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Is he a ham?

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  1. Is he a ham?

    Did Ramsay actually geld Theon?

    He still wanted to bang that spear wife. If anything, Ramsay would probably take the dick but leave the balls so that he still has the urge but cannot act out on it.
  2. Is he a ham?

    ASOIAF characters + Greek Mythology

    So you're saying some random bastard (probably Gendry) would just come along and take her head? /s
  3. Is he a ham?

    ASOIAF characters + Greek Mythology

    Thor is a bit hot-headed and dumb but was an overall good guy. Zeus was a womanizer with many bastards. Zeus was also king while Thor was not. Also, Zeus's weapon was made by the smith Hapheastus who was crippled, kinda like Donal Noye.
  4. Is he a ham?

    ASOIAF characters + Greek Mythology

    I call her Aphrodite because she's hot and there are some similarities between the Tommen/Margaery and Eros/Psyche situation.
  5. Is he a ham?

    ASOIAF characters + Greek Mythology

    I think Donal Noye would be a better Hephaestus. Crippled smith.
  6. Just a little fun idea: Robert=Zeus - King and generally an asshole and womanizer who cheats on his wife and has many children. Edric=Hercules - Bastard and favorite son, very strong and hot-headed. Cersei=Aphrodite - Super hot and sleeps with a lot of people, seems cool at first but actually causes ALOT of issues, keeps trying to separate her son and his girlfriend. Stannis=Hades - Misunderstood by most people but always does his duties. Hated by almost everyone in-universe but has a large fanbase IRL (or modern-day in the case of Hades). Hades is technically eldest but he seems to have a case of middle child syndrome. One big difference is that Stannis cheated on his wife while not cheating on his wife is one of Hades' main shtick. Euron=Poseidon - associated with the sea and likes to rape and wreck things. Great Other=Boreas - Winter is Coming Lady Stoneheart=Nemesis - Represents vengeance and retribution. Sansa=Persephone - Once was idealistic and likes pretty things but was taken away from that life and grew tougher because of It. (Then again, Hades >>>>>>>>>>> Littlefinger) Robb=Athena - Brilliant tactician and leader. Pre maiming Jaime=Ares - Good commander but a bit of a hot-head. Littlefinger=Eris - Causes chaos and discord. Tyrion=Dionysus - God of Tits and Wine. Rhaegar=Apollo - Associated with prophecy, sexy, good with a musical instrument, can't get into a functional relationship without something going horribly wrong. Varys=Hermes - He's a messenger and a trickster. What do you think?
  7. Is he a ham?

    If ASoIaF Characters were Pokemon...

    I like these though I think Snorlax should be Strong Belwas
  8. Is he a ham?

    Did Ramsay actually geld Theon?

    I agree with most of what you said but I personally would value my tongue more.
  9. I could think of these... (f)Aegon would be Mega Charizard X Daenerys would be Mega Charizard Y Jon would be White Kyurem Any more ideas?
  10. Is he a ham?

    Did Ramsay actually geld Theon?

    That sounds like something Ramsay would do although It probably would be like his fingers where Theon beg Ramsay to chop it off. How would a flayed penis even heal?
  11. Is he a ham?

    Create your own Westerosi house!

