marriage

[ohmahgaw]

For men specifically, or same sex couples, would you be unwilling to take your wife's/partners name?

I only ask, because i have never liked the idea of potentially having to change my last name if i ever get married. I have just always liked the idea of my future children having my last name. I am an only female child, and my father always talks about him being the "end of the line" as far as the family name, which kind of pisses me off.

Would any of you men be willing to take your wifes last name, or let your children have your wifes name?

sorry if this has been asked before

[BigFatCoward]

I'd go as far as to say I would specifically ask them not to take my name (then again I don't intend getting married as I find it pretty outdated concept). But if I did get married I would find it truly bizarre for someone to drop their name, it makes no sense whatsoever.

[Noontidal]

I would take her name, on the stipulation that it was not MORE boring than my own. So no Smiths. I would insist on it, if she had a last name I really liked.

ETA: It is not bizarre to change ones name in that situation. That is all.

[Renasko]

I wouldn't mind my wife keeping her last name, but I'm not sure about the kids. *shrugs*

[The_BlauerDragon]

I would not be willing to change my last name. I would like for my children to have their mother's maiden name as a "middle name" though. That's just my perspective though. I am too proud of my family heritage and all that my name entails to ever change it or deny it to my children... so I do see where you are coming from.

Here's a story that you may want to think about. I have a co-worker who is working with a student that changed his last name to his wife's ex-husband's last name just so that her children (who were ages 3 and 2) would not have to ever wonder why their last name was different than their dad's. Needless to say, the ex-husband and his family are nowhere in the picture and have made it fairly clear that they never intend to be, so... It got me to thinking though... It takes a pretty big man to take the last name of his wife's ex just for the sake of her children.

ETA: I had to call my co-worker and verify the child ages.

[Andrik the Unsmiling]

I've actually had this conversation with my gf, and no, I would not take her name. On the flip side, though, I wouldn't be upset if she chose not to take mine were we ever to get married. Basically, I can understand the feminist side of this issue completely... but that doesn't mean I feel like I'd want to reverse it. And personally, given that our society's conventions are the way they are, I think it would be seen as fairly immasculating for a man to take his wife's name.

[2241]

I would never consider changing my last name. It may not be a great one, but its mine :). That being said, if I were to get married, I wouldn't insist that my wife took my last name either. If she chose to, that would be fine with me, but it would be her choice. I think the hyphenated last name is a pretty good solution. When I was in college, one of my professors hyphenated his wife's last name onto his own, and she did the same, becoming (changing their names) Mr. Bob Smith-Jones and Ms. Jane Jones-Smith. I thought that this was a great idea, ensuring that their kids would get both of their last names, with nobody feeling left out.

[Altherion]

Would any of you men be willing to take your wifes last name, or let your children have your wifes name?

Probably not. This kind of behavior would almost certainly cause a medium-sized scandal among my relatives and give me a reputation that I most definitely do not want to have. I'm more open to combining names (i.e. NameA-NameB), except my last name is rather long and it would not work well with most others.

[tzanth]

To me, the practice of women taking the surnames of their male spouses is inextricably linked to male chauvinism. It is an astonishing statement to the subservient position traditionally forced on women that they are not even allowed to keep their own name. Because of its historical baggage I would have difficulty supporting anyone who chose to follow this practice.

Would any of you men be willing to take your wifes last name, or let your children have your wifes name?

I have my mothers name last name as she was the first one of her siblings to have a kid, whereas my fathers-brother already had two children.

[Lord of Oop North]

Would any of you men be willing to take your wifes last name, or let your children have your wifes name?

In my family's culture, it is common practice for children to take the last names of both parents. So no, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

It is also common practice for women to retain their last names, and just add their husbands last name. I suppose it is still a bit chauvinistic, but at least we're not about totally eliminating their family name.

[Starkess]

My fiance and I talked a lot about this actually. At first I was hesitant to take his name, mostly because of the sexism inherent in that expectation. He said he was totally fine with me not taking his name, but when I once threw out there his taking my name, he said absolutely not. Of course, that was never seriously an option because my fiance has the same first name as my brother...sooooo imagine how much weirder that would be! I ended up deciding to take his name for my own reasons, and I'm actually excited about it.

