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NFL Thread 6. Fanatics unite!


Lord O' Bones

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Do me a favor and don't take your hatred of one player out on me by making wild insults that hold no merit.

Except he's not insulting you. If he was, it wouldn't be wildly, rest assured.

But the way it's been portrayed? You're a fan of 3-6 teams at any given time.

I think this is a fair assessment

Don't get me wrong; this is more our confusion than anything else. Many of us have been here posting for more than one season. There is no doubt in my mind that Dante Gabriel is a Patriots fan or that Jaime L is a Redskins fan. Even though they root for the 49ers. There is no doubt that Greywolf is a 49ers fan even though he's from Massachusetts. To make a few examples.

You have been hard to pin down. It's not anything against you, just not what we're used to.

And this has nothing to do with my new-found faux enmity with the Jets.

There's nothing wrong with liking more than one team. I'm a Pittsburgh fan, but I am happy that the Lions aren't doormats anymore and I've been known to enjoy other teams' successes from time to time. I like to see bad teams do well for a change and I like anyone that beats the Patriots.

And Kal, in the post above, Sivin very specifically says he likes the Bears and Jets, not that he's a fan. I lurk a lot in this thread, since I don't get to watch many games, I don't say a lot. Sivin has said several times that he's a Colts fan, even though they're bad this year. I think even fans are allowed to say their team is terrible.

Just keep in mind that "fan" is short for "fanatic." There can be only one. Some of us still don't confuse "fanatic" with "like."

ETA: It's pre-game and I'm already hearing the Tomahawk Chop chant. I am immediately rooting for the Chargers now.

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Actually I don't even remember what product this one was for, but at the end Peyton was outside of a restaurant trying to high-five employees: "Great buffet today, fellas!" and he flipped out when someone tossed him an apron.

That was another one of the Mastercard commercials. The guy who tossed him the apron is my friend Dan from college. Apparently one of the earlier takes of that shot had Manning yelling, "Hey Dan, can I have your apron?"

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Obviously continuing the thread.

My recap of the week:

Great to see the Saints lose.

Not surprised to see the Dolphins blow another lead.

Watching the Colts lose was hard, but it's easy when you don't expect much.

God, I need Baltimore to figure themselves out in a hurry. They must beat Pittsburgh next week.

Don't really care about Houston and Jacksonville. The AFC South is lost.

I'm glad to see the Panthers lose. I'm getting sick of the Cam Newton hype. (Unlike the Tebow hype, I know that Cam is actually decent)

Yeah, it's a shame to see Washington disappear in a cloud of smoke. But, whatever.

Shame to see Timmy get his ass kicked like that, but I'm hoping that Detroit can stand up to Green Bay. I agree with John Lynch, the Bronco's don't seem to be very invested in helping Tim succeed. Maybe he's just that hopeless.

Glad to see New England lose. Sad to see Pittsburgh win.

Don't care much about Cincy or Seattle. I guess I'm just hoping that the Bengals can split against the Steelers.

Good to see San Francisco keep on rolling against a bad opponent.

Nice to see Philly bounce back. They're my best hope to beat Green Bay.

God, show me a win, Kansas City.

And let me write this out as clearly as I possibly can.

I am a Colts fan.

I like to see the Bears win.

I like to see the Jets win.

I like to see the Broncos win.

If the Bears, the Jets, or the Broncos were playing the Colts, then I would obviously want the Colts to win.

I am a Colts fan.

I like the Bears, the Jets, and the Broncos.

So if I were to describe my perfect season, it would be: The Bears winning the NFC Championship, then losing to the Colts who beat the Jets and Broncos in consecutive playoff games on their way to winning the Superbowl.

Is there any more confusion?

Can I be any clearer?