    My second idea: House: -Longfang Sigil: -Orange serpent coiled around a spear with its yellow venom dripping down on the white spear head with black flying crows surrounding it on a red background. House words: - "Our victory is always certain" History: -The founder was a Dornish landed knight who had a snake farmer living on his land. The night before he rode forth to join forces against Aegon the Conqueror, the farmer handed him a jar of venom and adviced him to apply it to his spear and his men's arrows on the day of the fight. He joined with a small band of other Martell men and took a high rank officer of Aegon unaware. A skirmish broke out and the knight came into contact with the officer but their duel was interrupted by news of a supporting Targaeryen host and the Martell forces retreated. However, many of the injured men on the Targaeryen side soon passed away as the flesh around their arrow wounds mortified terribly and according to tales, though the officer lasted longest, carrion crows would soon surround him and he passed away from a festering spear wound. The death of this officer was one of the main contributing factor to Aegon's retreat from Dorne. The landed knight was raised to lordship for his contribution. Region: -Dorne Liege Lord: -Doran Martell Seat name: -Viper's Den Heirloom Weapon: -The spearhead used to kill the Targaeryen officer. -Jar used to contain and preserve viper venom. -Valyrian steel bastard sword looted from a Targaeryen follower. New hilt made from dragonbone wrapped in dried viper skin dyed red with a pommel fashioned into the shape of a viper head bearing ruby eyes. Heirloom Armor: -Burnished scarlet steel plate armor outlined with copper, with a breastplate featuring a detailed inlay of the serpent coiling around a long brown spear shaft, with bronze scales, thin lines of jet separating each individual scales, red ruby eyes with slits of jet for pupils, long white marble fangs dripping goblets of yellow topaz venom onto the metallic spearhead and a long, split tongue of black onyx, surrounded by onyx flying carrion crows. The gorget and pauldrons are each adorned with a single onyx crow with spread wings. -A hauberk of thin red mail is worn underneath the plates and assists in covering the gaps. -Simple open copper colored steel helm with cheek protection and a conical top, with a dried piece of viper skin painted red stretched out to envelop the helm. -Large cloak of red silk clasped by a single bronze brooch in the shape of a coiling serpent. Offers some protection against the harsh Dornish sun. Military: -200 mounted knights, 600 mounted men at arms and 600 mounted archers trained in light cavalry and guerilla warfare, specializing in scouting, skirmishing, and raiding. -Knights and men at arms are armed with 8 feet lances, curved swords adopted from Essos, bastard swords ,war hammers, and shields with daggers as backup weapons. Archers carry yew recurve bow, compact enough to use effectively on horseback. All of them carry jars of viper venom and cloths which they use to apply said venom to their weapons before battle or if they suspect a battle. -Knights are armored with breastplate, pauldrons, greaves, vambraces, mail gorgets, open helms, scail hauberk and padded gambeson. men at arms have scale hauberks, pauldrons, vambraces, greaves, halfhelms and padded gambeson. Archers only have mail hauberks, vambraces, greaves, padded gambeson and no pauldrons so as to maximize arm strength and flexibility. All of them have scarlet silk cloaks or coats to protect them against the Dornish sun. -Dornish sand steeds are lightly armored in chain mail. -1000 men at arms on foot armed with mail hauberks, pauldrons, vambraces, greaves, halfhelms, gambeson, spears and shields, and trained in phalanx warfare though they are also competent guards. They have orange silk coats and cloaks. Those on guard duties are armed with venom jars and cloths which they use to reapply the venom every two hours. They have orange silk cloaks and coats. -1000 longbow archers armed with mail hauberks, vambraces, greaves, gambeson, and yew longbows. They are armed with venom jars which they dip their arrows in. They have yellow silk cloaks and coats. Bonus: -The current lord, 16 year old Gerold Longfang is leading some of his "Scarlet Cloaks" to assist in the hunt for his namesake, Gerold Dayne at the command of prince Doran Martell.
  12. I highly recommend watching this series in particular: The Sengoku period has lots of things I personally love about ASOIAF: Heroism and Treachery, Loyalty and Betrayal, High Lords and Underdogs, Battles and Political plays, etc.
  13. Is he a ham?

    What modern profession/roles would asoiaf characters hold?

