on the world as Terry has through the Sword of Truth. Truly you can't argue with a statement like that.

[AverageGuy]

so that among other things you will not grasp the justness of punishment by gang-rape

My Yeardi friend, I think you are misunderstanding the great Goodkind's words here. When he said, "Gang rape, after all, is democracy in action," he was not aggrandizing gang rape; no, indeed; rather, his point becomes clear when one discerns that he derides that foul institution, democracy. Democracy, after all, allows those who do not accept the Truth an equal voice with those who do. And why do they deserve such a voice? People are stupid. Their mindless dissent only impedes the will of those who agree.

[WLU]

When he said, "Gang rape, after all, is democracy in action," he was not aggrandizing gang rape...

It's true, Tairy Goodkind thinks gang rape is the best thing in the world.

[swedeheadchris]

Oh God (Tairy, in other words) this thread made me laugh.

[Jaxom 1974]

You guys just don't, I mean DO NOT, understand the nobility of true purpose. Damn you all.

[Brightwater]

I'm so sorry to anyone who likes Terry Goodkind's novels, really I am, maybe I'm just missing something.. but I just started reading Wizard's First Rule and have read about 200 pages so far and already wish I never heard of his books. :cry: MY EYES!! My eyes they HURT so bad!! What is it??? What is wrong with the sentences? The paragraphs? What is causing me this pain? I don't even know.. I'm still trying to figure it out.. is it the grammer? The characters? The story? TOO MUCH FANTASY??? There's just something in the book that makes it difficult to enjoy.. I can't explain it.. the only thing that keeps me going is that I hate not finishing a book I've started and another reviewer says that Kahlan turns dominatrix and whips Richard into submission.. a character development I will LOVE to see.. I hate Richard so..

And Terry Goodkind doesn't think he writes Fantasy novels???? That is completely shocking! .. Wizards, evil overlords, magical swords, magical boundaries, fairies/wisps, underworlds, magical boxes, following clouds, wizard rocks, magic spells, magical spells cast with sparkly magical wizard dust.... I don't think I've ever read so much fantasy literature since the 2nd grade when He-Man and She-Ra the princess of Power battled the evil Horde with the magical swords of protection and power...

Even if there is some higher wisdom in the books, how on earth is anyone supposed to find it in the short, empty sentences?

I really hope the book gets better. It could be a very fun series to read about magic and dragons and everything I loved as a child.. if only it wasn't .. I don't know.. something..

[Myshkin]

I'm so sorry to anyone who likes Terry Goodkind's novels, really I am, maybe I'm just missing something.. but I just started reading Wizard's First Rule and have read about 200 pages so far and already wish I never heard of his books.

Clearly you lack moral celery!

[Brightwater]

Clearly you lack moral celery!

OH! Your eyes can be so cruel.. just as I can be so cruel..

Live without the celery.

[Jerec]

You're too young to be reading the Sword of Truth if you think that those fantasy elements are fantasy. They're deep, important human themes!

[Moosicus]

In Wert's place, I choose life. You all remember the rules, no bashing of other board members, and whatever you do, DON'T FEED THE YEARD!!!

This message has been brought to you by The Mad Moose, who will feed the Yeard, just one last time.

Edit: It's been a while since I started one of these. I get to choose life and the thread title. Moral celery ftw.

[potsherds]

Moose: :bow:

[Moosicus]

I was itching to start the new thread yesterday, but I thought 340 was a bit too soon, and thus start a bad trend veering down a slippery slope of Tairy threads that would soon be 10 posts long before some wanker started a new one.

[Red Templar]

I was itching to start the new thread yesterday, but I thought 340 was a bit too soon, and thus start a bad trend veering down a slippery slope of Tairy threads that would soon be 10 posts long before some wanker started a new one.

So, shall we start taking votes for the next thread title then?

[Moosicus]

So, shall we start taking votes for the next thread title then?

We need something to do while waiting for Confessor, or the next tairy "interview".

[WLU]

I chose the subtitle! I win!! Worship the ground that I walk on!!!

As promised, my dissection of Yeardii's 'interview'. Less crazy, more douche-y. And I have lost all rights to criticize the length of Richard's speeches.

