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One-Eyed Raven

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Everything posted by One-Eyed Raven

  1. Not sure if this qualifies as a rant because I kind of like it, given where we've ended up. Have we given any thought to how our new three-eyed overlord enforces his rule when the honeymoon is over? I hope it's scary warging tricks. Mouth off in front of the court? Maybe Bran wargs you and you run around with your pants around your ankles shouting "Bran is the man! All hail Bran! Bran has a great haircut!" Options for escalation should be obvious and terrifying and might involve a bear taking a shit on someone in their bed. Hopefully it doesn't come to that.
  2. "Don't hate the player; hate the game." Truly, expectations have been subverted when it takes a dragon to make this statement. And so artfully.
  3. The solemn gathering of the "great lords and ladies of Westeros" was impressive, wasn't it. Starks comprised, what, 30% of the assembly? And they were gathered in the first place to...decide Tyrion's fate, I suppose. Cool. The rules are different for Bran, of course, but it seems odd that he would choose that specific moment to reveal that he knew all along how this would resolve. Reasonable people might inquire whether he also knew hundreds of thousands of innocents would burn so he could be king. Reasonable people might also light his wheelchair on fire, roll it toward the Blackwater, and at least TRY to sit Jon on the throne. You remember Jon, the lovable doofus whose STORY includes a freaking RESURRECTION and KILLING the woman responsible for all those CHARRED CORPSES just offscreen thus DELIVERING Planetos from more of the same...in spite of appearing to love said woman. Who, we're told, may have oh so recently and rapidly gone nuts in no small part because it was JUST SO DAMNED OBVIOUS that everyone wanted him on the throne, not her. But fuck Jon, am I right? Sansa never liked him anyway.
  4. Well, yeah. Tone specifies spread, volume specifies intensity. There's a lot of nuance to these "dracarys" commands. Again, we could have used a training montage.
  5. One-Eyed Raven

    Rant & Rave without Repercussion: Burn It All Edition

    I'm glad I snapped a few episodes back. It takes the sting out. I don't know what everyone's bitching about with Dany's supposedly too-sudden descent into madness. Her hair was messed up and she looked haggard early in the episode so ipso facto she was crazy. It's like you people aren't even watching sometimes. Turns out Varys the Spider, Master of Whisperers, schemer and survivor extraordinaire, is pretty lax about discussing treasonous treasons in the open where anyone can hear. In his defense, Tyrion is short so he's easily overlooked. Tyrion produces a key to release Jaime. Is there only one key in Westeros? Or at least among Team Dracarys? I'm all for efficiency in prisoner management programs, but this goes too far. Jamie, upon realizing he's about be shut out on the wrong side of the gate: "Soldier!" After waving his golden hand around, as if that's the only thing anyone remembers about Jamie Effing Lannister, Golden Lion Kingslayer, literally the Queen's twin, in King's Landing. The Golden Company. Did we just change our mind about what to do with these guys or what? I get that there wasn't time to do anything here, but why open this can of worms in the first place? Euron is THE BEST. Just washes up on the beach, no questions or complaints, ready to be a dick wherever and however necessary. I mean, I certainly have a bunch of questions about why that scene calls for an immediate battle to the death, but then I'm not Euron Greyjoy, soldier and/or sailor of fortune and professional asshole.
  6. One-Eyed Raven


    It happened offscreen. A lot of "I don't understand it, this glass keeps breaking when I smash it with my hammer!" Then a montage of inventing safety goggles, consulting some ancient scrolls in the library, adding a pinch of this or that, etc. It's possible I'm watching the show for the wrong reasons now.
  7. One-Eyed Raven


    Now, I could be wrong but I remember her calling him a hero, not specifically a war hero. I think he's more wizard than hero. Maybe a wizard-hero? What else do you call a guy who single-handedly invents a method for melting and hammering volcanic glass into an array of weapons (some custom from crude, not-to-scale drawings) and uses that method to outfit an army in like a week.
  8. I'll forgive everything if every remaining minute of the show is just Jaime beating everyone to death with his golden hand. Tastefully done, of course. Except the Unsullied gathered outside in the...perfectly logical barren waste outside King's Landing. To make that swim without losing their armor, shields and weapons. These are the real heroes.
  9. Yeah, that's weird. It's almost like the overall narrative in S.7 might have benefited from developing this a bit more. Cersei: Oh, shit. The North remembers. How'd they do that, though? And more importantly - did they find the fruit basket and thank you note Tywin sent? Qyburn: This can only be the work of the Faceless Men because reasons. And yes, they know. They removed Lord Frey's head and stitched a pineapple in its place. Cersei: I want a Faceless Man. I want a Faceless Man right now! Cersei and the four or five other people at KL would have something to do in S.7, at least. And - arguably - it sets up a more reasonable showcase for Arya's mad skills in S.8. Black ops gymkata makes more sense in KL than in the Godswood, at least to me. But there was the Wight Hunt to attend to, so I can see where there was no time for this sort of thing.
  10. One-Eyed Raven

