You have two cows

[MinDonner]

[b]The Day of the Triffids[/b]
You have two cows. They are the perfect domestic animals, until you accidentally poke your own eyes out with a pitchfork, at which point they break loose from the pasture and begin to feast on human flesh.

[Maltaran]

Babylon 5: You have two cows. They fight each other for millennia, and provoke the pigs, sheep and horses into fighting for one or the other. Eventually, you tell them to "Get the hell out of our farmyard!"

[Rubies & Jade]

[b]Star Trek TOS-[/b]
you have 3 cows: one a doctor, one with oddly pointed ears and one out humping sheep.
[b]
Star Trek DS9[/b]
You have two cows who have found the underground tunnel to the wolves den...

[b]Star Trek Voyager[/b]
You haven't seen your two cows in years, but recently got a message via carrier pidgeon... they say they're at the south pole.

[b]Star Trek TOS[/b]
You have 3 cows, one is gold, one is blue, one is red and seems to have a scottish accent.

[b]Star Trek The Motion Picture[/b]
You have one cow, new farm equipment and a pile of ground beef.

[gyrehead]

[b]Valente[/b]: You have two cows. One tells the other stories about having two goats; one goat tells the other stories about having two donkeys; one of those donkeys tells the other stories about having two sheep; one of those sheep tells the other a story about having two pigs; one of those pigs....

[b]Hal Duncan[/b] : you have two cows. Both get mad cow disease. Neither knows what it or the other is doing. Obviously neither make any sense. You shoot them both and still feel just doing that wasted valuable time

[b]Flewelling[/b]: You have two cattle. One male, one female of a rare breed. The county farm agent decalres all females of that breed must be put down. But your male is sicka nd dies. So to save the female, you remove the young bull's scrotum and duct tape it over the young cow's udder. For years the cow and all the other cows that share the common thinks she is really a bull. The glue finally gives way and the scrotum falls off and none of the rest of the cows know what to make of it. And even though they accept the cow back into the herd. You can tell they are still pretty creeped out over the whole thing. Especially the other young bull that was always playfully locking horns when it thought it was another bull.

[b]Wurts[/b]: You have two cows. One a black and one golden. The golden wins all kinds of prizes. All the other farmers want to breed its bloodline into their own herds. The black cow is the quiet unsung hero of the barnyard. It saves a young child frombeing impaled on the neighbor's fence that protects the vegetable garden, but gets blamed for the ruination of the garden when the fence falls in the process. It saves another neighboring farmer by stomping on a snake that was wrapped around his ankle getting ready to strike but gets blamed for hurting the farmer's fot in the process. It gets to the point that even though the black cow is doing wondrous deeds of heroism, the community blames the cow for all its misfortune even as it lauds the golden one that is busy eating precious seed and grain that will end the community being in ruin. And oh yeah, you so love the black cow, a perfect specimen that moos lyrically and has the most compelling big bovine eyes? That you want to marry it. Even though it is a cow.

[b]Fiona McIntosh[/b]: you have two cows. the most beautiful and gentle of females. the most virile and bold of bulls. Their eyes meet. They are in love. It is destiny. In just a second they know they were meant to be even though sluttly less beauteous cows will try to lure the bull away and fat ugly steers even though lacking the right equipment and bitter because of that will try to woo away the female cow; failing that they will all decide that if they cannot have the cow or bull no one can. If it didn't make you so nauseous you'd butcher them right then and there and make burger out of them.

[Kabada]

[b]Johnathan Strange and Mr. Norrel[/b]
So you've got those two cows. You keep wondering why there's so much [i]bull[/i]shit in this particular farmyard then...

[b]Prince of Nothing[/b]
You are one of two cows. The other one is from a rare breed called Dunyain, and you wonder if it is a cow at all, what with the way every other cow in the herd is swooning over it.
But you know better. You're of the people. You are the breaker of horses and men. But damn, it's a weird farm where only horses and men try to mount you.

[LacyinTX]

[b]GRRM[/b] - You have two cows. They both die. One is just Dead. The other comes back as ColdHorns.

[marwyn]

[quote name='LacyinTX' post='1437498' date='Jul 12 2008, 16.17'][b]GRRM[/b] - You have two cows. They both die. One is just Dead. The other comes back as ColdHorns.[/quote]

ColdHorns <3

ph43r h!m !

[Cold Hands-Hot Pie]

[b]Orwell[/b]- you have 2 cows, 2 more and you will have 5

[Gigei]

[quote name='LacyinTX' post='1437498' date='Jul 12 2008, 09.17'][b]GRRM[/b] - You have two cows. They both die. One is just Dead. The other comes back as ColdHorns.[/quote]


Coldhorns!!! Rofl keep them coming I read every word of this thread.

