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Funniest Moments and/or Phrases in the Books


Iron-born

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Two quotes from Dolorous Edd in the prologue of Storm

"Nothing ever goes missing that they don't look at me, ever since that time I lost my horse. As if that could be helped. He was white and it was snowing, what did they expect?"

(When Sam's practicing with a bow and hits a tree) "Might have punctured a lung, if he had a lung. Most trees don't, as a rule."

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After Dario tells this ridiculous story of how he decapitated a defector and then threw the decapitated head at the other defectors as he fled, Barristan dryly says "how gallant"

for some reason that line always makes me chuckle.

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"Tarly, when I was a lad half my age my lady mother told me that if I stood about with my mouth open, a weasel was like to mistake it for his lair and run down my throat. If you have something to say, say it. Otherwise, beware of weasels". Jeor Mormont

And Cersei began to cry.

Tyrion Lannister could not have been more astonished if Aegon the Conqueror himself had burst into the room, riding on a dragon and juggling lemon pies.

But my personal favorite that I can't help but chuckle is

Stannis pointed his shining sword at his brother, "I am not without mercy," thundered he who was notoriously without mercy.

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I can't recall the exact quote, but near the beginning of ACoK Joffrey is complaining about the recent losses against Robb Stark and comments that he's even gone so far as to call himself a king. Tyrion replies "all sorts of people are calling themselves kings these days"

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Many good ones already posted

How about... the Unsullied don't break and run if you fart in their general direction.

This one breaks the mood for me since it makes me think of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Which of course is a very funny movie, but it doesn't really go with a song of ice and fire.

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"Tyrion felt a sudden urge to leap up, brandish his axe, and boom out, 'Casterly Rock!' but the insanity passed quickly and he crouched down lower"

Yes. Thats so funny for some reason.

When the Reeds, Bran, and Hodor are at Queenscrown and there's that big storm, and Hodor is just flipping out, and finally Bran just snaps. "NO! NO HODORING!!" It always, always cracks me up.

Yiss. NO MORE HODORING!

Many good ones already posted

How about... the Unsullied don't break and run if you fart in their general direction.

I laughed like hell at that. It was pretty cool how GRRM slipped that one in.

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I enjoyed Cersei's musings on Mace Tyrell:

Lord Tyrell the warrior, the Queen mused. His sigil ought to be a fat man sitting on his arse.

I laughed because I imagined the Tyrell banner being Mace sitting on his ass holding a chicken wing. With words like Dinner Is Coming.

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