Dating 4.0 Everyone is crazy. I am Spock.

[MinDonner]

I'm kinda curious as to how long you could keep replying "Hodor" to that guy before he started using proper words.

[Inigima]

:spank:

I have to stop egging you on. I'm going to give myself a hernia. Sci, water up my nose and I fell out of my chair.

Checked in with my OKCupid account last night. I had 14 one word messages. Three were from people who had empty profiles. I think one of them was a former student of mine. Three fellows looked interesting. I sent out replies to the longer messages with a couple of exceptions. Four messages were from people who are coming to town and want a tour guide or a dinner date. Don't people bring their own woman with them when they go on vacation? I get this often enough is specifically asks people not to do this on my profile. I know I live in a tourist destination, but there are several escort services available for travelers. The remainder were looking specifically for a hook up. I wished them luck.

The most puzzling message i got was, "Hordor".

Out of curiosity I messaged back, "Hodor."

The response was, "whispering....Hordor."

I have no idea what to make of that.

I know women on OKC get a lot of shirtless-pic morons messaging them for sex and everything, but I'm surprised that you get so few "normal" messages -- none, in the lot of them, this batch? I always try to start a new conversation by asking about something in their profile. (I'm also surprised that this approach bears fruit with relative infrequency if women get so many crummy messages -- I think I check out reasonably well in the areas women are, generally speaking, looking for, even if I'm not an independently wealthy male model. I have a date tomorrow and I'm setting up another, so I mean, I'm doing okay. But I've messaged dozens of people and only a small fraction even reply.)

One other quick note: I don't know what men's profiles look like, but there are an awful lot of profiles I've looked at that are just... beyond bland. There are plenty of women I haven't messaged because I just could not find a single thing in their profile to start a conversation about. Sometimes they have stuff written in but it's incredibly generic. Yes, I see that you like to travel and you like food and you're laidback. Congratulations, you're like everyone. I get excited when I see a profile that looks like it was written by a human and not a robot. Doesn't necessarily mean you have to have wacky out-there hobbies, but a flash of personality here and there is nice to see.

I've also traded a couple of messages with someone who looked like a possible match and who has replied, but I'm a bit surprised by the low-effort answer. It was a bit hard to start the conversation just because, like I mentioned, there weren't many obvious conversation starters in the profile, but I wrote something eventually. The response came back quickly, within an hour or two, but that message and the reply after it shocked me. So far she's asked if I play any instruments (she does, it's what I asked about) and what I do for a living. These sound like normal questions, but the answers are front and center in my profile. I don't know if I want to date someone who can't even be bothered to read it. Normally by this time or maybe another message I'd be trying to set up coffee or something, but I don't even know if I want to reply.

That reminds me, what do the ladies of OKC consider a good amount of messaging before an in-person meeting? I used to wait what I now think is too long, because I've had conversations where the other person replied but then stopped; I'm having more luck asking people out around three or four messages.

[Prince Alexander]

As a straight man I can say with confidence I want to see Prince Alexander naked.

I just gotta know what the PA package entails.

Dress well, have style, have good body language, good voice and tone, confidently throw in fun/controversial topics to discuss, hopefully be over 6 feet (not required, but very nice to have because it amplifies everything you do, shorter people have to work harder) that's pretty much what swagger is. I don't really get why there is such an uproar about it - or is it the "white boy" part that's the issue. I guess people here haven't heard of self deprecating white boy humor before? Am confused.

[Lily Valley]

I know women on OKC get a lot of shirtless-pic morons messaging them for sex and everything, but I'm surprised that you get so few "normal" messages -- none, in the lot of them, this batch?

<snip, re: thoughtless short-answer replies>

That reminds me, what do the ladies of OKC consider a good amount of messaging before an in-person meeting? I used to wait what I now think is too long, because I've had conversations where the other person replied but then stopped; I'm having more luck asking people out around three or four messages.

