Why didn't Ser Bold tell Dany her dad was a Nut Job?

[assjfjgjsgjljljglgjfjsduar]

This is why I'm on the fence about whether I think Dany will be a hero or not. I mean would you consider the daughter of the Mad King who comes back to claim the throne with an army made foreigners (many of whom consider her some sort of goddess with the whole "Mother" thing that she actively encourages) and has no real care about Westeros values or correcting her family's mistakes? None of that would say noble ruler to the people of Westeros. Or even a stable one.

I forget. Do we have much on Aegon's opinion of the his grandfather and those who oppose him? I kinda blazed through DWD, so I don't remember 100%. If we don't I'm really curious where he stands.

I agree. I also wonder what on earth Dany and Viserys were thinking when they wanted the Dothraki to invade Westeros on their behalf. Did they think they wouldn't rape and pillage and burn whatever they could? The smallfolk might hate Robert and the nobles for hiding out in castles, riding out the worst of it, but it seems like they'd equally hate Dany and Viserys for unleashing the equivalent of the Mongols on them.

[Lord Bronn Stokeworth]

I agree. I also wonder what on earth Dany and Viserys were thinking when they wanted the Dothraki to invade Westeros on their behalf. Did they think they wouldn't rape and pillage and burn whatever they could? The smallfolk might hate Robert and the nobles for hiding out in castles, riding out the worst of it, but it seems like they'd equally hate Dany and Viserys for unleashing the equivalent of the Mongols on them.

Viserys, despite the whitewashing of him in the thread comparing him to Joffery, never cared about the smallfolk. He would happily allow them to suffer the complete horrors of a Dothraki invasion if it meant he got his crown, silks, etc.

Dany only sees the Dothraki from her side. Sure, she feels bad when their raping and pillaging and tries to help those in the immediate area, but that's it. She never considers the effect it has on the people they attack. That's why she never considered that MMD would be anything but utterly grateful for her stopping the rape.

[assjfjgjsgjljljglgjfjsduar]

Viserys, despite the whitewashing of him in the thread comparing him to Joffery, never cared about the smallfolk. He would happily allow them to suffer the complete horrors of a Dothraki invasion if it meant he got his crown, silks, etc.

Dany only sees the Dothraki from her side. Sure, she feels bad when their raping and pillaging and tries to help those in the immediate area, but that's it. She never considers the effect it has on the people they attack. That's why she never considered that MMD would be anything but utterly grateful for her stopping the rape.

Yep. I think we're arguing much the same thing. :)

[oba]

So there you go, a solid instance of Dany writing off Barristan telling her flat-out what her father was and Barristan calling her on it. In her defense, she decides to keep him around partly to tell her about Westeros, but she doesn't seem to act on this. She wants to know "where she came from," but only if it's the blowing-sunshine-up-the-ass version.

That's not entirely fair, IMO.

1. Dany asked Barristan why he bent the knee to Robert after the Trident as opposed to trying to find and serve Viserys. Dany asked him to be honest with her. Dany had been raised on Viserys' stories about their father. Is it unreasonable for her to not instantly accept Barristan's statement re: Aerys' insanity?

2. In that same chapter, Barristan approached Dany again. This is how that conversation went:

Questions? She had a hundred questions, a thousand, ten thousand. Why couldn't she think of one? "Was my father truly mad?" she blurted out. Why do I ask that? "Viserys said this talk of madness was a ploy of the Usurper's..."

"Viserys was a child, and the queen sheltered him as much as she could. Your father always had a little madness in him, I now believe. Yet he was charming and generous as well, so his lapses were forgiven. His reign began with such promise ... but as the years passed, the lapses grew more frequent, until. .."

Dany stopped him. "Do I want to hear this now?"

Ser Barristan considered a moment. "Perhaps not. Not now."

"Was my father truly mad?" was the first question she asked Barristan.

I'm comparing this to Arya's reaction when Edric Dayne told her that Ned and Ashara had been in love. Arya angrily declared that Cat was the only woman Ned loved . . . despite her having been raised alongside Ned's acknowledged bastard. I was able to understand that in the same vein that I could and can understand Dany not being instantly accepting that everything she's heard re: her father, the Usurper's dogs, etc. was a lie. I think this is an instance of a character often criticized for being a Mary Sue receiving criticism for not behaving like a Mary Sue.

