Guest Raidne Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 In the interest of max participation I'll keep this short. First, sorry for being all exclusionary, but [i]only[/i] the women can participate. The question is this: have you dished about a guy you messed around with to your friends? To be clearer, let me give some examples of the kind of behavior I'm talking about from Sex and the City (yes, yes, I know, we on this board are not the kind of women who are slaves to that show, but it's full of great examples): (1) Charlotte dishes "Mr. Pussy" and his superior oral sex skills (2) Samantha complains about the guy with the "funky spunk" (3) Carrie explains that she had to break up with the politician because he wouldn't let his demand for a golden shower go. So, have you talked about men (or women, for that matter) like this to your friends? And while we're on the topic, do you find this behavior by women to be wrong, as in disgusting or distasteful? I'll keep count, starting with one in the "yes" column and one in the "no" column for me, so this last part will update as often as I can check the thread. Dished men to friends: Yes: 15 No: 6 women + 1 boy band member Thinks it's wrong to do so: Yes: 5 women + 1 boy band member No: 16 ETA: Recount, on the first question only: Y: 19 N: 20 NO AutumnEvenings Bellis Chaldanya DQ Eefa Eloisa Gertrude Kat LC LW Lyanna Mash MinD Pots Saurian Solana Ten WQ Red Sun Pebble YES Adelle AG An00biel Bale Chats DemiNymph Ep Kay Kel Lany ldygrffn Needle Nichole Ro SwornSister Starkess TC Tears Tyria Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lany Freelove Cassandra Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Dished men to friends: Yes: 1 No: 0 Finds it disgusting: Yes: 0 No: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nichole Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Have I dished with Friends: Yes Do I find it disgusting: No Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellis Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I don't believe I have (unless you count talking about perverse guys I met on online dating sites who I never got together with in person). I don't find it disgusting to talk about sex, but I do find it disrespectful to give specifics about a partner, assuming he hasn't consented. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mashiara Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Have I dished guys with my friends? No. Do I find it disgusting? Not exactly disgusting, but certainly not something I'd enjoy being part of. eta: what Bellis said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Raidne Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Cool, Bellis, I'll put that as a yes for now and change the category a bit, but that is kind of tricky. I mean, even I think it can be disrespectful. Mr. golden shower was totally disrespected in that episode. I just don't think it's, on balance, wrong. So could you clarify? Is it okay, or is it wrong? ETA: Bellis and Mash, to put it another way, would you leave the room? Would you think less of the women doing it? Also, to clarify, I would [i]never[/i] dish my husband in a million years. That I [i]do[/i] think it wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mashiara Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 [quote name='Raidne' post='1707815' date='Mar 4 2009, 20.06']ETA: Bellis and Mash, to put it another way, would you leave the room? Would you think less of the women doing it?[/quote] I don't know if I'd leave the room, I have never been faced with the situation and I never had to think about this. At the very least I'd probably be very uncomfortable and look for a way to change the conversation. I would think less of the women doing it, yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lany Freelove Cassandra Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 [quote name='Raidne' post='1707815' date='Mar 4 2009, 13.06']Also, to clarify, I would [i]never[/i] dish my husband in a million years. That I [i]do[/i] think it wrong.[/quote] I have dished on plenty of casual relationships, but would never on one I was serious about. Perhaps that is the difference for many...they don't have casual relationships, so therefore find it rude or disrespectful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teri Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Raidne, I'm afraid I'm too out of date on that particular bit of slang. (That's one of the side effects of not having watched any television at all for decades.) I still can't tell from your examples what the term means. They are all about sex, but I can't tell if it means simply to talk about someone's sexual behavior, or if there is some additional connotation of a particular attitude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Raidne Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 [quote name='Lany Cassandra' post='1707822' date='Mar 4 2009, 13.12']Perhaps that is the difference for many...they don't have casual relationships, so therefore find it rude or disrespectful.[/quote] Is this true? Teri - no problem. My examples are about (1) telling your friends about how you slept with the guy who is notorious for giving great oral sex and telling your friends that it was, in fact, great, (2) telling your friends that your new guy's sperm tastes awful, and (3) telling your friends that you broke up with a guy because he wanted you to pee on him, and you just really weren't into that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellis Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 [quote name='Raidne' post='1707815' date='Mar 4 2009, 13.06']I just don't think it's, on balance, wrong. So could you clarify? Is it okay, or is it wrong?