The Prince of Porne

I am tired of the excuse of Feast and Dance being the reason why this season wasn't good, to me this is nothing but people not understanding their are people outthere that actually liked a Feast for Crows and Dance of Dragons. Like Linda said I am not in a hurry to get to the end.

If anything I have a whole new appreciation for Feast and Dance after watching what Season 5 of GOT did with their material.

I wonder if Grrm would ever consider releasing "remastered" versions of AFFC/ADWD, splicing the stories back together chronologically and adding in the chapters that were moved to TWOW (Battle of Ice, Battle of Fire, Cersei's trial, etc.) to bring each story to a more natural climax at the end of Dance. Almost certainly not, but I think that would be an amazing read and would buy him some time with fans to complete the rest of Winds.

There's no doubt the show is still entertaining in its own right - as goofy, wild escapism that you don't have to think too hard about. A lot of people are fine with that, and will continue to ooh and ahh at the shocking deaths and the dragons and "White Walkers" and Tyrion's wisecracks. Good for them, I suppose.

But an adaptation of ASOIAF this is not - not any more. I'm not upset because the show is different from the books - I'm upset because it's so vastly inferior to the books. With the incredibly deep and rich source material they were handed, and with their production values and the talented actors that were cast, HBO had all the materials to create a masterpiece of television; I know they have limitations in time and budget, and that not every minor character is going to be represented or every minor event depicted (so don't give me the "books and TV are different, durr" stuff), but that hardly explains crap like the abomination that was Dorne this season, or the incredible dumbing-down of the entire Northern subplot. The amazing book dialogue is discarded more often than not, replaced with the show writers' own dialogue (spoiler alert: it's not as good). They cut the likes of Wyman Manderly and so many others but spend a bunch of screen time on unnecessary and uninteresting show inventions like Ollie, Myranda, whoever the guy is that Loras was sleeping with, etc. The characters are so one-dimensional and dull, nearly every plot line robbed of its excitement and intrigue. Just...such a waste of so much potential.

I agree that TWOW not being out yet is on Martin, and the show shouldn't be expected to wait for him. I don't think anyone expects that. But watching how D&D handled the material that was already published doesn't give me any hope for how they will manage the story once they're completely off on their own.

I think I'm done with anything ASOIAF-related until we at least have a release date for TWOW. Then I'll start a reread of books 1-5. Hopefully TWOW is out before Season 6 is all I can say.

And until that time, the Stannatics can STFU about D&D getting it wrong.

If a book 6 comes out and if Stannis is not to blame then the Stannatics can complain. But ranting on for pages and pages about the 'stupidity' of D&D when they don't know the facts only proves that they are the mental midgets here, not the showrunners.

If Stannis does end up burning Shireen at some point (which very well may happen), it will be under very different circumstances and I doubt it will feel as wasted and needless as last week's scene did -- because D&D can't hold a candle to GRRM as storytellers. They went out of their way to shoehorn that event into a situation where it wasn't needed and made no sense, and they do deserve criticism for that whether or not something kinda similar ish eventually happens in the books.

The only thing the showrunners have done to make GoT 'worse' than the books..

:lmao:

This would normally go in the now-locked (for some reason) Rant thread, but I read a review where the author derisively referred to Stannis as "a commander who relies on sorcery to win battles."

That's right:

"I defeated your uncle Victarion and his Iron Fleet off Fair Isle, the first time your father crowned himself. I held Storm's End against the power of the Reach for a year, and took Dragonstone from the Targaryens. I smashed Mance Rayder at the Wall, though he had twenty times my numbers. Tell me, turncloak, what battles has the Bastard of Bolton ever won that I should fear him?"

Now we know that if Stannis wins the Battle of Ice it will be due to blood magic -- he could never be a match for Ram(bo)sey otherwise.

3/10

9/10...best this season, and it's not close.

Really good episode - and it's been a while since I've been able to say that.

Hey all! I'm once again here this week to tell you why this episode was again crap, rated PG-13 for mods!

-Dorne is still 1 small city in the intro. Did D&D really go this many episodes without a map?

-Thorne is first ranger despite never having been a ranger. BRAVO, D&D. I think they just apply ranks to named characters they actually know about without any thought to it.

-Theon is an awful Reek in this show. He knows he's Theon and just says Reek to not piss Ramsay off. He's not the insane wretch who literally thinks he's Reek and Theon is a separate person. And no, the changes he goes through in the books don't count because at this ep proved he's still at the point he's still loyal to Ramsay. Can we also talk about how shitty the Sansa-Theon dynamic is? Sansa just towers over Theon and orders him around and shakes him angrily. The mutual heartbreak, their bonding in misery, and the general atmosphere of tragedy that loomed over Theon and Jeyne in the books is gone. This feels so hollow as a replacement.

-Aemon just sort of dies after 5 minutes with no explanation. How underwhelming . We weren't even aware he was dying last episode. D&D treated this like something they forgot about then suddenly had to go through the motions about. And what he was even wrong with him anyway? WHO KNOWS! Plotitis. Do they really think including a fan-favorite quote would change how bad this was?