[assjfjgjsgjljljglgjfjsduar]

That's not entirely fair, IMO.

1. Dany asked Barristan why he bent the knee to Robert after the Trident as opposed to trying to find and serve Viserys. Dany asked him to be honest with her. Dany had been raised on Viserys' stories about their father. Is it unreasonable for her to not instantly accept Barristan's statement re: Aerys' insanity?

2. In that same chapter, Barristan approached Dany again. This is how that conversation went:

"Was my father truly mad?" was the first question she asked Barristan.

I'm comparing this to Arya's reaction when Edric Dayne told her that Ned and Ashara had been in love. Arya angrily declared that Cat was the only woman Ned loved . . . despite her having been raised alongside Ned's acknowledged bastard. I was able to understand that in the same vein that I could and can understand Dany not being instantly accepting that everything she's heard re: her father, the Usurper's dogs, etc. was a lie. I think this is an instance of a character often criticized for being a Mary Sue receiving criticism for not behaving like a Mary Sue.

Fair enough, I suppose. She still doesn't want to hear it then and Barristan cuts off. ;)

I still think she's grossly unprepared, in a political- and historical-knowledge sense, to rule Westeros. She might be able to conquer it with the dragons, but that's not the same as ruling it.

[ARYa_Nym]

That's not entirely fair, IMO.

1. Dany asked Barristan why he bent the knee to Robert after the Trident as opposed to trying to find and serve Viserys. Dany asked him to be honest with her. Dany had been raised on Viserys' stories about their father. Is it unreasonable for her to not instantly accept Barristan's statement re: Aerys' insanity?

2. In that same chapter, Barristan approached Dany again. This is how that conversation went:

"Was my father truly mad?" was the first question she asked Barristan.

I'm comparing this to Arya's reaction when Edric Dayne told her that Ned and Ashara had been in love. Arya angrily declared that Cat was the only woman Ned loved . . . despite her having been raised alongside Ned's acknowledged bastard. I was able to understand that in the same vein that I could and can understand Dany not being instantly accepting that everything she's heard re: her father, the Usurper's dogs, etc. was a lie. I think this is an instance of a character often criticized for being a Mary Sue receiving criticism for not behaving like a Mary Sue.

This is a very good comparison. I remember Arya asking Harwin afterwards, "Do Dornishmen lie?" She didn't want to accept it as truth even when it seemed logical that it may have happened.

& Barriston lied to be able to observe her so she may have had a harder time trusting his info if he had always been upfront. I understand where both Barriston and Dany are coming from. I also think that Jorah's hatred of Ned doesn't help.

[assjfjgjsgjljljglgjfjsduar]

This is a very good comparison. I remember Arya asking Harwin afterwards, "Do Dornishmen lie?" She didn't want to accept it as truth even when it seemed logical that it may have happened.

& Barriston lied to be able to observe her so she may have had a harder time trusting his info if he had always been upfront. I understand where both Barriston and Dany are coming from. I also think that Jorah's hatred of Ned doesn't help.

I get the comparison, but might there be a difference between one girl being in denial over her father loving a woman other than her mother, and another being in denial over atrocities her father committed? The former really only has implications regarding how that girl views her father in a personal sense. The latter could have serious implications regarding actual governance. The only person who's really affected by Arya's being in denial over Ned's love for Ashara is Arya. If Dany lands in Westeros clueless or in denial as to what her father was like, the consequences could be far more severe.

I don't know, it just occurred to me. *shrugs*

[oba]

Fair enough, I suppose. She still doesn't want to hear it then and Barristan cuts off. ;)

She asked the question re: Aerys II's insanity and received an answer. She just indicated that the gory details weren't something she wanted to hear at that particular moment, and Barristan was tactful enough to recognize she had a point.

Within the context of the story, Dany had just pardoned Barristan and dismissed Jorah. She'd retired for the evening when Barristan decided to approach her and offer to share Aerys II's secrets with her. She asked whether Aerys II was truly mad. Barristan gave his answer.

