Drogo didn't rape Dany

[Axon]

As with all things, our opinions are shaped by who we are.  As a guy who typically acts exactly how Drogo acts (and finds women who are with it), I've never seen the scene as rape.  Other people who don't get down like that will not agree.  And that's fine.  

Still, that encounter was Dany's first time and she was scared out of her mind, having been offered up as payment to a huge barbarian whom she could not even communicate with.  Eventually her relationship with the Khal shapes who she is sexually going forward, as many of our early relationships do.

[QuaitheTheShadow]

OK; I may just be really, really thick, but why on God's green earth would you assume that unless someone is a masochist, they would consent over and over again to extremely painful sex. Just....why? How does that even work? Why would she be willing to accept pain?

1. She thought sex was supposed to be painful or the pain was natural - how would she know otherwise?

2. She wanted to get pregnant pain be damned

[Lyanna Stark]

1. She thought sex was supposed to be painful or the pain was natural.

2. She wanted to get pregnant pain be damned

We don't see her thinking anything like that though. What we see her thinking is that she considers suicide, so absolutely nothing of what you list is suggested in the text, quite the contrary.

It's not until after her dragon dream Dany stops being a victim and gets empowered by taking charge, before then she is very much a victim.

[ishmael]

OK; I may just be really, really thick, but why on God's green earth would you assume that unless someone is a masochist, they would consent over and over again to extremely painful sex. Just....why? How does that even work? Why would she be willing to accept pain?

Why do you assume she didn't consent? What did she say or do or think that implies she didn't consent? Granted, she does think that she has pain after the sex, but prior to her thinking this, she also thinks about how much pain she is in after her first day of riding.

I don't know why she did. I never claimed to understand her thought process. Maybe she is into S&M type things (she did whatever your imagination can conjure up with Daario[?]). Maybe she did not want to be seen as weak in her husband's, the Great Khal Drogo, eyes. Maybe she thought it would shame him in front of his people. I really have no idea why she would have. Why, is a whole new can of worms to get into. I also never said I thought it was an intelligent decision. I have only offered my opinion of whether she was raped/consented or not.

[QuaitheTheShadow]

We don't see her thinking anything like that though. What we see her thinking is that she considers suicide, so absolutely nothing of what you list is suggested in the text, quite the contrary.

It's not until after her dragon dream Dany stops being a victim and gets empowered by taking charge, before then she is very much a victim.

She's always wanted to be a good / strong queen and a good wife. Good queens produce children and have sex with their husbands.

Is that a fair standard? No. But that's probably why she was doing it.

[Lyanna Stark]

I don't know why she did. I never claimed to understand her thought process. Maybe she is into S&M type things (she did whatever your imagination can conjure up with Daario[?]). Maybe she did not want to be seen as weak in her husband's, the Great Khal Drogo, eyes. Maybe she thought it would shame him in front of his people. I really have no idea why she would have. Why, is a whole new can of worms to get into. I also never said I thought it was an intelligent decision. I have only offered my opinion of whether she was raped/consented or not.

No, but having an insight into her thought process would be absolutely necessary to know if she gave consent or not, don't you agree? You say here yourself you have absolutely no idea wht Dany is thinking, then you're making some random stuff up which is not supported by anything in the text.

Besides, regarding communicating her wishes to Drogo, at this point in time she did not speak Dothraki. How, do you think, should she have communicated this to the drunk horse lord in the middle of the night that maybe she had some doubts about whether or not they really should have sex. I'd be interested to know your creative suggestions.

She's always wanted to be a good / strong queen and a good wife. Good queens produce children and have sex with their husbands.

Is that a fair standard? No. But that's probably why she was doing it.

But that has nothing to do with whether or not it was a sexually abusive situation though. I am sure Gregor Clegane's wives also wanted to be good wives and produce children, same as Lady Hornwood. That does not change the fact that what can be done to wives can be extremely abusive acts and it can be rape, even if the two people involved were married at the time.

