Sniffing Sister's and Mother's Panties

[Stego]

I don't think my extended family is that messed up in comparison to others.

What others exactly are you talking about? I'm a bit perverse, but I'm freaked out by the proclivities of a 12 year old.

[kairparavel]

So basically, the best thing to come from being caught sniffing panties is finding out there's an adult stranger having an inappropriate friendship with the kid. Because, let's face it, no grown adult should be striking up friendships online with kids that leads to discussions about sex. I can't imagine anyone on this board that is a parent, or has young children in their lives would condone it if it involved them. You don't give adults benefit of the doubt, for Christ's sake. You go into the bedroom and remove the computer. This goes beyond a child discovering their body in the confines of their bedroom during private moments.

Cruella or not, understanding dad or not, he shouldn't be allowed to be on a computer, on the internet, unattended. In fact, he never should have been allowed, for this exact reason.

[Jaerv]

I'm not sure if this post is serious or not. I would rather not believe there are people who would lie about something like this, and actually get amusement out of it. If someone wants to laugh then they should watch a comedy, not waste their own time and the time of others. I'm not sure what's unbelievable to you, though? As dysfunctional as the situation and family is right now, I don't think it's that out there. I've certainly heard far, far worse stories from friends, and people in professions that deal with these types of scenarios. I don't think my extended family is that messed up in comparison to others.

I suppose in a way it's a betrayal of trust on my part to be posting about my family situation on the internet, without the parties involved knowing, and maybe I should just keep all of this in the family. But my wife and I are going through a pretty cold patch in our own marriage, and she's always been the one I consult and talk to about anything significant in my life. Since I can't turn to her, I guess it's just nice to have people to talk to about the issue, rather than only letting it roam through my mind.

That post was tongue-in-cheeck, though I admit that i had a short moment in which I really suspected you of trolling. But altogether, your posts are too authentic (at least to me) to be Troll's stuff. So I apologize.

And re-thinking the weirdness of the acts of the kid: When I was 12 the Internet did not yet exist, but the library of may parents (those parts they assumed to be safely locked away), included some very interesting items. Which gave me even more interesting ideas. So, the media change, the boys don't, obviously ;)

[Kelli Fury]

yeah, honestly, Cantabile, you are in some serious denial. I don't blame you, I would be too- but I think all of this combined makes a pretty strong case that something is up with the kid. Now, that is not to say that his mom is or is not crazy or that any one of these things taken alone is abnormal. But would you jerk off into your mother and sister's panties, jerk off naked in your mom's bed, search incestuous hentai, ask middle aged internet strangers bdsm questions, ect and feel like you had no issues at all a therapist could assist with? I don't know why everyone tore apart the therapy suggestion. There is CLEARLY something up. It could just be curiosity, and if that is the case, maybe he would feel more comfortable talking to a therapist. If he is asking these questions of strangers, he IS in danger, asking the wrong person could lead to something very bad. I know it sucks to have to take things like this seriously, but you need to stop explaining something away that could put him into some serious shit.

[Spastic Plastic]

I hate to sound mean, but this is my advice. He's at an impressionable age right now. Take his webcam away, send him to a therapist, and tell him to start befriending more people in real life and less on the Internet. Or I swear you'll find the kid jerking off in front of Chatroulette one day while hanging himself with his belt.

I criticized the therapy suggestion at first because I thought the panty fetish was the only weird thing about him. But there's clearly much more going on.

[Tyrellius]

Another perfect christmas present for the boy interested in Japanese culture.

The middle aged SC2 player and sex questions... Seriously WTF? They must have swapped other contact information, because as Jurbs said, its not really easy to keep in contact with-in the game. More than likely they had one game or so and then swapped information.

[Cantabile]

yeah, honestly, Cantabile, you are in some serious denial. I don't blame you, I would be too- but I think all of this combined makes a pretty strong case that something is up with the kid. Now, that is not to say that his mom is or is not crazy or that any one of these things taken alone is abnormal. But would you jerk off into your mother and sister's panties, jerk off naked in your mom's bed, search incestuous hentai, ask middle aged internet strangers bdsm questions, ect and feel like you had no issues at all a therapist could assist with? I don't know why everyone tore apart the therapy suggestion. There is CLEARLY something up. It could just be curiosity, and if that is the case, maybe he would feel more comfortable talking to a therapist. If he is asking these questions of strangers, he IS in danger, asking the wrong person could lead to something very bad. I know it sucks to have to take things like this seriously, but you need to stop explaining something away that could put him into some serious shit.

You might be right, perhaps I am denial and trying to explain everything away just to make myself feel better about the situation. I'll talk to my son tonight about removing the webcam...the problem is, I don't know how this would be done without revealing that they know he's having these conversations in the first place. Maybe white lies are the best solution in this case, but I'm not sure what the lie would be. Take it away and say it got accidentally broken when they were cleaning his room? Just say that they were reading something about child predators and webcams, and no longer want him to be using it? If I remember correctly he also uses the webcam to talk to a few friends that have since moved away, which is a pretty valid use for it, and I feel bad suggesting he be cut off from that, but it might be for the best. The risk of something bad happening just isn't worth it.

[Tears of Lys]

So basically, the best thing to come from being caught sniffing panties is finding out there's an adult stranger having an inappropriate friendship with the kid. Because, let's face it, no grown adult should be striking up friendships online with kids that leads to discussions about sex. I can't imagine anyone on this board that is a parent, or has young children in their lives would condone it if it involved them. You don't give adults benefit of the doubt, for Christ's sake. You go into the bedroom and remove the computer. This goes beyond a child discovering their body in the confines of their bedroom during private moments.