[Blue Roses]

Cold horns! Brilliant! :lol:

[Damaen]

Orwell: 2 cows plus 2 cows equals 5 cows.

[Kabada]

That Orwell one reminds me of of famous scene in [b]Star Trek: TNG[/b]:

Captain Jean-Luc Picard's farm has been captured by the Cardassians. His two cows are grazing on the meadow right in front of him and the Cardassians.

Cardassian: How many cows do you have?
Picard: Two.
Cardassian: You don't have two cows. You've got five. How many cows do you have?
Picard: Twooo!!
Cardassian: How many cows do you have?
Picard: TWOOO!!!
Cardassian: How many cows do you have?
Picard: TWOOO!!!
Cardassian: How many cows do you have?
Picard: TWOOO!!!
.....
.....

[Mme Erzulie]

[quote name='Errant Bard' post='1432177' date='Jul 8 2008, 22.44'][b]Hobb[/b] - You have two cows. But you cannot allow anyone to know about it. Noone can know the suffering of your heart or your power over them. You milk them from the shadows.[/quote]

:lol:


[b]Kerr[/b]: You have two cows. One dies. The other one [s]keeeeeeens[/s] moooooos for the remainder of time.

[b]Hemingway[/b]: You have two cows. Once, they were good cows. Now it's hard to tell. They die. They led a good life.

[b]Goodkind[/b]: You have two [s]cows[/s] goats. They have barbed phalli. Groatch luuuurg S/M.

[The Pita]

Goodkind: You have two cows. But then you have seven because you're an objectivist, unless you're a commie in which case you have zero.
Pratchett: You have two cows. One is completely amazing and is a masterpiece of husbandry, and the other one preaches constantly and ruins everything it touches.
Martin: You had two cows. You now have none, because they have died. Completely. All dead. You should have changed your name from Stark, you know.

[Roi Woodt]

[b]GRRM:[/b] You have two cows, one is also known as the spider and juggles with Westeros, the other is known as the wicked littlehoof and is randomly shooting the spiders balls out the air.

[b]GRRM:[/b] You have two cows, it is known!

[b]HOBB:[/b] You have two cows, one is fat with milk, the other fat with magic, both have specks.

[b]Mr. Norrel and Jonathan Strange[/b]: You have two cows, they bring back magic

[b]Dune:[/b] You have two cows…. Wait… It’s Baron harkonnen…

[b]Scott Lynch:[/b] You have two cows, lucky bastard!

[b]Potter:[/b] You have two cows, “Expelliarmus!”

[b]Auel:[/b] You have two cows, Ayla will invent how to milk them, Jondolar, in time, will make a milkmachine. They both listen to the name: “BOOH”

[b]The Dark Tower:[/b] You have two cows, they meet Stephen King.

[Ouroboros]

King: You have two cows, it turns out they're vampires.

[MinDonner]

Some LeGuin cows:
[b]Earthsea Trilogy[/b]
You have two cows. You can only get milk out of them if you know their real names.

[b]The Dispossessed[/b]
You don't "have" two cows. You and the cows coexist in a mutual milk/shelter support structure.

[gyrehead]

[quote]Auel: You have two cows, Ayla will invent how to milk them, Jondolar, in time, will make a milkmachine. They both listen to the name: “BOOH”[/quote]

My experience with Auel leads me to this:

Auel: You have two cows. In between long, strenuous almost chore-like sex, you and your incredibly hot farmer husband spend your time watching your two cows have arduous agonizing sex. Which makes you hot leading you and your hot farmer to go back to having sex.

[Roi Woodt]

[quote name='gyrehead' post='1438700' date='Jul 14 2008, 12.40']My experience with Auel leads me to this:
Auel: You have two cows. In between long, strenuous almost chore-like sex, you and your incredibly hot farmer husband spend your time watching your two cows have arduous agonizing sex. Which makes you hot leading you and your hot farmer to go back to having sex.[/quote]
I stand corrected, but be aware that somehow, after all the sex, they will have invented a milkmachine. And with the right pronounciation of "BOOH" Ayla will be able to make one cow milk the other.

[MinDonner]

[b]Trudi Canavan[/b]
You have two [i]h'aruks[/i]. These are large quadrupeds with udders and horns that go "moo". They produce a creamy white liquid called [i]mleteth[/i] that you can put in your [s]tea[/s] infusion of [i]hol[/i] leaves.