Algiz Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 I just have to mention my glowing admiration of Hard but Soft on the GioG-forum; I have read his piece of fan fiction at least once every day this entire week. I still laugh every time I read it, and for every Terry Goodkind Quote of the Day I read the funnier it gets. In case anyone here missed it, here it is: http://www.mfbb.net/demonspawn/demonspawn-...-1953.html#1953 I’m off to a party now; I sincerely hope I don’t start cracking chicken/goat/yeard-jokes to my mates when shitfaced, since I doubt any of them have even heard of Him. I look forward to curing my hangover with coffee and this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moosicus Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 It's a Friday, we need a light hearted child murder or slaughter of unarmed people heading into the weekend. Okay, if you insist, and to brighten the mood a bit: At the far end of the room, men behind a curved desk rose angrily to their feet. As he advanced relentlessly onward, Richard drew the sword. The unique sound of steel rang in the huge room. "I am Supreme Councilor Thurstan!" the one in the center, at the tallest chair, said. "I demand to know the meaning of this intrusion"! Richard was still coming. "Be there one of you who did not vote to sentence the Mother Confessor to death?" "She was sentenced to death for treason! Legally, and unanimously, sentenced by this council! Guards! Remove this man!" Men came running across the vast floor, but Richard had already closed on the dais. The councilors drew knives. <okay, so they aren't unarmed, but they're still middle-aged politicians with probably very little training> Richard leapt to the top of the desk with a scream of rage. The blade cleaved Thurstan in two, from ear to crotch. A swing to each side took off heads. Several of the men tried to stab him. They weren't close to fast enough. The sword found every robed figure, including the ones who tried to run. It was over in seconds, before the guards had made half the distance. ~Terry Goodkind, Stone of Tears A friend of mine once complained that Goodkind had a 'rape scene' or some sexually graphic scene in every book. Maybe next week each QotD will be one of TG's rape or near-rape scenes. That could probably take more than a week though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Algiz Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 There are more scenes like that in SoT? A friend of mine once complained that Goodkind had a 'rape scene' or some sexually graphic scene in every book. Here is a compiled list of the entire history of Terry Goodkind Quote of the Day, see for yourself: http://www.malazanempire.com/forums/showpo...p;postcount=322 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moosicus Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Here is a compiled list of the entire history of Terry Goodkind Quote of the Day, see for yourself: http://www.malazanempire.com/forums/showpo...p;postcount=322 Wow, I feel kinda famous now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 You can't say I didn't warn you all. I can never watch Purple Rain the same way again! Thanks, Moose. I think. All time classic quote of the day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wolf Maid Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Maybe next week each QotD will be one of TG's rape or near-rape scenes. That could probably take more than a week though. Wow. That's a lot. Richard leapt to the top of the desk with a scream of rage. The blade cleaved Thurstan in two, from ear to crotch. A swing to each side took off heads. Several of the men tried to stab him. They weren't close to fast enough. The sword found every robed figure, including the ones who tried to run. It was over in seconds, before the guards had made half the distance. This really shows Richard's skill. All those sword strokes, and his arms didn't even get tired! And the fight was over in seconds! Old men don't put up much of a fight, after all. And thanks for the link, Algiz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 I love how Goodkind has so little faith in his own ability to communicate that he has to lay things out for the reader like this: I mean, this is the kind of thing you expect Levar Burton to explain to little kids on Reading Rainbow. Man...that's insulting to the little kids AND to Commander LaForge... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Sun Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 :bow: Mad Moose, good parody. The worst thing is that, because of the context you've put it in, I don't hear the original song in my ear, but the cheesy choirboy version Baz Luhman included in his "Romeo and Juliet". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moosicus Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 This really shows Richard's skill. All those sword strokes, and his arms didn't even get tired! And the fight was over in seconds! Old men don't put up much of a fight, after all. What old men could ever stand up to Richard and his "thing"? Later on Richard discovers that Kahlans public beheading was an illusion, but at no point does he express any guilt over killing the Councillors who, really, didn't do anything. Of course, as you might notice, Richard doesn't feel guilty about anything, ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ran Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Okay, suffice it to say that my attention was brought to this thread from an unexpected direction. I'm not closing it, nor am I censoring it. I'm just going to state plainly that our acceptable use policy is that things posted here do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the administrators (i.e., myself and Linda). Furthermore, the AUP makes it obvious that promoting or encouraging illict or inappropriate activities (like, say, vandalizing Wikipedia) are bannable offenses. I'll quote relevant passages: Please remember that we are not responsible for any messages posted. We do not vouch for or warrant the accuracy, completeness or usefulness of any message, and are not responsible for the contents of any message. The messages express the views of the author of the message, not necessarily the views of this bulletin board. Any user who feels that a posted message is objectionable is encouraged to contact us immediately by email. We have the ability to remove objectionable messages and we will make every effort to do so, within a reasonable time frame, if we determine that removal is necessary. You agree, through your use of this service, that you will not use this bulletin board to post any material which is knowingly abusive, hateful, harassing, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, or otherwise violative of any law. I don't expect anyone on this board will actually have carried out such acts. If you did, shame on you. P.S. Goodkind's work is unadulterated trash, in my view. But whatever floats your boat, you know? I read some pretty trashy stuff myself from time to time. (Goodkind's not on that list, though). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moosicus Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 P.S. Goodkind's work is unadulterated trash, in my view. But whatever floats your boat, you know? I read some pretty trashy stuff myself from time to time. (Goodkind's not on that list, though). You've never read TG? Wow, this thread would be a lot more fun for you if you did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ran Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 I've read enough of it years ago to see no need to continue. Outlawing fire isn't my cup of tea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moosicus Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 But they have so much to offer beyond that. Child abuse, rape, s&m, chickens, goats, I hear there may be a jive-talking hippo in Phantom. Everything a book could possibly offer that you would like to shit on is right there, including real human emotion and the nobility of the human spirit. What could be better? You agree, through your use of this service, that you will not use this bulletin board to post any material which is knowingly abusive, hateful, this makes me a bit nervous though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazzlebane Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Outlawing fire isn't my cup of tea. Hey, Prometheus had it coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xray the Enforcer Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Moose -- what is hate but a twisted, mutated, evil form of love? or something. anyway, let it be a lesson to y'all: play nice, or Ran will kick you in the jaw!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elrostar Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Erm, yes I think you are probably correct, but I watched it on MTV UK so they get the credit for it Congratulations Elrostar on being the only person to ever mention my sig in a post even if it was not to say it is funny and it is funny so there Hmm, I will allow you to give MTV credit for it, I suppose And yes, it is funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 anyway, let it be a lesson to y'all: play nice, or Ran will kick you in the jaw!! So is Ran Richard? Or is he GRRM? Me am confusededed now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 What? You don't recognize the lyrics from "When doves cry" by Prince? For shame. Aw, you didn't use the best line from that song, "animals strike curious poses"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brys Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Several of the men tried to stab him I would never have guessed that. Goodkind never fails to surprise. I wonder what the other men were doing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Werthead Posted July 7, 2006 Author Share Posted July 7, 2006 Nearly at GK5, although I'm wondering if really the madness should be encouraged any further. [ponder] Ironically, when I first suggested to Werewolf v2 that a seperate forum should exist somewhere for humourous TG discussion, I actually meant somewhere to host a thread like this one, not what turned into GioG. Unusual how these things develop. [/ponder] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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