When we did discuss the last name thing, one thing that I pointed out was that since we don't want kids, it will never be an issue on which name to give them so we can just do what makes us happy, and without dropping a beat he said "Well of course it wouldn't be an issue, we'd give them my name." Cue stunned silence on my part followed by "WHY?" And of course the lovely response was "I'm the guy. Kids are named after their fathers. That's just how it works." Of course, since these kids are purely hypothetical, it doesn't matter, but it just really bothered me that my fiance could be so "You do whatever makes you happy" until it impacted his perceived "right" as a male (ie he wouldn't change his own name and he would give the kids his name). It felt really like "okay just amuse yourself with your silly ideas about keeping your own name." Ugh. I still get mad thinking about that.

So I guess my point is that there is still a lot of negative stigmas out there for anything to do with a man changing his name.

[Renasko]

It's an interesting argument. I've contemplated it before. The family name is still going strong, despite families and society becoming so diversified. The only answer seems to be the double-name thing, which I don't particularly like. I mean, you're not going to use the name the person adds.

[Lord of Oop North]

It's an interesting argument. I've contemplated it before. The family name is still going strong, despite families and society becoming so diversified. The only answer seems to be the double-name thing, which I don't particularly like. I mean, you're not going to use the name the person adds.

Why not? I have two legal last names and use them daily.

[Ocean of Notions]

I would never change my name. That's not even an option. After sharing that with my parents, they actually appreciated this. My family's native culture (my parents are Chinese and I was born in China) doesn't do the whole women changing family name type thing. They don't get it and they think it's offensive. As for children, I'd like at least one to have my family name since I'm an only child.

[Renasko]

Why not? I have two legal last names and use them daily.

How do you use them? Just on legal documents and the like, or what?

My thinking was, if one of my friends did it, I'd still think of their name as the one they had from when I first met them, and when introducing them to someone new, I'd never mention the new part of their name.

The fact is, the longer the name , the less inclined people are to use it.

[Lord of Oop North]

How do you use them? Just on legal documents and the like, or what?

Well, they are part of my full legal name, so I use both at all times. Would you use only half your last name?

[El-ahrairah]

I wouldn't mind the slightest smidgen if my wife were to keep her maiden name (as my mother kept hers), but would fiercely defend my patriarchal right to pass the family name on to my offspring.

[2241]

How do you use them? Just on legal documents and the like, or what?

My thinking was, if one of my friends did it, I'd still think of their name as the one they had from when I first met them, and when introducing them to someone new, I'd never mention the new part of their name.

The fact is, the longer the name , the less inclined people are to use it.

Fair point, I'll agree that the longer the combined name is, the less inclined people are to use it. In the example I gave, probably 95% (***MADE UP STATISTIC ALERT*** - but it was a high percentage) of that professor's students only referred to him by the first half of his combined name (his half). He accepted that; however, he always referred to himself with his full combined name, whether formally or informally.

[Renasko]

Would you use only half your last name?

I wouldn't see it as only using 'half'. If I were to take my wife's name on, I doubt I'd ever be able to get into thinking I'm '___-___', which admittedly makes it a bit of an empty technicality, then. But that's just the way it is. Names stick. *shrugs*

[The Self-Confident Penguin]

I'm not sure if I'd take my husband's last name upon marriage. Possibly. I have a bit of the "last female of the line" thing going on, though my father doesn't raise a big deal, and I do have a male cousin on his side who showed up a bit late and unexpectedly. My own name's pretty short, so theoretically it could be hyphenated onto something else, but might be a bit weird in meaning. (My favourite strange-sounding name was a girl I knew growing up whose last name, when calling roll, was sounded "We Hunt").

Did you guys ever hear about the man who had to sue to get his wife's name?

Interesting case. He wanted her name, because he felt like he belonged to her family much more than his family, but the option wasn't there on the paperwork. hm.