    What was the plan before Mel showed up?

    Well, there has to be an explanation for the canals of Braavos being laced with powerful antibiotics in that episode. This could be it.
  11. One-Eyed Raven

    What was the plan before Mel showed up?

    Good god, that's exactly what they did. The best explanation of Arya's unchallenged descent I could come up with was an invisible dirigible passing slowly and silently over the godswood. But the literal stage crane approach is much more elegant. These guys are the best trolls ever.
  12. That is a fantastic point, staring us right in the face the whole time. But maybe the rules are different in a dream/vision/warging scenario. If only we had some reason to think there's something special about the NK's touch outside of the weirwood channel. [Insert iconic image of NK touching baby to create WW, copyright issues be darned.]
  13. That's fair. It's just that there are three episodes remaining, and my wife is still enjoying this. The things we do for love.
  14. I'm coming around. What's the beef about Arya flying in from offscreen to deliver the killing blow? We were prepared for this in 6.08, "Hardcore Parkour". (In hindsight, maybe The Waif was the better choice because she has the madder hops.) That's about when D&D decided to BREAK THE WHEEL of several seasons' worth of buildup around Jon, Dany and dragons meaning anything in relation to defeating The Others, right?
  15. One-Eyed Raven

    [spoilers] So, in the end, the PTWP...

    Wait, really? So...not a great idea for the NK to have a gap in his armor right there. Mike Tyson's Punch-Out in the end. Fantastic.
  16. The Ghost stuff in the last two episodes smells like this. 8.02 "Oh, you're upset we parked Ghost for a season, are you? Here's your Ghost, slapped on like a bumper sticker on this battlement scene! That's the thing about Ghost, he's so quiet no one even knows he's there!" 8.03 "Run free with the Dothraki, Ghost! Because screw you - we never liked you anyway! No one will know what happened because WE'RE calling the shots here and that's hilarious!" I've never been able to stomach the Inside The Episode segments, but I'm beginning to think these guys are deliberately being dicks in some instances.
  17. On a more hopeful note, it's Sansa's time to shine as a community organizer. Someone needs to deal with that mountain of corpses besides any remaining Unsullied. They've had about enough of this bullshit.
  18. I'm most disappointed there was no "hit the brakes, he'll fly right by" reference in the air dragon sequence. Because that's about where we've ended up. Straight cheese. I'm dumbfounded the NK and his army are just gone, poof, like checking a box on a list.
  19. This gets my vote. I shudder to think how this could be executed in the time we have left in the show, but the NK just isn't all that interesting if he's not, say, a Stark coming home to collect payment on a deal struck to end the Long Night, something like that. Maybe Jon is The Prince That Was Promised...as a sacrifice to the NK, how's that for a crackpot theory?
  20. One-Eyed Raven

    Undead Viserion

    Seems like a minor gripe at this point, but I was a little put off by Viserion taking a javelin right to the fire plumbing, literally spilling pre-fire goo as he fell from the sky...then bouncing right back to breathe whatever it is he breathes to destroy the wall. One would think that needs to be a closed system from a hydraulics standpoint. I get that it has to be this way because it all looked cool, but spiking him through the eye leaves you more options going forward. Did the NK stitch him up? Rich platelet injections? Magic TIG welding crew (see: chains)?
  21. One-Eyed Raven


