How to piss off customs agents with impunity

[Ser Scot A Ellison]

Here's the story:

http://knifetricks.b...-answering.html

From the link:

"Why were you in China?" asked the passport control officer, a woman with the appearance and disposition of a prison matron.

"None of your business," I said.

Her eyes widened in disbelief.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"I'm not going to be interrogated as a pre-condition of re-entering my own country," I said.

This did not go over well. She asked a series of questions, such as how long I had been in China, whether I was there on personal business or commercial business, etc. I stood silently. She said that her questions were mandated by Congress and that I should complain to Congress instead of refusing to cooperate with her.

She asked me to take one of my small bags off her counter. I complied.

She picked up the phone and told someone I "was refusing to cooperate at all." This was incorrect. I had presented her with proof of citizenship (a U.S. passport) and had moved the bag when she asked. What I was refusing to do was answer her questions.

A male Customs and Border Protection officer appeared to escort me to "Secondary." He tried the good cop routine, cajoling me to just answer a few questions so that I could be on my way. I repeated that I refused to be interrogated as a pre-condition of re-entering my own country.

"Am I free to go?" I asked.

"No," he said.

The officer asked for state-issued ID. I gave him my California Identification Card. I probably didn't have to, but giving him the ID was in line with my principle that I will comply with an officer's reasonable physical requests (stand here, go there, hand over this) but I will not answer questions about my business abroad.

The officer led me into a waiting room with about thirty chairs. Six other people were waiting.

The officer changed tack to bad cop. "Let this guy sit until he cools down," the officer loudly said to a colleague. "It could be two, three, four hours. He's gonna sit there until he cools down."

I asked to speak to his superior and was told to wait.

I read a book about Chinese celebrities for about 15 minutes.

An older, rougher officer came out and called my name. "We've had problems with you refusing to answer questions before," he said. "You think there's some law that says you don't have to answer our questions."

"Are you denying me re-entrance to my own country?" I asked.

"Yes," he said, and walked away.

I'd probably answer the questions simply because I don't like the hassle of the wait, but, I'm impressed by this guy sticking to his guns.

[Eyelesbarrow]

My favorite customs story:

Midnight arrival, long queues, and a pissed and sleepyhead me. The inefficient customs lady - the queues were horrible, they didn't even try to manage it - asked me, anything to declare? I said no, none, nada. When I was a few steps behind her, I turned back and yelled to my friend, who was in front of the lady now. "Hey, Helen, I got deadly weapons to declare....my hands!!!!"

Customs lady stopped what she was doing and looked/glared at me, I swear, in slow-mo. By this time, I was waving my hands in the air, jumping up and down, looking like a lunatic. She probably realized, Nah, not a terrorist. Just a crazy person.

Helen refused to look at me until we were out of the doors.

I've always wanted to do this, but mind, I don't think I can do this again. Border/immigration/customs people are a hassle to deal with.

ETA: Yeah, not answering the questions is a good move to piss off customs people, too.

[Lyanna Stark]

While I can sympathise with this person not wanting to answer questions of where he has been, he/she was also really rude to the customs officer. He/she could have conveyed the same message in a much more polite way. Might have generated the same result, but as someone who works with customers/resellers, I would not have been very happy either with someone that rude.

[DanteGabriel]

So... Tormund, what were you doing in China? ;)

[adamsputnik]

Why on earth would the customs people even ask these questions?

When I went back to Australia, the only question I got asked was "anything to declare?" Anything beyond that is none of their fucking beeswax.

[Bellis]

<shrugs> I routinely get asked what I'm doing in Canada when I go there. I have a Canadian passport. "uhh... I grew up here. I went to X high school. My parents live here...?"

[Lyanna Stark]

Why on earth would the customs people even ask these questions?

When I went back to Australia, the only question I got asked was "anything to declare?" Anything beyond that is none of their fucking beeswax.

