Anatole Kuragin Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 [url="http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/03/30/tf.dating.single.dad/index.html"]http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/03....dad/index.html[/url] I came across this article in my studies and it told me that it is, in fact, cool to date a single father. Apparently the idea came from watching the Bachelor which starred a divorced father. This really opened my eyes to stereotyping that women do and how it might hurt a perfect guy's chances with a swell gal. [quote]As a single twenty-something, I am the center of my world, and I like it that way.[/quote] Very shallow, lady. [quote]I was smitten. He was cute, smart and much nicer than I expected (in my experience, his look is favored by grumpy hipsters). He played in a local alt-country band and paid for my drinks. Little did I know, he was building up some liquid courage of his own. "I should tell you something," he said halfway through our third round. "I've been married before."[/quote] Whoa, alt country band? I hope it's not something shitty like Wilco. Personally I think CNN is on to something. I don't know about you guys, but I LOVE READING INTERNET NEWS ARTICLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What do you people think about this? Serious answers only, please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lany Freelove Cassandra Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Why am I failing to understand? So because one woman wrote a silly article, all women stereotype men? btw, the whole point of the Bachelor, is that ALL the women on the show fawn over the guy, kids or not. :rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacen Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 This is why I only trust the Onion.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord of Oop North Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 A man with children has proven himself to be a virile partner, which has been highly correlated with sexual pleasure, due to the biological imperative of women to mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Raidne Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Why did I just read an article written by a woman who proclaims that the "grumpy hipster" look is just her type and listens to alt-country? Is this supposed to be the "what do we call women who are douchebags" thread? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minaku Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 So... should the article be renamed to, "Go ahead and date a douchebag"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Blackfish Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Leave the alt-country alone, folks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponine Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 What's a grumpy hipster? Although I do support the use of "grump-ster" for a female douchebag. I'm actually really glad that I've never been in that situation, because I'd feel like a douchebag telling a guy that I wouldn't date him because he's a father. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest thebadlady Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 I'd prefer someone with kids - then they have theirs, I have mine and there is no pressure to reproduce because I am so not doing that again (at my age, in this economy, two is enough, etc). If anyone really wants to get snotty about it, how about the guys who won't date single moms? Or guys who don't do black chicks? Or guys who won't do women? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arbor Gold Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Article: [quote]He now has his son and daughter every other weekend and attends all of their school functions.[/quote] Am I crazy, or does this sound like the perfect setup? I'd date this guy in a heartbeat just to know that I would be guaranteed every other weekend all to myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_BlauerDragon Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 TBL, I can only speak for myself, but I try not to date single Moms. It isn't that I'm opposed to the idea, or that I have something against a woman with kids. I just don't want to end up bonding with the children and then breaking up with the woman. My mother was a single mom for much of my life. It was always hard when she'd finally found a decent guy to have around and then they broke up. All too often the next guy would be some abusive douchebag. I also have a very strong desire to have children of my own, and I have found that many of the single moms that I've encountered do not want to have more children. That presents a problem for me, and my hopes to procreate. Of course, I'm 32 and at my age it is nearly impossible to find a woman that does not have children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest thebadlady Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 [quote name='the Blauer Dragon' post='1740614' date='Mar 31 2009, 19.30']TBL, I can only speak for myself, but I try not to date single Moms. It isn't that I'm opposed to the idea, or that I have something against a woman with kids. I just don't want to end up bonding with the children and then breaking up with the woman. My mother was a single mom for much of my life. It was always hard when she'd finally found a decent guy to have around and then they broke up. All too often the next guy would be some abusive douchebag. I also have a very strong desire to have children of my own, and I have found that many of the single moms that I've encountered do not want to have more children.[b] That presents a problem for me, and my hopes to procreate. Of course, I'm 32 and at my age it is nearly impossible to find a woman that does not have children.[/b][/quote] OF COURSE you should have a virgin womb to jack off into, but sadly the world isn't like that anymore. People don't stay married or even bother to get married in the first place. I hear that women who have had children can have more. I have also heard that you can buy a woman off the internet who doesn't have a babyfriend. I just love how you think it will be different for you. Optimism is so cute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_BlauerDragon Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 [quote name='thebadlady' post='1740626' date='Mar 31 2009, 17.43']OF COURSE you should have a virgin womb to jack off into, but sadly the world isn't like that anymore. People don't stay married or even bother to get married in the first place. I hear that women who have had children can have more. I have also heard that you can buy a woman off the internet who doesn't have a babyfriend. I just love how you think it will be different for you. Optimism is so cute.