Barristan has two choices once he's indicated that Aerys was, in fact, off his rocker. He can leave it at that once Dany indicates that now might not be the best time to get into the gory details, or he can pull up a chair and start ticking off atrocities. This is a teenager who's slowly learning that just about everything she'd been brought up believing is/was a lie. I think it's realistic to expect her not to accept it fully and completely in a short time period. I can somewhat see the criticism of her reaction when Barristan is trying to defend Ned Stark, but at this point in Storm I think the criticism is largely unwarranted.

[assjfjgjsgjljljglgjfjsduar]

She asked the question re: Aerys II's insanity and received an answer. She just indicated that the gory details weren't something she wanted to hear at that particular moment, and Barristan was tactful enough to recognize she had a point.

Within the context of the story, Dany had just pardoned Barristan and dismissed Jorah. She'd retired for the evening when Barristan decided to approach her and offer to share Aerys II's secrets with her. She asked whether Aerys II was truly mad. Barristan gave his answer.

Barristan has two choices once he's indicated that Aerys was, in fact, off his rocker. He can leave it at that once Dany indicates that now might not be the best time to get into the gory details, or he can pull up a chair and start ticking off atrocities. This is a teenager who's slowly learning that just about everything she'd been brought up believing is/was a lie. I think it's realistic to expect her not to accept it fully and completely in a short time period. I can somewhat see the criticism of her reaction when Barristan is trying to defend Ned Stark, but at this point in Storm I think the criticism is largely unwarranted.

But does she show any indication of starting to accept it or being willing to hear about it in Dance?

[mediocre cheese]

Because Martin wants some dramatic moment where dany finds out about aerys. Realistically he would have told her by now. He offers to tell her at one point, she agrees but says now is not the time than he never brings it up again.

As in all Dany threads plenty of hate, but the notable moment for me is when she's asks about whether her dad liked any other woman, and barristan tells her "it was only kitchen gossip", at which point she says "I want to know everything about him the good and the rest" Afterward Barristan mentions Joanna and the "liberties your father took during the wedding" (directly contradicting his earlier it was just kitchen gossip statement) and quickly says "I have said too much".

Dany asks Barristan a question about aerys that he knows has a negative answer, so instead of honestly telling her ("your dad had a thing for tywin's wife, and acted like a jackass about it") he at first tells her it was only gossip (which of course he knows is untrue, he knows aerys joked about the first night, and took unspecfied "liberties" during the bedding, that it wasn't just gossip), then when she presses him on it, he tells her, before immediatly saying he has said too much. She had to press him just to get barristan to say aerys was grabby with joanna, at which point he immediatly feels he has said to much. If it takes her that much to get him to open up on that its not like he's gonna reveal that aerys barbequed people.

[oba]

Because Martin wants some dramatic moment where dany finds out about aerys. Realistically he would have told her by now. He offers to tell her at one point, she agrees but says now is not the time than he never brings it up again.

Exactly.

As in all Dany threads plenty of hate, but the notable moment for me is when she's asks about whether her dad liked any other woman, and barristan tells her "it was only kitchen gossip", at which point she says "I want to know everything about him the good and the rest" Afterward Barristan mentions Joanna and the "liberties your father took during the wedding" (directly contradicting his earlier it was just kitchen gossip statement) and quickly has "I have said too much".

Dany asks Barristan a question about aerys that he knows has a negative answer, so instead of honestly telling her ("your dad had a thing for tywin's wife, and acted like a jackass about it") he at first tells her it was only gossip (which of course he knows is untrue, he knows aerys joked about the first night, and took unspecfied "liberties" during the bedding, that it wasn't just gossip), then when she presses him on it, he tells her, before immediatly saying he has said too much. She had to press him just to get barristan to say aerys was grabby with joanna, at which point he immediatly feels he has said to much. If it takes her that much to get him to open up on that its not like he's gonna reveal that aerys barbequed people.

I agree. And I'd completely forgotten about that conversation in Dance.

[tze]

She asked the question re: Aerys II's insanity and received an answer. She just indicated that the gory details weren't something she wanted to hear at that particular moment, and Barristan was tactful enough to recognize she had a point.

