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Lizard Queen

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Everything posted by Lizard Queen

  1. If anyone doesn't want to be recognized on a dating app/website out of embarrassment, just remember that the other person(s) is on the app too . I'm sure they're not judging.
  2. (Vent, not sure I want to discuss the topic)
  3. It's been so much quieter out here since the cocaine dealer left, to the point I hardly ever hear anything outside anymore. My roommate was on vacation nearly a week until yesterday and I didn't go to bed feeling nervous even once. I honestly used to feel a little afraid when I'd go to sleep at night in here, especially while I was alone. There were always random, rough looking cars and/or people next door at the guy's apartment. I wondered if he wasn't selling drugs before my roommate told me he tried to sell her cocaine. Anyway, the roommate used to smoke (not cocaine lol) outside in her car in our alley parking lot and had had a couple of scary incidences that involved some strange person who had been out there, one of whom who knew the neighbor. So it just seemed like we had shady people coming through, some drawn in by him. I knew that had a lot to do with why I didn't feel too safe here. I hope he's gone for good.
  4. Thank you for your well-wish :). (I didn't realize you'd sent it, so now I've responded "late") Sounds like you're doing good work on anxiety and it's been better lately for it . Hopefully a health scare that turned out to be an non-serious wound can help you feel more optimistic if you go through any sort of similar incident in the future? --------------------------------
  5. Ha, my roommate said he once described himself as a "piece of shit". Looks like he was gone after they dropped by on Thursday (surprise!) From what I hear though, he's not allowed to come back to his apartment at least, so I'm happy about that
  6. On Thursday a long white van was at the neighbor's apartment. IIRC, there was a police squad car out back and front also. The neighbor talked to someone in some kind of blue uniform/jacket I'd never seen before (the person in the van had on the same uniform), and let them in his apartment building. On Friday, there was another long white van, camouflaged hummers, multiple squad cars, people in camouflage (which included helmets) who had big guns, multiple police officers, and many people in the unfamiliar blue uniform. Someone on a loud speaker (I believe) identified the apartment address, announced that they were the our local police department, said they had a warrant to search the home, and told the occupants to come outside with their hands up. I tried looking out my bedroom window, which faced opposite side of where most of the police vehicles and personnel were around the buildings. There was a hummer out there (right in front of my building) and one of the camouflaged people with a gun. When I looked out my window he'd look up at me and bump his gun up too -- not directly at me, but it was unnerving anyway lol. I mostly stayed away from my window. My roommate said the neighbor tried to sell her coke once. I guess that has something to do with all of this.
  7. I realized I didn't slip once this winter lol
  8. Ooo, I still listen to 2000's music pretty regularly . 2000's pop punk sounds like it is/could be good be for me~
  9. I've never tried weed and didn't try alcohol until after I was 21 (then didn't try it again until I was 29). I think I've drank maybe 4-5 times in total over my life now. I was possibly drunk the time I drank at 21, and probably tipsy on another occasion I drank (neither state had been sought or expected by me, but I didn't really try to avoid them either). But I've never felt curious/interested in weed (or anything harder) and have just not had much interest in alcohol either. I'd say it's mostly wanting my mind to be clear, but also one of my parents was a substance abuser and I think that just left me feeling uncomfortable with "substances" to an extent since. The time I was tipsy was fun, but I felt no desire to get tipsy (or go anywhere further) again. I was once high off a prescription med unintentionally (side effect) too. It also was pleasurable and interesting as it happened, but like with the tipsiness I felt no desire to re-experience such a state. I didn't have strong feelings about either experiences when I reflected, but I mostly didn't like the compromised judgment and altered behaviors I'd had (or could have had), and felt negatively about the states I'd been in on the whole. I don't feel any different now and I will probably just continue in my lack of recreational substance use as I have been. I don't look down on those who differ, I'm just not interested.
  10. I've mostly started a routine of biking about 25 miles on my stationary bike when I use it. It seems like how I hard I push myself when biking makes a bigger difference to my energy level by the end of the day than I would have anticipated. Going at a leisurely pace about the whole time doesn't seem to sap me nearly as much as a faster pace that causes me to breath hard even though it was all 25 miles the same.
  11. Ugh, that's what I'm worried about. I'm afraid of losing time to side effects and falling behind on stuff...
  12. 1st dose of Moderna covid shot complete. They shot us around the shoulder. There were two people giving the shots so two of us went in the room at once and the line moved pretty fast. It just felt like a pin prick to me. We sat in an "observation" room for 15 minutes afterwards to make sure we didn't have an allergic reaction. I had the shot about 3 hours ago and haven't really noticed any sort of side effect so far, besides a little bit of arm pain at moments.
