Mediumjon Umber

Don't know if I'm more cynical than usual or if I'm just jaded with this whole fantasy bullsh*t genre after recently reading a couple of particularly sh***y books, but this episode was the worst of the series, not only the season.

Why the f**k was Sam happy? Didn't he just watch his sworn brothers kill the LC and turn on his friends? Isn't he, Gilly and her infant alone in the wolfinfested woods with the Others marching after them?

Except the climb and Melisandre's arrival at the BwB, this whole episode felt like it was composed of deleted scenes.

5. Not good enough.

7. If I remember this episode after the season's ended (which I highly doubt I will), it will be for all the nude BUTTS it contained. Seriously, the amount of buttockses was through the roof!

Disliked Harrington's acting (Jon getting all aggressive towards Orrell was dumb and weird as I think it was completely out of character for him), Beric vs the Hound was cool, Shireen and Davos was a great scene, as was Jaime and Brienne in the bath.

I didn't care much for the Ros scene. Hearing that Pod actually was a skilled lover was... meh, whatever. All the rest was as close to perfect you can get with a TV show.

Easily the best episode since s01e09. Blackwater was awesome, but it was mostly just flash and bang. This was a well-rounded episode that began where it should and ended as it should. Dany was freaking amazing at the end.

I only wish we'd gotten to see more of the sack of Astapor :P

Good, solid episode. Gave it an 8.

Loved the scenes in Riverrun, the moment Arya, Gendry and Hotpie had was touching, and the ending was pretty well done in terms of shock value.

Didn't like the scenes involving Pod's reward, and the fact that Stannis is becoming moody, creepy and jealous, and the silent scene with the small council was just silly.

AWESOME episode, despite the fact that most characters in it seemed to be travelling somewhere.

High point: no nudity! Funny thing, but the show feels a lot maturer when there's no need to for gratuituos nakedness :P

Things I loved: Looks like most people didn't like Cat talking about Jon, but it's always nice to delve deeper into their complex relationship. The Reeds were awesome (even though Meera looks a bit like Yara and I wonder if any nonreaders will get confused by this), and I cheered when they mentioned Howland. Thoros and the BwB were a great addition, as was the QoT and Crook as Orell.

Things that felt weird: The scene with Tyrion and Shae wasn't interesting. Still, I can see where things will go from here with those two. It will be tough to get over how much Bran and Arya have grown since season 1. It's easy to say this in hindsigt but maybe they should've gone with older actors, like they did with Dany. Plus, the banner of House Bolton looks an awful lot like the Union Jack...

Gave it the good ol' nine out o' ten. I didn't expect any flashy explosions and swordfights in the first episode so I wasn't disappointed, but it did make a lot of introductions to new plotlines and it had an ending that left an impression, so I'm pretty sure the pace will be getting quicker soon. 101 remains my favorite opening episode, very closely followed by 301.

Awful, absolutely awful. There are so many changes from the book, and all of them are terrible. The Bastard of Bolton doesn't sack Winterfell. The Maester Ludwin scene is bungled, and he looks full of vitality even though he's supposed to be dying, and this would be confusing for non-book-readers. The House of the Undying is just pathetic. The conclusion to the Qarth part of the series -- with Danaerys storming the city with a few men -- is absurd. Ghost doesn't intervene in the fight with Qhorin Halfhand; the dire wolves were almost entirely absent this season. Samwell hides behind a rock in the midst of an undead horde, which is goofy and unnecessary (he could have watched from a cliff).

*Luwin :P

And Sam is myopic, so him watching well, anything from a faraway cliff doesn't make sense.

A whopping 10!

If it hadn't been for a certain scene in KL I would've given this episode a 9.

But Sansa, little dove, your smile made my heart melt :')

10.

That was some serious amount of pig shit! :o

A solid seven. This one seemed to me like when the sea drains away before the tsunami hits the coast. Next week comes the bang. Merciful Gods, let it be a loud bang.

Meh, I gave this episode 6/10. Nothing really happened this time... Think I'll forget this one really fast.

• So Theon found Bran and Rickon and killed them. Gee, I wonder why they didn't show us that particular event when it occured :P
  
• Jon Snow in trouble again. Wait what?! Jon Snow? In trouble? Who would've thought...
  
• Jaime escaped... only to be captured again.
  
• Jon Snow is a virgin.
  
• Sansa getting her first period. How... uh... Fascinating...
  
• Cersei opened up to Tyrion and told him things we already knew in the first season.
  
• Dany will get her dragons back, yep. The reason they were stolen was just because someone wants her to visit his house, not because anyone hates her or wants her dead or wants to use the dragons to gain power. No, he would just like a visit from her...
  
• Meanwhile throaths are being cut, cancer patients are being multiplied, women in masks are using goat brains to paint the backs of men who are to travel past Valyria, and stuff is happening in a city that really isn't important to anything whatsoever that will happen later in the series.
  
• And finally, Jon Snow doesn't like it when you call his private parts club, bone and rocks.
  

There. Did I miss anything?

Jaime's murder is among the most stupid things I've seen in a long while...

It was dark and no one was around, so why didn't he just tell Alton to pretend to be dead? The guard wouldn't have noticed the lack of blood until he was close enough for Jaime to take him out... And if they wanted to show us how sly Jaime really is he would've told Alton they would split up during the escape. Alton, who was probably less experienced in the wild would be hunted down first, which would buy Jaime some precious time. That sacrifice of Alton would've made a lot more sense.

And having Alton alive until the next episode would've made more sense if they wanted to follow the book regarding Robb and Karstark. So Jaime did kill Torrhen Karstark, but why didn't they leave Alton alive for now? In the next episode, Karstark could've killed Alton - to us a familiar face by now - out of rage and grief, forcing Robb to execute him. That would've been much better than if Karstark would kill some unknown Lannister prisoners. Or what are they going to do? Will Karstark be the one to chop off Jaime's hand?

This was a brutally dumb scene...

"Gods help you, Theon Greyjoy, now you are truly lost"

That line gave me goosebumps! Theon has one of the most interesting story archs in the novels and in the TV show I like to think this scene is the moment he really begins his downward spiral. There's no turning back for him now. In season 1 Cassel was for me a pretty boring character but in this episode he totally redeemed himself. And Luwin... Poor Luwin. I like the TV show version better than the one in the novels. He really has some great moments.

I also appreciate that the writers decided to spice up Dany's time in Qarth because that was seriously a pace killer in the novel.

Arya, Tywin and Tyrion are fantastic as always, so I'm giving this episode a 9. The reason it doesn't deserve a top score is because of the teleportating envoys Cat and Baelish, and the lack of Vargo Hoat, because I don't think the show has enough lisping sellswords. Plus, I would've liked to see more of how the Ironborn took Winterfell. Well, here's to hoping that the writers decided to invest more funds in "Blackwater".