Cruella or not, understanding dad or not, he shouldn't be allowed to be on a computer, on the internet, unattended. In fact, he never should have been allowed, for this exact reason.

Absolutely agree.

Okay, sniffing panties, while somewhat disgusting to me personally, I've heard is not all that uncommon. :dunno: But jacking off in your MOM'S panties? There's something about that that speaks to a power issue - and when I hear about how your son has none of the power in the household and the wife has all... well, I would second (or third) the recommendation for therapy. Your son needs to deal with this and not let his wife dictate the terms.

.02.

[TerraPrime]

You might be right, perhaps I am denial and trying to explain everything away just to make myself feel better about the situation. I'll talk to my son tonight about removing the webcam...the problem is, I don't know how this would be done without revealing that they know he's having these conversations in the first place. Maybe white lies are the best solution in this case, but I'm not sure what the lie would be. Take it away and say it got accidentally broken when they were cleaning his room? Just say that they were reading something about child predators and webcams, and no longer want him to be using it? If I remember correctly he also uses the webcam to talk to a few friends that have since moved away, which is a pretty valid use for it, and I feel bad suggesting he be cut off from that, but it might be for the best. The risk of something bad happening just isn't worth it.

I'm no psychologist, but:

If the parents are expecting trust from the child that they have his best interest in mind, it behooves the parents to establish that trust by being honest with the child. Just like in a romantic relationship, you cannot build trust based on lies. The issue will require cooperation from the child to resolve. Simply imposing rules will not solve the problems. And, as far as I can tell, you can't really get genuine changes of behavior that sticks by covering it up with lies.

YMMV.

[Old Nan]

If the parents are expecting trust from the child that they have his best interest in mind, it behooves the parents to establish that trust by being honest with the child.

Yeah, I'd say that ship has long since sailed. Better to let the kind find out on his own and start learning to play 'counterintelligence' games.

And if there is an attraction to his mom and it is power-related, finding out about this will pretty much set it in stone.

[Stego]

Break the webcam and don't replace it if everyone is scared of being parents.

The phone has worked to keep in touch with distant friends for years. No need for video. You can even have vent or teamspeak or skype for free with internet connection.

You can not keep your kids completely away from bad influences in real life or the internet, but a few parental controls would not hurt. (Windows has them.)

Block 4chan, btw.

[Shryke]

As weird as that stuff is, it all sounds pretty normal for a 12 year old sexually curious boy with unrestricted internet access.

Except for the middle aged man on webcam. That's alarming. Pedo's (successful ones anyway) are REALLY good at coming across as harmless and helpful.

"Normal"????

This is what one day of keylogging turns up?

This ain't normal.

[Stego]

"Normal"????

This is what one day of keylogging turns up?

This ain't normal.

I have to agree. That shit isn't fucking normal. (And I was looking at porn at 12.)

[Ser Sean]

:leaving:

[Darkostar]

In conclusion, though, Cruella has agreed to have her husband try breaching the subject, because she would rather have him teach the kid this shit than some middle-aged gamer. She is still keeping the keylogger on, though, and plans on spying on him and "collecting evidence" as she puts it before bringing up the subject about the panties and possibly therapy.

Little late, but honestly? Apart from the camming stuff, it doesn't seems all that far out there. Incest kink is super common in Japanese porn, and not hard to find. The Beast thing, yeah, I dunno. Could be a tale he picked up, could be the result of something he saw or read that piqued his interest, but not all that worrisome.

:lol: Panty Sharking! I'd forgotten about that! It seems silly to me that it even exists, but it's not horribly uncommon in certain districts of Tokyo.

[The Evil Hat]

I criticized the therapy suggestion at first because I thought the panty fetish was the only weird thing about him. But there's clearly much more going on.

I think that this is, now, likely a good option. Things have clearly gotten out of hand. I think that honesty is required with regards to the web cam. That situation's no longer one of "Well, maybe he's into tentacle porn" but rather actual danger. I don't think that you have to necessarily confess the whole thing, though it may be better to do so, but some level of honesty is probably important. After all, if the web cam is broken by "chance" he could always get another one, and he'd still have no idea that anything he did was wrong.

[Darkostar]

After all, if the web cam is broken by "chance" he could always get another one, and he'd still have no idea that anything he did was wrong.

OTOH, maybe he realizes that what he's doing iswrong.

[Spoony]

The only thing that concerns me really, is the story about him masturbating in his mother's bed while sleeping next to her - if this story is true, at least.

Everything else seems somewhat circumstantial.

I might argue for this counseling business, but only so everything ends up coming out and normalizing - because all this spying and this lack of communication seems more detrimental than anything this kid has been up to.

I think everybody should back off on this. Cantabile is the only one here who knows this kid.

Speculating that Cantabile's grandkid is going to auto-erotically asphixiate himself on chatroulet is really crossing a boundary.

As well as all these value judgements that this kid is a sicko.

None of you are qualified to make these statements, and I can promise you that none of this will constructively help this situation at all.

[The Evil Hat]

OTOH, maybe he realizes that what he's doing iswrong.

If he has, the realization clearly wasn't enough to make him stop doing what he's doing. If you allow things to continue as they are with only the slight stop gag of him having to save his money to buy a new web cam (or just continuing the conversation via text/still images) than I think that would be a failure of parenthood.

Spoony: I'm not judging the kid. Much of his search habits are alarming, but he's just discovering all of this, and I think it's not fitting to worry unless Golden Retriever Porn becomes a routine thing. Who I am judging is the middle aged man talking to a prepubescent child about sex via video. That is simply unacceptable.

[Spoony]

Who I am judging is the middle aged man talking to a prepubescent child about sex via video. That is simply unacceptable.

Yeah. I don't know what to think of that.