Funny fake letters

[Alia of the knife]

To: Team Leaders From: Danaerys Targaryen, Queen of the Damned. RE: Meeting Agenda. Date: 302 AL Time: 2:00 Location: Ilyrios House TEAM MEETING Meeting Called by: Queen Danaerys Targaryen Type of Meeting: "Kingdom Acquisition" Facilitator: Joreh Mormont Note Taker: Ser Barristan Selmy Timekeeper: The fabulous Daario Attendees: Sansa Stark, Sweet Robin, Rickon Stark, Arya Stark, Willas Tyrell, Samwell Tarley, Tyrion Lannister, Arianne Martell, Jon Snow, Aegon "Targaryen." Please Read: "How to make Enemies, and Alienate Friends." Please Bring: Maps, weapons, (and a pacifyer for Sweet Robin). AGENDA ITEMS Topic Presenter Time Alotted - How to lie Affectively- Sansa Stark- 5 Minutes - Breastfeeding VS. Bottle Feeding- Sweet Robin- 5 Seconds - Cannibalism and other Survival Techniques- Rickon Stark- 2 Minutes - 100 Ways to Kill- Arya Stark- 10 Minutes - How to Switch Sides Effortlessly- Willas Tyrell- 5 Minutes - Why being Craven is a Valuable Tool- Samwell Tarley- 5 Minutes - Where Whores go, and Why it's Important- Tyrion Lannister- 2 Minutes - How to Botch, and Eff Up Strategy- Arianne Martell- 10 Minutes - How to Know Something without Really Knowing It- Jon Snow- 8 Minutes - Why I Should be King- Aegon "Targaryen"- 2 Minutes OTHER INFORMATION: Observers: The Dothraki Hoard, The Unsullied, Bloodraven and Bran Stark. Resources: Illyrio Special Notes: Kill Sweet Robin Ask Bran Stark to leave if he interrupts Kill Aegon "Targaryen"

From: Queen Danaerys Targaryen

To: Team Leaders

Re: Addendum to The List of Speakers

Add:

Mystery Knight, Deputy Sherrif, (anybody know what this title is)?, Shane Walsh.

Topic: Wights and Zombies

Presentation: How to shoot and kill your trusted partner, making him zombie bait while you limp away.

To: Queen of the Damned

From: Tryion Lannister

Re: Mystery Knight

Thats another character from another book out of a job.

We really can't use him.

[Silver Spearwife]

Timekeeper: The fabulous Daario

This,

- Breastfeeding VS. Bottle Feeding- Sweet Robin- 5 Seconds

this,

Special Notes: Kill Sweet Robin

and this

had me guffawing.

[Alia of the knife]

This, this, and this had me guffawing.

I'm glad. :)

That kid is made for a late show parody.

[Eira Seren]

How to Know Something without Really Knowing It- Jon Snow- 8 Minutes

Obviously, he's in management!

[Alia of the knife]

Obviously, he's in management!

OMG,

You got that right!

[Lord Over]

From: Barristan Selmy

To: Queen of the Damned

RE: Team Meeting

I can't help but notice that my suggestions for "Dragon Survival Tips" and "Taking Responsibility for your Actions" are not on the agenda? That can't be right, can it? Surely it must be a mistake, my Queen. Your dragons ate a little girl. You NEED to face that fact!

Ps: Did you read that "How to train your dragon" book I sent you?

[kwvapor]

From: Robb Stark

To: Queen

RE: Team Meeting

I would like to add "abstinence until marriage" to the agenda. I married this girl after a 1 night stand because of the shame I felt. I think it might have been a big mistake. I'd like time to share my feelings and elaborate on that. Make sure, Arya and Rickon attends the meeting. Bran can get a free pass since he is a tree.

Little Finger, Ros, Jon, Theon should come too. Maybe we need the High Septon to join us as well.

[Alia of the knife]

From: Danaerys Targaryen, (Queen of the Damned)

To: Ser Barristan Selmy and Robb Stark

Re: Addendum to the Agenda

Dammit!

Don't you think this meeting is already top-heavy with alot of "stuff" that has nothing to do with "Kingdom Acquisition?!"

It's not enough we had to give "Sweet Robin," (who I might add makes Viserys look like a paragon of sanity, and who I still want killed BTW), imput, but now you guys want to put our dirty laundry out there?

Really?!

And Selmy, was that a shot?

Because I think that was a shot.

No, I've not read your "great reads," because I haven't had TIME!

Did you find your stapler yet "Milton?"

I think it's in the wine cellar- where your desk is now.

Lord Stark.

WTF?!

What does "abstinance from marriage" have to do with ANYTHING in Kingdom Acquisition?!