[/quote] I believe that things said in an intimate situation (including Mr. Golden Shower Guy) are said under a situation of trust and an understanding that they would not be talked about elsewhere. I would put this in the same category as a friend giving personal non-sexual details, or me witnessing them in a situation of vulnerability (such as a highly emotional or otherwise charged situation that they may consider later embarrassing). In both cases, I would consider it disrespectful to gossip about it to third parties. But then I haven't engaged in one-night stands, and if I did, I might consider myself having less loyalty to that person and be more inclined to dish. In that case, it might be more akin to the attitude I take towards online flirtation. I am realizing that my position really has to do with [i]anonymity[/i]. I would be more likely to dish about things, sexual or not, to people who did not know nor were likely to meet the person in question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Raidne Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Bellis, I have no idea where to classify you now. :) Freaking post-modern people and they're complexed and nuanced opinions and shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mashiara Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 [quote name='Raidne' post='1707825' date='Mar 4 2009, 20.14']Is this true?[/quote] Is it true that my relationships before I met my husband were not casual and I viewed them as something serious? Yes. I'm not sure that's the only reason though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Gah, I just deleted my post when trying to move it. Ah well. Dished about guys to friends: Yes. Find it disgusting: No, but certain things make me uncomfortable. I don't like to hear about someone's current boyfriend, if it's a long-term thing. And if one of my friends breaks up with another person who I'm friends with (I still have kind of an incestuous social circle) I don't want to hear about their past sex life either. The same goes for what I talk about, myself. Given my current long period of being happily single, and not having any one night stands or anything, I don't really have anything to talk about wrt sex, and most of my girlfriends have a similar attitude and/or are in long-term relationships, so talking about sex with my girlfriends makes up only a very small fraction of our total conversation time. I guess...eh, I'm not a prude, but my conversations have always tended to be fairly conservative. (It's possible to be raised in a very politically/socially liberal household and still never talk about sex. Ever. It's funny, because I'm probably the most willing to talk about sex of anyone in my family, and my sister, who I am very close with, won't go further than, "I'm dating someone now." I have a very hard time getting her to tell me ANYTHING about her girlfriend, who I haven't met.) Edit: Bellis, I'm with you on the anonymity thing. I just don't want to meet someone and already know what their sex habits are and be thinking about that while I'm talking to someone, and I spare my friends the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellis Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Like, Kat, I just don't hang out with people who talk about their sex lives (with the exception of my male whore best friend). I really don't need to hear about it either, and I'm sure most of my friends would not take well to me talking about it. TMI. My sister has tried to talk about this sort of stuff with me, but she has to get me drunk first, and even then, I tend to be pretty vague. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nichole Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I think most of my "dishing" with friends anymore is more about advice or what not. I have when single, engaged in Sex and the City type of conversations plenty of times, but there are other times when you find out intimate details about someone's sex life just because they need to have someone to talk to about it. For example, when one of my closest friends got married, she was really not very sexually experienced. She would sometimes talk to me about things because I was someone she trusted and felt comfortable with. This is not to say her relationship with her husband wasn't a good one, she just needed to talk to another woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponine Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 [quote name='Kat' post='1707833' date='Mar 4 2009, 13.17']I don't like to hear about someone's current boyfriend, if it's a long-term thing. And if one of my friends breaks up with another person who I'm friends with (I still have kind of an incestuous social circle) I don't want to hear about their past sex life either. The same goes for what I talk about, myself.[/quote] ^^ This Dished to friends: yes, at the end of a casual relationship or incident that was mainly about sex Think it's disgusting: no, not unless you're betraying the trust of a committed relationship If I met a stranger and thought we were going to have a one night stand, and then he asked if he could pee on me, you'd better believe I'd share that with my friends. Hell, I'd probably tell the board. I would say "some guy in the past", I would not say "it was Joe Smith who lives on 5th Street". I would not share sexual details about a current boyfriend or about a man who was still acquainted with the people I was talking to. There's a big difference between "I had this one time date and the guy tried to pee on me" and "hey remember that time I went out with your best friend Joe, guess what he did?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalbear Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Does it count if women have talked to me about their boyfriends/husbands/SOs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkess Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I have dished. I don't think it's disgusting. I think it's pretty normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Raidne Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 [quote name='Kalbear' post='1707851' date='Mar 4 2009, 13.26']Does it count if women have talked to me about their boyfriends/husbands/SOs?[/quote] Nope. Sorry. I know how badly you want it to. ;) Seriously, part of the whole point is to determine whether men are making up these supposed women that dish about and objectify the guys they hook up with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.