Stannis humor

[Cynthia Snow]

I just watched the second season's bonus histories, and the History of Dragonstone, narrated by Stannis, has a great Stannis quote about Dragon glass.

"The Targaryens called this sharp substance Dragon Glass. I called it useless". You have to hear how he delivers the line after the set up, it's perfect Stannis humor.

Stannis had so much snark in these! Having just read this whole wonderful thread, I decide to rewatch them and pick out some of Stannis's most brilliant comments. Stannis truly does tell it like it is! And Stephen Dillane's delivery is pure brilliance.

From the History of Dragonstone:

Talking about how nobody knows why the Targaryens left Valyria:

"Westeros was a filthy backwater with seven kings squabbling over borders and minor glories. So much for progress."

Talking about the building of the castle of Dragonstone:

"Simpletons claim they used ancient Valyrian sorcery, forgetting that the Targaryens brought a small army with them from Essos. There's no magic in strong backs."

Talking about how Dragonstone was a good place to mount an invasion:

"The lands there were disputed by three kingdoms... but their capitals were far enough away that none could mount a force before Aegon got a foothold, even if their kings had been able to stop bickering over whose problem he was."

History of the Greyjoy Rebellion:

Starts off with:

"Though Robert has risked all our lives to win it, the Iron Throne bored him... If it weren't women or wineskins, he had no use for it."

Talking about how Robert turned enemies into friends:

"In rebelling against the Iron Throne, Lord Balon did more than Robert ever could to cement his rule."

About the siege of Pyke:

"Robert would later boast of the battle's bloodiness and how he could have torn down the island into the waves if Lord Balon hadn't bent the knee. But if I'd have led the assault, Balon's neck would have bent. Under a sword."

[EstEst]

:bowdown: Thanks everyone for posting the quotes from the History of Dragonstone! I didn't watch it.

[Lady Meera Reed]

Stannis had so much snark in these! Having just read this whole wonderful thread, I decide to rewatch them and pick out some of Stannis's most brilliant comments. Stannis truly does tell it like it is! And Stephen Dillane's delivery is pure brilliance.

<snip for length>

:agree: esp. about Stephen's delivery.

And lol the quotes you posted are awesome, all hail the King of Snark! :lol: I gotta get the s3 dvds, even just for the History & Lore features. :D

[Bronn Urgandy]

Stannis vs Roose convo has to happen, how does the slimey Bolton deal with the unflinching stonewall hardass that is Stannis Baratheon? You can imagine him trying to weasel his way out of something, or putting on his calm demenour, all the while Stannis sits there and brazenly throws insults in his face.

I also love the idea that Stannis is cracking up at his own wit internally, it makes everything he's said even funnier and I wasn't sure that was possible.

[Undead Ned With No Head]

What about season 2 "we ate the cats and the dogs never liked cats that was fine"

[StannisandDaeny]

I also love the idea that Stannis is cracking up at his own wit internally, it makes everything he's said even funnier and I wasn't sure that was possible.

Speaking as someone who is very much like Stannis I can confirm this is very well possible :P It's difficult to describe, but when you're pretty pissed off, you start seeing things in a different perspective, allowing you to make such dark, sarcastic jokes differently than you would otherwise. You do kind of smirk inwardly at them, but it's different from when you would normally make jokes. I guess you could be trying to show people you're not all bad and humourless by doing this, but since you feel bad yourself you're not looking very happy while making those jokes.

[Chatty Duelist]

Rise o thread from the dead, thou must amuse people anew.

[Bronn Urgandy]

The thing about Stannis humour is that, if he has ONE thing in common with Robert, its that there is nobody in Westeros that can make him hold his tongue. A good example would be when Cersie remembers the man who made a joke about Lord Tywin shitting gold, and Tywin stared that man down, now contrast that to the cat snatching a quale out of Tywin's hands and Robert laughing full on in his face, imagine the absurdness of Tywin trying to intimidate Robert Baratheon in that situation, or in any situation. Robert would tell him where to go.

Its much the same with Stannis, he says whats on his mind and anybody that doesn't like it can be damned, people like Jaime and Tyrion hold back, whether they're trying to curry favour, not to upset somebody (especially Tywin) but Stannis just, well, he doesn't care. Would Tyrion have been half so blunt with Janos Slynt if he didn't hold all the cards? Thats another thing that makes Stannis flat out hilarious, it wouldn't bother him in the least.