[/quote] Ouch. I'm not sure what I did to set you off, but if I somehow offended you, I apologize. I think you must have misinterpreted my meaning. By no means do I expect to ever end up with a virgin (not sure that I'd want a virgin anyway). What I was meaning to say is that it is difficult to find a woman my age that either does not already have kids or still wants to have (more) kids. Most of the single mothers that I've met, have said that they do not want to have more children. As for the comment about buying a woman off the internet, that was un-called-for. Taking what I said and turning it to insinuate that I would "buy" a woman like she was a piece of property is simply degrading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_BlauerDragon Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Thanks for that Chataya... I had never looked at it from a "broodmare" perspective before. I guess now I can understand what I might have said to set TBL on fire. It's certainly worth thinking about. I don't know if I will ever be able to separate myself from the desire for a biological child. I fear dying alone and unloved, but I've lived that way for quite a while now and everyday it seems more and more likely that dying that way is exactly what is going to happen to me. I can either try to see why I'm headed that way and change it, or I can get used to the idea and go on with my life. I know that. I can't say whether or not I'll be able to see what needs to be changed, or change it once I see it, but I intend to continue trying. Who knows... Maybe I'll be the datable single dad someday. [EDIT] I know it is insufferably arrogant for me to say this (and I can almost feel the flames coming), but I seriously feel that if I do not cause my particular set of genetics to go forward that I will have wronged the entire human race and damaged the potential of all future generations. It's arrogance, I know. I can't help it though.[/EDIT] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponine Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 [quote name='the Blauer Dragon' post='1740675' date='Mar 31 2009, 22.04']I don't know if I will ever be able to separate myself from the desire for a biological child.[/quote] I don't think that you should have to. It may decrease your dating pool, but it's not at all unreasonable to know that you want biological children if at all possible and date with that in mind. Honestly, I've never heard a woman who wanted a biological child being told to just give up on that and go ahead and date/marry a man who didn't want any (or anymore) children. I wouldn't expect that of a man either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponine Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 [quote name='Chataya de Venoge' post='1740703' date='Mar 31 2009, 22.30']If he had wanted biological children so strongly that to stay in our relationship I would have had to have one, I don't think I could have stayed in the relationship. This also speaks to the dynamics of power between two people, but that's a little bit much game theory for me.[/quote] There's a lot more at stake in making the decision to have a child, IMO. Personally, I don't think that a child can be a compromise. I would not have a child unless I was 100% committed to wanting that child and 100% willing to do whatever it took to raise that child well, and that's the kind of motive that needs to be internal, not to please another person. I know that others have found a compromise, but it's not something I could do and be fair to the real human being that would result. I also consider that I would have to make the same commitment to be a step-parent of minor children, even one with only partial custody. If someone can't make that commitment to your children, you're not losing out when they don't date you (although I don't think that they're losing out either). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turinturambar Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 [quote name='Chataya de Venoge' post='1740663' date='Mar 31 2009, 20.43']Blauer - many single mothers run into the issue where an otherwise perfectly good man doesn't want to commit because the woman in question has children already, and she doesn't want more. It's tragicomical. Not speaking for all, here, but: Modern, educated women generally don't want to be broodmares. Divorced women know the chances for success with marriage in the first place and have already become a statistic, and we also know the stats regarding subsequent marriages more than most. Sometimes, we don't want to have our children having two or three different fathers, regardless that all were born in wedlock. We don't want to "start over" with babies when one child is either a teenager or close to it...back to the weight gain and morning sickness and holding the career back once again - possibly forever. I know that Rhelle and I have felt the same way about this - both of us have struggled with this issue with various men. And it took years, and one break-up instigated by his mother (followed by couples therapy), for Darling to see that if he wanted ME, he wasn't going to have me along with a biological child, and he needed to make a choice in what he wanted - me, or a potential bunch of cells that he'd never met. Now, all women are different, and there are women who have married again and started happy even-more-blended families all over again. But the other point of view is just as valid for those of us who really, really don't want to do the whole baby thing over again.[/quote] I don't think he's taking a shot at women who don't want to have more kids. He's simply saying that he DOES want kids, so he doesn't want to commit to a woman who doesn't. IMO that's not irrational at all. Some people want to procreate. FYI, single fathers have the same exact issues. A lot of single fathers have difficulties meeting anybody because a lot of single women want to start a family of their own. I've seen enough guys deal with this issue. It sucks for single fathers and mothers, but it's not irrational for single people who don't have children to feel the desire to have some of their own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Centrist Simon Steele Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 [quote name='Arbor Gold' post='1740607' date='Mar 31 2009, 18.25']Article: Am I crazy, or does this sound like the perfect setup? I'd date this guy in a heartbeat just to know that I would be guaranteed every other weekend all to myself.[/quote] Ah, I think of this all the time. My parenting time with my son is every Thursday through Monday, so kind of every weekend. So is that a big turn off to potential women? Not that it matters anyway as I have sworn celibacy just for sake of sticking to my guns on something in my life, but I always wondered--would a woman look at me and say: "Hm. Single dad, but no weekends..." For the record: I'd keep my parenting time the way it is no matter what the answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angalin Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 [quote name='Chataya de Venoge' post='1740703' date='Mar 31 2009, 21.30']If he had wanted biological children so strongly that to stay in our relationship I would have had to have one, I don't think I could have stayed in the relationship. This also speaks to the dynamics of power between two people, but that's a little bit much game theory for me.[/quote] At the risk of opening a massive can of worms, I also think it's one thing for a guy to say "YOU gotta have my kid" and a quite different one for a woman to say "[b]I[/b] gotta have a kid", biologically if for no other reason. That said, let's not pursue it any further, thanks. :P Back on topic, I don't see anything wrong with dating a single dad; the problem would come if I didn't (for a valid reason) click with his kids. If a bunch of things happened in my life and the position were reversed, it would be a dealbreaker if he didn't click with mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Centrist Simon Steele Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 [quote name='thebadlady' post='1740626' date='Mar 31 2009, 18.43']OF COURSE you should have a virgin womb to jack off into, but sadly the world isn't like that anymore. People don't stay married or even bother to get married in the first place. I hear that women who have had children can have more. I have also heard that you can buy a woman off the internet who doesn't have a babyfriend. I just love how you think it will be different for you. Optimism is so cute.[/quote] I find all wombs equal. :smoking: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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