Ini,

Please be a little patient with the ladies. Depending on where you live the gals you are messaging may get as many as 10-20 messages a day. Young women are so bombarded they'll often ignore their inbox and do their own shopping. My best friend is 26 and in a record day she got 50 messages and this city isn't that big. I was out of town for a month and when I checked my inbox last night it was completely full. 300 messages.

With that level of traffic it's hard to keep you fellas straight. The lady you were messaging may have read your profile but needed a memory jog. Sometimes it feels less rude to whip out a short reply when you have little time than to wait until you can be more thoughtful.

As to date timing, I have little patience with long OKCupid discourse and try to make plans the second or third message. I usually have to ask. I feel like some of the fellows on OKCupid would be happy to fool around on the internet forever and not meet in real life. I'd rather fool around on here. That said, ask away. The site is there for people to meet each other. I've been asked out and accepted dates on message one. Had a nice time too.

In general, I'll give a quick no thanks to someone with a thoughtless or empty profile. I'm also leery of people who find the questions "stupid". For the former, I assume they don't care if the people they meet have anything in common with them. As to the latter, some of the questions OKCupid asks are of fundamental importance to me and I won't waste my time with someone if the answers don't match.

I'm kinda curious as to how long you could keep replying "Hodor" to that guy before he started using proper words.

Done. We're at round 2. I'll keep you posted.

Don't they have couchsurfing specifically for that? I had a friend who found someone through that site to show him around Chicago sometime last year. I can understand looking for a tour guide though, especially if you know absolutely no one in the city and are travelling alone.

Exactly. I'm busy and looking for someone to date. I don't have a free Friday to show a total stranger around who doesn't have the good sense to use the appropriate service to look for company.

These queries always start with, "Hey, I'm coming to New Orleans on (insert holiday). Lookin for a pretty lady to show me around. "

Aren't we all?

That said, if any of my fellow boarders ever come to town (even PA) I would be DELIGHTED to show you around.

[Inigima]

Ini,

Please be a little patient with the ladies. Depending on where you live the gals you are messaging may get as many as 10-20 messages a day. Young women are so bombarded they'll often ignore their inbox and do their own shopping. My best friend is 26 and in a record day she got 50 messages and this city isn't that big. I was out of town for a month and when I checked my inbox last night it was completely full. 300 messages.

With that level of traffic it's hard to keep you fellas straight. The lady you were messaging may have read your profile but needed a memory jog. Sometimes it feels less rude to whip out a short reply when you have little time than to wait until you can be more thoughtful.

I understand but I'm skeptical. To me it comes off as disrespect. The first time, sure, I get it, but if you're still corresponding by the time you've traded a couple of messages, it would be nice if you read what I wrote by then. Not doing that makes me believe you didn't think I was worth the time investment.

But yeah, I get that there are a lot of messages coming in and that people are busy. This girl is a med student and I don't imagine she has a huge surplus of time, so I've been giving her the benefit of the doubt. But people like me are typically trading messages with a bunch of people, and like you, we have to choose who to take the time to get to know. If other people I'm interested can find a couple minutes to read my profile and you can't, maybe I decide to follow up with them and not you.

It sounds like I'm in more or less the right place as far as how long to wait before suggesting a meetup, which is good since that's what my anecdotal experience seems to indicate. I would probably have asked this last girl out by now or be planning to do it in my next message, but these exchanges have been so brief it would feel really weird.

EDIT: The corollary is that, while a woman might be receiving 10-20 messages a day, some of us are initiating conversations with similar frequency. I'm not suggesting that that's not a large volume of communications for you to get, but if someone is messaging you, you know the person messaging is interested, so you have to check the profile and message and decide whether you're interested enough to answer, respond to the message, and maybe provide a "conversation handle" for them to reply to. That's not nothing, but those of us who are starting the conversation have to step up to the plate not having any idea if the recipient will be interested, read the profile and decide, and write a message interesting enough to get an answer, and we sometimes do it with similar frequency. And unlike people who are primarily or only recipients, we can't just summarily discard a bunch of the messages as hookup asks. I think you, and others, underestimate the magnitude of the task.

