Larry. Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 I'm just waiting for more hot Sister action with demonic spawn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 wait. chainfire is it? :cry: Only until he realizes he doesn't know how to do anything else... He'll start a next series, called Sorcerer's Guideline Numero Uno and it'll star the unlikely hero of Raymond Everyman and the young woman he rescues in the forest named Mama Tell Me Karman and a kindly sorcerer named Fizban...who go on magical adventures teaching about how life needs to be perfect... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Be'lal Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 No such thread should be without this link AHHHHHHH!!! My Eyes!! Save me! I'm Terrified! I hadn't realized such Evil could exist! Seriously, I'm very disturbed. I know that Goodkind is bad, but I can't stop reading. It pulls you in. Look at the same site's review of Wizard's First Rule. Then be very scared that they rate it higher than AFFC. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. Even if it's wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mystar Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 I have never read any of Goodkinds books, and usually reading it with great amusement is as close as I get to this topic, but... Now, I always thought that if a point did not come across to readers, the writer can only blame him/herself. Unless the reader shuts his/her eyes and refuses to see what is right there before their eyes. Sad really, even as the Titanic was sinking people argued that it was not so, that it was imposable...Keeping your eyes blind, is a choice. People are stupid; they are willing to be believe a lie because they wish it to be so. The Titanic still sank... As for answering that question, sorry I’ve already done so. Answers like that are well discussed at my site, not here with the aimless and unthinking. And I'm not stupid enough to post it here for the inane to twist and place words I did not place there. Sorry, your people have more than proven your lack of maturity and ability to be sincere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fanatic-Templar Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Sad really, even as the Titanic was sinking people argued that it was not so, that it was imposable...Keeping your eyes blind, is a choice. People are stupid; they are willing to be believe a lie because they wish it to be so. The Titanic still sank... Is this your first time wielding a double-edged sword? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeanMrMustard Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Look everyone, it's a self-perpetuating parody. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry. Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Meta, very meta. My head hurts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSorrowfulMan Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Sad really, even as the Titanic was sinking people argued that it was not so, that it was imposable...Keeping your eyes blind, is a choice. People are stupid; they are willing to be believe a lie because they wish it to be so. The Titanic still sank... True Story, I was there, I was like Nuh uh this ship aint sinking, and Richard Rahl was all like Wizards First Rule. And then I said... holy shit be my leader. And he was all "S'okay holmes". It was the defining moment in my life. PS i created this sexy new icon. Enjoy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xray the Enforcer Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 True Story, I was there, I was like Nuh uh this ship aint sinking, and Richard Rahl was all like Wizards First Rule. And then I said... holy shit be my leader. And he was all "S'okay holmes". It was the defining moment in my life. PS i created this sexy new icon. Enjoy capital, man. Is this your first time wielding a double-edged sword? careful. someone's liable to lop off a limb. and then who's gonna be cryin'?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 careful. someone's liable to lop off a limb. and then who's gonna be cryin'?! Baby Jesus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Praetor Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Unless the reader shuts his/her eyes and refuses to see what is right there before their eyes. Sad really, even as the Titanic was sinking people argued that it was not so, that it was imposable...Keeping your eyes blind, is a choice. People are stupid; they are willing to be believe a lie because they wish it to be so. The Titanic still sank... As for answering that question, sorry I’ve already done so. Answers like that are well discussed at my site, not here with the aimless and unthinking. And I'm not stupid enough to post it here for the inane to twist and place words I did not place there. Sorry, your people have more than proven your lack of maturity and ability to be sincere. All right. I asked you in a civil, polite and non-offensive way and was really interested in genuine response and discussion, which you repeatedly proclaim to seek - willing to admit that maybe I was missing something, that maybe my own opinion was misguided. To enlighten me as an individual, per se - which should be one of the more important