It's interesting that Cersei is brought up, and people agree largely that she was raped, but not Dany, yet Dany's pain seems to be far more substantial, so why is one rape, but the other not? Dany clearly made the decision to try and get a grip on her sex life and make it work, while Cersei went down another path completely.

Why does the action that followed after the inital event decide what the inital event should be called, and why can't they be viewed separately?

[QuaitheTheShadow]

But that has nothing to do with whether or not it was a sexually abusive situation though. I am sure Gregor Clegane's wives also wanted to be good wives and produce children, same as Lady Hornwood. That does not change the fact that what can be done to wives can be extremely abusive acts and it can be rape, even if the two people involved were married at the time.

It can be rape - to us anyway - modern people. I don't deny that. It's Dany's attitude that matters. Is it "I don't want to have sex with this man" or "I'm okay having sex with this man but I dread how much it hurts."

I don't think there's enough evidence to decide which she's thinking, but when she learns a non-painful way to have sex she seems to enjoy having sex with Drogo. From this I infer that the pain was the hangup - not giving herself to Drogo - which she would have done happily if it didn't hurt her.

[ishmael]

No, but having an insight into her thought process would be absolutely necessary to know if she gave consent or not, don't you agree? You say here yourself you have absolutely no idea wht Dany is thinking, then you're making some random stuff up which is not supported by anything in the text.

Besides, regarding communicating her wishes to Drogo, at this point in time she did not speak Dothraki. How, do you think, should she have communicated this to the drunk horse lord in the middle of the night that maybe she had some doubts about whether or not they really should have sex. I'd be interested to know your creative suggestions.

But that has nothing to do with whether or not it was a sexually abusive situation though. I am sure Gregor Clegane's wives also wanted to be good wives and produce children, same as Lady Hornwood. That does not change the fact that what can be done to wives can be extremely abusive acts and it can be rape, even if the two people involved were married at the time.

It's interesting that Cersei is brought up, and people agree largely that she was raped, but not Dany, yet Dany's pain seems to be far more substantial, so why is one rape, but the other not? Dany clearly made the decision to try and get a grip on her sex life and make it work, while Cersei went down another path completely.

Why does the action that followed after the inital event decide what the inital event should be called, and why can't they be viewed separately?

Nice try. But you fail. We do have insight into whether she consented or not, we do not have insight into why she consented. You asked me why I would assume she would continue to have painful sex day after day. I offered some suggestions, but ultimately I said I didn't know why she would. I never tried to imply that any of my offerings were supported by the text as you did not ask for textual support of my assumptions. We do have her thoughts prior to, during, shortly after, and long-term after the encounter(s) in question, but her thoughts do not include why she had sex with her husband. We just see that she does not in any form indicate that she is unwilling to have sex with Drogo nor does she ever feel abused or forced into the sex. Dany understands what rape is but never thinks of herself as being a rape victim.

We see from their wedding night that he understands yes and no in her language just fine, so it is not necessary for her to fully understand his language in order to communicate NO to him. You are also removing body language as a way to communicate her acceptance or denial of the sex.

There being pain after sex does not mean the sex was forced or that one party was raped. Dany already had pain prior to the sex, so it is a little hard to sell that the sex alone caused her pain. Cersei's thoughts imply that her pain is strictly from the sex and that she feels she was forced to participate. Contratst that to Dany, who never thinks or verbalizes that she was forced to participate.

Why would you disregard information about a scene no matter where in the story it is given? To imply that the pain is strictly from the sex is to ignore the describtion of how she felt after her first day of riding (and for several weeks there after) which was given within the 2 pages prior to the scene being debated. To just look at the physical act of her and Drogo having sex is to ignore the fact that she does not think that she is being forced into the act during the act or after the act. Whether all of the details about a scene are given right at the moment the scene is happening or at some other point in the story, those details still apply to that scene and have to be used to interpret that scene.

