Barbarian snark DOOMSDAY WARRIOR: American Glory!

[Datepalm]

I just tried saying that Russianishly, and the way Russian names are pronounced, the emphasis is on the second syllable, so you don't get KILL-ov. You get Ki-LOVE. My god, the nefarious subtlety of Stacy as a writer, messing with our expectations...

[Lummel]

Damn! You two are just like exploding my mind here eh? With all this subtly and stuff in Stacey aye?

[MinDonner]

So, where were we?

Chapter Four, and Rock is rudely awakened by his alarm, indicating that it's time for the meeting. Witness my joy. Meetings are such awesome fun in real life that I love reading about fictional ones as well. <_< Anyways, he has a hangover from all that communing with the Glowers and thinks that maybe he shouldn't do that any more - possibly our authors have tired of all that mystical crap and want an excuse to get back down to good old-fashioned Commie-fightin.

Off to the meeting room, which is a big oval-shaped auditorium such as can be found in every hidden rebel base carved beneath mountains using bits of car. Langford is there, looking kinda rough, and so is Kim, who rushes over to kiss him, and so is... uh oh.

Rockson saw another figure rushing up the aisle with a none-too-pleased expression on her perfect face. Rona Wallender.

I'm almost glad that authorial fiat has saved the Rona Meets Kim moment for an on-screen performance. It could so easily have happened while Rock was off on one of his many pointless missions, to be merely alluded to later in a throwaway comment (in fact, I'm not 100% sure that this hasn't already happened, but continuity is for haters of Freedom) - but in fact, we get to see the nasty trainwreck in all its glory, making this possibly the first and only of my barbarian books to almost pass the Bechdel test. :stunned:

Rock, ready to take on a razor-snouted polar bear or Red battalion at a moment's notice hadn't the slightest idea how to handle the situation - and just let his eyes roll up and his arms hang at his sides.

Yes, we are supposed to feel sorry for Rockson throughout this section. Tiny violins at the ready please.

Rona gives him a big snog, then dials the Joan Collins up to max.

"So pleased to meet you," Rona said, poisoned sweetness dripping from her full lips. "I've heard such sweet things about you. And you are sweet. Why, you're just the cutest little thing." She looked over at Rock with a half snort of disgust that the man she loved would pick such a tweaky little thing - even though he was two-timing her.

Rockson kept his eyes focused on infinity as if, like an ostrich burying its head in the sand, that was somehow going to save him.

"And you," Kim said loudly, pushing her chest out, putting her clenched fists on her hips, "for all your muscles and your Amazon proportions, look - almost like a real woman."

Poor Rockson! Caught in the middle of this totally-not-his-fault drama! But I'm actually quite glad that Stacy isn't so crass as to make him enjoy it, even though the purpose is clearly to show the audience Ted's extra awesomeness for having hot women fight over him. It's the same sort of accidental subtlety Stacy shows when Rock's being all humble about eg. "oh I don't care if I die, but we have to save the President!", and continues to confirm that Rock is less of a dick than Richard Rahl.

Rona stepped forward, cocking a fist, ready to deck the blonde bug before her with a single blow. At 5'10" plus, the one thing the statuesque acrobat and fighter was sensitive about was her well-developed physique. Sometimes in her more depressed moments she had felt that perhaps Rockson wanted a more feminine kind of woman - a petite charmer with sex-kitten little movements and fickle tosses of the head. And Rona would never be that, could never play the coquette.

Now, this passage is kinda interesting. Firstly because, if Rona was intended to be the Unfeminine Warrior Woman, it might have been more convincing if we hadn't had several books previously referring to her frilly boudoir and perfect hair and general female foibles (including the current display of Queen Bee eye-scratching) - Stacy's repertoire of female characters obviously doesn't stretch quite that far. But I'm still almost impressed that the author bothered to add in any motivation at all... and I love the fact that she's going in for the full-fisted punch rather than a slap*. :D

Funnily enough (or not), Kim gets no such viewpoint paragraph, as I suspect her entire motivation consists of "wub Rock, hate rival" - but I can't help but get the impression that, while this may be the correct attitude in the author's estimation, it's certainly nothing he can be bothered to write about, and Rona is definitely the star of this exchange, flying the flag for magnificent bitches everywhere.

Rona temporarily reconsiders the punching strategy, but then Kim calls her a Neanderthal, and it's game on! Rock steps between them to stop the fight, gets a knee to the solar plexus for his pains... then the council president bangs the gavel and they all get embarrassed and stop. Oh. Time for the meeting, then.

*yeah, I admit, as a badass thirtysomething redhead, I'm on Team Rona all the way :thumbsup:

[Datepalm]

Does Stacy indicate which side he's on here, or are we to root for the harem option?

[Antonius Pius]

Yes, thank you! I was hoping for some Rockson all week!