Barristan has two choices once he's indicated that Aerys was, in fact, off his rocker. He can leave it at that once Dany indicates that now might not be the best time to get into the gory details, or he can pull up a chair and start ticking off atrocities. This is a teenager who's slowly learning that just about everything she'd been brought up believing is/was a lie.

That's the thing, though. Dany's a teenager who had just brutally sacked her third city in a row. If ever there was a good time to have her confront her family's violent past, it's NOW, before she ends up inadvertently making Aerys's mistakes (and she certainly has the resources and authority to start barbequing her enemies, as Barristan well knows). She's already orderd 163 people crucified, for goodness's sake. It seems disingenuous of Barristan to think "now isn't an appropriate time" to tell Dany about the violent things her father did, as if he's afraid she can't handle it---as if Dany is an innocent young girl who's tentatively approached Barristan in a market somewhere for information. He's speaking to Dany as she sits in the city she's just brutally sacked, where she's also the head of a large army and has three fire-breathing destruction machines wheeling around the sky. I don't see how coddling her about her family's past is at all understandable given the circumstances under which Barristan and Dany were talking.

As in all Dany threads plenty of hate, but the notable moment for me is when she's asks about whether her dad liked any other woman, and barristan tells her "it was only kitchen gossip", at which point she says "I want to know everything about him the good and the rest" Afterward Barristan mentions Joanna and the "liberties your father took during the wedding" (directly contradicting his earlier it was just kitchen gossip statement) and quickly has "I have said too much".

Dany asks Barristan a question about aerys that he knows has a negative answer, so instead of honestly telling her ("your dad had a thing for tywin's wife, and acted like a jackass about it") he at first tells her it was only gossip (which of course he knows is untrue, he knows aerys joked about the first night, and took unspecfied "liberties" during the bedding, that it wasn't just gossip), then when she presses him on it, he tells her, before immediatly saying he has said too much. She had to press him just to get barristan to say aerys was grabby with joanna, at which point he immediatly feels he has said to much. If it takes her that much to get him to open up on that its not like he's gonna reveal that aerys barbequed people.

See, I saw this as Barristan knowing full well (or at least, believing) that when Dany told him she wanted to know everything, the good and the bad, she didn't really want to know the bad. The Aerys/Joanna discussion took place in ADWD, the "mad King" discussion took place back in ASOS. The last time Barristan tried to tell her something bad about her family, Dany shut him down. It's perfectly reasonable for Barristan to assume that Dany would react to an explanation of Aerys's jackassery re: Joanna in the same way she reacted to an explanation of the term "the Mad King", and structure his explanation accordingly.

Dany never actually told Barristan to stop talking about "the mad King"---she heavily insinuated to him that she wanted him to stop talking. She said "do I really want to hear this now," and Barristan could easily have said "you may not want to hear it, but you NEED to hear it, especially now." But he didn't, and I read that as him understanding Dany's statement as her basically saying "I don't want to hear this". Barristan isn't big on challenging his ruler. He believes Dany doesn't really want the truth, so he does exactly what he thinks she wants him to do---he sugar-coats it, he prevaricates, he refuses to give Dany the harsh truth of the situation. And I think he does this because that's what Dany has caused him to believe she wants him to do.

[ARYa_Nym]

I get the comparison, but might there be a difference between one girl being in denial over her father loving a woman other than her mother, and another being in denial over atrocities her father committed? The former really only has implications regarding how that girl views her father in a personal sense. The latter could have serious implications regarding actual governance. The only person who's really affected by Arya's being in denial over Ned's love for Ashara is Arya. If Dany lands in Westeros clueless or in denial as to what her father was like, the consequences could be far more severe.

I don't know, it just occurred to me. *shrugs*

I think there is a difrerence in the scale of consequences. But both Arya and Dany were stubborn regarding what they were told about their parents like when she was told that Cat freed the Kingslayer and she said that she wouldn't do that. I think it's a natural reaction. Dany knows that he was mad but she doesn't know what acts he committed. Maybe Tyrion will be the one to do this.

[jarl the climber]

I think Ser Barristan has handled this properly he has spoken of her Fathers fault when asked and told Dany that insanity ran in her family and that he sensed this in Viserys as well. She can't deny this and there are times in ADWD where she wonders if she doesn't share this trait as well.

