Drawk's Back To Crisis Mode

[Arkhangel]

Number three, talk to the lady's daughter and explain what's been happening. Not only is it not your problem to handle, but if she's that confused I would be seriously worried about her living alone, and wandering around the street alone.

[Minaku]

Holy shit, Drawk. Definitely talk to your neighbor's daughter. Keep us updated here.

[drawkcabi]

Thanks again everyone.

My neighbor's daughter is definitely going to be informed about what's going on, especially now that the landlord is involved. See we own the homes in the community but we pay rent to the landlord for the land, and they manage the septic system and things like that.

A couple years ago when my neighbor was having septic issues and she actually had a back up in her house, my neighbor's daughter asked me to write a letter about the issues we were having with our septic system. I thought this was a good idea, only because I had discussed with my landlord I thought we needed the septic system pumped out and he hadn't done that yet, I was going to document all the problems going on and it would be a help to everyone to get things sorted out. What I didn't know was my neighbor's daughter took this letter to the health department. why she did this, I don't know, since knowing her mother probably had some culpability with the issues. The letter then caused friction between me and the landlord but thankfully we've put that behind us now.

Also, my neighbor's home is falling apart. The siding has come off in places and the rain gutter has halfway fallen off and it poses a danger to my neighbor if the rest of it comes down and she's under it. It's been that way for months. My neighbor let's her grass grow real long because whenever someone's come to cut it she accuses them of doing the damage to her home and won't pay them. Eventually my landlord has to pay someone to cut her grass and then charge my neighbor to get reimbursed.

Yesterday we got someone to look at the septic system. He got things running smoothly again but today my landlord is out there having the filters cleaned out. When I looked more at the junk that came out of my clean out pipe I saw more refuse, I actually saw parts of a bag that frozen or refrigerated vegetables come in, I could see the writing "NET WT." and some number on a piece of bag. I remember seeing this bag in the garbage I brought back to my neighbor's house on Friday.

Yesterday when the guy was out trying to fix the septic system my neighbor came out of her house and asked me what's going on. I swear this is how the conversation went:

"What's going on?"

"We're having septic issues."

"What's septic?"

"It's our sewage," I point to the open cesspool

"I didn't know that. What happened?"

"Someone flushed garbage down the toilet."

"Who would do that?"

"It had to have been you."

"Me? I would never do that!"

"It had to have been you. It's only your house and my house connected to this system, I know no one in my house did it, it leaves only you."

"I couldn't have done it!"

"You have Alzheimer's, it wasn't your fault, but I think you did it."

"I just don't understand what happened."

"You flushed garbage down the toilet."

"Me? I would never do that!"

"It had to have been you. It's only your house and my house connected to this system, I know no one in my house did it, it leaves only you."

"I couldn't have done it!"

"You have Alzheimer's, it wasn't your fault, but I think you did it."

"I just don't understand what happened."

"You flushed garbage down the toilet."

"Me? I would never do that!"

"It had to have been you. It's only your house and my house connected to this system, I know no one in my house did it, it leaves only you."

"I couldn't have done it!"

"You have Alzheimer's, it wasn't your fault, but I think you did it."

"I just don't understand how garbage got in there."

"You flushed it down the toilet."

"Me? I would never do that!"

For 10 - 15 minutes this went on. I felt I was stuck in an Abbot and Costello routine from hell. :bang:

[drawkcabi]

I'm reposting this from the Father's Day thread so anyone that's interested has the whole story:

I am trying very hard to appreciate time with my dad because he's 86 but on the flip side of the coin it is getting so super frustrating because both his hearing and dementia is getting so bad. He usually can't remember something you told him just a few minutes ago.

Yesterday I had a time. We went grocery shopping at Giant food store. They have a promotion going with Shell oil, that when you use a Giant bonus card, not only do you get discounts on the groceries you buy, but you get points towards cheaper gas. Last couple times I filled up the tank of the car I paid like $2.70 a gallon and next time $2.80 a gallon. So it works out well if you shop right.

