Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Werthead

GOODKIND III

702 posts in this topic

So, should we have our own GioG meet?

You know, get together for some good laughs (only the men), kicking kids in the face, checking leather-clad dominatrix for nipples, acting out scenes from the book (yeah, the hawt ones. Dibs on playing Richard!), that kind of stuff.

Anyone knows where Goodkind lives? We could have it in his hometown! How neat would that be.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
"But you are the Lord Rahl. You can have any you wish. Even me. This is what the Lord Rahl does; he has many women. You have but to snap your fingers."

Richard got the distinct impression that she was definitely not making an offer.

:rofl: Surely that's a contradiction. I think I now understand how Goodkind manages to get these scenes into his books without them being removed in the editing process - Goodkind never edits the books, and the poor editor would go insane if he actually tried to line edit an entire Goodkind novel. In fact, Goodkind would probably ignore the suggestions because the editor didn't understand his work.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I always imagined it to be more like a "bwaaawkbwakbwakbwakbwaaaaawkbwakvbwakbwak" thing, rather than a "cluckcluckcluckcluckcluckcluckcluck" type thing.

What do you all think?

:rofl:

In my defense, Bwaaakbwaakbwaaaaaaaak sounds disturbingly similar to many of the tarty wimmin (Brooklyn and Long Island) I encounter every day. I don't see them as evil manifest (that would go to those Focus on the Family jackasses, who necessarily use a more midwestern Cluckcluckcluck).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
In fact, Goodkind would probably ignore the suggestions because the editor didn't understand his work.

Well, it might just be a rumour, but I've read that Goodkind's big idol's reaction to the idea of editing her books was "Would you edit the Bible?". :sick: Besides, I can just imagine him doing that arrogance-disguised-as-integrity thing of his. "This is my unique story. I wrote it. I'm not changing it because someone doesn't like it. Go write your own story if you think you can do better."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I remember reading in one of those fan chats were Goodkind answered that an editor had made him add a certain scene, but he was able to get it removed from the paperback edition, so I think the scary part here is that someone is looking over his work before it's published.

But I agree with you about the going insane part. I imagine they went through 4 or 5 "professionals" who all quit a couple chapters in, before settling on the community college dropout that hangs outside the office building. I think my favorite Goodkind rant is where he proceeds to give his own made up definitions for a host of literary terms. While most of his other amusing arrogance simply shows that he's a jerk, this one gives us the full picture of what a buffoon Goodkind really is.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I think my favorite Goodkind rant is where he proceeds to give his own made up definitions for a host of literary terms. While most of his other amusing arrogance simply shows that he's a jerk, this one gives us the full picture of what a buffoon Goodkind really is.

This sound fun, do you have a link for it? :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey folks! Bad internet connection yesterday, so my weekend off turned into a three dayer. Can't complain. Anyhoo, without further ado is todays Terry Goodkind Quote of the Day!!!!!

This one's goin' out to Werthead who requested it back on friday.

At this point in our story, Richard is in some empire the name of which I've forgotten. The empire has been conquered by the Imperial Order and the locals aren't happy about it (cuz of all the raping and murdering that the Order always does). The thing about this empire is that the people are all "pristinely ungifted", which means (though it sounds like they're retarded or something) they don't have the slightest spark of magic in them, so they can't be affected by magic, or see it. They are also all hippies. Every last one of them, very stupid hippies (no excuse for violence ever, no condemnation of evil, blah blah blah), who are ruled by children because only children are pure enough to see things clearly. But thats another barrel of monkeys all together. Some of the locals have recruited Richard to drive out the Imperial Order. How do they recruit him? They poisoned him, and if Richard wants to get the antidote, he'd better help. To make a long story short (too late, I know), at this point Richard has brought most of the people around to his way of thinking, using his typical "your life is your own and is worth fighting for" type speeches. Some people still won't accept the truth of Richards message, and so a little peace march is formed to convince Richard to stop (or something like that). Enjoy.

They raced out from the long shadows of the buildings and poured around the corner. The people off at the end of the street all turned when they spotted Richard's force coming. More people--men and women from the city--surged into the street in front of the compound of buildings the soldiers had taken oup as barracks and a command post. The people looked like a scraggly lot.

{duh, they're hippies}

"No war! No war! No war!" the people shouted as Richard led the men up the street at a dead run.