If we just look at the one scene between Asha and Q (as you are suggesting we do with Dany where we would only look at the sexual encounter and not attach any dialog or thoughts from before or after to that sexual act) then it was without doubt a rape scene as Asha clearly tells him to leave and indicates she does not want to have sex with him. But once you start incorporating more information about their relationship, the scene is colored in to look completely different than it did initially.

Take what we initially know of Jaime killing Aerys. If we just look at what we are initially given and never take Jaime's thought and feelings into consideration, which are given much later, Jamie looks really bad for killing the man he has sworn to protect. However, you have to take all circumstances related to that scene into consideration. Our opinion as readers changes when we learn that Aerys is planning to burn every innocent citizen in KL and Jamie has finally had enough of watching the Mad King hand out pain and suffering to the innocent like candy on Halloween.

[Lyanna Stark]

Why would you disregard information about a scene no matter where in the story it is given? To imply that the pain is strictly from the sex is to ignore the describtion of how she felt after her first day of riding (and for several weeks there after) which was given within the 2 pages prior to the scene being debated. To just look at the physical act of her and Drogo having sex is to ignore the fact that she does not think that she is being forced into the act during the act or after the act. Whether all of the details about a scene are given right at the moment the scene is happening or at some other point in the story, those details still apply to that scene and have to be used to interpret that scene.

OK, I think you need to explain this to me again, slowly. Really, really slowly.

If Dany was in pain, and the sex caused her more pain: why does it mean she automatically consents if she just tries to live through it. It makes no sense to me what so ever. Would you consent to having sex with someone if you were already in pain and it would cause you more pain? Would any somewhat sane person who isn't an outright masochist?

You claim I am disregarding information, but I am only reading what is there. You are the one coming up with various far fetched explanations with no support in the text. The only thing that is there is that Dany is in extreme pain, she finds the sex painful and she hides her cries and tears in her pillow. If she is in so much pain she cries out from it, it's a pretty horrendous and abusive situation.

I don't know if you know this, but a lot of real life rapes are exactly like that: the victim just tries to live through it and get out the other side. Especially if you have such a strong power dynamic of a small, defenceless woman who has been married off as chattel to a big, strong burly (and at night very drunk) barbarian warrior. How do you expect her to communicate to her in the darkness of her tent that "I am in pain, please do not". You claim he knows "No" but that's hardly enough to communicate much of anything of import. How is she supposed to use her "body language" in the dark of the night? Should she wave? Make some sort of hand signal? The whole suggestion is mind boggling.

The whole point of Dany's early arc is that she is supposed to be totally disempowered and she raises herself up and takes her own destiny in her hands. I just have no idea why people are so fearful of using the word rape, as if it's the worst thing that could possibly happen to a woman, yet 1/5th of all women in the Western world have been raped or sexually assaulted, yet we go on living our normal lives.

Nice try. But you fail. We do have insight into whether she consented or not, we do not have insight into why she consented. You asked me why I would assume she would continue to have painful sex day after day. I offered some suggestions, but ultimately I said I didn't know why she would. I never tried to imply that any of my offerings were supported by the text as you did not ask for textual support of my assumptions. We do have her thoughts prior to, during, shortly after, and long-term after the encounter(s) in question, but her thoughts do not include why she had sex with her husband.

Interesting. So you admit that you do not actually know whether she consented or not, and you also agree that you have no idea what she is thinking. You also agree that your suggestions had no link what so ever to the text.

So in other words, you made them up without understanding the character at all, is that a fair interpretation?

We just see that she does not in any form indicate that she is unwilling to have sex with Drogo nor does she ever feel abused or forced into the sex. Dany understands what rape is but never thinks of herself as being a rape victim

So it is your meaning here that when she is in so much pain that she thinks she wants to end her life, she does not feel abused? I find that a really strange interpretation.

[RhaenysBee]

If you withheld consent yes. It doesn't matter if they were the best twelve orgasms of your life, you were raped.

