Candor Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I would actually LOVE for the Valanquare to end up being Stannis. That would be brilliant. Ain't gonna happen, but it'd be brilliant. :leaving:Oh it would be absolutely wonderful. Cersei would be pissed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Der Anarch Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 A Bloody Battlefield, the final battle-lines are drawn and the fate of Westeros hangs in the balanceJon: Forward, for Winterfell and the memory my noble father!Jamie: Onward in the name of Casterly Rock, and my noble father!Dany: Burn them! For House Tagaryan the memory of my noble father!Aegon: What she said!Stannis: *grinds teeth*Asha: Kill them all Ironborn! For the Drowned God and the memory of my noble father!Arianne: To spears! In the memory of my recently dead noble father!One of many Walder Frey's: Frey's, for the sake of opportunism and the memory of my noble step-father's Uncle, attack!Laros Tyrell: For Highgarden and the memory of my grandfather I suppose.Sweet Robert: For the Vale and the memory of my noble mother!Lady Stoneheart: *croak*Bannerless Brother: She says "For the memory of my noble father!"The Blackfish: Who was also my brother!Tyrion: Fuck my noble father I'm out of here!Other: *For House Otherly and the memory of my noble father, who was killed by Slayer!*Duke Edmund Oakminister: Oakministers to the front! We have taken them them all by surprise! The Oakministers of the Lakelands shall decide the end of this battle! Remember our House's words, "Deus Ex Machina"!All: WHAT?Tyrion: You know, he's the only Duke I've ever heard of in Westeros. Weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woman of War Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Tyrion: Fuck my noble father I'm out of here! A man with some brain. But I believe he did not mean that threat of sexual assault, not that I am excusing his choice of words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Der Anarch Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 The Smoking Ruins of the Wall, a motley band of heroes face the oncoming horde of the Great OtherJon: All the manmeat in Westeros has been assembled to face the coming danger. We have put aside our manly differences and decided to deal with this in a manly manner. Step aside ladies.Dany, Cersei, Brienne, Ayra and Asha: *Withering glare*Sansa: *Fluttering eyelids of fangirl joy*Jamie: Three hundred knights is not enough. We shall all die a foolish death here.Loras: What we lack in numbers we make up for in brotherly Pederasty!Podrick Pain: *moan of repressed desire*Jamie: Last night was fantastic, but it won't make a difference to THE GREAT OTHER!Jon: Oh shut up Lannister. You may be acting up now, but I know the man in you can't bare to lose out to a younger, more handsome Stark!Jamie: I accept your challenge Stark! I'm totally gonna kill a thousand times more Others than you dude!Jon: No your totally not!Gendry: Yeah, cos I'm the son of Robert Motherfucking Baratheon and I'm gonna kill a million more Others than both of you!*Wrestling in armour, much sweat*Jorah: They like each other really, don't they?Sandor: Bugger this, when does the fight start?Gregor: Before we go, I want to tell you..... I'm sorry.... about..... the face. Never meant to scar it like that.Sandor: *moved* Big.... Bird?Gregor: *Weeping Openly* You never called me that for years!Ayra: Cos I'm a tomboy I'm allowed to join right?Jon: Yeah, but only if you disguise yourself lol.LaterVictarion: There's too many, the line cannot hold!Mance: FREEEDOM! *charges ahead madly*Jon: MANCE NO!Jamie: We'll die together Stark.Loras: Tell.... my.... sister.... I.... love.... her.....Sir Barristen: I die a noble death!Jorah: Nooo! *rushes over to help him**slow motion and sad music as Barristen and Jorah die manly deaths*Davos: Wait, what's that light on the horizon?Jon: Do I hear howling?Ayra pretending to be a man: Nymeria?Jon: No, it's ROBB and a army of MAGIC WOLF KNIGHTS!*The Lord of the Rings soundtrack blasts out across the battlefield*Robb: That which lives cannot die, but rises again stronger!All: *gasp*Robb: The Frey's thought me dead, but the power of love is always stronger than hate!Sansa: It's just like in a sooooooonnnnng!Littlefinger *hangs head*: I was wrong. Magic does exist. Forgive me Catelyn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pliskin Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 You killed me. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost Rider Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 not strictly Wow, more DoS worst stuff:Epilogue: 12 years laterWinterfell:Lady Sansa: Now I know everything! You are responsible for killing off my whole family! You invited them here after the war and poisoned them all!Lord Littlefinger: Damn, but I am that great, ain't I? I also started the war of the five kings in the first place. No kudos on that? *gloats*Lady Sansa: *stunned*Lord Littlefinger waiting for the well deserved praise: none? Well, I hope you didn't tell anyone our little secrets, did you now, my sweet little Sansa?Lady Sansa: not yet, but I will!Lord Littlefinger: oh, good one! Seems you are your father's daughter after all! *stabbs her*Lady Sansa dying: I thought you loved me!Lord Littlefinger: *cackles evil overlord maniacally* only ever Cat!