Mildly surprised that Stacy does indeed take the Rona-Kim confrontation centerstage (even if it is relegated to a side-effect of Rocksons coolness), AND admits Teddy is two-timing Rona. Which is blatant, but it apparently even pierced Rocksons plot-armour.

[MinDonner]

Does Stacy indicate which side he's on here, or are we to root for the harem option?

Stacy is basically on Rock's side - for all the slight bits of characterisation going on here, it's really the equivalent of chocolate and vanilla icecream arguing about which is more delicious. You just know that our hero is never going to have to actually choose when he can have both (and neither woman shows any inclination of making him choose, either; the nearest he gets to any kind of blame or accountability is that one irritated glance of Rona's).

Unsurprisingly, the characterisation of the two is all mixed up anyway - Kim, with her blunt "neanderthal" insults isn't really the angelic sweetie, and the suddenly-"unfeminine" Rona gets the Bitch Prom Queen dialogue in complete contrast to the Straightforward Fighter character that she is assigned in the next paragraph, so it's nigh impossible to say which particular set of traits is preferred. But, I still have an inkling that Rona is Stacy's favourite (or, in fact, just Syvertsen by this point), just from the amount of face time she gets, and that Kim is just there as a cipher to let her know her place.

[Lummel]

...Mildly surprised that Stacy does indeed take the Rona-Kim confrontation centerstage (even if it is relegated to a side-effect of Rocksons coolness), AND admits Teddy is two-timing Rona. Which is blatant, but it apparently even pierced Rocksons plot-armour.

This is true. Wouldn't it be more in keeping if Rockson demonstrated that he was more than enough mutant for two mere non-mutant women and they would have to share him?

But clearly we need more information. Is Rona a relative of a fictional swedish dectective? Do her white nipples signify mutant powers? Why is the vegetable president brought along to a meeting...if they need him to cast a deciding vote that meeting could go on for a long time.

[Antonius Pius]

Why is the vegetable president brought along to a meeting...if they need him to cast a deciding vote that meeting could go on for a long time.

As long as you want the vote to go your way, you can let him blink once for yes.

[Lummel]

wait a minute, I thought we had agreed it was blink twice for yes!

[MinDonner]

Just to clarify: President Vegetable has been swiftly retconned into President Has A Bit Of A Headache, although I doubt he'll say anything that couldn't just as easily be conveyed by blinking (once for Freedom, twice for Kill Russians, etc). And Rona has always been the same sort of telepathic mutant as Rock - as well as the white nipples, there's the speshul star-shaped tramp stamp that they all sport.

The more I think about this, the more convinced I am that the whole Rona subplot is some elaborate (if not necessarily deliberate) revenge fantasy by our basement-dwelling author against Womankind. After all, she's written as this voluptuous maneater who is nonetheless reduced to paranoid insecurity by his two-timing, and frequently humiliated - either by Rock (for being a wussy girly girl who is scared of a moose) or by the plot (Nazi shoe-licking!). Even though Kim is supposedly Rock's Twue Wub, at no point does he pay the slightest thought to what she thinks of him banging other women, which I think is pretty telling. It's all very "ahahaha Rona is so very anxious and jealous and worrying that she might be too old and butch and desperate to cling on to her man". And since Jan Stacy quit the co-authorship, the sex scenes have been both rarer and lamer. Ryder Syvertsen, IMO, has a very specific axe to grind.

[Lummel]

Just to clarify: President Vegetable has been swiftly retconned into President Has A Bit Of A Headache,

I suppose really after all these books I should have expected that :laugh:

And since Jan Stacy quit the co-authorship, the sex scenes have been both rarer and lamer. Ryder Syvertsen, IMO, has a very specific axe to grind.

or he is more focused on the target readership :dunno:

[Maithanet]

I really hope that's not the end of the Rona-Kim showdown. Although I suspect that it is, or else Rock might have to actually speak in the confrontation next time.

I agree that Rona is much more of a "real character", by the sliding scale of this series. Does anyone else view Kim as just like (the character of) Bree Olson, but with less personality?

As long as you want the vote to go your way, you can let him blink once for yes.

Rock: Mr. President, do you support this move?

*Blink Blink*

Rock: Yes. Yes.

[lacuna]

Alarm clocks, eh? Whatever happened to FREEDOM, dammit?!? Ah, well, pointless commie-killin' and catfights wait for no man, I guess...

[Antonius Pius]

Just to clarify: President Vegetable has been swiftly retconned into President Has A Bit Of A Headache, although I doubt he'll say anything that couldn't just as easily be conveyed by blinking (once for Freedom, twice for Kill Russians, etc).

Of course, we should have known.

I really hope that's not the end of the Rona-Kim showdown. Although I suspect that it is, or else Rock might have to actually speak in the confrontation next time.

I dunno, would the bastion of manliness need to go quite that far? You don't think a sharply raised eyebrow is enough to put these wimmin in their place?

Rock: Mr. President, do you support this move?