But Daenerys did NOT withhold her consent. And okay, I know people will flay me for this, but if it was the best twelve orgasms of one's life and she's happy about it afterwards, won't the concept rape lose its meaning? I mean rape is (without trying to make up a proper definition) bad, and if you don't feel about something OH, that was horrible, can it still be named as a bad thing such as rape?

The problem is, people aren't always sane or know what's in their best interests. A lot of people, especially men, will not admit they were raped, they would rather pretend to have some say in the issue to maintain some sort of power over the situation.A lot of them want to pretend it never happened and just go on with their lives. And a possible rapist could walk free. And rape again. That's the main concern of the government here. If she goes up there and says that she gave consent then there wouldn't be any rape, but most likely the person was rationalising the issue away if they were forced to the stand.

But what about personality rights? A story. My friend got married about a month ago and for her hen party another friend bought her a pink edible pantie. She went to a furniture store next (I won't say the name) and packed her stuff (the edible pantie and some coke or other thing) into the lockers in the front. When she returned, her stuff was gone and the security guard said nothing can be done because there are no security cameras in the store in order to protect personality rights. WHERE is that a sane thing? I do understand people don't often know their best interests, but a case of rape is a private and intimate enough thing for an assumed victim to have word in the case. I mean it was HER body.

[Lyanna Stark]

But Daenerys did NOT withhold her consent.

We're not talking about her wedding night, we're talking about the subsequent nights and that consent is not universal.

[RhaenysBee]

We're not talking about her wedding night, we're talking about the subsequent nights and that consent is not universal.

I know you are talking about that, but it was not what I responded to. That conversation had different roots.

As for her wedding night and the subsequent nights... Once she gave her consent she was not like to withdraw it, was she? Humm, I changed my mind, you took my virginity, I'm your wife, but no, you can't touch me. And I still believe that Daenerys knew perfectly well what modern fans just can't comprehend. She was Drogo's wife and he was her husband and she had no right to refuse having sex with him just as he had every right to have sex with her in the fashion of his own culture. Because that was the custom. Drogo knew, Daenerys knew, Viserys knew, Jorah knew, everyone knew. Why can't we understand too?

Also. That's so typical for modern society. Especially first world people. Getting accustomed to something you don't like at first (a job, a marriage, a class, a dress, a new college) is biologically part of our lives. Not some evil higher conspiracy to deprive us from our personality rights, our self-realization. Every time we encounter something that's not to our liking we go raving about it and start throwing legal terms and threats and offenses to find a loophole and evolve accommodating to something and do our duty. Daenerys would have never became the Mother of Dragons if she gave up trying at the first difficulty. She clutched her teeth, pulled herself together and got accustomed to Dothraki ways, so much that she grew to love her husband. That's what we are supposed to respect about her. And here, we are given a beautiful love story that bloomed from a strained marriage and came to a tragic end. What do we do? We don't say, hey that's so nice, Dany is such a brave girl and how well it all turned out! No. We post hundreds of comments trying to prove it's an ugly thing. That all their relationship is rape and Stockholm Syndrome. Do we all feel bound to destroy everything that's nice? Or are we just envious deep down?

Same thing with Bah, surely Rhaegar was a bloody emo rapist who abducted Lyanna. Please. It's a love story. You know, the princes runs away with the princess and live in a tower happily and have children. Love story. Not rape.

[Lyanna Stark]

I know you are talking about that, but it was not what I responded to. That conversation had different roots.

As for her wedding night and the subsequent nights... Once she gave her consent she was not like to withdraw it, was she? Humm, I changed my mind, you took my virginity, I'm your wife, but no, you can't touch me. And I still believe that Daenerys knew perfectly well what modern fans just can't comprehend. She was Drogo's wife and he was her husband and she had no right to refuse having sex with him just as he had every right to have sex with her in the fashion of his own culture. Because that was the custom. Drogo knew, Daenerys knew, Viserys knew, Jorah knew, everyone knew. Why can't we understand too?