------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Lord Littlefinger goes to see his little daughter Catelyn Stark: My sweet Cat, be strong now. Your mother has had ... an accident. She .... fell onto a sword.Little Cat: *cries*Littlefinger: Now, don't cry, my sweet Cat. Daddy will comfort you! *looks at her* You are beautiful, my little Cat, just like your mother and grandmother was. Come here and give your daddy a kiss! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candor Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 not strictly Wow, more DoS worst stuff:Epilogue: 12 years laterWinterfell:Lady Sansa: Now I know everything! You are responsible for killing off my whole family! You invited them here after the war and poisoned them all!Lord Littlefinger: Damn, but I am that great, ain't I? I also started the war of the five kings in the first place. No kudos on that? *gloats*Lady Sansa: *stunned*Lord Littlefinger waiting for the well deserved praise: none? Well, I hope you didn't tell anyone our little secrets, did you now, my sweet little Sansa?Lady Sansa: not yet, but I will!Lord Littlefinger: oh, good one! Seems you are your father's daughter after all! *stabbs her*Lady Sansa dying: I thought you loved me!Lord Littlefinger: *cackles evil overlord maniacally* only ever Cat!------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Lord Littlefinger goes to see his little daughter Catelyn Stark: My sweet Cat, be strong now. Your mother has had ... an accident. She .... fell onto a sword.Little Cat: *cries*Littlefinger: Now, don't cry, my sweet Cat. Daddy will comfort you! *looks at her* You are beautiful, my little Cat, just like your mother and grandmother was. Come here and give your daddy a kiss! :ack: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HouseofStark Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 it turns out they all died on the island and at the end the church is suppose to be some sort of purgatory thing, which is especially sucky since the creators said the island wasn't purgatory and it seems pretty cheap to include it in the end anyways!oh oops wrong forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ser Tom Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Winds Of Winter PrologueThe nights watch are lighting a funeral pyre for Jon Snow. Melissandre's wailing some spell or other, nights watch are kicking their boots and looking guilty. The fire burns......... and burns......... and burns........... mel's still wailing......... and burns. The sun comes up as the fire starts to burn out, revealing a pile of charred bones where Jon Snow's corpse used to be.I throw book in bin and start looking online for flights to New Mexico. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady of Long Lake Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Winds Of Winter PrologueThe nights watch are lighting a funeral pyre for Jon Snow. Melissandre's wailing some spell or other, nights watch are kicking their boots and looking guilty. The fire burns......... and burns......... and burns........... mel's still wailing......... and burns. The sun comes up as the fire starts to burn out, revealing a pile of charred bones where Jon Snow's corpse used to be.I throw book in bin and start looking online for flights to New Mexico.Nods head vigorously! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaqen H'gar Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Winds Of Winter PrologueThe nights watch are lighting a funeral pyre for Jon Snow. Melissandre's wailing some spell or other, nights watch are kicking their boots and looking guilty. The fire burns......... and burns......... and burns........... mel's still wailing......... and burns. The sun comes up as the fire starts to burn out, revealing a pile of charred bones where Jon Snow's corpse used to be.I throw book in bin and start looking online for flights to New Mexico.I'll put on a face and join you!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkantos Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Howland Reed is about to tell Jon (now Azor Ahai) what happened at the Tower of Joy and how he is the son of Rhaegar or w/e, when he dies for X reason.GG George. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stannis the Great Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Dany: Everybody! Aegon is a false dragon and you are all being played for fools by the mummer that is Varys Blackfyre. I am the last true dragon.Howland Reed: Wait! Your brother Rhaegar had a son with Lyanna Stark after they had secretly married in front of a weirwood tree that just happened to be near the Tower of Joy. That son was raised by Lord Eddard Stark and his name is Jon Targaryen.Dany: A lie. I am the last true dragon.Barristan Selmy: Wait! Your father Aerys II had a son with Joanna Lannister after they had secretly married in a sept in King's Landing which for some reason allowed polygamy. That son was raised cruelly by Lord Tywin Lannister and his name is Tyrion Targaryen.Dany: Another lie. I am the last true dragon.Ashara Dayne/Septa Lemore: Wait! Your father Aerys II had twins with Joanna Lannister conceived just after her marriage to Tywin Lannister after they secretly married in a sept in King's Landing which for some plot device allowed polygamy. The twins were raised