Girl Talk

[Tyria]

[quote name='Raidne' post='1707924' date='Mar 4 2009, 15.15']Yes, totally. Things I've heard are more like, "so, he wants me to watch porn with him, like, all the time!," the small penis thing (several times), once followed with "I was afraid I was going to break it!," the guy that couldn't get it up, etc.

It's, you know, dishing. Gossip. Intended for humor as much as any need to talk about it. And it's probably not nice. But I don't think there's anything wrong with it.[/quote]

Yes, exactly.

I have heard the small penis one, and even said it myself, I'll admit, but again only to those two friends. The big penis ones, let me tell ya, in one case I joked about it to his face and even with his friends. He still giggles when he sees me, because I still call him "dickbulb". Probably a story for a different thread!

[Guest thebadlady]

Have I dished with Friends:

Yes

Do I find it disgusting:

No



Though I usually keep things anon unless its something out of the ordinary, good or bad. I have also given recomendations and received recomendations too. Remember girls, we have to look out for each other. :D

[AutumnEvenings]

Yes I do it, no I don't find it wrong or disgusting, but yes, lines can definitely be crossed.

I dunno, I think sex is pretty important. I'll talk about sex with my serious relationship to someone that really matters (sisters, very close friend). Not so much in a braggy way and usually slightly vague (as these people obviously know the SO) but I don't think it's this big huge taboo.

My female friends and I have had several discussions about our SO's (husbands, live-ins, and these include male and female SO's), such as what lingerie they like (or don't like, or how they don't care), or what toys we've had good or hilarious results with. I don't really see this as a betrayal. I wouldn't care if my man told [i]his[/i] friends what sort of underwear he wishes I would wear or wishes I'd stop wearing (though I'd hope he'd share that with me too :P) or what kind of vibrator I own. I trust him not to tell that stuff to people who'd get all weird about it (parents, repressed Mormons, etc.) and vice versa.

I've also talked with people who've slept with the same people I have to "compare notes". I've never done this while the friend was serious with the other guy, or was emotionally involved with him. And it's been good-natured for the most part. (Although I do remember my college room-mate and I once discussing someone we'd both casually hooked up with and concluding that [i]someone[/i] should tell him X really, really hurts in a bad way, and Y is just...weird.)

I certainly think there's over-share, but I wouldn't think less of the person who was over-sharing unless I thought their [i]motives[/i] were messed up. (Some people don't have all the required social graces. :P)

Which is, I guess, what it boils down to for me. I really don't think there's anything wrong with 'dishing' about sex per se. But if you're doing it in a mean-spirited way, then it's wrong. Not because of the subject matter (sex), but because you're being an asshole.

[Whitestripe]

I haven't dished, but then again, I'm a pretty private person.

Do I find it disgusting? Not really.

Is this a casual sex thing? I've never been a casual sex kinda person, and I'd have to think back to college (which was a loooong time ago) to remember when any of my friends were having casual sex. Seems that 1) being a pretty good girl combined with 2) meeting my husband when I was 18 really did mean that I missed out on a lot. :P

Edit: However, spending a few years on a "trying to concieve" message board.... whoa some of *those* conversations are waaaay too TMI for the average viewer. I knew *exactly* how much and when everybody was having sex.

[Teri]

[quote name='Raidne' post='1707914' date='Mar 4 2009, 11.09']Teri, I'm not going to dig too deep into that dissertation there, so let me phrase it this way (if someone disagrees with my characterization, please let me know): if you slept with a guy you'd been out with a couple times and found out he had an incredibly small penis, would you tell any of your friends?

Or, you know, any of the other three examples I gave.[/quote]

The small penis and the bad tasting semen, No, because I'm sure a guy wouldn't want that talked about.

The great oral sex skills, yes, because I would assume that he would appreciate it (unless he happened to be really big on privacy, but if his skill was already legendary, then he probably isn't.) Same deal if guy stayed hard a long time.

The golden shower business, very likely not, but if I otherwise had a comfortable relationship with him, I might ask him whether he wanted other women to know that it was something he was into.

The explicitness isn't the deciding factor for me, it's how the guy would feel about the conversation if he knew about it. Basically I'm trying to give his feelings the same consideration I'd want him to give mine.

[zollo]

[quote name='Jacen' post='1707929' date='Mar 4 2009, 21.18']I don't like dishing. I don't even like it when other guys tell me sexual crap about their girflfriends. It's like hey! that's your girlfriend! have some fucking respect and keep it to yourself.[/quote]


Yep. A genuine question, fair enough. Anything less than respectful - piss poor attitude.