My comprehension is perfectly fine thank you very much.

If you think marital rape was cool with everyone, check how embarrassed Robert Baratheon was when Cersei told him he hurt her when he forced himself on her.

What is legal (a wife cannot refuse her husband) is different from what is right.

Another example is how the Northmen react to fake!Arya being married to Ramsay and they hear her scream, and not from pleasure. They are upset and angry, because they feel it's not right. Clearly, as Ramsay's wife, she cannot withdraw consent according to you, yet for the people with any sort of moral compass, sexual violence and assault isn't accepted. The Westerosi clearly view it as abominable that fake!Arya is being subjected to sexual violence and rape, hence it is not accepted nor encouraged.

I would also ask you, Dany knew what it meant you claim, she may have, but I ask you: did she have any choice in the matter at all? She was married to Drogo since Viserys wanted an army. What Dany wanted or not had no bearing on anything. In fact, Viserys threatens her that if she does not please Drogo, he will have the entire Khalasaar fuck her or something similarly gallant. I think it's safe to say the pressure on Dany to not withdraw consent even if she would want to is considerable.

No. We post hundreds of comments trying to prove it's an ugly thing. That all their relationship is rape and Stockholm Syndrome.

I don't think you've read a single post I've made. The reason Dany can become strong and empowered is because in the beginning, she is a victim. If she is strong and empowered from the beginning....how can she become strong and empowered? She already IS.

The whole notion that Drogo needs whitewashing is also totally ridiculous.

[Qhorin Halfhand and Yoren]

After rethinking it, I think that Danny might had been raped but the one responsible was mostly Viserys and to a less extend Drogo especially in light of Drogo's behavior in their first night. As Viserys threats convinced Danny to go along with a marriage and a relationship she did not want, so finally this does explain her relationship with Drogo, in a better way. If Viserys did not force her through it, she wouldn't have to be with Drogo or have to consent in the first night. Through Drogo and her own confidence, she surpasses the true menace in her life, Viserys and finally finds someone who respects and loves her. If we move most of the responsibility for Danny's victimization to Viserys or at least imagine that this is how Danny perceived things, her subsequent reactions make more sense.

[ishmael]

OK, I think you need to explain this to me again, slowly. Really, really slowly.

If Dany was in pain, and the sex caused her more pain: why does it mean she automatically consents if she just tries to live through it. It makes no sense to me what so ever. Would you consent to having sex with someone if you were already in pain and it would cause you more pain? Would any somewhat sane person who isn't an outright masochist?

You claim I am disregarding information, but I am only reading what is there. You are the one coming up with various far fetched explanations with no support in the text. The only thing that is there is that Dany is in extreme pain, she finds the sex painful and she hides her cries and tears in her pillow. If she is in so much pain she cries out from it, it's a pretty horrendous and abusive situation.

I don't know if you know this, but a lot of real life rapes are exactly like that: the victim just tries to live through it and get out the other side. Especially if you have such a strong power dynamic of a small, defenceless woman who has been married off as chattel to a big, strong burly (and at night very drunk) barbarian warrior. How do you expect her to communicate to her in the darkness of her tent that "I am in pain, please do not". You claim he knows "No" but that's hardly enough to communicate much of anything of import. How is she supposed to use her "body language" in the dark of the night? Should she wave? Make some sort of hand signal? The whole suggestion is mind boggling.

The whole point of Dany's early arc is that she is supposed to be totally disempowered and she raises herself up and takes her own destiny in her hands. I just have no idea why people are so fearful of using the word rape, as if it's the worst thing that could possibly happen to a woman, yet 1/5th of all women in the Western world have been raped or sexually assaulted, yet we go on living our normal lives.

Interesting. So you admit that you do not actually know whether she consented or not, and you also agree that you have no idea what she is thinking. You also agree that your suggestions had no link what so ever to the text.