Anyway, yesterday I'm shopping with my dad. I have my list after scrutinizing the store flyer and seeing the deals, I send my dad on one of those motorized carts over to the fruit to pick out what he wants, I do the rest of the shopping. I finish getting pretty much everything on my list and pleased with the prices I'm getting and points I'm going to get towards gas, but then I have a problem, I feel another episode of syncope coming on, where I black out. I've had a blood disorder, thalassemia minor, all my life, but this year it just seems to be doing a number on me, I fainted once while shopping this year all ready and don't want it to happen again.

I go and sit down. My dad comes over and asks if I'm ok, I tell him what's going on. He says he's going to get somebody to help him check out and then we'll go home. I ask him if he's sure he can handle it, he says yes. I make sure he's got his credit card, and the Giant card, I tell him more than once to use the Giant card. I go to the car.

My dad comes out of the store 10 minutes later with a stock person helping him to the car and then loading the groceries. I tip her $2 and say thanks. Then my dad gets in the car and hands me the receipt, I look at it and at the bottom it says you would have saved $33 if you used a bonus card. I tell my dad I'm sorry but he has to go back and go to customer service and get the receipt re rung up with the card savings. He goes, he comes back, he got the $33 back, but he has a new Giant card and they took his old card, I ask him why 3 times and he doesn't answer, 4th time I shout the question at him and he shouts back "Don't yell at me!" So I don't know what my gas points situation is, I was just ready to go home and decided hell with it, I'll deal with it another time.

It used to be we were a good team when we did things like go shopping together, but now it's getting more like extra work having him along. That's not even mentioning the stuff he tries to sneak into his cart, expensive foods that he doesn't need, that I'd let him get if I knew he'd eat it, but he just brings this stuff home and forgets about it and it goes bad, while taking up storage room in the pantry, fridge or freezer. Not only that, but I have to watch out for his "sticky fingers" he's got in trouble more than once because of that.

Poor dad, I love him, I want to do good by him, but he gets more frustrating every day. But we do get our quality time in and I never lose my appreciation for having him here. We have a good amount of our special days together throughout the year and Father's Day if it's just the sentiment that is there, it's enough.

So, it's 3 days later and my mom is still obsessed with the receipt. It's like her favorite thing to do, going over receipts and finding where they over charged her for something. She'll do it for hours. But like I said, with this receipt it's been days. What happened was, when they refunded the $33, they didn't give a new itemized receipt for what she saved on and that's driving her crazy.

She wants me to go item by item on the receipt, take the Giant store flyer, and make a spread sheet of the prices for everything so she can add it all up. I told her we got the $33 back, we don't need to do it. But she's adamant about it because "what if they owe us more?" even if they did, it's only be a few dollars, it's not worth it, but she won't leave it alone.

There's so much other things she could be doing with this time :bang:

I just want to get the gas points straightened out, because it's like 50 cents a gallon I could get off on my next fill up, but I'm still not obsessed where I can't let it go if this time it was just to much of a fuck up to straighten it all out and I just have to start over with the new bonus card.

Anyway, minor stuff these days, but still it's giving me a headache. Ugh.

[drawkcabi]

This thing with my neighbor is just getting worse. She was out wandering around today for hours in the ~90 F degree heat until someone called the landlord, who in turn called my aunt who's her friend and also lives in the same community as us.

My aunt went out and found her a couple streets away very distressed and she said she was lost and didn't know where she lived.

My aunt brings her here. Her face has gotten a lot of sun, and she's limping. My mom calls my neighbor's daughter. My neighbor's daughter tells us to send her back over to her house, the daughter will try to be over by tomorrow morning. We still kept her over here for a couple hours to make sure she was ok.

The daughter says that she's trying very hard to get her mother into a home, but she keeps having difficulty with them finding a place for her. Her daughter can't have her at her home because both her and her husband work and her kids are in school or are away during the day.

This is getting out of hand, it's been out of hand, *sigh*.

[deleted01]

Sorry to hear that, drawk. Is there any kind of care in the community service in your area? Just until the daughter can get her into a home. Then at least someone is checking up on her at least once a day.

[Gillio]

Drawk, you need to point out to this daughter woman, that you are not able to "fill in for her" any more, you have enough on your plate as it is.