[Guest Raidne]

[quote name='Teri' post='1707964' date='Mar 4 2009, 14.39']The small penis and the bad tasting semen, No, because I'm sure a guy wouldn't want that talked about.

The great oral sex skills, yes, because I would assume that he would appreciate it (unless he happened to be really big on privacy, but if his skill was already legendary, then he probably isn't.)

The golden shower business, very likely not, but if I otherwise had a comfortable relationship with him, I might ask him whether he wanted other women to know that it was something he was into.

The explicitness isn't the deciding factor for me, it's how the guy would feel about the conversation if he knew about it. Basically I'm trying to give his feelings the same consideration I'd want him to give mine.[/quote]

This is what we called "fighting the hypo" in law school. ;) I'm going to put you down as a no and a yes, and if you aren't actually bothered by other women dishing details about men that the men would not want shared, let me know.

[DemiNymph]

Dished men to friends:
Yes

Thinks it's wrong to do so:
No

I would only do so if I have half a mind to break it off thou. Not on serious relationships. If it is a husband, then an absolute no unless a divorce is imminent. The ramifications would be too great if it gets back to the husband. And it's a loyalty thing.

[Tears of Lys]

Have I dished? Maybe a wee bit when I was much younger. Nothing anyone would be uncomfortable to hear or to have said about them.

Have I listened to others dish? Yeah. Felt a bit uncomfortable. Wouldn't leave the room, though.


WRT dishing about a partner's mad skilz, you're running the risk, IMO, that your female acquaintance would want to see for herself how good he really was.

[Guest Raidne]

Tears, I'm definitely thinking of the kinds of things people [i]would[/i] be uncomfortable about. Like telling your friends that your date last weekend could have used an anatomy class. Does that change your answer?

[Tears of Lys]

Hm. Probably not. If he really did need an anatomy class, I'd have given it to him. :P

But like I say, it's been years since I've dished to anyone about guys so I may be misremembering. And I do think that to do so is inviting trouble (particularly if they're really good in bed.)


ETA: Anything i say now, of course, is speaking of ancient history and so the statute of limitations has run out. :pirate:

[Teri]

[quote name='Raidne' post='1707973' date='Mar 4 2009, 11.45']This is what we called "fighting the hypo" in law school. ;) I'm going to put you down as a no and a yes, and if you aren't actually bothered by other women dishing details about men that the men would not want shared, let me know.[/quote]

I'm not so much "fighting" the hypothetical, as trying to figure out what the hypothetical [b]is[/b].

For the negative reports, I'm with Ep and many others that anonymity makes all OK. I don't know whether you meant your survey to lump talking about someone in a context where the listeners would know who was talked about together with those where it was just "once I met this guy who ...", or whether you meant only the first situation. (It sounds like in your examples from the TV show, the group of girlfriends did all know who was being talked about.)

Looking back over this thread, it looks to me like the [i]majority[/i] of respondents have nuanced opinions, based on factors like the degree of anonymity, whether the information is positive or negative, whether the relationship was casual or serious, etc.

I find that range of nuances much more interesting than a count of yeses and nos, so put my answers wherever you feel it best matches your intent.

[Guest Raidne]

[quote name='Teri' post='1708063' date='Mar 4 2009, 15.37']I'm not so much "fighting" the hypothetical, as trying to figure out what the hypothetical [b]is[/b].[/quote]

Yeah, that's what law students always say too.

[quote]I find that range of nuances much more interesting than a count of yeses and nos, so put my answers wherever you feel it best matches your intent.[/quote]

Well, it [i]is[/i] subtitled "a poll." Are you deliberately trying to frustrate my intent in starting the thread because you have deemed it boring? You're telling me I have to [i]code[/i] the data [i]myself[/i]? ;)

Seriously, though, I generally agree. And now would be the time for that. All I wanted was a sample of about 20, and I got it. So feel free to move on. My devious point was really to take this back to the cockblocking thread where we can now move on from this idea that it's some teeny minority of deviant women who engage in this kind of disgusting and demeaning behavior.

[Balefont]

[quote name='Nichole' post='1707803' date='Mar 4 2009, 12.59']Have I dished with Friends:

Yes

Do I find it disgusting:

No[/quote]

This.

I gotta run but I wanted to vote before I leave!

[Pebble thats Stubby]

First I want you all to understand that my perspective in dishing about past/present boyfriends is gonna be a bit unique. I'll answer it now as if I had made different choices and was still a single unmarried woman.