    I get the show and the books mixed up sometimes, but in general I think it's criminal what they've done to the direwolves in the show. Yes, the wolves are reflections and/or extensions of the Stark children, and maybe that's not sexy enough to justify the requisite CGI expenditure through the full series. Dragons are cool, dragons test better in the focus group or whatever, fine. But for me, this is about balance among the major players in the end, and about honoring the essentials of the source material. (The show made Littlefinger, Varys, Tyrion, and a bunch of other characters progressively more stupid over time. That sucks, but it's not what I mean by essentials.) I see these 'essentials' resolving in a big game of rock/paper/scissors. Starks/Targaryens/Others. A Song of Ice and Fire. Looking specifically at Jon - or I suppose it's book!Jon in this context - I think he's likely The Prince That Was Promised. That's a big effing deal in book!world. He's both Stark and Targaryen. He commands both a direwolf and (one would think) a dragon. That's what sets him apart from both Starks and Targaryens, ultimately. He's a chimera, in a sense, which (I think) connects him to book!Tyrion. Show!Jon is a dolt, first and foremost. But he's rightly tied to The North and now Dany and her dragons. Does this mean he no longer needs Ghost? Because dragons are cooler than direwolves? I think that misses the whole point. Jon is Ghost and Ghost is Jon, just as Bran is Summer, Arya Nymeria and so on. The wargy Stark children aren't *just* wargs, I think. They represent a rebirth of something greater, pointing way back to times when Children of the Forest, Giants, and weirwoods ruled the continent. Contemporary wargs and other skinchangers north of The Wall are reflections of that time, certainly, but maybe they're degenerate in the way the Targaryen dragons were toward their end before Dany. And that, I'd argue, is the real point. These are supposed to be the times when all these ancient prophecies come to fruition. Characters in both the books and the show interpret the prophecies incorrectly all the time, of course, but that doesn't mean we aren't gearing up for a battle with world-shaping consequences in Westeros, Essos, and beyond. (Cersei plays the game of thrones exclusively, and that's fine. But she's wrong in that you die, win or lose, and it doesn't matter much either way.) It's weird, unfortunate, and I think misguided to discard the direwolves along the way. They're shorthand for what signals the Starks as especially important in this struggle, just as dragons reflect and represent the Targaryens. It's so obvious I feel dumb typing this, but it can't be a coincidence that direwolves, dragons, and The Others all reappeared in this universe in the same generation. Rock, paper, scissors: you need all three or it's not ASOIF, and I think that's (or at least should have been) a minimal requirement for the show from the outset.
  22. One-Eyed Raven

    SPOILERS: Rant and Rave

    Maybe they discussed all that on the long walk from the crypt to the battlement. That did seem a little off, right? The horn sounds (and now I'm skeptical whether the acoustics make any sense here, come to think of it), cutting off THE TALK between Jon and Dany, and then we're looking out at the approaching bad guys with Tyrion. Did Jon and Dany walk the whole way together with those same pained expressions, saying nothing?
  23. One-Eyed Raven

    SPOILERS: Rant and Rave

    I'm not buying Sansa, Voice and Conscience of The North. For one thing, she appears to spend most of her skulking with Yohn Royce of the Not-North. Which is a pity, since she'd surely command leather-lined longjohns at minimum for the Unsullied if she took a single pass through their shivering ranks. Beyond that, what's plainly evident to everyone is that Jon is boning Dany and buzzing the Winterfell tower on a freaking dragon. Setting aside his actual parentage - which Sansa and the rest of the King In The North! contingent don't know about - it sure looks like the new political reality (assuming everyone isn't dead tomorrow) - is The North tied to the Iron Crown (and dragons!) by marriage. That seems like a strong position to be in. Sansa, by virtue of not getting herself killed while pursuing her childhood dream of marrying a douchey Southren prince, becomes Lady Paramount of The North. The balance of power in Westeros (again, assuming there's a Westeros tomorrow) shifts dramatically to The North. She's, like, the third most powerful person in Westeros when this all shakes out. Or she's dead like everyone else. Definitely dead if she pisses Dany off to the point where the dragons and assorted foreigners check out and regroup on Dragonstone. But hey, at least the food stocks won't run out.
  24. One-Eyed Raven

    SPOILERS: Rant and Rave

    Ghost is a Colorform sticker now. Where did it all go so wrong.
  25. One-Eyed Raven

    Rant and Rave Thread

    As always, credit where credit is due. Theon didn't blow the stealth maritime rescue by shouting "FOR YARA!" (And that scene was totally believable because Euron's men - as Euron reminded Yara whilst taunting her - are mute, and therefore would plausibly struggle to sound an alarm in timely fashion.)