  13. I've felt weird since yesterday. I have two school tests this coming week. A friend of mine has had breathing problems for months and has slept a ton this week after getting sick with what seemed like some bacterial or viral infection. No diagnosis has come up yet for the breathing issues, but their recent bout of sickness I think just simply worried me more than I probably would have been given the breathing issues and feeling a little more stressed than usual anyway. The friend also had cancer in the past (which was part of my worry), but it sounds like that's not the probable cause of their breathing difficulties from what they explained of their diagnostic tests so far when I asked today...
  14. I'm getting my first round of the vaccine through work on the 12th, yayyy
  15. I'm going to a personal trainer this Friday to help me get comfortable using a barbell to start a routine with it. I've had one for years I've never used regularly because I'll get nervous that I'm not doing the exercises right and perhaps on my way to some injury that hasn't become apparent. My mother had herniated disc and ended up with a metal rod in her back, chronic pain, and multiple back surgeries. I've heard that it was injury related (I've heard two different stories about the injury too, ha), but I should note that her spine is straight; there is no S-curve. I've noticed that at least one of her brothers and a first cousin have straight spines -- I guess it's something that runs in the family, and they probably have it from birth? But yeah, whenever I've tried to start a barbell routine on my own I always end up nervously backing out before long. I think the thing with my mother kind of haunts me in this way, ha... I'm hoping a few sessions with a personal trainer will help me feel more comfortable using the barbell.
  16. It works for individuals too . Well, as I've understood it -- identifying your emotions in a detached way (such as with "this is sadness" or "I am experiencing fear and worry", instead of just going with the emotional flow or personally identifying with it (for example, "I am sad")) helps you to put your head over the water when you're emotional. You won't be as caught up in your feelings and whatever they are compelling you to think and feel. The article author exemplified this when she wrote about keeping a centered/healthy detachment from her emotions while her husband was seriously ill -- she told herself "I know that I am experiencing anxiety and fear right now and I don’t know what will happen, but I am going to just ‘be’ with it.” She was able to avoid going into some painful, counterproductive thought processes as a result. This detachment should dull the pain of whatever you're going through, and ground you a bit more. Well, perhaps to the contrary in some cases, you might become more emotional after identifying and acknowledging an emotion because you hadn't allowed yourself to feel it beforehand (you might have been blocking it out, whether you meant to or not). That's still good -- that means you are now letting that emotion out to run its course. That's what the acknowledging and accepting part is about -- just letting yourself process your feelings so they can leave your system. The detachment piece helps you to keep aware that you're just experiencing an emotion, and it's not going to last forever and the nasty things it could be telling you aren't necessarily true.
  17. Thank you Small correction (I must have been vague by accident) -- he texted me personally that I was crazy. Not sure if he's bad mouthed about me to other people. I talked to some our friends about what happened, but none of them are closer to him, so they shouldn't have known if he'd done so. It was shitty of him regardless though! He has definitely not been a friend or mature. I don't like him or trust him at this point. I like your suggestion about just telling others our past interactions caused drama if they ask why I don't talk to him. Thanks for your response! Thanks, I can manage that I think he'll get the hint fast and not talk to me anymore. (I'll see him about anytime I'm with our friends as a fuller group. He's always there ) Thank you For what it's worth, he and I were just friends (he did like me as more than a friend while my feelings were platonic, which is how our friendship pretty much ended). He never treated me the way he did after our friendship ended while we were still friends, so this wasn't something that had been happening at least ("at least," I guess, haha). I definitely agree that people should be with someone who is excited about them and respects them though! That's how it should be. This is okay -- I'm not sure if boundary misunderstandings play a role in his behavior and I haven't taken any actions with him I'd really want to do over. Just regardless, I think I'm just going to ignore him, haha. I think he's done giving me grief, so I don't think I'll get some kind of crappy reaction for it... Thanks ! Thanks all for reading and replying! I appreciate your advice (and also encouragement on ignoring him for my own inner peace and dignity, haha) <333
  18. Thank you for your reply! I think the manipulative jerk thing is about right. Besides the "loco thing" -- that conflict we had at the start came when I made a well-meant joke on what he'd claimed was his former attraction to me (and he'd also said more than once that he was over everything). He went off, saying "you always find ways to make conversations weird which is why I avoid texting you" and then ranted about how I'd throw pillows at him when we watched movies, saying I made things weird even then. He never said anything about that little outburst even when I called it out. I think it's probably true that talking to him about what he did would be a waste of time in the end; he has rude outbursts (even if they're really brief and not manipulative) even on his other friends. Even if he's regretted it afterwards and they even bluntly told him he was being an asshole, he'll just eventually go off again . Honestly, I don't feel a need to take care of his emotions! I had no problem cutting him off from contact with me after he insulted me (my phone sends blocked messages to another folder, which is how I read his later texts). We were around each other regularly before covid because of our mutual friends. I was earnestly concerned about tension or acrimony between us just making things uncomfortable when I'm trying to have fun. I guess it would all pass though (or mostly so that it's not such a bother?) eventually anyway, haha. I don't think he'll be a jerk to me in our group at least. Thanks for you advice. I do feel more encouraged in following what feels comfortable to me .