[Sevumar]

I think there is a difrerence in the scale of consequences. But both Arya and Dany were stubborn regarding what they were told about their parents like when she was told that Cat freed the Kingslayer and she said that she wouldn't do that. I think it's a natural reaction. Dany knows that he was mad but she doesn't know what acts he committed. Maybe Tyrion will be the one to do this.

And let's not forget that Arya is a good ~5 years younger than Dany. That's a lot of difference in maturity and mental age. Nor is Arya claiming the right to try to rule cities or continents. She does some very disturbing things, but I think her denial can easily be forgiven for a child's behavior.

Tze has the right of the matter with Barristan. He's made two attempts to try to tell her the reality of her family history, and all she's wanted to hear was how wonderful Rhaegar was. You can see from her behavior during Barristan's chats about Rhaegar that she's unwilling to accept anything other than "Rhaegar was the best at everything he did." It's fairly harmless with Rhaegar, but it shows her willingness to run from truths she doesn't want to hear/believe and that's a terrible trait in a leader, especially one leading a city or country in a vital time of transition.

[master]

its for effect. grrm is just waiting for the right character to tell her.one who knows most of her fathers secrets and is able to tell it in a dramatic way. selmy could tell her, but I'd rather wait and have jaime do it.

[oba]

And let's not forget that Arya is a good ~5 years younger than Dany. That's a lot of difference in maturity and mental age. Nor is Arya claiming the right to try to rule cities or continents.

The point of the comparison, as I'm the one who made it, was that both had a very human reaction when confronted with something they'd rather not hear/believe about a parent. In Dany's case, she's hearing something for the first time that goes against everything she's been told her entire life.

I was not saying Arya and Dany are in the exact same position, simply that they are both displaying a very human reaction to information about a parent that goes against what they've previously believed.

Tze has the right of the matter with Barristan. He's made two attempts to try to tell her the reality of her family history, and all she's wanted to hear was how wonderful Rhaegar was.]

I disagree, and I think statements like this completely ignore the context in which these discussions take place.

Dany asked Barristan to tell her why he served Robert. That's the first time Barristan attempts to tell her that her father was mad. Dany doesn't tell him it can't be true, she simply tells Barristan what she'd heard from Viserys.

Barristan, later that same evening, approached Dany and told her that she was now privy to her father's secrets. The first question she asked him was whether her father was truly mad.

In neither instance did Dany tell him to shut up and tell her more Rhaegar stories.

You can see from her behavior during Barristan's chats about Rhaegar that she's unwilling to accept anything other than "Rhaegar was the best at everything he did." It's fairly harmless with Rhaegar, but it shows her willingness to run from truths she doesn't want to hear/believe and that's a terrible trait in a leader, especially one leading a city or country in a vital time of transition.

She did accept what Barristan had to say about Rhaegar.

"I cannot sleep when men are dying for me, Whitebeard, " she said. "Tell me more of my brother Rhaegar, if you would. I liked the tale you told me on the ship, of how he decided that he must be a warrior."

"Your Grace is kind to say so."

"Viserys said that our brother won many tourneys."

Arstan bowed his white head respectfully. "It is not meet for me to deny His Grace's words..."

"But?" said Dany sharply. "Tell me. I command it."

She commands Barristan to say what's on his mind. How is this indicating an unwillingness to accept what he has to say?

When Barristan tells her that Rhaegar seldom entered the lists, Dany's response is to say:

"He won some tourneys, surely," said Dany, disappointed.

She questions why Rhaegar would have crowned Lyanna the queen of love and beauty unless Elia had been treating him poorly and she protests that Barristan's description of Rhaegar makes him sound "sour". She doesn't, however, insist that Rhaegar must have been faultless or flawless.

[Evamitchelle]

The point of the comparison, as I'm the one who made it, was that both had a very human reaction when confronted with something they'd rather not hear/believe about a parent. In Dany's case, she's hearing something for the first time that goes against everything she's been told her entire life.

I was not saying Arya and Dany are in the exact same position, simply that they are both displaying a very human reaction to information about a parent that goes against what they've previously believed.