So in other words, you made them up without understanding the character at all, is that a fair interpretation?

So it is your meaning here that when she is in so much pain that she thinks she wants to end her life, she does not feel abused? I find that a really strange interpretation.

I don't know why it is so hard for you to understand. She either says no and/or indicates by her actions that she does not want to have sex with Drogo or she says yes and/or indicates by her actions that she is okay with having sex with Drogo. After her wedding night she does not verbalize any consent or non-consent, but she does not try to fight Drogo off or indicate to him that she is not willing to have sex with him. Her willingness to participate is her consent. This is supported by her lack of feelings of shame/guilt or any thoughts of herself as being a victim or having been forced to participate or being a victim of rape.

The pain has nothing to do with it being rape or not. The pain is not from the sex. The pain is exacerbate by the sex, but the sex is not the cause of the pain. We are given enough information to determine that she did non-verbally give her consent. This is supported by the thoughts that we a given through her point of view throughout the story. We are not given any information as to why she consented. I ddin't write the book, so I cannot help you with the why. The book is fairly clear that she did not refuse the nightly sex. It's right there in black and white. Read it again and quote to me where it says that she communicated her non-consent to the nightly sex. Show from the text that she communicated or tried to communicate her unwillingness to have sex with her husband. Show from the text where it says she has thoughts that she was forced to have sex with Drogo.

She could push him away. She could not be so pliant when he is obviously moving her into position to have sex with her. She could have used her voice and said NO. No is suddenly not a valuable or meaningful word? He knows what it means. She knows what it means. It still has the exact same meaning in a tent as it did out in the moon light. From her side of the story (since she is who we get all of our information from), never indicates that she does anything or has any thought that she does not want to participate.

I don't know why you are so desperate to label it rape. I am not affraid of using that term when it is applicable, but in this case it just does not apply.

You keep asking one question then trying to take the answer to that question and twist it to support a completely different issue and stance. I don't know WHY she consented. I do know from her side of the story that she DID consent, because she never thinks or voices the opinion that she was forced into the sex. Whether she consented is a different issue from why did she consent. See that, did she and why did she. Two different questions. I've answered whether I believe she did, several times, but sadly have to admit that I cannot read the author's mind to give the reason(s) why she did. I can watch someone jump off a bridge and can tell you that yes they jumped off the bridge, but I may never be able to tell you WHY they jumped off the bridge.

I do know whether she consented or not. To me it is plainly obvious right there in the text. Yes, I do know what she was thinking and also what she wasn't thinking because it is in the text. The chapter was from her POV, which gives us her thoughts and beliefs on the situations around her and also what she does and doesn't do.

The quote you pulled out there to support your view point is concerning WHY she consented. The text does not give us any indication WHY she consented, so any thought on the WHY would be speculation. You asked for my assumptions as to WHY she consented. That was all I gave you. Us knowing and understanding WHY she consented does not change the fact that she did consent.

There is more going on with her than just the pain and the sex. It was the whole lifestyle change and the multitude of hardships associated with living the Dothraki lifestyle. She grew up on the run, but had spent a while living in Illyrio's spacious and comfortable home. Now she was riding a horse all day(the primary cause of all of her pain), out in th sun and/or elements without any protection other than the clothes she was wearing, she was not eating the same quality of food she was used to, she was sleeping in a tent on the ground rather than a bed, and at this point she does not any friends (JM is the closest thing to a friend) but she is normally alone. There are additional issues, but that is the quick easy list. All of this factors into her desire to be out of her misery. Yes, the sex is painful and also contributes to her despair, but she does not make any claims that the pain following the sex is her only reason for thinking of suicide as an option. There are several paragraphs (don't have the book with me at this time to give you an exact count) that detail the hardships she is encountering. Yes, the sex is painful, but it is not the only cause of her pain.