How about this?

We give you a topic on: "No matter how Honorable the Starks are, They sure Find Ways to Break their Betrothals, causing a shitstorm of Trouble ?

Now that topic goes straight to not only "Kingdom Acquisition," but "Human Resources" as well.

(sigh).

Littlefinger, and Ros the Prositute/Psychotherapist?

Whats their topic, "Brothels Are Us?"

And THEON?!!

We'll have to change the lunch menu completely for Theon, and we're already over budget, so thats out.

A dithering High Septon, what's he going to bring to the table?

Guilt?

Do we NEED a High Septon for that?

No, no and no.

Also, tree or not, if Bran interrupts, I'm cutting him off at the roots.

Lets stay on topic guys.

Thanks

Best Regards,

D. Targaryen,

Queen of the Damned Whiners.

[Lord Over]

From: Barristan Selmy

To: Queen of the Damned.

Re: Addendum

A shot? Perish the thought, I would never presume to teach the Blood of the Dragon anything, as you've been gracious enough to remind me many times. Many, many, MANY times.

[Alia of the knife]

From: Barristan Selmy To: Queen of the Damned. Re: Addendum A shot? Perish the thought, I would never presume to teach the Blood of the Dragon anything, as you've been gracious enough to remind me many times. Many, many, MANY times.

I couldn't resist the analogy of Selmy and Milton from "Office Space."

[Eternally_Theirs]

From: Myrcella Lannister

To: Alayne Stone

Aegon is moving again, so rejoice. We shall have our justice sooner than we expected. I am playing a part of dopey princess, and all of you are also playing some harmless parts. Good. This way nobody shall know how dangerous we are. All we need to do is stay uninteresting for a little while, and then we can show our true goals, by joining Aegon when he arrives.

We already have important positions that seem unimportant. Arya is in Braavos, training to be an assasin. Jon Snow is a commander at the wall. Bran is somewhere in the North, and he sees everything. You control the Vale and I control the Dorne. Your mother is leading a faction of her own.

So, my friend from the past, we shall renew our friendship and be allies once more!

Send the word to Arya, she needs to kill my insane mother so Tommen could reign. He is young, but he is sensible. When Aegon arrives, Tommen will abdicate, trust me, old friend.

We successfully captured your mother, and we are keeping her safe. My deranged parents won't have her head any time soon.

Good day, old friend

Myrcella

P.S: I dispatched a secret ninja unit. They'll come to Vale soon. They will say that their purpose is to inhabit the Vale, though their real purpose would to kill Lord Petyr. Before you try to warn him, there is something you should know. It was he who led your father to his death. So, before you act, who will it be, someone you barely know or the man who sired you?

[kwvapor]

From Alayne Stone

To "Myrcella Lannister"

Who is this? I don't know any Myrcella Lannister! How come you know all my business? My father is Petyr Baelish! How dare you insult him!

Alayne the Bastard

[Eternally_Theirs]

To: Alayne Stone

From: Myrcella Lannister

Subject: Hahahaha

Oh, come on, old friend. Have you forgotten all about yourself? Your father isn't Petyr Baelish, it's Eddard Stark!

WTF did lord Baelish give you? Brain bleach?

Sincerely

Myrcella Lannister

[Serie]

To: Alayne Stone From: Myrcella Lannister Subject: Hahahaha Oh, come on, old friend. Have you forgotten all about yourself? Your father isn't Petyr Baelish, it's Eddard Stark! WTF did lord Baelish give you? Brain bleach? Sincerely Myrcella Lannister

To: Myrcella Lannister

From: Cersei Lannister, your beloved mother.

Subject: Proper manners.

Dear daughter,

I accidentally stumbled upon some letters between you and a lady friend of yours, Alayne Stone, if I recall correctly. First of all I don't approve your friendship with that baseborn girl. I knew a Stone once and her father, these people are a disgrace! I know that board games like cyvasse can turn your everyday life into a nightmare, especially when you're a lion of Lannister (Tyrion has sent a jolly letter from East and sends you his regards) but this is not an excuse whatsoever!

Then, there is this matter of Alayne's paternity. It is not nice to question this poor girl's lineage. Especially when you propose that Eddard Stark was her father. From bad to worse!

And finally..... why do you call yourself Lannister instead of Baratheon, child? What's wrong with you? Do YOU forget who YOUR father is????

I will pray for you. I've seen the light.

Your mother.

C.

[Payme]

To: Sammy the Stag

From: Danielle the Direwolf

DeEr Sam,

You seem to have misplaced one of your antlers. Will you please come and pick it up, as it is taking up so much valuable space.. mainly in the neck area..

-Dee Dee