Interviewer: We’re here today with New York Times bestselling author Tairy Goodkind to talk about his newest novel, Phantom. Tairy, tell us about the world of Phantom.

Oh, don’t ask about the world, the world isn’t important. World-building is for hack authors who can’t be bothered to write true literature. It’s merely the epic setting for a discussion of noble human themes. Like chickens.

Anyone else notice that Tairy and the interviewer are never in the same shot at the same time? I suspect it’s over concern of almost-rape. I also suspect they just unleashed Tairy to talk about himself and how important his work is, then wrote and recorded the questions afterwards. That would actually explain most of his interviews.

The world the books are set in is sort-of a medieval world.

Note that it’s a medieval world, not fantasy. Because it’s not fantasy unless it’s got magic.

And there’s magic in this world, that the magic that’s in my world is incidental to the story.

Shit!

These are stories about love, romance, adventure, political intrigue, grand scale wars and sprawling epic adventure. There’s a lot of things in the world.

Funny how he keeps the crazy under wraps if it has potential to go beyond the limited, incestuous audience of his fanbois and grrlz.

Interviewer (lobbing a softball): Your two main characters, Richard and Klan are extremely popular with readers. Do you think that this is related to your belief that the individual can make a difference?

Absolutely. When you’re reading a book, you’re looking at the soul (sole?) of an author.

Now, I’m transcribing this from the spoken word, so it’s possible he actually meant the bottom of his foot. Wouldn’t be surprised, the douchebag. Makes about as much sense as his fucking magic sword (it’s sharp! And changes colour! And doesn’t cut stuff if you’re not mad! And heats things up!). Perhaps it’s related to nipple magic, but instead of helping you seduce people it makes you walk really fast. I don’t know what I’m even talking about anymore, but neither does he. Irrespective, Tairy’s individuals make a difference if they have magic powers, magic swords, and under no other circumstances.

He’s telling you what he thinks should be normal about mankind.

WHICH IS WHY WE’RE FUCKING TERRIFIED!!!!

And I believe that heroes should be somebody worth looking up to.

Because they’re taller than most men?

[word]

You think Tairy might just stop giving interviews because he realized how bad they make him look? The only problem with him stopping with the interviews is that he would then only have the books to push his objectivist philosophy on everybody else, rather than putting it in the books AND regurgitating it in Q&As.

[WLU]

Apparently I broke the quote-counter. Here's part II.

What life can be, what’s the best of what life can be.

What’s sad is that Tairy now has unlimited time to work on his books, complete control over his world and what goes into it, and this is the best he can come up with – books that get worse as he writes more of them.

A relationship between two people that’s meaningful, what does that mean?

Apparently blind, stinking, mindless devotion in your world.

So by showing idealized forms of heroes, you’re giving people a template about how to think about life. You’re giving them your view about life. When you read a story about a person that you intuitively understand that’s doing the right thing, that’s doing the noble thing, who’s being honest, who has integrity, who, when you write something for example, that says the hero,

OK people, stop and re-read this paragraph, in preparation for what comes next. He’s talking about an idealized (and therefore unrealistic) hero, his view on life, a story in which he creates both the problems and the solutions, honesty and integrity, people you can admire. Read it one more time, and then see the mind-fuck of an example he comes up with.

you know, looks into people’s eyes when they’re talking to him, things like that, that tell you what a good person is, you understand what a noble individual is and what a hero is.

WHAT THE FUCK? Apparently Tairy’s definition of a good person is someone who brutally kills unarmed civilians, blatantly ignores the culture and beliefs of those around him, abandons the nations he’s supposed to lead, exists in a state of constant rage, but LOOKS YOU IN THE EYE. That’s the best example he can give of Richard’s heroism, that he LOOKS YOU IN THE EYE. Apparently nobility is solely granted by eye contact, not by actions, outcomes, skills or any other factor. Way to reduce thousands of years of moral philosophy to a soundbite you fuck.