    Margaery could also secretly be a crazy cat lady.
  14. I made this post yesterday on r/asoiaf, thought I should post it here too. Disclaimer: I am a Stannis fan and have a tendency to make things more dramatic when praising Stannis INTRODUCTION Donal Noye was the armorer for the Baratheon family before being sent to the Wall,famous for making the war hammer that Robert used to slay Rhaegar. He's mainly important in the story and fandom for his descriptions of the Baratheon brothers, which is often referenced in discussions revolving around the personality and leadership skills of Stannis and Renly. Here is the quote: "Robert was the true steel. Stannis is pure iron, black and hard and strong, yes, but brittle, the way iron gets. He'll break before he bends. And Renly, that one, he's copper, bright and shiny, pretty to look at but not worth all that much at the end of the day." From what I've seen on this r/asoiaf and Westeros.org forum so far, most people seem to consider this to be an accurate description of the Stag Brothers. After all, Donal Noye is a farely minor character and It just seems like a clever way for George to tell us about the Baratheons. However, I believe we should take the aforementioned quote with a grain of salt. Firstly, Donal Noye hadn't seen the Baratheons for quite a long time and It's likely that he hadn't been able to grasp the whole picture and/or the brothers have matured and changed since then. Secondly and more importantly, his descriptions is fairly consistent with how other characters view the Baratheons: Renly being jovial flamboyant and Stannis being humorless and hard as nails. However, this view falls apart quickly once you actually scrutinized the brothers and their behaviors. I will propose my own analogy: Robert was Copper, Renly was Iron, and Stannis is the True Steel ROBERT BARATHEON: COPPER I'll start with Bobby B, The Demon of the Triden. According to most characters and Donal Noye himself, Renly is "bright and shiny" but we're also told that he is the splitting image of young Robert Baratheon. Young Robert was fearsome, tall, muscled with such charisma that he could turn foes into friends in a fortnight and a ferocity in battle that earned him the nickname "The Demon of the Trident". With such impressive traits, why would I or anyone ever suggests him to be anything other than true steel? Well, you would only need to take a second look at how Donal described Renly and copper: "bright and shiny, pretty to look at but not worth all that much at the end of the day. ". Note the "not worth all that much at the end of the day."and how not everyone's concept of "worth" is the same. Donal Noye is an armorer and his job is to make weapons and armor of war. Add to this the fact that he's from the Stormlands, one of the most martial region in Westeros, and It's pretty easy to deduce that what he values is battle prowess, which Robert had in spades. However, Westeros and we, the readers already know what had became of this great legendary warrior. In the end, he was no more than an empty shell of blunders, alcoholism and whoremongering, who couldn't hold his own against his wife, brothers, or even "his kids". Tension rose so high under his rule that his death sparked a civil war that killed millions. Just as Donal Noye said, shiny and bright and good looking at first glance but not worth all that much at the end of the day. RENLY BARATHEON: IRON Now, on to Renly, the iron. It is actually quite obvious once you think about it. Let's see Donal Noye's analogy of Stannis and iron: "pure iron, black and hard and strong, yes, but brittle, the way iron gets. He'll break before he bends." "break before he bends" is exactly what Renly did in A Clash of Kings. In their confrontation, Stannis asks Renly to bend the knee and offered some pretty generous terms, even naming Renly his heir until a son was born to him, which is unlikely at this rate. In this society, the younger brother bows before the elder right? No, Renly is adamant that he should and could be king simply because his force strongest and decides to fight Stannis, the very person who did everything so that young Renly could've live. In fact, If we was smarter than he was headstrong, he might've been able to team up with Stannis and backstab him later, but no. Whatever It may be, the result is the same. Renly was hard and strong, aye, with his army of one hundred thousand, but he's headstrong and brittle, the way iron gets, and he broke. A shadow demon slits his throat just as he was putting on his armor to fight his brother and rightful king. STANNIS BARATHEON: STEEL Stannis the Mannis. The Stannimal, The Besteros in Westeros, and the king who cared. Why is Stannis true steel? Donal Noye calls him iron but he, just like almost everyone, doesn't know about Stannis's ability to bend, especially after the Battle of Blackwater Bay. He's a pragmatist and adopted the faith of R'hollor even though he doesn't believe in it. He heeds the advices of Davos, a lowborn smuggler, and made him a lord and his hand. This man who supposedly adheres strictly to culture and law seems to value meritocracy more than anyone else in Westeros. While all the lords and kings squabble like children, he was the one who came to the Night's Watch's aid. While the Lannisters forces other houses back onto their side by force with threats and hostages and trebuchets (I still like you though, Jaime), Stannis bent over backwards and appealed to the Northern clans and houses' sense of honor and loyalty, even going so far as to make sure his zealot followers respect their religion. What do other nobles know of bending? They're a greedy lot filled with lust, envy, and low cunning. They're only interested in their self interests. Stannis knows that It means to endure , improvise, adapt, and overcome hardship. He knows what It means to be "True Steel". While Robert was covering himself in glory, Stannis was starving with his men in a long siege against a host of several thousands. While Renly was playing at war, Stannis was preparing for one. While Joffrey hid behind his mother's skirt, Stannis was leading his men into battle with his fleet burning behind him . While Cersei was garbed in silk and jewels and gossiping with Taena Merrywether, Stannis was in fur and steel, discussing battle plans with his followers. While Dany sat atop her pyramid dining on olives and other delicacies (I still like you though, Dany), Stannis was eating salt beef with his men. Aside from that, almost everything else the lords and ladies say about Stannis is wrong anyway. Stannis is humorless, except he has fantastic dry wit. Stannis is unloved but he inspires such loyalty that his men are willing to march through a hellish blizzard with him and even the worst of the worst, like Clayton Suggs are more likely to stand and fight than break and run. Regarding Tywin, aye, Stannis will fight to the bitter end, and then some, but that's what steel does, not iron. Iron will break before the bitter end while steel will flex and bend and does its duty. It's also possible that Stannis could be considered iron in this analogy before the battle of Blackwater Bay. However, through the heat of the wildfire and the guidance of Davos, the iron was forged into steel. Conclusion: All hail His Grace Stannis of the House Baratheon, first of His name, rightful king of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, Protector of the Realm, the King who Cared, The Grinder of Teeth, the True Steel, the Mannis, the One True King, Stan the Man, the Besteros in Westeros.
  15. Is he a ham?

    Did Ramsay actually geld Theon?

    Is there any conclusive evidence for this? The closest thing Is during Ramsay's wedding night and how Theon said that he has no "something" but It could just mean that he had no right. On the other hand, there's a scene where Theon wants to have sex with one of Mace's spear wives which implies that he still at least has his balls. So did ramsay actually cut him root and stem, did he just cut the dick, did he mayhaps flayed the dick, or did he leave Theon's privates alone?
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