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Picky eaters


Guest Raidne

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Just in case the other thread I started doesn't have enough drama for you...

So, here's the thing. My husband has gotten a lot better, but he's still pretty damn picky about food. And most of, if I'm being honest, is not even bona fide dislikes - it's really just idiocy.

For example, he objects to the idea of red wine in beef stew. Or chili. The only reason is because his Mom never used it. I mean, come on, we're talking about how people cooked in the 80s! They also used garlic powder! And, of course, if I just don't tell him that I put something objectionable of that category into something, it's no problem. Where does this stuff come from? He used to be fixated on this idea that he hated ricotta cheese and that his Mom never used ricotta cheese in her lasagna. Finally I asked her one day what she uses for filling, then, and she, of course, has no idea what he's talking about.

I can respect the idea that a person doesn't like seafood, or eggs, even. But vinegar? All vinegar?

The worst instances are as follows: we're at a diner, or bar, or wherever. Someone uses malt vinegar. Husband, I swear, somewhere in his brain, processes this as a personal affront. Similarly, I, even if I get a separate pizza, cannot order green olives on my pizza in his presence, or I will literally ruin his pizza-eating experience. Not to mention hard boiled eggs. Apparently the smell literally makes him sick.

So, I admit the former type of issue has made me less sympathetic about the latter, to the point where I just don't take any of this seriously. So, on the latter issues (green olives, malt vinegar, etc.) should I get to have my beloved malt vinegar with my next order and fish and chips and let him insist that I'm ruining his dinner, or accommodate all this weirdness?

And, on the idiotic issues, like ricotta cheese, is it fair for me to make a judgment call about which is which and not make any effort at all to avoid those ingredients in things that I cook?

And, just overall, if you or someone is a picky eater, do you have an obligation to try not to be, or is it perfectly okay to be that way?

Sheesh, I mean, I love the guy to death, but just imagine how bad it's going to be when I have kids!!!

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I would say the stuff that he genuinely notices and makes him feel sick you should avoid when he's around to be nice. Stuff like the ricotta is bullshit, feed it to him and when he unwittingly likes it you can declare victory.

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But I'm not picky to the point where what somelese else orders bothers me. Perhaps if it was something that smell like vomit, I might.

Interesting. My husband has actually maintained that malt vinegar does, in fact, smell like vomit. He's never done it, but I think he's actually considered asking random people at other tables to refrain from using it. We have moved tables in a bar the issue before. :rolleyes:

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I know how it is. My husband can also be a very picky eater. He has gotten a lot better since we have been together, but like you, most of the time I just don't tell him what I put in things. He doesn't even notice.

He is worst about vegetables. He claims he doesn't like them. I think he is just being stubborn.

Recently I have won a huge victory in that he will now eat salad. In fairness, salad for him is usually lettuce, cheese and dressing, but it is an improvement. His favorite is Cesar salad. While not the healthiest, I allow it since it is getting some greens into him. Just last week he confronted me in anger, "You didn't tell me there are anchovies in Cesar salad dressing!"

I pointed out that it had never bothered him before and besides, the store bought Cesar salad dressing has anchovie powder or something that is so far from being actual anchovies in it, what does it matter? He still eats his Cesar salad, but I can tell it bothers him.

I'm not about to tell him I've made pasta sauces with anchovies in them as well.

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I don't see why you shouldn't eat something just because he doesn't like it. If he eats what you make as long as you don't tell him something you put in it you should probably just not tell him what you put in it if you want him to eat it. But if he doesn't like something he doesn't like it and you probably shouldn't bug him about eating it, he's probably to old to start liking new stuff now.

Personally I dislike seafood, I'll eat it if it's all that's there is but its so bleh. I hate fruit on pizza.

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I'm a bit of a picky eater myself, and I have certainly gotten better over the year, although there are some things that I just can't eat (tomatoes and mushrooms spring to mind). I can't imagine moving or complaining about what other people are eating, though. That just seems like a pain in the arse thing to do.

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Raidne,

Interesting. My husband has actually maintained that malt vinegar does, in fact, smell like vomit. He's never done it, but I think he's actually considered asking random people at other tables to refrain from using it. We have moved tables in a bar the issue before. :rolleyes:

Good grief. Is your husband an only child?

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Anchovies and olives are the Devil's Food, it is known.

That being said, it's kind of ridiculous to insist that you don't have something because he doesn't like it. I suggest raising a stink about something he puts on his pizza whenever that happens, see how he likes it.

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The worst instances are as follows: we're at a diner, or bar, or wherever. Someone uses malt vinegar. Husband, I swear, somewhere in his brain, processes this as a personal affront. Similarly, I, even if I get a separate pizza, cannot order green olives on my pizza in his presence, or I will literally ruin his pizza-eating experience. Not to mention hard boiled eggs. Apparently the smell literally makes him sick.

Hard boiled eggs have a smell? I'm somewhat sympathetic to the vinegar thing, as I absolutely cannot stand the smell of the stuff, but then again my sense of smell is not that keen, so it doesn't bother me if other people use it. What's the deal with green olives? I don't like olives either but I don't give a damn if other people order them.

As far as the ingredients stuff, just make some executive decisions. What he doesn't know won't hurt you. Maybe spring the surprise on him when he's raving about your chili.