"They did," said Lady Smallwood. "Not that I believe a word of it. They claimed that Lady Catelyn set him free."

That startled Tom so badly he snapped a string. "Go on with you," he said. "That's madness."

It's not true, thought Arya. It couldn't be true.

"I thought the same," said Lady Smallwood.

That was when Harwin remembered Arya. "Such talk is not for your hears, milady."

"No, I want to hear"

That's quite a different reaction than Daenerys had. For one, everyone in this scenario thinks it couldn't possibly be true, even those who've never met Catelyn before. Then Arya wants to hear more about it but is sent away despite her wishes to stay. Dany on the other hand keeps postponing negative talks about her family.

I disagree, and I think statements like this completely ignore the context in which these discussions take place.

Dany asked Barristan to tell her why he served Robert. That's the first time Barristan attempts to tell her that her father was mad. Dany doesn't tell him it can't be true, she simply tells Barristan what she'd heard from Viserys.

Barristan, later that same evening, approached Dany and told her that she was now privy to her father's secrets. The first question she asked him was whether her father was truly mad.

In neither instance did Dany tell him to shut up and tell her more Rhaegar stories.

There was an earlier attempt by Barristan (still posing as Arstan) to talk about Aerys in Dany's first chapter in ASoS but she does quickly redirect the subject to Rhaegar.

"Did you find him good and gentle ?"

Whitebeard did his best to hide his feelings, but they were there, plain on his face. "His Grace was... often pleasant."

"Often ?" Dany smiled. "But not always ?"

"He could be very harsh to those he thought his enemies."

"A wise man never makes an enemy of a king." said Dany. "Did you know my brother Rhaegar as well ?"

Barristan's last statement is quite negative, hinting at both his paranoia and cruelty without outright saying he was mad, but Dany excuses it quickly and moves on to the subject of Rhaegar.

But in that scene it's Jorah who seems more intent on contradicting Barristan than Dany.

[tze]

I disagree, and I think statements like this completely ignore the context in which these discussions take place.

Dany asked Barristan to tell her why he served Robert. That's the first time Barristan attempts to tell her that her father was mad. Dany doesn't tell him it can't be true, she simply tells Barristan what she'd heard from Viserys.

Actually, that's exactly what she says to him. "The old knight did not blink. "Your father is called 'the Mad King' in Westeros. Has no one ever told you?"

"Viserys did." The Mad King. "The Usurper called him that, the Usurper and his dogs." The Mad King. "It was a lie." She doesn't indicate that while Viserys was the one saying these things, she did not believe him. She says she'd heard about this "lie" from Viserys, and then she outright tells Barristan "it was a lie".

Barristan, later that same evening, approached Dany and told her that she was now privy to her father's secrets. The first question she asked him was whether her father was truly mad.

In neither instance did Dany tell him to shut up and tell her more Rhaegar stories.

In this instance, Dany does basically tell him to shut up. She asks him whether her father was truly mad, and when Barristan starts answering in the affirmative, Dany cuts him off: "Do I really want to hear this right now?" You can't give Dany credit for asking the question, and claim it's evidence she does want to hear the truth, while ignoring the fact that she very explicitly prevented him from telling her the full truth.

She commands Barristan to say what's on his mind. How is this indicating an unwillingness to accept what he has to say?

Because if you read that whole passage, it becomes very clear that Dany wants Barristan to say what's on his mind, so long as "what's on his mind" happens to be all about Rhaegar's tourney victories and awesome qualities. Whenever Barristan tries to talk about anything else, including Rhaegar's flaws, Dany directs the conversation right back around to Rhaegar's tourney victories and awesome qualities. She doesn't want to hear what Barristan/Arstan truly has to say about Rhaegar, she just wants him to confirm Rhaegar's awesomeness. Barristan recognizes this and then goes ahead and tells her exactly what she wants to hear.

[mediocre cheese]

See, I saw this as Barristan knowing full well (or at least, believing) that when Dany told him she wanted to know everything, the good and the bad, she didn't really want to know the bad. The Aerys/Joanna discussion took place in ADWD, the "mad King" discussion took place back in ASOS. The last time Barristan tried to tell her something bad about her family, Dany shut him down. It's perfectly reasonable for Barristan to assume that Dany would react to an explanation of Aerys's jackassery re: Joanna in the same way she reacted to an explanation of the term "the Mad King", and structure his explanation accordingly.