  19. Would anyone have advice about a problem I'm having with a friend/ex-friend? It's not about dating or romance in my life personally, but that is part of the problem... I feel embarrassed by how long it is -- numerous details seemed important.
  20. Thanks (this is the article I followed, if anyone is interested: https://www.gottman.com/blog/6stepstomindfullydealwithdifficultemotions/) And thanks for your own tips (they were directed at Toth, but of course anyone could use them)!
  21. I feel like talking about how I let out a lot of emotions to process them a few days ago, but the whole thing sounds weird . I think I'd unintentionally bottled up many emotions over something that's played out over a few months, and I'd also been upset on and off about something that happened on NYE that is connected to it. I had a moment a few days ago where I just felt emotional and tried to deal with it in a different way than how I had been. I Googled about emotional detachment because it was a technique that had been helpful for me in the past to process emotions. Found an article on "dealing with difficult emotions" that ended up being very helpful. As to detachment, it suggested saying something like "this is [emotion]" as you otherwise let yourself emote. I followed the other suggested steps (I did cry). I felt better afterwards, and didn't realize I still had pain over some of the things I emoted. I'm not really upset about the NYE thing anymore, and it hasn't pained me to think about some of the things I was sad about (with/without realizing it) from months ago. Well, I felt angry about the latter drawn out situation over the past few days, but I think that was probably healthy and normal as I move on...
  22. lol I told my friend I wanted to listen to music while I took a shower but there was nothing in my music playlist nor anything I thought of that I wanted to listen to. He asked if I wanted to give his favorite band a try and I was glad we were texting because my face just soured right away . I don't particularly like his music .
  23. I believe I've been hormonal -- I'm feeling sad right now after feeling mad almost all day. Earlier I was alternating between feeling like being alone and then feeling needy, hahaha (that's a new one).
  24. I've had a drawn out drama with a now exfriend since we quit being friends in September. I won't go over the details (well, not all, ha)... He sent me a text a few days before Thanksgiving where he called me "loco" for no reason apparent to me. It was harsh and kind of out of the blue. I blocked him after that. We have mutual friends and we all talk as a group over WhatsApp and do stuff together (of course). So it worried me that he seemed to harbor acrimonious feelings towards me since I can't avoid him. It also wasn't helpful for my moving on process to see messages from him to our other friends all the time, and stuff he was doing with some of them that I would have been invited to previously... I happened to find an automatically rejected phone call record in my phone's call history around the middle of Dec. He called again (to no avail because of the block) the day after Christmas when I was talking to a couple of our friends in our shared WhatsApp group. He left a nice reply to a NYE gif I posted today. I think he feels guilty about being nasty to me. Maybe I won't bother talking about many situational details. I was mostly over the friendship loss by late October or early November. But events last night left me feeling upset about this crap again. Basically, I think I just feel like he left me (as a friend). Some of the things he did or said after our friendship loss were just nasty and uncalled for. Even emotionally manipulative (like when he told me I'd been "bat shit crazy" and said he thought I was "loco"). I really never did anything to hurt him. I always just wanted peace and for us to be respectful. I've felt mad about the disrespect again today. I don't like him now. I don't plan on talking to him over the phone about whatever he was going to say. Frankly I don't care about the apology I think he wants to give. I also don't care to discuss what's happened between us. I'm also partly worried the discussion would backfire like our other "discussions" did. I'm tired of drama, and I think it's understandable for me to bypass talking to him given how he's spoken to me in very inappropriate ways that upset me. I did block him for my mental well-being. I just want him to not bother me again, which I don't think he will at this point.
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