*Blink Blink*

Rock: Yes. Yes.

Oh god, Rock could really be daft enough.

[KAH]

I agree that Rona is much more of a "real character", by the sliding scale of this series. Does anyone else view Kim as just like (the character of) Bree Olson, but with less personality?

Now Ted Rockson just acquired the face of Charlie Sheen.

THANK!!!

YOU!!!

ETA: But with his brother on the cover art, I guess it was only a matter of time before that happened anyway.

Just show us your fire breathing fists already, Rock!

[MinDonner]

Let's get this meeting knocked on the head then. Council President Randolph calls for order, then Actual President Langford shuffles down the aisle as the Star Spangled Banner plays on the record player and the audience sing along joyfully. Then they sing it again! Langford manages to put on "a smile of sorts" and there might be a slight twinkle in his eye, but nothing that really justifies Stacy's hyperbole that is usually reserved for Rock:

Langford was the living symbol that it was all possible - every one of their impossible dreams of freedom.

(plus some rather rosy-tinted recap about the "free election" that had swung Langford into power and how this made everyone feel properly American etc etc. Nobody mentions even once the fact that the election was nuked immediately afterwards and all the voters died).

Langford makes a rather dull one-paragraph speech that elicits wild cheers, though Stacy self-consciously admits that it was full of clichés and generalities ("but men lived by such and always had!"). A further half-page of cheering and foot-stomping and Fuck Yeah!, and then it's time for some actual content to this meeting. And for that we need Rath, the Only Guy Who Knows Anything.

Rath is again introduced as "abrasive workaholic who no-one really likes even though he gets shit done", and he efficiently takes on the job of Infodump Guy, filling us all in on the State of the Nation. As you know, Bob, Killov's KGB forces have been taking out all the Red Army bases and now control 65-75% of all Red fortresses! And Zhabnov has vanished! The crowd gasps at this terrible news. And then we get this little exchange, which I love for many reasons:

"What is your recommendation for course of action?" council president Randolph asked from several feet away.

"Strike now, while there is still time," Rath spat out instantly, without thinking about it for a second.

I'm not sure why that passage tickles me so much, but it looks like something a ten-year-old could have written. Just magnificent in all its facets.

Rath's plan is to attack all the fortresses where the KGB have taken over from the Red Army, so that the Red Army will be freed to rise up against the KGB! There is some uproar at this, but Rock stands up (blushing! cos he hates the limelight!) and says that he approves of the plan - all they need to do is convene a National Military Council and get all the Free Cities to unite their forces! Rather surprising that it's taken them 100 years to think of doing this, but better late than never I suppose. The important thing is to stop Killov getting his hands on any nuclear weapons!

"No more atomic weapons can be used here. None - or the balance will tip and this country will slide into the Dark Ages."

Um. Haven't we already seen the use of not one but several nukes? From Killov who obviously already had them? And I don't think even the Dark Ages were full of mutant cannibals?

Anyway, the great and good of CC get down to some "democracy", which apparently involves screaming and the occasional fist-fight, but after two and a half hours they unsurprisingly decide to endorse the plan. Send out the carrier pigeons and pony express! The National Military Council convenes in seven days! and it sucks to be anyone who might live further away than a few days' travel and will obviously miss it!

One last glimpse of Rona and Kim who have apparently been glaring at each other through the whole thing, and Rock sneaks out so he doesn't have to talk to them.

[Datepalm]

One last glimpse of Rona and Kim who have apparently been glaring at each other through the whole thing, and Rock sneaks out so he doesn't have to talk to them.

Manly!

Is it weird that I like Rath?

[MinDonner]

Not at all! I'm quite a Rath fan myself, as he seems to be the only grownup* in the entire series. I do wish Stacy would stop occasionally using him as this petty-bureaucrat cipher (to contrast with Rock's Manly Decisiveness), because it totally clashes with his basic personality of efficient no-bullshit administrator - I mean he appears to be single-handedly responsible for running the entire operations of an entire city, including rebuilding it after a nuclear strike, while his boss is off playing cowboys with the giant octopuses. I don't think Rath would ever be dumb enough to, oh let's say, release a load of starving freed slaves into the wilderness to fend for themselves (twice!) because it's somehow important that only the strong survive.

*actually I'm forgetting Shecter, the Man of Science!, but he has no personality beyond "does Science!"

[Antonius Pius]

Not at all! I'm quite a Rath fan myself, as he seems to be the only grownup* in the entire series. I do wish Stacy would stop occasionally using him as this petty-bureaucrat cipher (to contrast with Rock's Manly Decisiveness)

Seems like Rath is the one character most resembling a sane decision maker, whereas manly Rock can't seem to face the women he's cheating on (been led astray by his nether universe pole no doubt) and consistently makes *insane* decisions.

[Lummel]

I am amazed that the rest of you can even remember all these peripheral non-Rockson characters. I'm disturbed that you might be loosing your perspective on this ;)