By all means ask people out, even make first contact if you find someone who looks interesting. One of the best relationships I ever had came about because someone on OKC messaged me first.

[Sci-2]

Dress well, have style, have good body language, good voice and tone, confidently throw in fun/controversial topics to discuss, hopefully be over 6 feet (not required, but very nice to have because it amplifies everything you do, shorter people have to work harder) that's pretty much what swagger is. I don't really get why there is such an uproar about it - or is it the "white boy" part that's the issue. I guess people here haven't heard of self deprecating white boy humor before? Am confused.

Yeah, it was the white boy part. It's just most people don't brag about sex - quality or quantity - they have over the internet. I give you points for bravado, but anyone can claim anything on the 'net.

While I wouldn't use the term "beta male" I sort of agree with your identification of men who end up being seen as less desirable partners.

Out of curiosity, is "porn star sex" just sex without any self-conscious limitations?

[Prince Alexander]

Yeah, it was the white boy part. It's just most people don't brag about sex - quality or quantity - they have over the internet. I give you points for bravado, but anyone can claim anything on the 'net.

While I wouldn't use the term "beta male" I sort of agree with your identification of men who end up being seen as less desirable partners.

Out of curiosity, is "porn star sex" just sex without any self-conscious limitations?

Well, this is a topic I feel strongly about, and consider it a huge issue in society, causing a cascade of other issues, so I was replying seriously - then SG came in with very trollish accusations, so I replied trollishly, which was probably a mistake on my part. Nevertheless, I think I provided some entertainment to the board, and that's always good. I'm not sure if that was a brag, maybe subconsciously - as mentioned, I don't care for sex very much anymore, so bragging about it would be meaningless. I was really addressing SG's accusation of valuing women as sex objects only.

[Sci-2]

Well, this is a topic I feel strongly about, and consider it a huge issue in society, causing a cascade of other issues, so I was replying seriously - then SG came in with very trollish accusations, so I replied trollishly, which was probably a mistake on my part. Nevertheless, I think I provided some entertainment to the board, and that's always good. I'm not sure if that was a brag, maybe subconsciously - as mentioned, I don't care for sex very much anymore, so bragging about it would be meaningless. I was really addressing SG's accusation of valuing women as sex objects only.

Yeah, I wasn't trying to be malicious, I just had this image of someone being a sex superhero.

I think for a lot of people you what comes off as mildly offensive is you have this way of projecting your opinions onto others, that they are deluding themselves or settling when they say they are in happy relationships.

I suspect most people are happy not being polyamorous to the degree you are, but hold no judgement against you unless you're being deceptive about fidelity or something akin to that.

[Greywolf2375]

Guys (and girls), if you don't try, you will never get anywhere

And there in lies the rule to dating. Yes, sometimes someone will "fall out of the sky" and ask you out, it does happen. not to me, but it does happen.

Ya have to ask...to try. a little more than just "sending out the vibe" and a little less than "omigod, I've said no 19 times" - just ask. Worst that can happen is "no".

[Kelli Fury]

By porn star sex I can only assume he means getting his member injected with Viagra first, stopping often, and cheating to the camera

[Prince Alexander]

Yeah, I wasn't trying to be malicious, I just had this image of someone being a sex superhero.

I think for a lot of people you what comes off as mildly offensive is you have this way of projecting your opinions onto others, that they are deluding themselves or settling when they say they are in happy relationships.

I suspect most people are happy not being polyamorous to the degree you are, but hold no judgement against you unless you're being deceptive about fidelity or something akin to that.

I had best sex of my life before I became very promiscuous/poly, so the two probably don't correlate. Actually these days, I feel bad at times, because I have become jaded and disappointed about sex. I often feel drained of sexual energy and sometimes choose not to have sex to try and balance out a bit. Other times I crave it, but once after it's done, I feel like I've wasted time and effort. As with everything in life: too much of anything can never be a good thing.

