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Eradicating "Nice Guy" from your life


lokisnow

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This only works for people for whom their real personality is affable. What about people who are genuinely douchebags, assholes, or just completely off-putting? Should they be themselves as well? :)

The advice that one should 'be oneself' is a trite little truism that does little to actually help anyone. Because seriously, unless your other plan was to actually assume the identity of a different person, it's hard to be someone other than yourself. One might say that it's a philosophical question whether it's even possible.

So seriously, don't be yourself. Be awesome. You know, like me.

you can be someone other than yourself, but then when you finally do attract someone, who is it they they are actually attracted to? your own self will come out sooner or later. you can't pretend to be something you're not forever.

if you're an asshole or douche, then so be it. grandma always used to say every shoe has a pair.

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Yeah, the important thing to realize is that no matter what, you can't charm or attract everybody. Sometimes, there's just a girl who won't be interested in you.

That's why you advertise yourself as you are, talk to the chick like she's just another person, and if she's interested in you, then that's that.

If you go around downplaying your qualities in the hopes of attracting somebody who wouldn't otherwise be interested, you're just setting yourself up for a lot of trouble.

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I re-read most of this thread, and it spawned a thought (yes, just the one; two at once is far too much for me to handle).

How do you pick out confidence? I ask because it was mentioned a few times that confident men are attractive, and I'm curious as to how exactly that comes across.

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I re-read most of this thread, and it spawned a thought (yes, just the one; two at once is far too much for me to handle).

How do you pick out confidence? I ask because it was mentioned a few times that confident men are attractive, and I'm curious as to how exactly that comes across.

I generally think of confidence mostly as a lack. A lack of bragging (which would be arrogant) and a lack of "OMG you're way out of my league, are you sure you want to talk to me/date me/kiss me/fuck me/be in the same room as me?" (which is unconfident). The most confident people (or at least the people who appear the most confident) are the ones who are just straight up about themselves.

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Yeah, the important thing to realize is that no matter what, you can't charm or attract everybody. Sometimes, there's just a girl who won't be interested in you.

That's why you advertise yourself as you are, talk to the chick like she's just another person, and if she's interested in you, then that's that.

If you go around downplaying your qualities in the hopes of attracting somebody who wouldn't otherwise be interested, you're just setting yourself up for a lot of trouble.

As a corollary to this, it's important to realize that lack of interest from someone is not something you should take too personally. It doesn't really have a lot to do with "objective" attractiveness, I think, but with the particulars of the individual. If you don't have that kind of chemistry, it's no one's fault, it's just how it is. Not to say that these things can't or don't change, but you can't *make* them change. And you can't really change yourself either, not in those respects anyway.

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