I dont know how it works where you are, but here there are respite places and day care places for people on waiting lists. either way, it is not your responsibility to sort your neighbour's problems out for her, maybe daughter woman needs to take time off work to sort this out, rather than dumping her problems on you.

I'm so cross at her on your behalf. :tantrum:

[drawkcabi]

It's 8am and I just got back from the er. I was feeling pressure in my chest all last night and by midnight I had this feeling that something wasn't right. I thought I might be having a heart attack.

I called 911 and the paramedics came and took me to the er. They did blood tests, took x-ray, and did an EKG and other things to check me out. My heart looked fine. Then they gave me a g.i. cocktail for indigestion and I started to feel better. The doctor still wants me to follow up by seeing a cardiologist.

I think it was stress and anxeity that exacerbated evverythig and I paniced. Glad I'm home now. I'm exhausted.

[Edda van Heefmstra Ruston]

I'm glad you're home too, drawk. You're a really good son and neighbour, and I hope it doesn't take too large a toll on your own health. :hug:

[Greywolf2375]

Glad you got checked out, get some rest. Like, real rest not just not running around.

:grouphug:

[DreamSongs]

Drawk, I'm glad that you are feeling better and as others have pointed out, you have enough going on without having to worry about your neighbor.

We had a client last week that was pulled over by police because they thought she was drunk. It turned out she was 93 and thought it was 1956. They parked her car for her and brought her to the hospital. There was nothing medically wrong with her; she was just confused. She stayed with us for 5 days while social work contacted family and assisted them in finding appropriate placement. We had to keep a nursing assistant with her 24/7 due to her confusion.

I guess what I am trying to say is this...if she is wandering away and can't remember how to get home, that is a major safety issue and she can no longer live alone. The kindest thing that you may be able to do for her and her family if this happens again is to call an ambulance and let EMT take her to the hospital for a work up. If her confusion has become more acute recently, she may have something medically wrong such as a urinary tract infection (the most common cause of sudden and worsening confusion/behavioral changes in the elderly). Her inability to care for herself can also be documented and that can change where she is on the 'waiting list' for placement as well as make her eligible for a dementia unit where she will be safe.

[drawkcabi]

My neighbor...

A week from last Thursday I went out to get the mail and, as usual, whenever I step out of my house so does my neighbor. This day though she had on one shoe, a shirt, underwear, and no pants. She came over to me asking me if I took her shoe. I told her I did not. She asked did I see it and I told her it must be in her house, she was convinced it wasn't, I finally got her to go into the house and my dad and I went to pick up the mail.

The community mail boxes are like 3 blocks away and because none of us here are in too good of shape, we have to drive over to pick it up and I took the dogs with me to give them a ride as well. I used to walk to the mailboxes but since the last time I almost collapsed and had to call my dad to come get me in the car, I haven't been doing that.

Anyway, we go pick up the mail, when we drive back home, again my neighbor comes out of the house, dressed in the same way. She comes over to me again asking about her shoe. Then she hears one of my dogs barking in the car and she asks if I have her dog. I tell her it's my dog. Then she's upset because she doesn't know where her dog is. I tell her she hasn't had a dog in over 10 years. She responds with "You're bullshitting me," I insist I'm not.

I finally, after lots of going in circles, get her to go back in her house. Then I go back in my house.

Two hours later there's a knock on my door. It's a MD state Trooper. My neighbor had been wandering around the neighborhood, still dressed the same, and was out near the highway. Someone had called the police and they picked her up. Only she didn't know where she lived. The trooper called the landlord and they gave him her address. He was just here to confirm with us that he brought her to the right place.

In addition to the trooper's car, there was also a civilian car in her driveway, so I guessed...hoped...it was a social worker or someone like that. Someone had also called my neighbor's daughter and she was on her way. A half hour later she arrived.

By the end of the day, after everyone left, my neighbor goes home with her daughter.

I've been wanting to call social services about my neighbor for more than 2 years, but mom kept persuading me not to. She wants to give the daughter a chance...with my dad swaying into the dementia realm my mom has a real sympathy for the situation and the daughter. We talk to the daughter and it's always a litany of excuses.