[Lyanna Stark]

I don't know why it is so hard for you to understand. She either says no and/or indicates by her actions that she does not want to have sex with Drogo or she says yes and/or indicates by her actions that she is okay with having sex with Drogo. After her wedding night she does not verbalize any consent or non-consent, but she does not try to fight Drogo off or indicate to him that she is not willing to have sex with him. Her willingness to participate is her consent.

What willingness does she show?

The willingness you are talking about is an absence of fighting him off. I've asked you before: how, logically, should Dany have fought him off, or refused him? Remember that Viserys threatened her before that if she didn't do what Viserys wanted and pleased the Khal, Viserys would give her to the entire Khalasaar. Who should she turn to for help when she was going to "fight him off"? Her brother? Jorah Mormont?

Or do you think a 13 year old girl should have wrestled Khal Drogo and won?

Dany's rise to empowerment is remarkable, to the point of being nearly unbelievable. But as I stated before, she has to be a victim first for that to happen. You want her to not be a victim, and to not have been the victim of sexual violence. Unfortunately for that type of viewpoint, the novel shows that she was both.

[Mumatil]

Hmm... I think it would be hard to prove that just because she eventually grew accustomed to the practice and gradually enjoyed it does NOT mean that the first time wasn't nonconsentual. She would have LOVED to have said "no," but like oh-so-many college-age girls, the reality is that "no" isn't going to be an acceptable answer. She knew this and reluctantly gave-in. By modern standards, that's rape.

This is medieval times and not relevant to modern standards.

[ishmael]

Another example is how the Northmen react to fake!Arya being married to Ramsay and they hear her scream, and not from pleasure. They are upset and angry, because they feel it's not right. Clearly, as Ramsay's wife, she cannot withdraw consent according to you, yet for the people with any sort of moral compass, sexual violence and assault isn't accepted. The Westerosi clearly view it as abominable that fake!Arya is being subjected to sexual violence and rape, hence it is not accepted nor encouraged.

I would also ask you, Dany knew what it meant you claim, she may have, but I ask you: did she have any choice in the matter at all? She was married to Drogo since Viserys wanted an army. What Dany wanted or not had no bearing on anything. In fact, Viserys threatens her that if she does not please Drogo, he will have the entire Khalasaar fuck her or something similarly gallant. I think it's safe to say the pressure on Dany to not withdraw consent even if she would want to is considerable.

I don't think you've read a single post I've made. The reason Dany can become strong and empowered is because in the beginning, she is a victim. If she is strong and empowered from the beginning....how can she become strong and empowered? She already IS.

The whole notion that Drogo needs whitewashing is also totally ridiculous.

Ramsay is a bad example. Everyone in that castle knows he is a sick, twisted, and extremely violent individual, not because of the culture he is raised in, but because he wants to be and likes it. They realize that she is most likely screaming not because he is having sex with her, but because he is torturing her in some twisted way.

V says that he would let all 40000 F#%@ her if it got him his kingdom back.

She was a victim under Viserys. We expected her to become a victim under the warlord Khal Drogo, but this is where GRRM turns our expectations upside down. She becomes empowered once she married. It takes a little time for her to adapt to the lifestyle, but it happens. You've got it right that she was a victim, but who treats her as a victim and who treat her as a Queen, for lack of a better word.

[mor2]

V says that he would let all 40000 F#%@ her if it got him his kingdom back.

Btw by ASOIAF standard that would not be rape...

[Biglose]

The problem is, that the whole story makes you want to shake your head...

It is just implausible to begin with.

Dany gets married off in the hope that Drogo is this fucking stupid to afterwards cross over and attack Kings Landing.

(In Short: Barbarians with no sense of tactics nor any experiance with armor. They probably would have been slaughtered as soon as the clashed with their first real army. Considering they were not even familiar with the terrain...)

The whole development is kind of silly. The empowerment, the change in the relationship, the view on the relationship (stockholm syndrom is really just the tip of the iceberg here)..

At least Drogo got killed, ending this extreamly deranged situation.

@mor2

I suspect you are jocking...