marriage

[AutumnEvenings]

In my experience, all of that actually got worse when I started wearing a ring, believe it or not. But it works well at the bar and in social situations, generally, which is a big perk, IMO.

FYI, I only wear one ring also, and people do occasionally ask me when the wedding is, by the way.

I feel like maybe the amount of "flirting" hasn't gone down, but the tone has really changed from near-harrassment to more jockular. Could just be my experience though. Or maybe I just feel like I have an ace in my pocket to end the conversation, rather than just a "boyfriend, he lives in Canada, you wouldn't know him..." type of comment. :P

I agree with you about why the engagement ring has continued (and ESPECIALLY why it's nearly all diamonds now, when that wasn't the case at all a century ago...), but I do think there's also another aspect, which is that (some) men like showing off, or feel like they aren't much of a man unless they can scrape up enough to buy a ring, or something along those lines. I really hate that kind of thinking, and I do think that is kind of sexist.

[TerraPrime]

If you consider those things to be good manners, do YOU do them for other people too? Like, would you help your dinner date on with their coat after/before they helped you with yours?

Ohnoes! Not "holding door open is/is not sexist" again? :lol:

[tzanth]

I have to say that these particular "sexist traditions" are things that I personally look for and appreciate. When I was single I evaluated dateability on holding the door, my chair, helping me with my coat, etc. Maybe because that's how I grew up (my father will even hold car doors for me and for my stepmom) but I consider those things good manners.

Well of course our phallocentric culture considers them to be "good" manners. People wouldn't ascribe to sexist ideologies if they conceived them as being "bad." That's why its important to change the practice of these traditions, as it is practice that reinforces ideology.

[AutumnEvenings]

What it comes down to is that you need to both have the same attitude to money and you need to understand that you are a joint entity and are responsible for taking care of each other. All this means is that you work toward the same goals, you don't have to do it in the same way.

When I see couples (married or not) in long term relationships do something like order a take-away and either ask if they are 'allowed' to have something because it's a bit more expensive and they aren't paying, or actually split the fucking bill and only pay for exactly what they ordered I could weep. But I've seen it happen and it's disgusts me.

I didn't mean to imply that our (current) relationship is like that--it's more like one of us buys tonight, the other gets it next time, and it all evens out over time. But when I think about kids...who buys the $200 dollars worth of diapers, who does the Christmas shopping, etc, I think for us it will be easier to just combine two-thirds (or whatever) of each of our incomes and not worry about it. I still want the other third (or whatever) of my income to be mine alone. I want to buy things without justifying it. And I also want him to be able to buy things I think are stupid without feeling like "well, now that you bought the newest electronic gadget, Sally can't take dance lessons this month" or whatever.

I really hate dealing with and discussing money, so this sort of avoidance with personal stuff is what we think will work best for us.

[Lord O' Bones]

Ohnoes! Not "holding door open is/is not sexist" again? :lol:

*shoots self in the head*

[Xray the Enforcer]

*shoots self in the head*

gimme that gun.

*shoots everyone else*

[Alexia]

LOL! I take it I unknowingly opened up a can of worms? :lol:

[Lord of Oop North]

LOL! I take it I unknowingly re-re-re-re-opened up a can of worms? :lol:

Fixed that for you.

[Xray the Enforcer]

not really can of worms. More like "putrefied miserable corpse of a horse -- gimme the motherfucking bat!!!!" ;)

*strafes the area again*

:lol:

[Isis]

I didn't mean to imply that our (current) relationship is like that-SNIP

No, no, no - wasn't talking about you there, just some couples I know in real life. I just hate to see people being so 'mean' to the person they are supposed to love. It just makes me cringe.

TP: yep, if engagement rings and joint finances are getting rehashed, why the heck not? :P

[kiko]

not really can of worms. More like "putrefied miserable corpse of a horse -- gimme the motherfucking bat!!!!" ;)

*strafes the area again*

:lol:

I think I forgot the reault. Alowed/Encouraged/Verboten? Can't remember

[Alexia]

I think I forgot the reault. Alowed/Encouraged/Verboten? Can't remember

Either way, I lost any desire to discuss it. :) Something about the threats of sucide/homicide.

We need an emoticon of a person peeking out from under a rock.