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Beardy the Wildling

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Everything posted by Beardy the Wildling

  1. Beardy the Wildling

    Rant & Rave without Repercussion: Burn It All Edition

    Can you imagine D&D writing terms of surrender dialogue now? Lannisters: Stop, we surrender, we know it was Tyrion who sent you. Jon: I don't want it. Lannisters: A wise insight from a guy Tyrion, the smartest guy in the world, trusts. Jon: You are my queen. Lannisters: Where is Tyrion anyway? Tyrion: I'm here, mocking Varys's corpse because it has no cock. Lannisters: HAHAHAHAHA, THAT'S OUR BOY TYRION, WHAT A WITTY GUY! (Drogon burns everything, Seinfeld music plays)
  2. Beardy the Wildling

    Rant & Rave without Repercussion: Burn It All Edition

    What, are you implying D&D don't have the patience to understand the narrative importance of journeys or something? Cut them some slack, they're brilliant writers considering they never passed the seventh grade!
  3. Beardy the Wildling

    What happened to Ellaria??

    That was why Dany went apeshit! It wasn't just the bells... it was the fact that during her victory, her supposed triumph... there echoed a repeating word. Shame. Shame. Shame. Dingalingaling.
  4. Beardy the Wildling

    What happened to Ellaria??

    D&D kinda forgot about Ellaria Sand, and after the backlash the Dorne plot received, is it any wonder?
  5. Unfortunately, they wanted a good show, but needed the bad pussy.
  6. Beardy the Wildling

    Rant & Rave without Repercussion: Burn It All Edition

    I believe that the leaks are mostly accurate. They've been right about the major beats throughout.
  7. Beardy the Wildling

    Rant & Rave without Repercussion: Burn It All Edition

    Oh god, lol, if this is true, it just highlights how incompetent D&D are. D1: So, uh, we really like the shocking scene of King's Landing being burnt, but we didn't have the foresight to include FAegon or Jon Connington. What do? D2: EHHHH, JUST SLAP ON THE BELL-RELATED TRAUMA AND EFFECTS OF GREYSCALE ONTO DAENERYS LAST MINUTE, IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE. D1: Great job, D2. Now let's get drunk and film 'Inside the Episode' and give each other a handjob. D2: Took the cock, er, words right out of my mouth, D1.
  8. Beardy the Wildling

    They ruined Jaime once and for all

    It sort of got lost in the constant patronising glurge of 'women on top' that season. Along with 'let's murder the Martell family to avenge Oberyn Martell!' and 'We used Cersei rising to power as an excuse to cut out complex political machinations we lack the talent to write', but it's there.
  9. Beardy the Wildling

    They ruined Jaime once and for all

    Lady Crane claims she gets her healing skills from all the times she's beaten the shit out of her lovers for cheating/inconveniencing her, etc and had to heal them to hide the evidence. And of course Arya, our sympathetic heroine, laughs and nods. Remember, this was Season 6, height of D&D trying to employ their third-grader's understanding of feminism to the show to appease all the people accusing them of being sexist. So they compensated by normalising female-on-male domestic abuse! Charming! Remind me why we're supposed to hate the Waif for killing an unrepentant serial abuser again?
  10. Beardy the Wildling

    It is not a pale horse

    It's all faux-symbolic hack writing anyway. Knowing D&D, they probably intended it to be the pale horse of death (BECAUSE ARYA IS DEATH GET IT?) but fucked up and made it white. Given they couldn't even remember Dickon Tarley was younger than Sam, thus necessitating his exile to the wall, I don't think it's out of the question that they'd suck at biblical trivia. Heck, most Christians do too.
  11. Beardy the Wildling

    Possible explanation to "Dany gate"

    Unfortunately yes, too farfetched. While they no doubt took inspiration from the bombing of Dresden, the idea that D&D would give such care and attention to a theme that extends in depth beyond 'People are shit and you should feel shit', 'You want the good girl, but you need the bad pussy' and 'Maybe it's all cocks in the end' is unfortunately infeasible. Themes are for eighth grade book reports according to them. Just like how Dany kinda forgot about the iron fleet, D&D kinda forgot to establish the level of casual cruelty Dany was capable of. Because ruthlessness to your enemies and killing countless innocents to make an example are two very different personality traits. Not that D&D know. It's been nothing but 'Oh, she's killing enemies that didn't surrender, Dany must be craaaaazy' while also propping up Arya as a loveable POV despite her casually threatening to flay Sansa's face last season. In short: If you think D&D have been paying attention, you haven't been paying attention.
  12. Beardy the Wildling

    [SPOILERS] Another theory about what just happened

    I think a mad Dany could work in the books, given by the end of ADWD, she's deliriously dreaming in the Dothraki Sea suffering from dysentery after hard-ragequitting Meereen. She's actually suffering a little sanity-wise, so given time and commitment to such an arc, it could work. The problem with Show-Dany is there hasn't been any indication she'd mass-torch innocents after their associated city has surrendered. She's ruthless, yes, but not illogically insane.
  13. Beardy the Wildling