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Sharing food with your companions is an essential part of the dining experience IMO. I will always adjust my orders to the dietary restrictions of my guests when out in public. Since I'll eat almost anything (and anything a picky eater would want), it is easy for me to adjust on irregular occasions.

But as far as I am concerned, anyone with such absurd dietary quirks is intolerable company. That goes too far. And since you've already fallen in love with him and married him, and strangling him in his sleep is frowned upon by authorities, you just have to deal. The only thing worse than a picky eater is listening to a martyred picky eater whine like a baby about an olive.

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I loathe broccoli, hominey, and cream corn. Just thought of that, mentioning it right now, makes me a little sick.

However! While I cannot stand them, others around me seem to like them. My kiddo likes the cream corn and my ball-n-chain loves the broccoli, and the MiL cooks with hominey. Out of respect for my intolerance of those foods, they are creful to assure it does not get into my food, but they still eat it. In my presence in fact! Steamed broccoli has the most noxious oder, but somehow I manange to avoid letting it ruin my meal.

Raids, your husband is being selfish. He needs to learn tolerance of others. The world does not revolve around him. If he is going to be childish and let your love of green olives on your pizza ruin his dinner, well that's he choice. He can go to bed on an empty stomach. It's not like your forcing the stuff down his throat. You are simply enjoying the foods you love, and there is -nothing- wrong with that. Eat your food and tell him to deal with unless he wants to -wear- it.

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I think if something really bothers someone, there should be an effort to accomodate it when possible, but at the same time that person needs to aknowledge that this is their idiosyncratic habit and make an equal effort not to force it on others, and possibly even admit its silly in extreme cases and try to get over it.

I actually have way more experience with this than I would like - in the very early days of my commune dwelling there was this notion that having dinner together was vitally important, and absurd length would be gone to to come up with a meal everyone could eat everything in. (We had quite limited ingredients usually, so this was more difficult than you'd think. Often as not, it either ended up very bland or total chaos and everyone got mad and lived on toast and chocolate spread for three days. I kept expecting someone to get jaundice or scurvy or something wierd like that.) And thats once you're cooking - try shopping for 17 people on a rather limited budget.

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But as far as I am concerned, anyone with such absurd dietary quirks is intolerable company. That goes too far. And since you've already fallen in love with him and married him, and strangling him in his sleep is frowned upon by authorities, you just have to deal. The only thing worse than a picky eater is listening to a martyred picky eater whine like a baby about an olive.

I disagree with this - unless "having to deal" is defined as finding a balance. Basically, if you go out of your way to please him - that is not going to improve his attitude towards food, in fact, I daresay it is likely to make things worse. What is next? It is food for fuck sake - it should be fun! - not an excercise to struggle through on a daily basis.

Instead, if you manage to eat less of the stuff that gives him (involuntary) gag reflexes (the kind of thing that in my experience seems to be rooted in negative (childhood) experiences) then he should manage to be a bit more adventurous about what he is eating. You have already uncovered some bullshit issues as well - call him out on those - to me such is nothing more than the gastronomic variant of the man flu. With a bit of encouragement people can come to appreciate a lot of food items they previously had misgivings about - just don't be a dictator about it (just like he shouldn't play the victim).

Also, does he cook at all himself? If he does, that'd be a basis for a balance right there - you eat what he cooks and vice versa.

(this message was brought to you by someone who eats everything)

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I have very, very low tolerance for picky eaters. And hypochondriacs. I really think they are just being stubborn. I get that everyone has preferences and disliking a few things is all good, but my sister won't eat anything green. No broccoli, no zucchini, no cucumbers, no spinach, no lettuce, nothing. Or mushrooms, or onions. When I was home over Thanksgiving I made meatballs, and she saw me chopping up the basil and oregano and asked if I really had to put that in there. Really?? Sister loves fine dining...does she really think restaurants are seasoning the food with only salt?

Sister actually did the whole "surprise! I'm home for Thanksgiving" thing this year. I knew she was coming, and I arrived at the house a few hours before she did. I was hanging out in the kitchen while my dad got the stuffing ready, and he got excited because he could put mushrooms and onions in the stuffing. Hmmm. What's a sister to do? What's more important, the surprise, or having stuffing my sister would eat? I decided the surprise was more important and asked for more mushrooms, please. :)

My best friend had a whole long list of stupid shit she wouldn't eat or drink in college and when she was a kid...can't think of anything now other than coffee and beer (which she loves now). And yes, I am allowed to refer to the stuff she used to not like but now likes as 'stupid' because she does, too, and admits she was just being dumb.

When she and I order a particular salad that we both like from the one fucking place that delivers around here, I have no problem getting it without the carrots and the bell peppers. I'm not unreasonable. If she was still as picky as she used to be though, there's no way I would have invited her to be my French Laundry dinner companion.

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For example, he objects to the idea of red wine in beef stew. Or chili.
In behalf of a significant part of the French people, I wish to say that this point is not picky eating, it's just sheer madness.

Also, maybe try the xenophobia approach, sometimes: because something (someone) is different from what you have at home doesn't mean it's bad.

Oh, and strangling him in his sleep never cease to be a valid option to solve anything.

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