aspects of the very same objectivism you propagate so much. Yet your response (not to mention mobifying - yes, I just invented the word, the many people whom criticize your role model as ignorant and stupid instead of treating them as differing individuals; hurling insults while playing the victim; /and, unrelated to anything - whereas some people are indeed stupid, the human mind is a multiphaceted thing, and I believe one should never reduce other men thusly, but suit yourself) seems to be to either stamp me on the forehead with the mark of “IDIOT†or force me to go to your own misshapen travesty of a police board, thus at the same time liquidifying my brain and unabling me communication on this board I quite dearly enjoy and which you, too, are a member of currently (sad as that is). Proving that you, sir, are either a coward and shirking out of argumented debate (my question had nothing to do with GiOG/Goodkind threads, with evaluation of the series itself, or indeed, even with the character of Goodkind - explain in which way could a truthful explanation of a writer's message by a wiser man be "twisted by the vile", as you so put - and even if it could, would it harm anyone if your intent was pure and you reached out to at least some? Nay, I say.), or indeed lack any arguments. Perhaps you need some time to fetch them from your “friend� In conclusion, your juvenile answer, coupled with your previous posts and what I have seen of your own forum, only enforce the conclusion (to me, at least) that it is you who has more than proven his lack of maturity and the ability to neither be sincere, nor truly debate, but resort to solely bullying other people with senseless and offensive one-liners. Thusly, I implore you to leave these fine people alone in their argumented assaults and mockery of a poor writer with delusions of grandeour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galerian Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Keeping your eyes blind, is a choice. Well I suppose it is. However, then you have to ask yourself why do people decide to keep their eyes blind, or as a normal person would say: why do people keep their eyes shut during the passage in question? Don't bother, I'll answer that for you: Because it describes the killing of child in a disgusting way. Owh and mystar, I take it your job is to promote Goodkind's books? If so, he should really fire you. Or not, if he thinks going around insulting people on fantasy forums is a good way to sell a book (and yes, I know his books sell, dont ask me why though) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brys Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Unless the reader shuts his/her eyes and refuses to see what is right there before their eyes. Sad really, even as the Titanic was sinking people argued that it was not so, that it was imposable...Keeping your eyes blind, is a choice. People are stupid; they are willing to be believe a lie because they wish it to be so. The Titanic still sank... As for answering that question, sorry I’ve already done so. Answers like that are well discussed at my site, not here with the aimless and unthinking. And I'm not stupid enough to post it here for the inane to twist and place words I did not place there. Sorry, your people have more than proven your lack of maturity and ability to be sincere. Once again Mystar proves that the parodies are no match for the real fans. Especially the last part of that - "I'm not stupid enough to post it here", "your lack of maturity", and the first part is brilliantly ironic. This quote is up there with Terry's best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zap Rowsdower Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Rowsdowerization of the Quote of the Day I’m sorry, I don’t want to steal any of The Mad Ghanaian’s glory, but I simply couldn’t resist posting one of my favorite passages from the third book “Blood of the Fold.†Posted below is possibly the cheesiest seduction scene I have ever read. I mean, the clichés are all there aren’t they? The only thing missing was some sleazy saxophone music or something. My commentary is the italicized stuff in the parentheses. Besides a few snips here and there this is Goodkind in all his glory. Enjoy. Richard let out a huge sigh off his own. “Thank you, Duchess… or should I call you Queen Lumholtz?†She sat back, her wrists draped on the arms of the chair, her hands pendent. “Neither.†One leg slid upward as she crossed it over the other. “You should call me Cathryn, Lord Rahl.†“Cathryn, then, and please, call me Richard. Quite Frankly, I’m getting tired of everyone calling me…†As he stared into eyes, he forgot what he was going to say (The onset of senility was tragic, especially considering that Richard wasn’t even middle-aged) . With a coy smile, she leaned forward, one breast slipping past the table’s brink. (Huh? “Table’s brink?†I don’t get what’s going on- is the table freakishly high? Or does that sentence mean she leaned all the way across the table and is now hunched over all the food?). Richard realized he was sitting on the edge of his chair again as he watched her twist a ringlet of black hair around a finger. He focused on the tray of food before himself in an attempt to control his roving eyes (Richard’s eyes had a life independent of his body. Often, at parties he would use oracular trickery to play jokes on his friends, who would suddenly discover to their horror that one or two of the ice cubes in their drinks weren’t what they seemed. Upon hearing the scream, Richard would laugh. Then his guests would laugh. Soon everyone would laugh.). “Richard, then.