-Sam's arc has been completely ruined with this banal garbage. First they take away his journey to Oldtown, now they take away all the friends and respect hes made. Sam the Slayer is cool in the books because it's actually a title, not mockery.

-AND HE INSTANTLY KNOWS JON IS LORD COMMANDER TOO! D&D must have put skype in Westeros or something by this point because news travels that fast. Their world is so much smaller, and that ruins so much of it.

-Davos story is complete garbage still. Instead of being with based Manderly and going off to fight unicorns in Skagos we get him just throwing away lines to Stannis just so the actor can pay the bills. Why did D&D see fit to reduce Davos to zero importance while introducing such plot-vital characters as Missandei, Grey Worm, and Olly?

-THEY MENTION THE STORMCROWS. Okay, thinking about this gave me a headache. So they put Daario in charge of the Second Sons a few seasons back despite them being the Stormcrows and there being no Brown Ben Plumm. Yet now they mention the Stormcrows, who are in Westeros for some goddamn reason. What is the point of any of these changes? Do D&D think if they change enough shit people will think this story is theirs and not Gurm's? Well who would even WANT "this" train-wreck of a story to be theirs anyway?

-Stannis is just randomly horny in this scene and tries to hump Melisandre out of nowhere. WTF was up with this scene? Do they not understand's Stannis' character? Would he really just bang in the middle of a war council? After leaving him alone this season, D&D are back to character-assassinating Stannis.

-This Gilly rape thing. LEL. What is it with D&D and rape? Do they think it makes the series mature? Do they think a rape scene automatically makes everything uber-sophisticated? What hacks. They cut out Sam's Oldtown arc, Marwyn, Braavos, Salleras, and the Grand Maester Conspiracy for ANOTHER RAPE SCENE.

-Jon went to Hardholm apparently without Ghost. WHY. There was literally no explanation. On top of it being goddamn nonsensical for Jon to go in the first place, they put this icing on the cake.

-Now in their infinite wisdom, D&D seek to waste 5 minutes on another awkward sex scene. Reminder that this trite is what we're getting instead of glass candles, the Old Man of Oldtown, and Maester lore.

-WHERE IS THIS SLAVE AUCTION. So they got captured outside the Smoking Sea, yet now are seemingly right outside Meereen. Did they literally walk 1,000 miles or so? Wtf is going on?

-Tyrion's ADWD arc is again reduced from a descent into insanity with redemption via purity into LEL COMEDY XD! LOOK HE BEATS UP THE WHIP GUY XD! What garbage. At least Tyrion being mummer made sense in the books because he was with a dwarf who was ACTUALLY A MUMMER and they could perform. This excuse in the show for him to go with Jorah...I can't get my head around it? They think he's a good fighter? Nobody could, he's a dwarf and just stomped on that guy a bit. Why would a slaver waste gold and make him a pit fighter? Wtf is going on? Why is nobody in this show never making any sense?

-Olenna just strolls around inside ISIS (aka Show-Sparrows) HQ with no guards. Cersei does this later as well, and it's fucking stupid in the show. In the books not being guarded around them is passable because the High Sparrow is a legit priest and the Sparrows aren't insane gay-murderers...But holy crap in the show it makes NO SENSE. Everyone calls them fanatics in the show, but D&D just treat interactions with them like they're the book Sparrows. BRAVO.

-Where exactly in The Seven Pointed Star or The Faith does it say that being gay is this huge deal, to the point the High Septon would directly intervene in it? WHERE? Because it's never there in the books, gay is a taboo but not the be-all end-all. It wasn't even this bad in the IRL Middle Ages, people looked the other way. D&D trying to insert this contemporary fedora atheism gay rights stuff into the story is just ruining the mythology of the world.

-Olenna just points out the absurdity of these show trials. I like how D&D seem to constantly have characters yell about how none of this makes any sense, and someone else just shrugs it away like we're supposed to accept that as an excuse. This is some self-aware stupidity.

-Tommen just sits there with his mouth open and moans. He screams about how he can't do anything when he just sat there when Margy got arrested anyway. Why not just make this shit 8 years old again? Why did D&D bother aging him up again? So he could have a LEL XD sex scene with Margy? Because that literally is the only thing they've done with him that they couldn't do with book Tommen.

-I love this nonsensical show excuse for why Tommen can't meet with the High Sparrow. "Oh you shouldn't unsully yourself as King to meet with this fanatic". HE'S THE HIGH SEPTON, THE HIGH SEPTON IS A REGULAR FACE AT SMALL COUNCIL MEETINGS. WHY DO YOU FORGET STUFF YOU PUT IN THE PREVIOUS EPISODES D&D. D&D sometimes rarely encounter their logical inconsistencies and actually try to make an excuse for them, but these excuses NEVER make any sense.