"Out of the way!" Richard yelled as he closed the distance. This was no time for subtlety or discussions: the success of their attack depended in large part on speed. "Get out of the way! This is your only warning! Get out of the way or die!"

"Stop the hate! Stop the hate!" the people chanted as they locked arms.

They had no idea how much hate was raging through Richard. He drew the Sword of Truth. The wrath of its magic didn't come out with it, but he had enough of his own. He slowed to a trot.

"Move!" Richard called as he bore down on the people.

A plump, curly-haired woman took a step out from the others. Her round face was red with anger as she screamed. "Stop the hate! No war! Stop the hate! No war!"

"Move or die!" Richard yelled as he picked up speed.

The red-faced woman shook her fleshy fist at Richard and his men, leading an angry chant. "Murderers! Murderers! Murderers!"

On his way past her, gritting his teeth as he screamed with the fury of the attack begun, Richard took a powerful swing, lopping off the woman's head and upraised arm. Strings of blood and gore splashed across the faces behind her even as some still chanted their empty words. The head and loose arm tumbled through the crowd. A man mad the mistake of reaching for Richard's weapon, and took the full weight of a charging thrust.

Men behind Richard hit the line of evil's guardians with unrestrained violence. People armed only with their hatred for moral clarity fell bloodied, terribly injured, and dead. The line of people collapsed before the merciless charge. Some of the people, screaming their contempt, used their fists to attack Richard's men. They were met with swift and deadly steel.

At the realization that their defense of the Imperial Order's brutality would actually result in consequences to themselves, the crowd began scattering in fright, screaming curses back at Richard and his men.

Who else but the great Richard Rahl would have the courage, and moral righteousness to slaughter a bunch of unarmed hippies at a peace protest?

~Terry Goodkind, Naked Empire

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
This sound fun, do you have a link for it? :D

the part i'm referring to is right at the begining here

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
People armed only with their hatred for moral clarity fell bloodied, terribly injured, and dead.

This is one of the most bizarre concepts I have ever come across. Even for Goodkind.

So peace protesters "hate moral clarity"?

At the realization that their defense of the Imperial Order's brutality would actually result in consequences to themselves, the crowd began scattering in fright, screaming curses back at Richard and his men.

And as for this........I just love the way Goodkind trots out a standard FOX TV line that protesting for peace means that you support the enemy. I guess its easy to instill "moral clarity" when you portray views as wholly black or white.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:rofl: this is one of the best selections, right up there with the chicken and killing the child

"Move or die!" Richard yelled as he picked up speed.

Yep, this is the quote I want on my Goodkind shirt.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Terry has a hard time keeping his idiots straight. The whole problem with these people is that they refuse to acknowledge that evil exists, and they believe that there is never an excuse for violence. Yet they poison him in order to coerce him to help out, and when Richard starts killing the protesters eventually they start attacking with their fists. You'd think Richard might stop at that point for another speech, "see, you do use violence when its your lives at stake, blah blah blah." I guess its more fun to simply kill them all while full of all that delicious rage.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Out of a total lack of desire to check for myself, what's the aftermath of Richard's righetous wrath? Does he wind up being lauded for bringing "moral clarity" into the minds of the few remaining hippies? Is there more terrible dialogue and cheesy laughter or is this whole incident never mentioned again?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Is there any significance to the "wrath of the sword's magic" not coming out? Does this mean that the sword doesn't sanctify the slaughter of unarmed people?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Out of a total lack of desire to check for myself, what's the aftermath of Richard's righetous wrath? Does he wind up being lauded for bringing "moral clarity" into the minds of the few remaining hippies? Is there more terrible dialogue and cheesy laughter or is this whole incident never mentioned again?

The cheesy laughter from a previous Quote of the Day "Richard laughed, Owen laughed, all the men laughed...blah blah." is from the end of this book (damn, forgot to say which one, I'll edit in a minute, got to give credit where credit is due), Naked Empire. Eventually Richard brings the people around to his way of thinking, naturally, and they cheer, and everybody is happy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Is there any significance to the "wrath of the sword's magic" not coming out? Does this mean that the sword doesn't sanctify the slaughter of unarmed people?

Nah, it's something to do with his "thing", I believe.

Men behind Richard hit the line of evil's guardians with unrestrained violence. People armed only with their hatred for moral clarity fell bloodied, terribly injured, and dead.