Dany never actually told Barristan to stop talking about "the mad King"---she heavily insinuated to him that she wanted him to stop talking. She said "do I really want to hear this now," and Barristan could easily have said "you may not want to hear it, but you NEED to hear it, especially now." But he didn't, and I read that as him understanding Dany's statement as her basically saying "I don't want to hear this". Barristan isn't big on challenging his ruler. He believes Dany doesn't really want the truth, so he does exactly what he thinks she wants him to do---he sugar-coats it, he prevaricates, he refuses to give Dany the harsh truth of the situation. And I think he does this because that's what Dany has caused him to believe she wants him to do.

You keep saying she "shut him down", when its objectively not what happened. She told him she didn't want to hear about it "right now", but she wanted to hear about it about some point. She didn't say no, your wrong aerys was as sane as you or I, she said this isn't something I want to talk about right now, but in the future I will. Which IMO was totally fair, it was just revealed to her that her closest friend and advisor was an enemy spying on her. From a mental persepctive talking about aerys at the exact minute was probably not the best idea, but she recognizes that this is something she wants to hear about and tells barristan to tell her in the future. To say it is "perfectly reasonable" for barristan to assume that she never will want to hear anything negative about aerys is inaccurate, she has specifically told him she wants to hear about it. The fact that one specific moment was not a good time for her should not lead a man of barristan's intellegence to assume she will never want to hear about him, when she has said that she wants him to tell her.

Barristan is perfectly willing to challenge Dany, Dany tells him to sound out the company of the cat, he says no that's a bad idea, bloodbeard is the type of man you don't want on your side, so despite her disagreement, she defers to his judgement and tells him to work on the second sons and windblown alone. Similarly he is perfectly willing to tell her about her mother's affection for a landed knight, even though the lesson of the story is something that she certainly doesn't want to hear (much more than the aerys story). By contrast when asked about aerys he is untruthful and than quickly says he has said to much, even though dany gives no indication she is bothered at all by what he has said. Dany told him one specific moment was a time that she did not want to hear about aerys but that she would want to hear about him in future, if barristan took from that she never wanted to hear anything bad about him, even if she was directly asking him about it, than he's unrealistically unperceptive.

The much better explanation, and the one in keeping with barristan's perspective in his chapters, is that the reason he doesn't talk about aerys is because it is a point of shame for him. As it should be. Ultimately Aerys's crimes don't reflect poorly on dany at all, she wasn't even born when they occured, and she and viserys paid a huge price for what their father did. By contrast, barristan was aerys's faithful servant, he stood by and watched as men were tortured to death for no reason, and fought extensively for aerys's throne, further unlike all of his fellow KG knights, who paid the ultimate price for defending aerys, he lived and got to serve Robert, who was nearly as bad of a king (and he would have served joffrey who would have been worse than aerys, had joffrey not dismissed him). All of aerys actions are at some level barristan's responsibility as well, he not only did nothing to stop aerys, but he actively fought for him. And we see this in his chapters, that a significant part of his personality is guilt, guilt for serving such bad kings. Talking about aerys is not something he wants to bring up, to anyone, because the inevitable question would be "how could you serve someone who did that?"

Edit:

Barristan's last statement is quite negative, hinting at both his paranoia and cruelty without outright saying he was mad, but Dany excuses it quickly and moves on to the subject of Rhaegar.

Except Barristan didn't bring up aerys, Dany did. Dany asks him about aerys, he is untruthful, but conceals it poorly, so she presses him on it and he gives a vauge and meaningless statement (tyrion and stannis are cruel to those they think are their enemies). At some point here if Barristan wants to tell dany he has to come out and say it. Dany brought up aerys, not barristan and she asked him whether he was good and gentle. He could have honestly answered that, but he declined to. She asked him a question, and he gave an answer that he knew was inaccurate and she delved further. Its not her fault he's unwilling at his point nor in DWD that he refuses to come out truthefully say what aerys is like.