One-Eyed Raven

Not sure if this qualifies as a rant because I kind of like it, given where we've ended up. Have we given any thought to how our new three-eyed overlord enforces his rule when the honeymoon is over? I hope it's scary warging tricks. Mouth off in front of the court? Maybe Bran wargs you and you run around with your pants around your ankles shouting "Bran is the man! All hail Bran! Bran has a great haircut!" Options for escalation should be obvious and terrifying and might involve a bear taking a shit on someone in their bed. Hopefully it doesn't come to that.

"Don't hate the player; hate the game." Truly, expectations have been subverted when it takes a dragon to make this statement. And so artfully.

The solemn gathering of the "great lords and ladies of Westeros" was impressive, wasn't it. Starks comprised, what, 30% of the assembly? And they were gathered in the first place to...decide Tyrion's fate, I suppose. Cool. The rules are different for Bran, of course, but it seems odd that he would choose that specific moment to reveal that he knew all along how this would resolve. Reasonable people might inquire whether he also knew hundreds of thousands of innocents would burn so he could be king. Reasonable people might also light his wheelchair on fire, roll it toward the Blackwater, and at least TRY to sit Jon on the throne. You remember Jon, the lovable doofus whose STORY includes a freaking RESURRECTION and KILLING the woman responsible for all those CHARRED CORPSES just offscreen thus DELIVERING Planetos from more of the same...in spite of appearing to love said woman. Who, we're told, may have oh so recently and rapidly gone nuts in no small part because it was JUST SO DAMNED OBVIOUS that everyone wanted him on the throne, not her. But fuck Jon, am I right? Sansa never liked him anyway.

Well, yeah. Tone specifies spread, volume specifies intensity. There's a lot of nuance to these "dracarys" commands. Again, we could have used a training montage.

I'm glad I snapped a few episodes back. It takes the sting out. I don't know what everyone's bitching about with Dany's supposedly too-sudden descent into madness. Her hair was messed up and she looked haggard early in the episode so ipso facto she was crazy. It's like you people aren't even watching sometimes. Turns out Varys the Spider, Master of Whisperers, schemer and survivor extraordinaire, is pretty lax about discussing treasonous treasons in the open where anyone can hear. In his defense, Tyrion is short so he's easily overlooked. Tyrion produces a key to release Jaime. Is there only one key in Westeros? Or at least among Team Dracarys? I'm all for efficiency in prisoner management programs, but this goes too far. Jamie, upon realizing he's about be shut out on the wrong side of the gate: "Soldier!" After waving his golden hand around, as if that's the only thing anyone remembers about Jamie Effing Lannister, Golden Lion Kingslayer, literally the Queen's twin, in King's Landing. The Golden Company. Did we just change our mind about what to do with these guys or what? I get that there wasn't time to do anything here, but why open this can of worms in the first place? Euron is THE BEST. Just washes up on the beach, no questions or complaints, ready to be a dick wherever and however necessary. I mean, I certainly have a bunch of questions about why that scene calls for an immediate battle to the death, but then I'm not Euron Greyjoy, soldier and/or sailor of fortune and professional asshole.

It happened offscreen. A lot of "I don't understand it, this glass keeps breaking when I smash it with my hammer!" Then a montage of inventing safety goggles, consulting some ancient scrolls in the library, adding a pinch of this or that, etc. It's possible I'm watching the show for the wrong reasons now.

Now, I could be wrong but I remember her calling him a hero, not specifically a war hero. I think he's more wizard than hero. Maybe a wizard-hero? What else do you call a guy who single-handedly invents a method for melting and hammering volcanic glass into an array of weapons (some custom from crude, not-to-scale drawings) and uses that method to outfit an army in like a week.

I'll forgive everything if every remaining minute of the show is just Jaime beating everyone to death with his golden hand. Tastefully done, of course. Except the Unsullied gathered outside in the...perfectly logical barren waste outside King's Landing. To make that swim without losing their armor, shields and weapons. These are the real heroes.

Yeah, that's weird. It's almost like the overall narrative in S.7 might have benefited from developing this a bit more. Cersei: Oh, shit. The North remembers. How'd they do that, though? And more importantly - did they find the fruit basket and thank you note Tywin sent? Qyburn: This can only be the work of the Faceless Men because reasons. And yes, they know. They removed Lord Frey's head and stitched a pineapple in its place. Cersei: I want a Faceless Man. I want a Faceless Man right now! Cersei and the four or five other people at KL would have something to do in S.7, at least. And - arguably - it sets up a more reasonable showcase for Arya's mad skills in S.8. Black ops gymkata makes more sense in KL than in the Godswood, at least to me. But there was the Wight Hunt to attend to, so I can see where there was no time for this sort of thing.

Well, there has to be an explanation for the canals of Braavos being laced with powerful antibiotics in that episode. This could be it.

Good god, that's exactly what they did. The best explanation of Arya's unchallenged descent I could come up with was an invisible dirigible passing slowly and silently over the godswood. But the literal stage crane approach is much more elegant. These guys are the best trolls ever.

That is a fantastic point, staring us right in the face the whole time. But maybe the rules are different in a dream/vision/warging scenario. If only we had some reason to think there's something special about the NK's touch outside of the weirwood channel. [Insert iconic image of NK touching baby to create WW, copyright issues be darned.]

That's fair. It's just that there are three episodes remaining, and my wife is still enjoying this. The things we do for love.

I'm coming around. What's the beef about Arya flying in from offscreen to deliver the killing blow? We were prepared for this in 6.08, "Hardcore Parkour". (In hindsight, maybe The Waif was the better choice because she has the madder hops.) That's about when D&D decided to BREAK THE WHEEL of several seasons' worth of buildup around Jon, Dany and dragons meaning anything in relation to defeating The Others, right?

Wait, really? So...not a great idea for the NK to have a gap in his armor right there. Mike Tyson's Punch-Out in the end. Fantastic.