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So living in Philly for the past 6 years I sort have started liking the Eagles. I am from NY though so I am a Jets fan first, a Giants fan second, but the Eagles have become almost 2a (it's really hard not to get caught up in the Eagles in Philly). It's led to some confusion. Last year I was rooting for the Giants, but when DeSean Jackson returned the punt for a TD I was all cheering for the Eagles. My daughter has become a closet Eagles fan but that's mostly because when I send her to school in her Jets shirt she gets shit from the other kids for not wearing Eagles stuff. 7 year olds can be so cruel.

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Can't we all just agree that we all hate the Jets? Can we do at least that?

Anyway...

Look, I'm a Pats fan. I pick the Pats; they are my favorite team and have been since they entered my consciousness when I was 10 years old, beat Dan Marino's Dolphins (Insert Simpson's laugh "HaHa") and made it to the Superbowl only to lose to a cliche.

But I like the Giants because my dad and I used to watch Giants games together. I like to see them win. Except that one time.

I like the Lions because I was a huge Barry Sanders fan and they were not so good.

I like the 49'ers because after being so good for so long they sucked hard for a few years and I think its cool if they are good again.

Look, push comes to shove, I want Pete Carroll to be a good coach. Its not happening but I would think it would be HILARIOUS if Carroll somehow managed a Superbowl win and that tied him with Holmgren, Dungy and Chucky. That would be hot.

I pretty much despise every team in the AFC. Jets, Chargers, Pitts, Ravens (fucking Ravens... seriously, cheat more guys). I really dislike Tebow because the connotation is that his work ethic, his determination, his focus, his.... intagibles are somehow greater than others because he's so ... Christian. That he's a good person because he circumcised babies in Africa. Oh, and then he tries to pawn it off that he's selfless or humble- you know? The type of humbleness that ENSURES he mentions how humble he is?

I like the Bills which is odd because they are our legit division rivals all of a sudden. KC? Always liked them. I like that their fans are super loyal and that they always play their divisional opponents tough. Always liked Marty Shottenheimer.

Oh, and before I forget, I fucking hate the Raiders. Holy shit what a bunch of whiny cry-babies. Oh, and the Jaguars. Hate the Jaguars. They have never won shit and their head coach is a goof, but somehow I have to respect them? Really?

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Mark Sanchez sucks.

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What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Mark Sanchez sucks.

Love it.

I'd just like to get on the record that the reason I like Tim Tebow isn't because he's Christian. I saw him a few times at Florida, and from what I've read and heard he's a pretty good guy. That's enough for me to wish him well. I feel the same way about plenty of players, but through all of the Tebow controversy, I just wanted to declare myself a supporter.

And speaking of Tebow, I think that he's not going to be a quarterback in this league for very long. He can make the throws, and he does bring a spark to an offense. But it's not a viable option to invest in such a project when there are other quarterbacks who are surer bets. Not to mention, after the Johns dump him, it would be a bad idea for a GM to pick him up. Even if they were able to make him successful, there's too much that could go wrong and (once again) there are safer options.

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So if I were to describe my perfect season, it would be: The Bears winning the NFC Championship, then losing to the Colts

Been there, done that. Wasn't a fan.

Look, I'm a Pats fan. I pick the Pats; they are my favorite team and have been since they entered my consciousness when I was 10 years old, beat Dan Marino's Dolphins (Insert Simpson's laugh "HaHa") and made it to the Superbowl only to get completely and utterly annihilated by a cliche.

I fixed that last part for you.

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The tackling rules this season are fucking retarded. Or at least the calls are. Is there any Ice Dancing on tonight? I kind of feel like watching a contact sport.

There are a lot of helmet-to-helmets getting called that I don't think have actually been helmet-to-helmets. You would get this kind of stuff with roughing the passer calls too, of course, and it seems like they decided to export that policy to every position. I know the reason is player safety and that's a laudable goal, but it really seems like it's led to some unfortunate phantom fouls. Basically any time there is a flag for that and they don't fine the player later, you know it was a crap call.

I am a Colts fan.

I like to see the Bears win.

I like to see the Jets win.

I like to see the Broncos win.

