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Pompous introductions


israfel070

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But, wait, there's more!

Men call me Varys. I am of the sadly absent gonads.

Men call me Olenna, the Queen of Thorns. I am of the not above flinging my darling granddaughter at whatever faction in is power. Incest, schmincest.

Men call me Renly. I am of the obvious same-sexual orientation, if you've been reading carefully.

Men call me Loras. I am also of the same-sex orientation, except mine smacks you in the face. I am fierce!

Men call me Pycelle. I am of the gross, horny old men.

Men call Sam Tarly. I am of the Fat Pink Mast, and you are of the HORRIFIED.

Men call me Gilly. I am of the inappropriate usage of the breastmilk.

Men call me Pia. I am of the 'being at your service, milord' too enthusiastically.

Men call me Roose Bolton. I am of the absurdly into leeches and being naked in public.

Men call me Reek, but I am really Ramsay Bolton, and you were probably very confused by that.

Men call me Fat Walda. I am of the weight in silver diet plan.

Men call me Oberyn. I am of the Inigo Montoya, except I lost.

Men call me Myrcella, but if you call me that I am only half likely to hear you.

Men call me Tommen. I am of the family tree with no branches. Shhhhh!

Men call me Danaerys. I am of the similar family tree, but THAT'S JUST FINE.

Men call me Strong Belwas. I am of the Liver and Onions and man-boobs.

Men call me Viserys. I am of the ironically appropriate ignominious deaths.

Men call me Danaerys. I am of the comically disgusting dietary habits. I eat dog sausage and olives stuffed with maggots, yet I am not grossed out.

Men call me Euron Crow's Eye. I am of the extreme example of Chekov Guns.

Men call me Asha. I am of the not above grabbing my brother's weenie because I am "flirting." Whatever, weirdo.


[i]...and last, but not least......[/i]

Drumroll........


Men call me Ashara Dayne. I am of the Maidens who don't bounce. Or float.

Men call me Donella Hornwood. I am of the disturbing new trend in finger-food.

Rimshot.
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Aww, shucks, guys :blush:

I must admit, I could probably do this all night, but that wouldn't be healthy :)


Alright, one or two more..


Men call me Rhaegar. I am of the innapproriate romantic gestures in front of EVERYONE, including my wife. Don't worry, she's fine with it.

Men call me Cersei. I am of the delusion that my laundresses are unskilled.

Men call me Robert. I am of the delusion that plate armor shrinks.

Men call me Robert. I am of the inability to keep it in my pants.

Men call me Robert. I am of the epic romantic campaign to save the woman I love, but not above the banging of local lovelies in the meantime.

Men call me Robert. I am of the idea that nailing the bride's sister at my brother's wedding in the honeymoon suite is a swell idea.

Men call me Benjen. I am of the completely disposable side-characters.

Men call me Benjen. I am of the short end of the stick.

Men call me Edmure. I am of the extreme overreaction to singers in life-or-death situations.

Men call me Selyse. I am of the noblewomen with poor personal grooming.

Men call me Jeyne Westerling. I am of the my mother really means to help me get pregnant. After all, why would MY MOTHER wish otherwise, right? It's not like she's some ruthless scheming bitch..... oh wait.

Men call me Stannis. I am of THIS IS NOT FUNNY! I HAVE WORK TO DO. Chop off her fingers!
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[u]Jon Snow[/u]

Men call me Jon Snow. I am the watcher on the wall.

Men call me Jon Snow. I am the hidden prince.

Men call me Jon Snow. I am the typical fantasy hero.

Men call me Jon Snow. I am the blue rose.

Men call me Jon Snow. And my mother? "Some woman, no doubt."

Men call me Jon Snow. I am the answer to this Jeopardy question: "What does R + L = "

[u]Last Words[/u]

Men call me Brienne. Sword!!!

Men call me Jaquen. Valar Morghulis.

Men call me Tywin. I love whores.

Men call me Tywin. Is that my crossbow?

Men call me Robb Stark. I lost the north.

[u]Flight Instructors[/u]

Men call me Jaime. I help boys to fly. (555) 555-Learn to climb

Men call me Sweet Robin. I help men to fly. (555)555-Open the door

Men call me Lysa. I help people fly. I've flown. #No longer in service.

[u]Weddings[/u]

Men call me Walder Frey. I am honest, heh, mayhaps.

Men call me Cat. I am in need of bread.

Men call me Robb Stark. Let the bedding begin.

Men call me Roose Bolton. I am the messenger.

Men call me Roose Bolton. Jaime sends his regards.

Men call me Arya. I was so close.

[u]Misc.[/u]

Men call me Arya. Stick them with the pointy end!

Men call me Daenerys. I am the dragon.

Men call me Cersei. Moonboy?...Not yet.

Men call me Stannis. I am the [b]RIGHTFUL[/b] king.

Men call me Ned Stark. I am honest to a fault.

Men call me Ned Stark. I believe in Justice.

Men call me Ned Stark. The first time you see me I took a head. The last time you see me I lost mine. I believe in Justice.

Men call me Lyanna. "Promise me Ned."
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Men call me Renly. I am of the mysteriously changing green to blue eye colour.

Men call me Jon Snow. I am of the excessively lucky, and I don't even have red hair.

Men call me Tywin. I let the dogs out.

Men call me Gregor. I raped her. I murdered her. I killed her children. Elia.

Men call me Sam. Eunuchs have more balls than me.

Men call me Gregor. Correction. I killed her children. [i]Then[/i] I raped her. [i]Then[/i] I murdered her. Elia.
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Men call me Darkstar. I am of the much ridiculed one-liner.....oh, and the hairdressing - questionable do's and giving little princesses the closest shave they've ever had ;)

Men call me Tywin, and I am of the disappointingly ungilded bowels.

Men call me Tywin, and I am of the "I really regret asking my son to pass the toilet roll."

Men call me Jaime, and I am of the city-saving kingslaying and then the nookie-saving child-tossing.
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[quote name='Sandor's Lady' post='1688788' date='Feb 16 2009, 19.05']Sadly, I can't claim this one. I saw it on the "Can Darkstar be rehabilitated" thread, and I have to post it. Whoever it belongs to, you rock! :thumbsup:

"Men call me the Imp, and I am of the bad genetics."[/quote]

That should especially apply to the Targaryens. It's hard to breed crazy out of your gene pool when all you do is breed with each other.
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