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Goodkind XIX: Making spaghetti bounce since 1994!


WLU

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No, Mad Moose is his nom de plume.

Something I've long suspected Mad Moose(MM) is The Yearded One(TG) himself!!

MM/TG comes here for research purposes and get a dose of sanity away from his other (TGs) fans. My theory continues in that TG/MM write the books to see how big of a negitive reaction he can get. This site feeds his anti-ego and he will continue to pump out the adventures of Richard/TG/MM until these threads die.

Research all previous 18 threads devoted to Richard/TG/MM and you'll see that MM was driving them all! Why would anyone put themselves through that if he didn't believe that any press is better then no press at all?

Damn, busted. Well I had a good run. :D

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My alcohol-pickled brain recalls that we did have some SoT themed drinks back in Goodkind XV, right about here. I couldn't find any recipes for something like this, which is quite celerious.

The Bloody Tairy

3 shots of vodka (preferably from a former Communist Bloc country that now has some form of democracy)

8 oz Hot and Spicy V8 juice

2 pitted green olives

2 cocktail onions

2 large peppercinis, stems removed

2 sticks of moral celery

2 cocktail picks, of the sword variety

1 lemon wedge

sea salt and pepper

Write the word "Truth" on both cocktail picks. Spear the olives (they represent the torsos of your enemies, with holes blown through them), the cocktail onions (the testicles of your enemies), and the peppercinis (the withered ears of your enemies) onto the picks, in whatever order your individuality tells you to do.

Wet the edge of a pint glass with the lemon wedge (your sour disposition), and encrust the edges with salt (which you shall sow in the fields of your enemies while engaging in a guerilla war).

Pour the recently-liberated vodka and the collectivist vegetable juice into a pint glass, add ice to fill the glass. Pepper the drink as you would pepper an SoT book with speeches. Stab the cocktail picks into the heart of the drink while muttering "Bringer of Hangover Relief" repeatedly. Stir the concoction with the moral celery, and consume.

I also had an idea for a "Melon-sized Hole" drink, involving Midori, but couldn't come up with anything.

My mistake. Maid Sansa did this one

and Mindonner commited this atrocity

Good, I almost forgot about the noble queen. I can't recall who, but didn't one of the lemmings have a TG wearing a turban avatar?

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My alcohol-pickled brain recalls that we did have some SoT themed drinks back in Goodkind XV, right about here. I couldn't find any recipes for something like this, which is quite celerious.

I can't recall who, but didn't one of the lemmings have a TG wearing a turban avatar?

Nice drink. But I defy your "vegetarian" bloody mary. You should at least have the sense to add some beef broth or clamato to make that a man's drink. ;)

And it was Hark who had the Turbaned Yeard avatar.

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Nice drink. But I defy your "vegetarian" bloody mary. You should at least have the sense to add some beef broth or clamato to make that a man's drink.

Well, see...this is a pre-Naked Empire Bloody Tairy, before Richard discovers that his vegetarianism is not truly "deserving victory" ( Wikipedia, "After this revelation he once again began to eat meat, because he realized that his actions were justified in themselves and required no additional balancing.").

From Naked Empire forward, one should "Deserve victory", and either replace 2 oz. of the V8 with beef broth, or the entire amount of V8 with Clamato and 3 dashes of Chipotle Tabasco, and drink like a real War Wizard.

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I have much humorous commentary to provide.

It's Lemmings of Discord, I think. Not molerats, WLU.

It's a portemanphrase. Communist.

You'll only be worthy of my worship if you carve a statue of yourself representing life.

How about a photo of me getting drunk? Would that be close enough.

Statue or nothing. However, you are allowed to choose the materials. I suggest carving it out of poop, using the cover of the Sword of Truth books as chisels. As a subject, either Tairy himself, or Richard Rahl. Of course, with either one you could just leave them as piles of poop, on top of the book covers for easy flinging.

'Praise Be To His Name' I would guess.

Fanatic Templar is correct, and gets a prize. My respect. Tell your friends! WLHHTU, naturally, means 'We Love How He Touches Us'.

I thought Terry Goodkind is his nom de plume.

Surely, his real name is not Goodkind?

Nope. Actual name is Yeardi vonNamblecock. Naw, it's Goodkind. If there was any justice, it would be Bernard Douchebag, or Alice Hemorrhoid. Or Sue. If it was a nom de plume, he'd pick something like Richard ... Phoenix. Or Tairy Hardonforrape.

MM/TG comes here for research purposes and get a dose of sanity away from his other (TGs) fans. My theory continues in that TG/MM write the books to see how big of a negitive reaction he can get. This site feeds his anti-ego and he will continue to pump out the adventures of Richard/TG/MM until these threads die.

If only this were true. All we would need to stop him would be to end the threads.

Zap, where are the dougnuts in the picture?

Though the picture is an excellent starting point, I think that in addition to the doughnuts it also needs more buckles. Gold. At least a dozen. And an agiel hanging around his neck; phallic, like a big rubber dick.

I have a suggestion, based on Goodkind's extrapolation of how the magic in SoT works:

Goodkind XVII: Making the spaghetti bounce

I was scrolling back through previous threads, and I realize that long before myself, this thread title was suggested by Erzulie the Unruly (above)! I must apologize and dedicate the thread to him. Obviously I'll turn in my objectivist hat and eat my own testicles. *Gulp* :sick:

Final point - reading through Stone of Tears I found this. Looks like Mystar isn't the only one who copies and pastes in his work.

