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What REALLY happened to Rickon Stark?


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I think we've been going on about this "Where's Rickon" business the wrong way. We've guessed all the obscure locations such as Skagos...while he is really right in front on us. Let me explain: Rickon Stark, while running from Theon, encountered Wyman Manderly. Wyman, who had secretly always wanted to be free, switched places with Rickon, and took a ship North of the Wall, becoming The Great Walrus with the help of Osha. Rickon then cleverly disguised himself as Manderly in order to get revenge for his family. Shaggydog operates a mechanism in his fake "belly" which operates larger legs. However, this is awkward and difficult, leading to Manderly often refusing to get up, as demonstrated in ADWD.

You might be questioning: how would Rickon have the voice and intelligence/knowledge to pull this off? Well, that traces back to Rickon's disputed heritage, which I call T + E = R. This near proved theory goes like this: Rhaegar never actually fathered any children with Elia of Dorne; Elia was actually, with Rhaegar's consent, having an affair with Tyrion Lannister. Rhaegar only wanted Lyanna. Now, when Ned supposedly picked up Jon, he was really picking up Rickon, Elia and Tyrions lovechild, at the Tower of Joy. Jon, meanwhile, was actually Ned's trueborn child with Catelyn, whom they switched with Rickon. However, being a midget like his father, they hid him in the Vale with Jon Arryn, until Catelyn gave birth to SweetRobin, and they switched babies again (Sweetrobin was then switched with Aegon, of course). Rickon is actually playing the part of an ignorant child, but is really a secret dwarf. No one ever caught on, not even Catelyn.

This knowledge in mind, it becomes obvious that Tyrion's child would know that the best place to hide was plain sight, and that no one would expect him becoming Manderly, and it would allow him to avenge the Red Wedding of his adopted brothers, and also avenge his parents. It is known.

Now, it's important to remember that I never said that Rickon wasn't Rickon. Only that Rickon is a Dornish Lannister midget bastard masquerading as a fat nobleman in a mechanical suit operated by a direwolf.

That's right. You were just Rickon-rolled.

Don't even get me started on R + L = Yoren.

Can I hear an AMEN?

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There is also breaking new theories that Rickon and Khal Drogo are, in fact, the same person. I mean, it's been five books now and those two characters have never been in the same room, coincidence?

I'd also just like to take this moment for us all to confirm our acknowledgement of Hot Pie as the Secret Targaryen Heir. Everyone got that, right?

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Not even the least bit amusing. You failed to even elicit a smirk - and arguably caused me to grimace in my complete lack of merriment. I'm sure you can do much better than this. The real challenge is to make it slightly plausible yet keeping it utterly ridiculous, thereby enducing responses from those unaware of your cunning plot. You will then have many responses to which you can dedicate hours of further debate, prolonging the enjoyment you could have had when creating this post. Alas its potential has been wasted.

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Wait wait wait... are you really suggesting that Loras Tyrell is the fourth Baratheon brother, and therefore him and Renly are just keeping up to the incest tradition which is in the genes they inherited from Rahelle?

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Hey! Hey you!

Shut up!

Who are you anyway? Bet you don't get any SALLY-ON-THE-SIDE with that kind of Stannis/Twin esque humour. You're about as good at appreciating good comedy as Varys' withered scrotum. You are a bender, it is known.

Omg this is sooooooooooo funny!!!!!

We should date tbh

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Wait wait wait... are you really suggesting that Loras Tyrell is the fourth Baratheon brother, and therefore him and Renly are just keeping up to the incest tradition which is in the genes they inherited from Rahelle?

Silly boy, everyone knows Hot Pie is the 4th Baratheon Brother. Why do you think he hanged out with Gendry? Because he wanted to protect his nephew. And why was he in Cersei's walk of shame? Because he couldn't resist the idea of seeing the bitch pay for the murder of his brother. It is known.

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So, coming back to this whole Jon/Mance romance (I got this idea from a contemporary of mine, and the two of us studied the matter extensively before arriving at the same conclusion), I shall now list the arguments for it.

Lets take this step-by-step, shall we?

*AHEM*

When Ygritte meets Jon, one of the first things she tells him is:

Quote:

“I’m Jon Snow.”

She flinched. “An evil name",

Why an evil name? Jon thinks it's because "Snow" is a bastard name but we later find out that Wildlings do not have any moral qualms about bastards. Keep it in mind.

Next, she tells him the story of Bael the Bard and how he stole a daughter of Winterfell.

Next comes this exchange:

Quote:

“You never killed a woman before, did you?” When he shook his head, she said, “We die the same as men. But you don’t need to do it. Mance would take you, I know he would. "

Why though? She can't surely believe that Mance'd agree to take in a green boy, too soft to kill a known enemy?

Unless of course Mance has a weakness for long, slender bastards.

It is revealed that Mance was present at WF when King Robert came to fetch Ned and that he sang for the feast. It is not too much of a stretch to assume that he saw Jon

Now, I put it to you that Mance was smitten by Jon, that he came back and talked about him. Perhaps he fell for Dalla on the rebound and is not really in love. Hence Ygritte's remarking that it's an evil name. Then her avowal that that Mance would welcome Jon.

Not much on it's own, but there's more.

Then, when he first meets Mance, Tormund mentions that

Quote:

“See, lad, that’s why he’s king and I’m not. I can outdrink, outfight, and outsing him, and my member’s thrice the size o’ his, but Mance has cunning."