This still doesn't compute. Do you have these guys on your fantasy football team or something? I don't understand. Maybe I am just an asshole when it comes to sports, but I can't expand my umbrella of compassion very far. Many matchups there is a team where I hate more than the other, and therefore I would like it if the other team won over the team I hate. There is always a reason to hate another team that's not the Ravens and in my mind this should be the default. That I could understand. But four teams where you actively like it if they win? It's just bizarre. I can't wrap my head around it.

I mean, without even thinking about it too much I could tell you why I hate more than half of the other teams in the league right now. I see Rockroi has enumerated something similar.

I can write off every team west of the Mississippi due to east coast bias. I am tired of the bleating about the disrespect when they suck. I hate specific teams for reasons beyond this general feeling but that's good enough for me. Both Texas teams can fuck off because I dislike Texas on a metaphysical level. Carolina and Jacksonville can eat a dick because they both got expansion teams that could have gone to Baltimore.

I hate Cleveland because of their whiny fans who talk about how Baltimore stole their team and how could they when they lost the Colts, when Cleveland has no clue what it's like to go a decade with no team because Paul Tagliabue (who can also get fucked, Mr. "Why don't they just build a museum?) immediately promised them the next expansion team, and they got to keep their team name and colors, so really they can just shut the fuck up. I hate the Steelers because of Ben Roethlisberger (and I hated them before Big Ben and I'll hate them afterwards since they're the Ravens' big rivals).

I hate the Patriots because Tom Brady bangs all the supermodels he wants and whines for roughing flags and gets them, and because after the Tuck Rule Game they deserve to have a pox upon their house, and because Boston sports teams have reaped enough championships in the last decade to last a lifetime. I hate the Redskins because the Baltimore inferiority complex means I reflexively hate all DC things when a Baltimore option is available (and seriously, it was painful for me to have to admit that DC's rock/alternative radio station played better music than Baltimore's rock station), and also because I think Dan Snyder is an asshole and a moron. I hate the Eagles because of Philly fans. I hate the Jets and Giants because I hate New York and New Jersey. I hate the Bengals because they're in the Ravens' division.

I hate the Colts because of Mayflower vans in the middle of a snowy 1984 night. (But I like Peyton Manning, who always seems classy and gives respect to Johnny Unitas and the Baltimore history of the franchise.) I hate the Bears because I dated a Bears fan for two years and we broke up and now she's a lesbian (she dated other guys after me, but still).

Any time any of these teams plays one another, I can contrive a reason why I hate one or the other less. But make no mistake, I hate them both.

I guess I can't think of a specific reason to hate the teams I didn't name, but the only one I could vaguely claim to like on a continuing basis is the Packers, and that's because Aaron Rodgers finally emerging from the shadow of the selfish Favre and coming out and dominating is a great story. I could not name to you any other player on the Packers roster - wait, no, Clay Matthews. Now I've exhausted my knowledge.

So here's a question for you, Sivin? Who do YOU hate? Because being a fan is more than just about loving one team... it's about hating all the rest. Remember, there can't be an us if there isn't a them.

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I'm a Cowboys fan because my dad is. I was born in Illinois (the rest of my family was born in Texas) but I grew up watching the Cowboys. I tend to hate whichever team is their big rival of the day. In the 80's it was the Redskins. In the early 80's and then the 90's it was the Niners. The Eagles have abused the Cowboys off and on for the last 10 years. I hated the Bears for YEARS after they embarrased the Cowboys 44-0 in '85. Now they mildly annoy me because whenever I root for them they lose. I despised the Cobra Kai Patriots but they've kind of grown on me lately. I can watch any football game and find some reason to root for someone. If it benefits the Cowboys some way, I'm rooting for someone. Next week we have the Bears vs. the Eagles. If the Bears lose, blame me. :P

I tend to hate individual players and coaches more. HATE Brandon Jacobs. Hate DeSean Jackson. Hate Phillip Rivers, Hate McDaniels and that dickhead head coach in Detroit.