I'm guessing you haven't travelled a lot in and out of the UK. :) Try Heathrow or Gatwick and on your return to the UK, they are quite likely to ask you questions regarding where you have been. I'd estimate it to between 20-30% of my trips, so it's not always, but it's definitely happens.

They tend to be pretty...thorough there though, as they even made me drink baby milk from a vacuum packed cartoon to prove it wasn't explosives.

[adamsputnik]

I'm guessing you haven't travelled a lot in and out of the UK. :) Try Heathrow or Gatwick and on your return to the UK, they are quite likely to ask you questions regarding where you have been. I'd estimate it to between 20-30% of my trips, so it's not always, but it's definitely happens.

They tend to be pretty...thorough there though, as they even made me drink baby milk from a vacuum packed cartoon to prove it wasn't explosives.

If they find something suspicious that would be one thing - but if I am being peppered with inane questions about where I've been, who I've seen, what I ate etc. I would find that very annoying and, well, none of their fucking beeswax :P

And no I have been to the UK. I'd have to ask my aunts and uncles what their experiences have been.

[Eyelesbarrow]

Plenty of airports do this now. I chalk it up to post-9/11 paranoia. If not a verbal question, you have to check some little box on a form. I understand that some immigration bureaus collect the data for tourism/foreign arrivals.

But customs, as in the OP, I don't really know why they have to ask those questions.

[S John]

Sadly, I think that my experiences with customs in the US and abroad is probably the biggest time I've ever truly noticed racial profiling. Though it was to my benefit.

Every time I've ever returned to the US I've gotten nothing more than a nod and a 'welcome back' even when they can see from my passport that I'd been gone for months and have new stamps from middle eastern countries. Something that might raise suspicions if I were of a browner flavor.

The one time it was really blatant though, was actually in Greece. I came into Athens from Cairo and the flight was like 90% Egyptians. I was one of the last people off the plane and when I got to customs there were 2 lines: EU citizens and non-EU citizens. So I'm thinking... shit, I'm back behind like 130 people, this is gonna take forever. Nope. Within about 5 minutes all the EU people had gone through. After they were gone, the customs agent came walking along the non-EU line pointed at myself, a couple Japanese people, and another white couple (who turned out to be South Americans) and brought us to the 'EU only' line and stamped us in. I didn't complain or anything, but I surely would have been pissed if I were one of the Egyptian guys 'cause all of us that got to go through were non-EU, same as them.

To give them the benefit of the doubt, the agents might be obligated to do a more thorough check of people entering who are citizens of middle-eastern countries than is required for Americans, Japanese, Brazilians, etc... so no point in making us wait when they could get us through faster. But I still thought it was interesting that they came by and picked us out like that.

[Lany Freelove Cassandra]

The guy was a total jerk. Customs officers have a hard enough time without idiots like this making this worse "just to prove a point."

Over 60 million people enter the US every year and they have to check them all. In addition to drug smuggling, there are a lot of trade restrictions to many countries, and they have about 5 minutes (if that) to determin if further investigation of a person is needed. The questions are very routine and there ultimately to protect the interests of the US.

Just because a person is a citizen, does not mean they would not try and smuggle anything into the US or engage in illegal activities.

Dude needs to get over himself.

[Hereward]

I'm guessing you haven't travelled a lot in and out of the UK. :) Try Heathrow or Gatwick and on your return to the UK, they are quite likely to ask you questions regarding where you have been. I'd estimate it to between 20-30% of my trips, so it's not always, but it's definitely happens.

But you are a bloody foreigner, so they can't be too careful. Try carrying a Daily Mail.

[S John]

Dude needs to get over himself.

I pretty much agree.

While I definitely understand the guys beef, and I think that maybe a little common sense on the part of the agents would go a long way... the agents do have very repetitive jobs. Its not really the agents themselves that he has a problem with. They are most likely just following procedure for when someone refuses to cooperate. While I've had stellar luck with US customs thus far, I have been stopped and given the special search going through security on more than one occasion. I could be difficult, but I've got a plane to catch, and I figure its nothing personal anyway.