But yeah, by porn star sex I mean fantasy sex/what most adults never experience and only masturbate to whether it's in porn, books, imagination, etc. Of course, porn sex taken literally is not very appealing due to realities of the industry, that's when abuse,drugs, stds, etc come in. But I really meant the glamorous picture of it.

[TerraPrime]

Mandy:

There are many variations of polyamorous relationships, and each group can have its own idiosyncrasies. So it's best to just inquire if you're interested.

But, in general, speaking of a two-people primary relationship opening up to find a 3rd, it doesn't mean that the two people in the primary relationship are any more unhappy with each other than any monogamous couples are. There are extremely few couples where the two parties are fulfilling the other person's needs 100%, all the time. Most people, who choose monogamy, simply choose to ignore the unmet needs, or they sublimate it into other acceptable social outlets, in favor of a more stable relationship. Polyamorous couples, on the other hand, are the ones who decide to actually go meet these needs head on.

That said, there are definitely ways to do polyamorous relationships and open relationships that I find problematic and unhealthy, and I would not recommend those approaches, or to be involved with couples in those situations.

As to how a couple goes about finding a third, that really depends on the couple and the nature of the polyamorous relationship. It can range from one person doing the active searching, but bringing potential candidates in for a 3-way meeting (sex or otherwise), to both couples searching together. For some couples, they're looking for a balanced triad, while others are looking for a secondary bf/gf for one of them. There are many permutations.

[Xray the Enforcer]

Oh please, we all know we're conversing with Vanilla Ice.

:lol:

[Derfel Cadarn]

I signed up for ok cupid and fired off a message to someone.

I'll regale you with my Ibiza experiences when im not typing from my phone. Nothing exciting involving me, but one of my two accompanying workmates got corralled by a hooker and paid 50 euros for a blow job while drunk.

[Ser Greguh]

Well, this is a topic I feel strongly about, and consider it a huge issue in society, causing a cascade of other issues, so I was replying seriously - then SG came in with very trollish accusations, so I replied trollishly, which was probably a mistake on my part. Nevertheless, I think I provided some entertainment to the board, and that's always good. I'm not sure if that was a brag, maybe subconsciously - as mentioned, I don't care for sex very much anymore, so bragging about it would be meaningless. I was really addressing SG's accusation of valuing women as sex objects only.

My questions were not trollish. The language you use is very aligned with that of the PUG group and if that was the case, I wanted to sniff it out.

Your views are extraordinarily weird, your assertion that "95% of the monogamous people you know are miserable" is hilariously stupid, and understand that your considering something to be a "huge issue in society" does not translate to that opinion being meaningful to someone whose views on relationships aren't predisposed to being aligned with yours (which will not be many people, I think).

[Ser Rodrigo Belmonte]

Guyz any ideas on how to achieve 1 nt stands?!

[naz]

Just when I thought this thread couldn't get any better....

[Sci-2]

Guyz any ideas on how to achieve 1 nt stands?!

You're in India right?

Give it up dude. Chances are insanely slim IMO, not even worth the hassle.

Now if you came to the U.S. and got involved in the New Age scene being Indian would give you some default game to work with...

[naz]

You're in India right?

Give it up dude. Chances are insanely slim IMO, not even worth the hassle.

Now if you came to the U.S. and got involved in the New Age scene being Indian would give you some default game to work with...

Ok, since we're seriously addressing this...

The chances are not quite as slim as you might think, Sci. Especially in metros like Mumbai and Delhi and among certain demographics. Happens all the time. Certainly not the same amount of sexual liberalism as in the West, but not "insanely slim" either. Basically, all he has to do is go to college.

[Durckad]

Guyz any ideas on how to achieve 1 nt stands?!

Step 1: Tell everybody that will listen that you post on an internet messageboard dedicated to a fantasy book series.

Step 2: Sit back and let the ladies come to you.