    Rant & Rave without Repercussion: Burn It All Edition

    See, I ain't a Dany fan either, but even I call character assassination when I see it. Dany is egotistical, ruthless, entitled... but she would never let loose on the civilians of a surrendering city. It just doesn't make sense, and anyone who says otherwise but still thinks someone like Arya is fine as a 'sympathetic', 'sane' protagonist is either high, stupid, in denial, or all three.
  14. Beardy the Wildling

    [SPOILERS] Another theory about what just happened

    I'm not sure how the Starbucks cup hasn't completely massacred any goodwill people may have for the show. Like I get it, maybe a fan doesn't watch Inside the Circlejerk and therefore hasn't been exposed to D&D's mind-numbingly idiotic 'explanations' for the show, and so has fun with theorising for explanations of the unknown/inconsistent. But the Starbucks cup says everything that needs to be said: They just don't care.
  15. Beardy the Wildling

    They ruined Jaime once and for all

    It's actually even worse than that, because Season 1 Jaime still sacrificed his reputation thoroughly to save the people of King's Landing. Come Season 8 and he's like 'I never really cared for these people all along'. To me, that's way worse than the going back to Cersei thing.
  16. Beardy the Wildling

    They ruined Jaime once and for all

    The same way Arya took six stabs, dropped into a murky canal, and got healed by a domestic abuser. Or Arya surviving a building falling on her. Anything Arya-related, really.
  17. Beardy the Wildling

    [SPOILERS] Another theory about what just happened

    They have 80 minutes left to get any plot twists that upend the entire story's plotholes and wrap the story up, and while most honeypotters have laid down their swords, some, like this poor soul, remain desperate for decent quality until the end. I feel bad for them, I truly do.
  18. Beardy the Wildling

    They ruined Jaime once and for all

    I fully maintain one of the Ds has an incest fetish and just didn't have the self control to keep it to themselves, given how much they romanticised both JaimexCersei and JonxDaenerys.
  19. Beardy the Wildling

    [SPOILERS] Another theory about what just happened

    I admire you trying to make excuses for this shitshow until the bitter end, but the leaks, which have been mostly accurate all the way through, indicate otherwise. This show has finally tipped its hand and revealed itself as something I've known since Season 5: Incompetent. There is no grand explanation, there are no fill-ins for the countless plot holes, there's no plot twists to justify each and every character-assassinating, continuity disregarding moment. When D&D themselves excuse inexplicable plot-demanded blindness with 'While Dany kind of forgot about the Iron Fleet', it's clear what's really going on; they're just bad writers. You're just one devoted, well-intentioned person of many acting as an apologist for hacks who don't deserve your loyalty. It was like this all the way in Season 3, when Talisa was totes a secret Lannister honeypot and it'd all pay off, it continued in Season 5 and 6, when Doran Martell was totes going to start his master plan, again in Season 6 when the idiot Arya that smirked around Braavos waiting to get stabbed was totes a decoy, and it remains that way in Season 8, when Jaime was totes going to King's Landing to kill Cersei. Sorry, mate. You seem like a nice, thoughtful person. Don't give D&D the same credit, because they are both mean-spirited and apathetic.
  20. So all of you guys know, just like I did in the previous season, I'm planning to write a massive recap/rant that summarises the final series of this shitfest. However, unlike the last one I might actually have time for analysis, because while Season 7 had a bunch of bullshit happening at breakneck speed, somehow season 8 feels simultaneously bloated and rushed; the arcs here aren't really of substance, and what substance that's there is shit. Context for my previous rant: Should I post my next rant on this subject, or the final ep's R&R? I'm fine to do either, so long as folks get to have fun reading it.
  21. I have a sinking feeling this is why GRRM is so evasive of watching the show. He probably knows he'd feel the desire to dracarys the whole series to the ground akin to a mad king.
  22. Beardy the Wildling

    Varys burns, Rhaegal returns?

    D&D kinda forgot about the stone dragons. Also, why would they resurrect Rhaegal on the last episode when, to the audience they're trying to extort, Rhaegal is just uncharacterised dragon #2, there to be aimbotted down by punkrocker teleport king Euron. Honeypotting this late on reeks of desperation.
  23. Beardy the Wildling

    [Rant] So are D & D just playing damage control, or are they actually stupid?

    You know, I hadn't even thought of the word sophomoric for their style of writing, but that's exactly it. Full of teenage edge and sex obsession. All the good guys are dumb bros and all the women are catty and incomprehensible. These idiots never grew up.
  24. Can you imagine the conversation they must have had? Barry: But Barristan doesn't die here, he stays behind and deals with the harpies! D1: Sorry, but Tyrion is a better character. Look, here's an 'I drink and I know things' mug! Barry: But this is just unceremonious and mean-spirited! D2: Unceremonious and mean-spirited is what we do. No seriously, here's a 'We hate emotional investment' t-shirt. We think it'll catch on.
  25. Lol, Barristan's actor fucked up there, but I was more talking about how he was pissed at D&D for having Barry's arc killed off XD
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