I shall make just two minor points:

  • Wildling rarely undress given the fierce cold, so Tormund's having had an opportunity to make a comparison is interesting.
  • One of his titles is Hornblower.

Then Mance tells Jon that he knows his face, having seen him twice. Once as a crow when Jon was a child and once at the aforementioned feast.

There is also Mance's continuing to trust Jon, despite finding out that the boy's been lying to him.

Quote:

“Crow,” the Magnar warned, “do not take me for Mance Rayder. If you lie to me, I will have your tongue as he should have.”

So says Jarl. There is a general feeling that Mance won't harm the boy-why? Wildlings, like the Dothraki respect strength-if this was how Mance usually dealt with the freefolk, he'd not be a king for long. Furthermore, the fact that he says "as he (Mance) should have" indicates that, perhaps, Mance had been planning to "have his tongue," but hadn't quite worked up the courage, and had been too bashful.

Quote

“The Mance’s pet must want a sword,” the Magnar said, shading his eyes.

It is recognised that Mance has a special "thing" for Jon. However, my only difficulty with accepting their relationship is that I just don't see Jon cheating on Satin with the Mance. My whole picture of the character is based on their monogamy. A monogamy that that... that.... Sally-on-the-side YGRITTE polluted when Jon was obligated to do "all that was asked."

So, what can I say? Mance certainly seems to be harbouring feelings for Jon, even if they're not reciprocated

Huh, what do you even think Mance is short for? I'll tell you, Romance.

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<snip> Hot Pie as the Secret Targaryen Heir. Everyone got that, right?

If you rearrange the letters in "hot pie" you get "the poi" and everyone knows poi is an island staple and tastes perfectly aweful. Now we all know what an island is and a staple is a fastener. So Island Fast or Island Fortress. And that leads us to Dragonstone the island fortress. Dragon stones are dragon eggs, naturally. And thus Egg or Aegon.

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But Hodor is obviously an ancient word for "I am a Dragon", and will morph into the biggest dragon the world has ever seen, hence him saying Hodor so often North of the Wall, as he is unfamiliar with such a cold climate.

Ulitmately Hodor will turn into a Massive ass Dragon and just look at Drogon Viserion and Rhaegal and utter two words "Bitch, please", and destroy everyone and every thing.

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So, coming back to this whole Jon/Mance romance (I got this idea from a contemporary of mine, and the two of us studied the matter extensively before arriving at the same conclusion), I shall now list the arguments for it.

Lets take this step-by-step, shall we?

*AHEM*

When Ygritte meets Jon, one of the first things she tells him is:

Quote:

“I’m Jon Snow.”

She flinched. “An evil name",

Why an evil name? Jon thinks it's because "Snow" is a bastard name but we later find out that Wildlings do not have any moral qualms about bastards. Keep it in mind.

Next, she tells him the story of Bael the Bard and how he stole a daughter of Winterfell.

Next comes this exchange:

Quote:

“You never killed a woman before, did you?” When he shook his head, she said, “We die the same as men. But you don’t need to do it. Mance would take you, I know he would. "

Why though? She can't surely believe that Mance'd agree to take in a green boy, too soft to kill a known enemy?

Unless of course Mance has a weakness for long, slender bastards.

It is revealed that Mance was present at WF when King Robert came to fetch Ned and that he sang for the feast. It is not too much of a stretch to assume that he saw Jon

Now, I put it to you that Mance was smitten by Jon, that he came back and talked about him. Perhaps he fell for Dalla on the rebound and is not really in love. Hence Ygritte's remarking that it's an evil name. Then her avowal that that Mance would welcome Jon.

Not much on it's own, but there's more.

Then, when he first meets Mance, Tormund mentions that

Quote:

“See, lad, that’s why he’s king and I’m not. I can outdrink, outfight, and outsing him, and my member’s thrice the size o’ his, but Mance has cunning."

I shall make just two minor points:

  • Wildling rarely undress given the fierce cold, so Tormund's having had an opportunity to make a comparison is interesting.
  • One of his titles is Hornblower.

Then Mance tells Jon that he knows his face, having seen him twice. Once as a crow when Jon was a child and once at the aforementioned feast.

There is also Mance's continuing to trust Jon, despite finding out that the boy's been lying to him.

Quote:

“Crow,” the Magnar warned, “do not take me for Mance Rayder. If you lie to me, I will have your tongue as he should have.”

So says Jarl. There is a general feeling that Mance won't harm the boy-why? Wildlings, like the Dothraki respect strength-if this was how Mance usually dealt with the freefolk, he'd not be a king for long. Furthermore, the fact that he says "as he (Mance) should have" indicates that, perhaps, Mance had been planning to "have his tongue," but hadn't quite worked up the courage, and had been too bashful.

Quote

“The Mance’s pet must want a sword,” the Magnar said, shading his eyes.

It is recognised that Mance has a special "thing" for Jon. However, my only difficulty with accepting their relationship is that I just don't see Jon cheating on Satin with the Mance. My whole picture of the character is based on their monogamy. A monogamy that that... that.... Sally-on-the-side YGRITTE polluted when Jon was obligated to do "all that was asked."

So, what can I say? Mance certainly seems to be harbouring
feelings
for Jon, even if they're not reciprocated

Huh, what do you even think Mance is short for? I'll tell you,
Ro
mance.

Good work. To think, we almost never would have known about this had you not connected the dots.
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