-So Jaime just ran into the residence of the Martells and they put him in a nice hotel room. Then they address his concern and show him Mycrella? Wtf is the point of this? Lordly courtesy? Plot convenience? It makes no sense given he just led an armed raid into the Watergardens and pulled a sword on Doran's heir. On top of that given that the Martells are THIS cooperative with the Lannisters that they look the other way when they attack them, why was it necessary for Jaime to even go here instead of just send a Raven and ask them to give Mycrella back?

-THE CRINGE SNAKES RETURN. LEL CLAPPING EYE ROLLS AT BRONN XDDDDD! Freak you D&D, you know there's actually subtle legit non-cringe humor in the books because the writer isn't a complete hack? TRUE FACTS. Now, there's just so much wrong with this scene. First Tyene gets naked because D&D have to meet the boob quota again or something, why is she doing this? To say she's hot? Why does she want to prove this to a Lannister stooge? Do D&D know the Sand Snakes aren't like this in the books and they actually have class? Then somehow Tyene is able to calculate her boob flashing with the EXACT moment that this poison would start to take affect, so she can then give him the antidote? WHY?! WHY GIVE HIM THE ANTIDOTE?! HE JUST TRIED TO KILL YOU AND YOU WERE SHOWN AS PSYCHO MURDERERS IN PREVIOUS EPS. Why would you kill a messenger but spare someone who attacked you? WHY FLASH HIM. WHY DO ANY OF THIS? Are D&D just looking to give them something to do and think that showing some nudity makes the show mature?

-Can someone tell me what the fudge Littlefinger is doing running around in KL? He has a Vale to run and just gave up Sansa for no reason at all now he's just wandering aimlessly around KL.

-They called this slaver with Jorah and Tyrion Yezzan. So long grandiose yellow whale, so long any uniqueness and personality to this arc. Hello cliched slaver #1352352. And on top of that the Wise Masters trip all over themselves to desperately please Dany. Seeing her face real enemies who treated her like garbage was actually interesting, not more sycophant crap with Dany, which we see all the time.

-D&D have another apparently logical inconsistency going. So these fighting pits were supposed to be for only free men now who do it according to their own will. Yet Jorah and Tyrion were captured and are being forced into this as slaves. So wtf is going on? You could claim "well they lied and are having slaves pitfight but it's said in the show how many of the pit fighters want to fight and how high an honor it is so why use slaves? It made sense in the books for Tyrion and Penny to be a slave at least because they were brought in from Yunkai which didn't agree to any of this stuff, but in the show they completely surrendered.WHY DO D&D FORGET THEIR OWN PLOT.

-Jorah just waltzes through the slave fighter gate into the pit. WHY WAS IT UNLOCKED. WHY WOULD YOU UNLOCK YOUR SLAVE DOOR (and as we established, these people are slaves apparently).

-WHAT IS JORAH HOPING TO DO BY KILLING ALL THESE GUYS THEN REVEALING HIMSELF. Jorah is desperate in the books but at least he doesn't do completely nonsensical things. Why didn't he just free Tyrion then rush out with him as a gift? Why do this fighting crap? Does he think it'll impress her? He knows Dany well enough to know it won't. D&D just put this in here so we could see how "badass" Jorah is. SCREW LOGIC.

-Show Margy is so boring. There's an enigma too her in the books where you don't really know where she stands and if she's just faking the politeness or what. Here she just screams that people are mean names and throws crap at them.

-So D&D have an ancient chapel so old people dunno who built it in KL. Do D&D realize KL is a new city? Do they have understanding of this world they have so utterly ruined?

-How much do you wanna bet Cersei is gonna be charged with some banal crap like "you had sex with your brother" and not regicide, producing an illegitimate king, and killing the High Septon? HOW MUCH YOU WANNA BET.

That's all for now folks. I'll be back next week. Weekly reminder that the show has been garbage since season 2 and the books are better.

LOL, I live for these posts after each episode. Thanks, dude.

No one cares about Tysha actually, she was not necessary to the story. It's a great detail in the books, showing how vicious Tywin was and giving more depth to Tyrion, but in the series there's no reason to add 300 details (especially when the viewers can't recognize all the 500 cast members - "Who is this again, the guy with the beard?"). Tyrion is at the exact same point as in the books, with or without Tysha. R+L=J is really important for the future.

Yeah, I'm not saying the two things are equal in importance to the plot (though I think removing Tysha robbed the Tyrion scenes in "The Children" of a lot of the punch they should have had... Would have loved to have seen his parting scene with Jaime as it was in the book, with him losing his shit and vowing revenge on his family) ...just that a lot of people were arguing that Tysha was left out because no one would remember who she was after so long, which is clearly untrue. If the showrunners felt it was important enough to bring back into the story, it would have been easy enough to jog people's memories.

Doesn't the sudden bombardment with R+L=J foreshadowing really disprove the "No one would have known who Tysha was because she hadn't been mentioned in 3 seasons, durr" excuse? I'm pretty sure just about all non-book-readers had no idea who Rhaegar and Lyanna were, but a couple of 30-second reminder scenes took care of that.