†She giggled, a sound not in the least bit girlish, but both husky and womanly at the same time, and not at all ladylike (So she laughs like Jabba the Hutt?). He held his breath, lest he sigh out loud (which only means he’ll be gasping for air a little later, but it is totally in character for Richard not to consider the logical consequences of his actions) . “I don’t know if I can get used to addressing such a great man as the Master of all D’Hara so intimately.†Richard smiled. “Perhaps it will simply take practice, Cathryn.†“Yes, practice,†she said in a breathy voice. She suddenly blushed. (A breathy voice and blushing? Check and check. Glad to see Goodkind isn’t leaving any romance cliché unexploited). “Look at me, going on again. Those painfully handsome gray eyes of yours do make a woman forget herself. I had better leave you to your dinner before it gets cold. Her gaze lingered on the tray between them. “It looks delicious.†***snip snip snip*** Richard grinned. “What would you like? Stew, spiced eggs, rice, lamb?†At the mention of lamb she let out a throaty murmur of pleasure. Richard threaded the gold-rimmed white plate across the tray. ***snip snip snip*** Richard offered her the knife and fork. Smiling again, she shook her head and with her fingers picked up the lamb chop. “Keltons have a saying that if it’s good, nothing should come between you and the experience†(My aunt Edna said the exact same thing. Coming between her and a plate of spare ribs was a dangerous proposition). “Then I hope it’s good,†Richard heard himself say. For the first time in days he didn’t feel lonely (BTW I think Richard may still be holding his breath. Goodkind hasn’t said anything to lead me to believe otherwise). With her brown eyes fixed on his, she leaned forward on her elbows and took a dainty bite. Transfixed, Richard waited. “So… is it good?†In answer, her eyes rolled back in her head and her lids slid closed while she hunched her shoulders and moaned in perfect rapture (I saw someone do this at a restaurant once. It turned out to be food poisoning). Her gaze came down, restoring the torrid connection. Her mouth enveloped the meat, and her flawless white teeth tore off a succulent chunk. Her lips were slick with it. He didn’t think he had ever seen anyone chew so slowly (I should think so. If I’m reading this right, then she seems to have jammed the entire hunk of lamb into her mouth). Richard pulled the doughy center of the bread in two, giving her the one with the most butter. With the crust, he scooped rice out of the brown cream. His hand paused before his mouth as she took the butter off in one long lick. She let out a throaty purr of approval. “I love how soft and slippery it feels against my tongue,†she explained in little more than a whisper. From her glistening, dangling fingers, she let the chunk of bread drop to the tray (Duchess Lumholtz does with bread and butter what most people do with Oreo cookies). She watched his eyes as she dragged her teeth across the bone, gnawing along the ridge. With sucking nibbles, she scoured the length clean. The piece of bread waited before Richard’s mouth. Her tongue stroked across her lips. “Best I’ve ever had.†Richard realized that his fingers were empty. He thought that he must have eaten the scoop of rice until he saw the white splat on the tray under him (And Richard still hasn’t released his breath. Either the Duchess is tearing through this meal with the speed of a rocket powered chainsaw or Richard should be the color of an eggplant by now). She plucked an egg from the bowl, pressed her red lips around it, and bit it in half. “Umm. Luscious.†She placed the round end of the other half to his lips. “Here, try it.†Its silken surface had a mildly spicy tang against his tongue and a flexible resilient feel. She pushed it all the way in with one finger. It was chew or choke (Choke! Choke! Choke!). He chewed (Damn). Her gaze left his to roam the tray. “What have we here? Oh, Richard, don’t tell me it’s…†(Please, please let it be a whole pineapple she tries to stuff down his throat next) She swirled her first and second fingers around the bowl with the pears. (Once again, damn) She sucked the thick white sauce off her fist finger. Some of the coating on the other dribbled down her hand to her wrist. “Oh, yes. Oh, Richard, this is fabulous. Here.†She put her second finger up to his lips. Before he realized it, she had the whole length in his mouth. “Suck it clean,†she insisted. “Isn’t that the best you’ve ever had?†Richard nodded (Richard had always loved the taste of other people’s saliva mixed with lamb, eggs, and peaches) trying to catch his breath (Finally! But shouldn’t Richard now be hopelessly brain damaged, due to oxygen deprivation? It would certainly explain many things later in the series) after she drew her finger out. She titled her wrist. “Oh, please, lick it off before it gets on my dress.