by Lord Tywin Lannister and their names are Jaime and Cersei Targaryen.Dany: Filthy lies. I am the last true dragon.Old Nan: Wait! Your great-grandfather Aegon V had an affair with me after I rejected the advances of his knight Ser Duncan the Tall. I married him in front of the weirwood tree outside Winterfell and gave him a son. My line has continued and my heir is Walder Targaryen!Hodor: Hodor Hodor Hodor!Darkstar: Wait! I am of the night.All: No-one gives a shit.Stannis: Wait! I'm actually descended from the Targaryens.Dany: ... I give up. I have dragons-ex-machina. Screw you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manitot Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Dany: *hiccup* I nnaahh like Westeros and they nnnah like me *drunk as hell*Stannis: *grinds teeth in an agreeing manner*Cersei: *looks around, paranoid* No one's met anyone called a Valonqur, have they?Jorah: Nope, never heard of them. *eyes Dany's heaving bosom lustily*later*singer in the corner begins strumming a tune that sounds oddly familiar*Bard: A BEAR A BEAR! ALL BLACK AND BROWN AND COVERED IN HAIR!Dany: *gets up and starts dancing, mug in hand* SHE KICKED AND SHE WAILED, THE MAID SO FAIR!Jorah: *grabs drunk!Dany around the waist and brings them both to the floor* BUT HE LICKED THE HONEY FROM HER HAIR*insert gratiutous groping scene and some state of undress*Dany: Oh! HER HAIR HER HAIR!*Jorah is occupied so she continues* HE LICKED THE HONEY... FROM HER HAIRRRRRRR *resounding moan*Just the 4 people actually having a drink makes me laugh! The Bear and The Maiden Fair in my mind has always been Jorah and Dany so this part had me in stitches! Especially the "Oh!" part!! (though of course Dany's no 'maiden' anymore)scenes i hope not to read/see:- That the R+L=J theory is true- Dany ignoring and abandoning Meereen for Westeros - Maege Mormont, Nymeria and Syrio Forel are still unheard ofTyrion: Where do whores go?Someone:Over there my Lord...Tyrion:Ah. Farewell ASOIAF! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stannis the Great Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Barristan Selmy's flashback of the Battle of the TridentRhaegar: Cousin, come face me and let this battle end here and now.Robert: You stole her from me. My one true love...Rhaegar: No. She never loved you and I need her to fulfil the...Robert: STOP! HAMMER TIME! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sand Snake No. 9 Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Jon Snow: Who the fuck are all these people? Bwahaha! My sentiments exactly! Dany marries Victorion.Euron sleeps with her.Victorion kills her.THE END BWAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA! I pre-order TWOW. It arrives on the publication date as scheduled. I rip open the package, sit down by my best reading light, and start to read. For the next 48 hours I do nothing but read, with the occasional brief breaks for food, water, dental hygiene, moisturizing, and elimination. Finally, sleep deprived – but with fresh, minty breath – I reach the last of 1001 pages and Dany is still in Essos. Tyrion is still trying discover where whores go. Brienne and/or Jaime is still looking for Sansa. Arya is still killing small fry. Sansa is still a virgin. Margaery is still a virgin (!!!) Cersei is still a batshit crazy bitch. Jon Connington is still gay. Damphair is still boring. Mel is still looking for Azor Ahai. Brynden Rivers is still a tree. Waldar Frey is still alive. John Snow is still mostly dead, AND – for extra bonus points – GRRM still hasn't said whether R + L = J.I go out to drink and eat Mexican food. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Maltese_Wolf Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 IF Jon turns out to really be dead, if Tyrion bites the bullet, if Dany doesnt leave Meereen or if another awesome Direwolf meets its end Im gonna rage Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
only me Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Tommen still sits on the iron throne (with his kittens). Everybody who matter are either lost in snow or fighting the others or both.(Fake) Aegon is dead. Burned to a crisp by Rhaegon.Jon Connington (mostly stone) and septa Lemore come to Varys.Connington (desperately): The prince is dead. The operation has failed. All hope is gone.Varys: Not to worry.Opens the door to nursery. The room is filled with little boys. They all have purple eyes, silver hair and royal features.Varys: Just pick a new one and try again. For the realm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tini Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 That would explain Varys' little birds. Failed Aegon attempts. Or camouflage for silver haired boys.But then, they would be too young to be Aegon. But I'm sure Varys still has Rhaenys (or a Rhaenys imposter) up his sleeve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
only me Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 That would explain Varys' little birds. Failed Aegon attempts. Or camouflage for silver haired boys.But then, they would be too young to be Aegon. But I'm sure Varys still has Rhaenys (or a Rhaenys imposter) up his sleeve.Oh, but old enough to be Rhaego (Dany`s dead kid) :). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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