And I have a lot of people who write me letters, I have a lot of fans who write me letters and say “I live in a world of drugs and violence, and I never knew what to do before. Now that I’ve read your books, I ask myself, what would Richard do?â€

And these people end up in prison or in mental hospitals, because in the real world, you aren’t allowed to kill people that get in your way. And again, what kind of moral world do these people live in that their answer to moral problems comes from a hack fantasy author who has his idealized self kicking eight year olds in the jaw and being unwillingly ‘raped’ by leather-clad Barbie dolls?

Interview (‘nother low-ball): Are any of your characters based on real people?

My main character Richard, he in a sense is my alter ego, he acts in the way I would act, because I know myself better than anybody else,

And you haven’t checked yourself into therapy yet? If I had to choose between Aleister Crowley, a rabid pit-bull and Tairy as a babysitter for my theoretical children, it’d be a touch choice between the Satanist and being mauled. Either one couldn’t do as much damage as half an hour with Tairy.

you have to put some of yourself into it, and when you’re doing a character who’s evil, you have to put yourself in an evil person’s place and you have to think like that evil person.

I bet that’s a stretch – the only way I know who the good guy is, is because you keep telling me. Douche.

In order to do those things, you have to understand what motivates people,

Here’s a hint – in most cases it’s not almost-rape or anger.

you have to understand what motivates yourself.

Here’s a hint – in your case it IS almost rape and anger. Seek a qualified specialist.

For the most part they’re characters I invent, I invent them very deliberately to create this stylized version of this world.

Not stylized, unrealistic. Painfully so.

Interviewer (follows-up with some hard-hitting questions about peace protestors?): Phantom is the second book in the Chainfire trilogy that will conclude the Sword of Truth series. Is it different than the previous novels?

DENIED! No, there hasn’t been a different book since Temple of the Winds, at which point he began plagiarizing himself rather than Robert Jordan.

Throughout the entire series, there are certain dark thoughts in the back of reader’s minds that they are afraid of. But they never consciously think about that deepest, darkest fear. Phantom is the book that those things happen. So now you have this mosaic of events that you’ve been following throughout the series that’s finally beginning to come together. And it’s to followers of the series, it’s really, really a cool thing.

Methinks you’re talking about yourself there Yeardii, not your readers. I’ve been afraid since WFR.

Interviewer (ask him about chickens! Ask him about the chickens!!!) You’ve said that your novels reflect your philosophy of life. What do you hope to achieve by writing them? (Aw fuck. You dirty bitch.):

What I hope to achieve by writing novels, is to project an image of life worth living.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT. The mix of hilarity and fear is most disconcerting.

To give people an idea that they can be the best that they can be.

…at killing peace protestors…

That they can rise up

…like a giant thing…

and accomplish things that they never thought they could.

…like killing peace protestors…

To give them the idea that just because they face challenges, doesn’t mean they should give up.

Amusing, since Tairy gave up on quality, editing and rational plot years ago. I know it’s hard, but put down Atlas Shrugged and try thinking for yourself.

Interviewer: What is the significance of the title Phantom?

In Chainfire, something happens to Klan and Richard is injured, he wakes up, Klan is gone and no-one believes him that he was ever married, no-one knows what he’s talking about, they don't believe she exists. Throughout Phantom, Richard has to not only look for Klan, but he has to fight all of his friends who don’t believe him. He’s kind of a lost soul because everybody thinks that he’s gone crazy. And they think that Klan is his Phantom.

Interviewer: Phantom, by bestselling author Tairy Goodkind is the book that hundreds of thousands of readers have been waiting for. What do you plan on writing about next?

The main storyline of the series has to come to resolution. It doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop writing about these characters (FUCK!) in this world. These are people that I love, I’ve spent years and years with, that mean a great deal to me. And there’s more stories I’d like to tell about them and their world, so the world goes on after this.

I’m so sure that he recorded a six hour interview beforehand, and we’re only seeing the parts that have so little crazy in them they won’t scare off the bed-wetting virgin fanbase. Meanwhile the unabridged version is circulated on TG.net, where the elite few get together, rub themselves with oil and have giant circle-jerks while their false prophet drones on a widescreen TV.

[Moosicus]

Let's be fair, those aren't interviews, they're infomercials.