Would I dish on the sexual prowess of a Guy I had a one night stand? In the right company and circumstances yes, although I would not go into graphic details. At most you would prob get "He was great/all right/lame/a bit floppy" I guess I would probably focus on how I felt about the whole event. If I was drunk enough you may get the funny story about where we ended up or who nearly caught us ect(if happened)

Would I dish on a Guy I had a past serious relationship. 1) Only if I knew he would remain unknown to my friends and it was relevant to what we where talking about. 2) If my friend was starting to date him and there was something she really should know about him, It would have to be something really big (violent or HIV or similar).

Would I dish on the perverse sexual habits of a past sexual partner? Well if my friends asked me why I split up with XXXXX the I might say we had incompatible sexual fantasies. If the guy was a complete stranger to them then yeah I would probably tell all what those incompatible sexual fantasies where.

Now onto real life, when I married I was a virgin, and lets just say my Husband was rather inexperienced (that's as much Dishing as your gonna get) so one time while away with my mates after a lot of alcohol the conversation turned onto past and sometimes present partners (although none of us have any real contact with each others partners), sex, counting cobwebs and how messy it was and how irritating they all found it after the sex that their partner would roll off and start snoring leaving them with the damp patch. I will say some of it was rather eye opening.

After a lot more alcohol they all decided that me and Hubby would be fumbling around in the dark and I therefore needed instruction. I remember being shown several different positions (I will just point out we where all fully clothed and in a hotel room) with one of my friends taking the part of my Husband to be. I was told the good and bad points of each position and some of the latter ones I was even shown how I should move (we where very drunk by then). Even latter on one of my friends decided I needed to be shown how to give a BJ - this involved a bottle of Bacardi Breezer as a prop and seemed to involve a lot of giggling and not much action – somehow I think Teri would have been a much better teacher.

Post marriage the only things I have revealed where about my first aborted time – Hey there was an earthquake and a picture fell off the wall on top of us. I have also answered a thread about the strangest place I've had sex, I think I went into detail about the before and after. Oh yes and I agreed with my friends sex is messy.

[Teri]

[quote name='Tears of Lys' post='1707994' date='Mar 4 2009, 11.58']WRT dishing about a partner's mad skilz, you're running the risk, IMO, that your female acquaintance would want to see for herself how good he really was.[/quote]

That prospect does not bother me. I'm the one who lived in a menage a trois for nearly two years, and who cleaned the house of my daughter's father when his out-of-town girlfriends were coming to visit.

[WhiteQueen]

Have I dished with FRIENDS? No. I did consult my shrink about one certain "bedroom" behavior. But never with anyone who would know the person I am sleeping with. Does talking to a shrink constitute dishing? He did not know the guy, obviously, and knew me only as a patient. I am one of those people who have a need for their friends to think they are perfect and invincible - so, of course, it is understood that my lovers are always fantastic, but no details are ever shared.

Do I find it disgusting? No. I love my friends and would listen to anything they want to share. They tolerate me talking about my kids, I tolerate them talking explicitly about their men.

[Teri]

[quote name='AutumnEvenings' post='1707960' date='Mar 4 2009, 11.38']I certainly think there's over-share, but I wouldn't think less of the person who was over-sharing unless I thought their [i]motives[/i] were messed up. (Some people don't have all the required social graces. :P)

Which is, I guess, what it boils down to for me. I really don't think there's anything wrong with 'dishing' about sex per se. But if you're doing it in a mean-spirited way, then it's wrong. Not because of the subject matter (sex), but because you're being an asshole.[/quote]

:agree:

[Eponine]

I've shared more on the board than I share with real life friends. None of you will ever know my ex-husband, my parents or anyone I've ever slept with in the past, and so I can freely tell funny stories or share my problems. But for example, one of my RL best friends is like a second daughter to my mother, her father is friends with the father of my ex-husband, and she knows several of my ex-boyfriends. I trust her, but I would never want to tell her anything that would unnecessarily hurt her perception of these people who are a real part of her life.

[Tears of Lys]

[quote name='Pebble that Hides' post='1708078' date='Mar 4 2009, 15.47']/snip

After a lot more alcohol they all decided that me and Hubby would be fumbling around in the dark and I therefore needed instruction. I remember[b] being shown several different positions (I will just point out we where all fully clothed and in a hotel room) with one of my friends taking the part of my Husband to be. I was told the good and bad points of each position and some of the latter ones I was even shown how I should move (we where very drunk by then). Even latter on one of my friends decided I needed to be shown how to give a BJ - [/b]this involved a bottle of Bacardi Breezer as a prop and seemed to involve a lot of giggling and not much action ��" somehow I think Teri would have been a much better teacher.[/quote]

Now, these were FRIENDS! :lol:

So how accurate were they?

Rating:1-10 _______



:P