[Lady Fevre Dream]

Stannis had so much snark in these! Having just read this whole wonderful thread, I decide to rewatch them and pick out some of Stannis's most brilliant comments. Stannis truly does tell it like it is! And Stephen Dillane's delivery is pure brilliance.

From the History of Dragonstone:

Talking about how nobody knows why the Targaryens left Valyria:

"Westeros was a filthy backwater with seven kings squabbling over borders and minor glories. So much for progress."

Talking about the building of the castle of Dragonstone:

"Simpletons claim they used ancient Valyrian sorcery, forgetting that the Targaryens brought a small army with them from Essos. There's no magic in strong backs."

Talking about how Dragonstone was a good place to mount an invasion:

"The lands there were disputed by three kingdoms... but their capitals were far enough away that none could mount a force before Aegon got a foothold, even if their kings had been able to stop bickering over whose problem he was."

History of the Greyjoy Rebellion:

Starts off with:

"Though Robert has risked all our lives to win it, the Iron Throne bored him... If it weren't women or wineskins, he had no use for it."

Talking about how Robert turned enemies into friends:

"In rebelling against the Iron Throne, Lord Balon did more than Robert ever could to cement his rule."

About the siege of Pyke:

"Robert would later boast of the battle's bloodiness and how he could have torn down the island into the waves if Lord Balon hadn't bent the knee. But if I'd have led the assault, Balon's neck would have bent. Under a sword."

I definately need to take a look at this bit. I have the dvds, but may just run on over to youtube. Thanks, these sound great. :lmao:

[aceluby]

The thing about Stannis humour is that, if he has ONE thing in common with Robert, its that there is nobody in Westeros that can make him hold his tongue. A good example would be when Cersie remembers the man who made a joke about Lord Tywin shitting gold, and Tywin stared that man down, now contrast that to the cat snatching a quale out of Tywin's hands and Robert laughing full on in his face, imagine the absurdness of Tywin trying to intimidate Robert Baratheon in that situation, or in any situation. Robert would tell him where to go.

Its much the same with Stannis, he says whats on his mind and anybody that doesn't like it can be damned, people like Jaime and Tyrion hold back, whether they're trying to curry favour, not to upset somebody (especially Tywin) but Stannis just, well, he doesn't care. Would Tyrion have been half so blunt with Janos Slynt if he didn't hold all the cards? Thats another thing that makes Stannis flat out hilarious, it wouldn't bother him in the least.

Where are you getting this? Is he known for speaking his mind? No. He's known for grinding his teeth and being hard as iron. Not only that, but Jaime and Tyrion have POV's so we know they are holding back, we have none of Stannis, so there is absolutely nothing to support your theory that he never holds anything back. Not to mention he's the damn king, expects to be treated like one, and will imprison you or burn you if you challenge that power. He doesn't hold all the cards? Yeah right.

The only thing worse than the constant barrage of Stannis fanfic is Sansa's ship fic.

And I LOVE the Stannis quips above, they are great, but they are far and few between in the actual novels. He's no Edd, that's for sure.

[The Crow's Third Eye]

YES.

I don't know how anyone can say that Stannis is humorless. He really does have a terrific dry wit.

"Robert could piss in a cup and men would call it wine, but I offer them cold clear water and they squint in suspicion and mutter to each other about how queer it tastes."

"Weddings have become more perilous than battles, it would seem."

And I love how he gives the lords their own little nicknames. Lord Too-Fat-to-Sit-a-Horse, Ser Stupid, etc.

I agree, the nicknames are hilarious. Although Wyman actually refers to himself (to Bran at the Harvest Feast iirc?) as too fat to sit a horse. But ibagree stannis is great with his dry wit

[Bronn Urgandy]

Where are you getting this? Is he known for speaking his mind? No. He's known for grinding his teeth and being hard as iron. Not only that, but Jaime and Tyrion have POV's so we know they are holding back, we have none of Stannis, so there is absolutely nothing to support your theory that he never holds anything back. Not to mention he's the damn king, expects to be treated like one, and will imprison you or burn you if you challenge that power. He doesn't hold all the cards? Yeah right.