She's on a waiting list for a state home.

The wait is extremely long.

They are on a tight budget

My neighbor can't stay with her because she doesn't get along with her kids and husband and drives everybody crazy.

Anyway, after the last incident I'm like, finally something will be done.

Yesterday I go out with my dogs. My neighbor is back, from what I can see, no cars in her driveway, no one else around, she is living by herself as she had been.

What. The. Hell.

and to top it off, this morning I've got a bunch of trash dumped in the bushes on the side of my house closest to hers.

This stops now. She will not be in that house alone. If I have to call the landlord, social services, the police, the press, and whoever else I can think of, I will. This is just insane on so many levels.

[Sci-2]

Yikes.

Hope this works Drawk. As has been said previously, you're about due for a break!

[drawkcabi]

So, adult protective services have been called, the landlord has been called by just about everyone that lives around here, the police have been involved, at least one neighbor has gotten a restraining order against her...and she's still living there by herself!

There is trash hidden everywhere by this woman, in the bushes, trees, under decks...

I think even if she wasn't completely mental she'd still be a blatant liar. She'll deny ever putting trash in other peoples yards. I tried to talk to her about it on Sunday. First she says she sees these kids "fill bags up with their spit and write 'eff you see kay' on the trash". Then not five minutes later she's saying she's seen a couple of old ladies that walk around taking trash out of people's cans and throwing them in their yards.

Someone retaliated last night. When I woke up this morning I saw someone put bits of garbage all over her backyard. Returning the garbage she put in theirs most likely. By noon it was gone. I had to look all around the outside of my house to make sure none of it ended up over here.

This is only getting worse and still no one is doing anything. This isn't going to end well :(

[Jslay427]

Life can SucK at times. These hardships will make you appreciate the good breaks you will eventually get.

[DreamSongs]

Call EMS the next time there is a confrontation and she seems confused. Tell thim she seems more confused than usual. Hopefully, that will get her at least to an ER where she can be evaluated.

[drawkcabi]

So...now my dad has a broken foot :(

Yesterday he lost his balance and fell down in the kitchen. Took him to the hospital today.

So of my mom, my dad, and me, all 3 of us have now been to the er this year.

[Sci-2]

Call EMS the next time there is a confrontation and she seems confused. Tell thim she seems more confused than usual. Hopefully, that will get her at least to an ER where she can be evaluated.

This does seem like a good idea to me.

[drawkcabi]

Fucking hell. I've been following this thread for a while now, and truly I am horrified by your run of bad luck. I recognise your posts on the forum, but even if I didn't I'd be sickened. I really, really hope you can turn it around.

Good luck, man. :cheers: You have it harder than 90% of us

I don't know, maybe I just like to whine more :P But sincerely, thank you!

This does seem like a good idea to me.

Yeah going to have to do this.

[drawkcabi]

Septic backed up again today gushed all over the yard again. Called landlord she was royally pissed at us, and really upsetting my mom. Said it was all toilet paper. Now I and everyone in my household go out of our way to put the least amount of toilet paper in the system...if the minimum amount we're putting in has caused this, that's just crazy. When asked if there's anything else we could do to stop this...well...shit...from happening, like RidX for example, the landlord just became more irate with us.

My neighbor has not been seen for 2 weeks and rumor has it she no longer lives there. Coincidentally she disappeared the day after another neighbor got a peace order against her. Guess that's what it came down to taking.

Now except for the last 2 weeks my neighbor has been here, as noted here by my exasperated complaints about here. She's had since May, the last septic back up, to fill the system up with trash again, and I think it's a sound assumption she has been. She's done it before, in the last 6 months not once has she put her trash out for pick up, but has constantly been littering all the yards around here with it, so maybe some or a bunch of it went down her toilet too. Just because it was toilet paper that came out this time doesn't mean down in the pipes there is not more garbage causing the main issue.

So now I will bring a plumber out here to check it all out so we'll see. If it's just the toilet paper this time, then I have to learn to live with flushing no toilet paper at all, it just seems insane for the system to be that shoddy.

Though I feel it isn't fair being treated this way when we've done everything asked of us. :(