Oh dear lord.... :cry:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Is there any significance to the "wrath of the sword's magic" not coming out? Does this mean that the sword doesn't sanctify the slaughter of unarmed people?

IIRC, its the result of the poison which is screwing up Richards ability to interface with the magic of the sword. Otherwise the Sword of Truth is perfectly capable of slaughtering anyone that Richard believes deserves to die. It works with Richards view of things, so long as Richard thinks a person should die, the SoT will do the work.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
They raced out from the long shadows of the buildings and poured around the corner. The people off at the end of the street all turned when they spotted Richard's force coming. [Hang on, they all turned when they spotted him ... so they turned to look away from him?] More people--men and women from the city--surged into the street in front of the compound of buildings the soldiers had taken oup as barracks and a command post. The people looked like a scraggly lot. [Yeah, poor grooming is a good indicator of a lack of moral fibre]

"No war! No war! No war!" the people shouted as Richard led the men up the street at a dead run.

"Out of the way!" Richard yelled as he closed the distance. This was no time for subtlety or discussions [when was it ever?]: the success of their attack depended in large part on speed. "Get out of the way! This is your only warning! Get out of the way or die!"

"Stop the hate! Stop the hate!" the people chanted as they locked arms.

They had no idea how much hate was raging through Richard [Too much hate to stop, that's for sure]. He drew the Sword of Truth. The wrath of its magic didn't come out with it, but he had enough of his own. He slowed to a trot. [The sucess of their attack depended in large part on speed, after all]

"Move!" Richard called as he bore down on the people.

A plump, curly-haired woman took a step out from the others. Her round face was red with anger as she screamed. "Stop the hate! No war! Stop the hate! No war!" [ ... "No blood for oi ,,, " Wait, those were a different group of scraggly guardians of evil. My mistake]

"Move or die!" Richard yelled as he picked up speed [Why exactly he felt the need to slow down in the first place is unclear. No doubt it was all part of the Plan somehow].

The red-faced woman shook her fleshy fist at Richard and his men, leading an angry chant.

"Murderers! Murderers! Murderers!"

On his way past her, gritting his teeth as he screamed with the fury of the attack begun, Richard took a powerful swing, lopping off the woman's head and upraised arm. [That'll teach those protesters not to call him a murderer] Strings of blood [strings?] and gore splashed across the faces behind her even as some still chanted their empty words. The head and loose arm tumbled through the crowd. A man mad the mistake of reaching for Richard's weapon, and took the full weight of a charging thrust.

Men behind Richard hit the line of evil's guardians with unrestrained violence. People armed only with their hatred for moral clarity fell bloodied, terribly injured, and dead [That's the probelm with hatred for moral clarity ... it takes too long to load to be an effective melee weapon]. The line of people collapsed before the merciless charge. Some of the people, screaming their contempt, used their fists to attack Richard's men [Those peace protesters are a violent lot, apparently]. They were met with swift and deadly steel [Unrestrained violence FTW!].

At the realization that their defense of the Imperial Order's brutality would actually result in consequences to themselves, the crowd began scattering in fright [those parts of the crowd that didn't start fighting back with their bare fists, anyway], screaming curses back at Richard and his men.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm impressed by the sheer genious of Richard the Tactician:

"Out of the way!" Richard yelled as he closed the distance. This was no time for subtlety or discussions: the success of their attack depended in large part on speed.

You see? His Objectivist mind understands that if you want to attack an unarmed group of peace loving protestors you better hit hard and fast with your well armed soldiers.

Richard is a great swordman and he knows that pacing and balance is very important in a fight and he proves his point showing us the basics of an Objectivist Charge:

1. Run against the unarmed enemy

Richard led the men up the street at a dead run
.

2. Reduce speed

He slowed to a trot
.

3. Run faster again

Richard yelled as he picked up speed
.

4. Kill unarmed protestors.

5. Receive the approving nods from military dictators all around the world, the Communist party in China and Terry himself acting as narrator of the event.

6. Repeat the process from #1 and go on until there are no evil Altruists left.

I'm impressed.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This sound fun, do you have a link for it?

the part i'm referring to is right at the begining here

That was a very interesting critique of TG's work. But they didn't give him enough credit. TG is perhaps the most accomplished writer of humorous fiction since Douglas Adams. That he does not realize this fact changes nothing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.