The only thing worse than the constant barrage of Stannis fanfic is Sansa's ship fic.

And I LOVE the Stannis quips above, they are great, but they are far and few between in the actual novels. He's no Edd, that's for sure.

To be fair, first chapter we ever meet Stannis, Maester Cressen says "Lord Stannis wasn't one to soften his speech, he said what was on his mind and those that didn't like it can be damned" He pretty much condemns himself with his own mouth as in practically every chapter he says something that ought to piss someone off, by holding all the cards I meant that Tyrion was setting Slynt up to fall as he already had plans in motion to send the man to the wall.

All the evidence we have of Stannis, points to a man that isn't bothered what he says, or to whom. First thing he says to Jon Snow is "your brother was a traitor and got what was coming to him." So yeah, I think my assumption might be a bit accurate.

As to Edd, I love Edd.

[Blutraven]

Not related to the thread, but does anyone have a source saying that D&D hate Stannis?

I would post one of my favourite Stan lines but he has too many to choose from.

[Chatty Duelist]

Not related to the thread, but does anyone have a source saying that D&D hate Stannis?

I would post one of my favourite Stan lines but he has too many to choose from.

Here's one.

Here's two.

These guys disgust me honestly. It's not a coincidence that all of Stannis's redeeming qualities and best lines have been wiped from the show.

[Blutraven]

I'm still going to wait until next season until I make my mind up on whether skis Stannis is ruined. S2 Stannis was pretty much book Stannis, they didn't find him all of his classic lines but he still ha add some great ones that book Stannis would probably say. We don't see much of Stannis in the part of aSoS so we don't know what he did our didn't do, I'm annoyed about him being so ready to kill Gendric Storm and Davos though. I didn't really like Stannis until he went to the wall which all be seeing next season.

As I said earlier (I think it was on this thread), I think the point of Stannis is to make an originally unusable character likable and vice-versa with Dany. It's possible they're doing this on the show as well but making our more exaggerated.

[Sansa_Stark]

Here's one.

Here's two.

These guys disgust me honestly. It's not a coincidence that all of Stannis's redeeming qualities and best lines have been wiped from the show.

:bang:

And they like Dany.

They probably just think she's good because she's hot.

[Chatty Duelist]

I'm still going to wait until next season until I make my mind up on whether skis Stannis is ruined. S2 Stannis was pretty much book Stannis, they didn't find him all of his classic lines but he still ha add some great ones that book Stannis would probably say. We don't see much of Stannis in the part of aSoS so we don't know what he did our didn't do, I'm annoyed about him being so ready to kill Gendric Storm and Davos though. I didn't really like Stannis until he went to the wall which all be seeing next season.

As I said earlier (I think it was on this thread), I think the point of Stannis is to make an originally unusable character likable and vice-versa with Dany. It's possible they're doing this on the show as well but making our more exaggerated.

Renly's peach is nowhere to be found and you don't see Stannis ever seems conflicted about the issue of Gendry. Proudwing is forgotten.

Heck you don't see Stannis feel remorse for killing (albeit indirectly) Renly.

And they missed such a good opportunity to slip in this:

(About Margaery)

Renly:"You'll be pleased to know she came to me a maid," Stannis replies, "In your bed she's like to die that way."

[Blutraven]

Renly's peach is nowhere to be found and you don't see Stannis ever seems conflicted about the issue of Gendry. Proudwing is forgotten.

Heck you don't see Stannis feel remorse for killing (albeit indirectly) Renly.

And they missed such a good opportunity to slip in this:

(About Margaery)

Renly:"You'll be pleased to know she came to me a maid," Stannis replies, "In your bed she's like to die that way."

He felt remorse about Renly in episode 10. I agree with you about the peach but it's not a character defining moment.

The Proudwing story can still be included, he could tell it to Jon as they start to get to know each other.

I agree, that's a great line but they probably didn't want anything that could be construed as homophobia.

[Sansa_Stark]

Did Stannis say anything like

"Lord Veltigar would find the contents of my chamber pot admirable" or something like that in the show?

[Blutraven]

Did Stannis say anything like

"Lord Veltigar would find the contents of my chamber pot admirable" or something like that in the show?

No. Show Stannis isn't as good as book Stannis, I'm saying the character hasn't been ruined like a lot of people say so.