†He took her hand up in his and put it to his mouth. The taste of her galvanized him. His lips on her flesh made his heart pound painfully. She let out a throaty laugh. “That tickles. Your tongue is rough.†(Just be thankful it’s his tongue he’s using and not his thing, otherwise your jaw would be broken and your mouth would be gushing blood). He let her hand go, rousing from the intimate connection. “Sorry,†he whispered. ‘Don’t be silly. I didn’t say I didn’t like it.†Her eyes found his. Lamplight glowed softly on one side of her face, firelight on the other. He envisioned raking his fingers through her hair. Her breaths were the mate of his. “I did like it, Richard.†---Terry Goodkind, Blood of the Fold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Algiz Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Horned god of hell, Zap - now that was bloody hysterical. Killer commentary, full of insight and interesting analysis. I scrolled through this entire thread at work (slow day at the office) last week and it was a serious test of willpower not to laugh out loud. This proved to be impossible when reading this last excerpt just now however, hence my girlfriend who is preparing dinner demanded to know what was so funny about my work email (the excuse I used to avoid helping her cook). Unfortunately, I have never read anything by Mr Goodkind - it is however painfully obvious that is something I must remedy at once. I have seen this evil chicken mentioned in several threads now, along with the actual book quote. Can someone please briefly explain the background? Is it meant to be serious, or a joke? And what is this about goats I see people commenting? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mme Erzulie Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Goodkind is always serious. His books are not trifling matters. However, sometimes, when the quest has been completed and all the evildoers have been tortured, maimed or killed, the men laugh. That's funny. Otherwise they wouldn't laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asa Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Food sex. Niiiice. Did Richard use his thing to cut the meat? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xray the Enforcer Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Beautiful. I will never eat lamb, rice, or any other food ever again. :sick: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brys Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Hilarious - but I think you could add quite a bit more to the commentary. The writing there is some of Goodkind's worst - it makes the early pages of Wizard's First Rule look good. (Is that the fans' secret? By reading ever worse novels, the previous ones look better and better. A simpler explanation might be they lost their sanity after reading WFR.) In the Goodkind mauling thread a lot of the commentary was on the independent body parts of Richard - they all seemed to act of their own volition. I see no reason to stop doing that now. But here's some (brief) commentary of my own: Richard let out a huge sigh off his own I never would have guessed that the sigh was his own. He probably goes around letting out other people's sighs all the time. She giggled, a sound not in the least bit girlish An oxymoron? He held his breath, lest he sigh out loud I'm sure it's because he's afraid of letting out other people's sighs out loud. He evidently had no problems with letting out his own sighs earlier. Richard heard himself say So now his voice has a will of its own. Perhaps it's the thing rising up in him again. her eyes rolled back in her head ... Her gaze came down, restoring the torrid connection. Her mouth enveloped the meat, and her flawless white teeth tore off a succulent chunk. Her lips were slick with it Seems Richard's not the only one with independent body parts. Goodkind shows once again his subtle mastery of the English language by starting every phrase with the word "her", except on the rare occasion at the end of the paragraph, he changes the first word of the sentence to "he". He thought that he must have eaten the scoop of rice until he saw the white splat on the tray under him I now see why people thought this was an epic fantasy version of Flowers for Algernon - except of course, Richard stays mentally retarded through the entire book and the writing never really evolves from what you would see in Flowers' first few pages, while in Flowers for Algernon Charlie Gordon does become more intelligent. Her eyes found his Yep, his eyes had been hiding all of this time. At least it's a slight improvement on her eyes held his from WFR - here's Okami Erzulie's commentary on that: Her eyes held his? Wow. Neat trick. I only know how to hold someone's gaze, but I'm just a rookie at these nonsense things Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watcher Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 I've read more seductive restaurant reviews. “Cathryn, then, and please, call me Richard. Quite Frankly, I’m getting tired of everyone calling me…†As he stared into eyes, he forgot what he was going to say Please tell me you left out a word or three between "into" and "eyes." Did Richard use his thing to cut the meat? I think he give it a look. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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