I think I've actually posted on here before about how as a somewhat frequent flyer it pisses me off when someone at the head of a line of hundreds of people decides to launch a crusade against TSA or customs or whatever. People behind ya got places to go man, crusade on your own time.

[Filippa Eilhart]

9 times out of 10, the UK customs officers greet me IN MY LANGUAGE!!!! take that, you Swede!

[Jaxom 1974]

The guy was a total jerk. Customs officers have a hard enough time without idiots like this making this worse "just to prove a point."

Over 60 million people enter the US every year and they have to check them all. In addition to drug smuggling, there are a lot of trade restrictions to many countries, and they have about 5 minutes (if that) to determin if further investigation of a person is needed. The questions are very routine and there ultimately to protect the interests of the US.

Just because a person is a citizen, does not mean they would not try and smuggle anything into the US or engage in illegal activities.

Dude needs to get over himself.

This.

Though I admit I do not travel much out of the States, and even then just to Cancun. The questions are mainly generic and it seems to me that I've heard them, at least, on television shows trying to emulate "real life" for a long time.

I'd think that answering a generic question with a generic answer isn't going to complicate your life unless you give the officials a specific reason to look at you closer.

[Galactus]

9 times out of 10, the UK customs officers greet me IN MY LANGUAGE!!!! take that, you Swede!

They're just hoping to get it on with a sexy polish plumber.

[Ran]

I find it strange that he's the one being called rude. As he rightly notes, they really don't have any right to ask those questions, and their expectation that he ought to answer their questions just because they have some vague authority position is problematic and basically an example of institutional rudeness. It'd be nice if he let the customs people down easily with some humble politeness, but it'd be better still if they weren't being casually rude from the get go.

It's a civil liberties issue. I shouldn't be asked questions that aren't a part of a person's duties, questions that I'm not obligated to answer. Having this sort of thing as part of institutional policy is bad, and efforts to point out that it's bad shouldn't be called rude. Do you imagine that at any point his being especially polite about it would have led to any change in what they opted to do? I don't think so.

The hand-wringing over wasting their time or allegedly being rude (by being straightforward and blunt about his position, rather than hemming and hawwing in what I can only assume is a show of deference) strikes me as a rather surprisingly display of authoritarian inclinations. I'm rather flummoxed.

[Lightning Lord]

This guy's an asshole.

I am a law-abiding citizen, and, as such, I am the master, and the federal cops are my servants. They would do well to remember that.

No, they're not your servants. They serve the public, they are not servants. A very important distinction. Good for you buddy, you're a prick. Choose not to answer questions if you want, that's your right. Even assholes have rights.

[Datepalm]

It's a civil liberties issue. I shouldn't be asked questions that aren't a part of a person's duties, questions that I'm not obligated to answer.

I tend to agree, though the bluntness could be tempered, but then I assume the specific customs person is not asking these questions because they spontaneously feel like it, right? So, do or do not customs have the authority to keep returning citizens from bringing some particular stuff in, or do they not? And then, should or shouldn't they be able to question/search citizens to see if they are smuggling something in? In any case, the crux of the question would not appear to be with here Bob Customs Agent, so the whole exercise is something of a diplay of petulance, unless the person is willing to go on up through the system to whomever it was that made the decision to ask questions.

(for the record, re-entering Israel has always been extremely simple, no questions asked, even when I returned from Jordan. The only persons being hassled there were a couple of british guys, but they had arrived from Beirut, had weird bags, and more to the point, were being really wiseass and snooty to the passport control person. I don't think her english was quite good enough to realize just how condescending they were being even, so no sympathy for them.)

[Hereward]

Never goad a man in possession of a rubber glove and authority to use it. That's my motto and it's always seen me right.