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About ladderjhn

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  • Birthday 07/29/1992

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    Wichita, KS

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  1. ladderjhn

    Mental Wellbeing Thread

    I recently read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I found myself contemplating my life and all that stuff and found that there are a few areas in life that I could improve to make my life better. By happenstance I found this book at a used bookstore and immediately liked the concept. Just 12 months of 12 areas to look at! That didn't sound bad. I'm really not depressed though. I just want to know for the future if I really am depressed that I did something before to bring myself out if a rut. For my twelve months I'm doing vitality/energy, religion, money, work, friendship/family, learning something new, passion in life, attitude, leisure, emulate a spiritual icon (maybe St. Francis of Assisi or Elizabeth Kubler-Ross maybe even Jack Kerouac), read A Course in Miracles, and happiness boot camp where I try to do all activities in the whole month. I'm planning on starting in October. I'm also listening to the author's podcast which is very interesting.
  2. ladderjhn

    Mental Wellbeing Thread

    Let's pull off the band-aid quickly. I have schizoaffective disorder. People with this disorder suffer from symptoms of schizophrenia - hearing voices, delusions, paranoia, social seclusion, impaired cognitive functioning, etc.- and a mood disorder. In my case, it is bipolar disorder. I got diagnosed in May of 2014. I lost all of my then-living grandparents and a cousin - who committed suicide and had bipolar disorder - in a one year period and I just lost my shit. I went to the emergency room because I started saying to my sister that I was in the Truman Show (like the movie). I got told that smoking pot - as little pot as I had smoked - and cigarettes led to this disorder. Since then I have been in in-patient for a week twice (once just to add an anti-anxiety medication). I have found that I lost my sense of humor and artistic abilities - this hurts me because I used to sell my art. My situation and condition is not as bad as most people with this diagnosis though. I have a job. I'm on medication. I'm living with my sister in a house that my parents own. And I have tons of support. I go to an organization where I can socialize with people who have mental disorders, and my parents are involved in NAMI. I don't pity myself. I know that this is a lifelong diagnosis and am prepared for that. I just hope that people are prepared for me! My sister on the other hand has just bipolar disorder (can you see that BP runs in the family). She was diagnosed about 10 months before me. She is a lot to handle. She does drugs, is suicidal, and has no job currently and is making no progress towards looking for one. She likes to play the devil's advocate around my dad who is really "set in his ways" and just does it to get under his skin. Sometimes it seems like she has no social graces at all. But when it comes around to her feeling depressed, I am always the one that she says these things like, "If I don't get $100, I am going to slit my wrists because I have nothing to live for" to. Does anybody have any suggestions on how to handle that or avoid it all together? I've given in so many times that it is pitiful and I know that she gets more money out of our parents.
  3. ladderjhn

    Dreams Redux...Redux?

    So before I fell asleep, I took a melatonin. The dream was short but this (and it is a bit crude so beware): I was outside and inside my room at the same time, flashing. Inside I was trying to sleep. Outside I was smoking a cigarette and masturbating. (I never masturbate so I found this quite disturbing.) I was stretching my leg so that it was up and I was leaning back and forth like having sex standing up. My next door neighbor said that he was going to report about lewd conduct to a gas station and drove off in his van. I came inside a giant, floating to the ceiling even. My mother, father, and sister were there. I said in a voice like I took helium, "I took melatonin". My sister said, "Me too". Then I woke up.
  4. ladderjhn


    Hi! I'm not really new just inexperienced. I used to be The Girl with Curious Hair, but there were some suspicious things going on on my account which was never resolved on who was doing them... I decided to come back and see what was going on and see some things, and, to me, it got clearer about who was logging onto my account! I'm sorry if this concerned anybody. I didn't mean any harm but I decided to get a new email and username just in case. Anyway, I decided to come back because I liked being here in my spare time with lots to read and to learn some opinions.