The Bird Man laughed, even though he had already heard the story threee times by now. Savidlin laughed and slapped Richard's back. The hunters laughted and slapped their thighs. Richard laughed as he watched them react to Kahlan's translation. Kahlan laughed at seeing Richard laugh.

So, I guess Richard laughed, and all the men laughed?

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Well, see...this is a pre-Naked Empire Bloody Tairy, before Richard discovers that his vegetarianism is not truly "deserving victory" ( Wikipedia, "After this revelation he once again began to eat meat, because he realized that his actions were justified in themselves and required no additional balancing.").

From Naked Empire forward, one should "Deserve victory", and either replace 2 oz. of the V8 with beef broth, or the entire amount of V8 with Clamato and 3 dashes of Chipotle Tabasco, and drink like a real War Wizard.

What about Kahlan and the others, do they get to have drinks, too?

(I suspect Kahalan's would have Roofies in it for the almost rape)

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Wow...I leave for two days and miss everything! :bang:

For a real recipe, take a look at this:

Stew ala Tairy

Ingredents:

3 testacles, preferably human. For maximum enjoyment, use namble cock.

20 ounces of Wild Turkey Bourbon

5 pounds of hamburger - cows are discordant too!

2 spines - human only. Tear out with bare hands for maximum freshness.

5 stalks of celery - self-explanitory.

10 pounds of enemy flesh - human ememies only.

5 chicken-that-are-not-chickens breasts.

Assemble ingredients in hole cavity made in enemy's chest. Roast over an open fire for 3 hours, or until you feel its done. Serve with Bloody Tairy, and eat while painted white for maximum enjoyment. Serves one - how can a true individual share?

And before I forget: Moose guide me, Moose protect me, Moose make me his own. I shelter in his celery. :bow: :bow: :bow:

ETA: removed the goat ingredient.

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Final point - reading through Stone of Tears I found this. Looks like Mystar isn't the only one who copies and pastes in his work.

The Bird Man laughed, even though he had already heard the story threee times by now. Savidlin laughed and slapped Richard's back. The hunters laughted and slapped their thighs. Richard laughed as he watched them react to Kahlan's translation. Kahlan laughed at seeing Richard laugh.

So, I guess Richard laughed, and all the men laughed?

Wait until you get to the goat. ;)

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3 testacles, preferably human. Goat can work in a pinch

GOATS WILL NOT WORK IN A PINCH YOU GOT-DAMNED PEDERAST COMMUNIST GOATS ARE NOBLE CREATURES AND ARE TO BE TREATED AS SUCH NOT USED AS A SHITTY ALLEGORY IN YOUR 2-BIT PARODY YOU PUNK :mad: :mad: :mad:

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More cool info about goats:

Pictured here is Toodle's favorite, Dewlap, who won the most awards of any goat in history. Among the honors Dewlap garnered are:

Communist Hating Goat of the Year

1950-1957

Sleekest Coat

1953, 1955-1957, 1963

Supple Hooves Special Mention

1952, 1955, 1960

Goat Most Likely to Appear on the Cover of The New Yorker

1956

Atomic Energy Commission's Goat of the Year

1957

Goat Most Feared by Indochina

1964

John Birch Society Goat of Distinction

1968

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GOATS WILL NOT WORK IN A PINCH YOU GOT-DAMNED PEDERAST COMMUNIST GOATS ARE NOBLE CREATURES AND ARE TO BE TREATED AS SUCH NOT USED AS A SHITTY ALLEGORY IN YOUR 2-BIT PARODY YOU PUNK :mad: :mad: :mad:

Very well then...recipe will be re-written to include some other kind of...ingredient....I've got it! See new updated recipe! If that doesn't make an O'ost out of you, only Richard can. :P

Confessor will be the last book Tairy writes about Richard and gang. whether or not that is the last book ever, however, is in doubt. It is secretly believed by many that a new series will follow, chronicling the O'ist experiences of Richard and Kahlan's baby boy, coincidentily named Tairy.

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Is Confessor slated to be the last book that Goodkind ever writes?

If the Gods are kind, yes, but they seldom are so...who knows?

TG has said it will be the last, but as JCoj ha pointed out, I don't think it is. It has been my belief he will create a new series, with Richard and Kahlan's son as the lead.

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Can anyone elaborate on moral celery for me?

I'm a Goodkind virgin, I have to admit.

Though I guess that's a virginity to be proud of after reading these threads.

Welcome to the GK boards.

Moral celery pertains to moral clarity, which, according to TG, Richard has in abundance and what Lemmings of Discord lack.

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I also had an idea for a "Melon-sized Hole" drink, involving Midori, but couldn't come up with anything.
Ooh that's a tricky one. Midori is too sweet to be mixed with any of the ingredients that must be part of any SOT drink. Maybe you could find acceptable substitutes and go from there? Say, grenadine (the blood of your enemies who obviously deserved it) and cherries (the testicles of your enemies). Properly liberated vodka would probably still work as an ingredient, though light rum would be better if there's a brand with sufficient moral celery to qualify. Alas, my mixing skills suck or I'd try and come up with a concoction of my own.
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