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I could not name to you any other player on the Packers roster - wait, no, Clay Matthews. Now I've exhausted my knowledge.

A.J. Hawk. The lesser talent with the long hair.

There is a middle ground here.

I hardly hate any teams myself. While I like barely three.

I hate the Cowboys. Because, duh. Texas/California being two of the three most arrogant states is just a small part of it. "America's Team" is hugely annoying. Knocking each other out of the playoffs most of the first two decades of my life has a lot to do with it too.

I hate the Rams. Now in my lifetime, there is almost no basis for it, but I think it's a CA State law that Missouri never bothered to try to repeal. The Rams are basically the Dodgers if the Dodgers were less evil and stupid enough to move to St. Louis.

I like the Titans. I liked Steve McNair. My whole family is from that area. They put up one of the coolest losing performances in a SuperBowl I've ever seen. Against the hated Rams.

And of course I love the 49ers. I grew up wearing 49ers pajamas with posters of Ronnie Lott and Roger Craig on my wall. (I know. I was the weird kid that wasn't into Jerry Rice or Joe Montana yet. I've always prefered knocking the crap out of someone to finesse.)

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I am indifferent to most teams, with a bit of swing either way. If Jacksonville is playing Seattle, I pull for Seattle because I like the city. If the Rams play the Redskins, I go for Rams because the Redskins name is kinda racist. Most of the time, though, I just like that I am watching football.

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I am indifferent to most teams, with a bit of swing either way. If Jacksonville is playing Seattle, I pull for Seattle because I like the city. If the Rams play the Redskins, I go for Rams because the Redskins name is kinda racist. Most of the time, though, I just like that I am watching football.

This is also an acceptable situation, and is probably healthier in the long run than my method.

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Not nearly as fun though.

There are teams I hate. As I said earlier...or maybe not...

I hate, in order: Ravens, Cowboys, Jets, Patriots, Browns, Bears, Giants, Eagles, Bengals. Some of those are because of specific players/situations, some are just because I back the Steelers. It's not that there's no hate, but there's no reason for me to hate the Packers or Seahawks.

So shut your stupid bird face, Mack!

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So here's a question for you, Sivin? Who do YOU hate? Because being a fan is more than just about loving one team... it's about hating all the rest. Remember, there can't be an us if there isn't a them.

There are inspired tears streaming down my face right now, but I can answer that question.

I hate the Steelers because of Ben Roethlisberger and because of a certain night in which the most accurate field-goal kicker in the history of the league developed restless leg syndrome.

I hate the Bengals because of what they did to Carson Palmer.

I hate the Browns because Eric Mangini was there. And because they always let the Steelers win 2 games a year.

I hate the Cowboys because of the 'America's team' nonsense. (I didn't get to see the Aikman years.)

I hate the Dolphins because they give the Patriots two wins a year.

I hate the Patriots because they always beat my Colts.

I hate the Chargers because Phillip Rivers is a dick, and because they always beat my Colts.

I hate the Raiders because they suck. And because they should have kept the Patriots out of the Superbowl. Tuck rule or no.

I hate the Rams because they disrespected Kurt Warner.

I hate the Seahawks because the gave the Steelers a Superbowl win.

I hate the Vikings because Brett Favre did well there.

I hate the Packers because they're overrated.

I hate the Saints because they're from Louisiana, and because of a certain Superbowl.

I hate the Panthers because they suck, and because of Cam Newton.

I hate the Titans because they won an AFC South title.

I hate the Texans because every year I have to hear "They'll finally do it this year".

I don't even hate the Jags, they are beneath even my contempt.

Actually, I hate the Jags because of Jim Caldwell.

I hate Tampa Bay because they fired Tony Dungy and I'm still having to watch that 'Tampa 2' bullshit.

I hate Arizona because they traded for Kevin Kolb. And because they lost to the Steelers in the Superbowl.

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