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Red Templar

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About Red Templar

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    Always sleepy. Mostly.
  • Birthday 08/16/1967

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    Ohio
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  1. Red Templar

    Goodkind XXVII: Welcome to the Yeard Reich

    I hope nothing's wrong. It's possible that they've been abducted by Tairy, and at this very moment are being tortured via nipple magic and being forced to eat their testicles.
  2. Red Templar

    Goodkind XXVII: Welcome to the Yeard Reich

    Perhaps you should have a few words with my boss about this. If you can convince him, I'm game.
  3. Red Templar

    Goodkind XXVII: Welcome to the Yeard Reich

    Wow. I'm quite disappointed in you guys - only 10 posts in this thread since I left work yesterday. Look, people - I count on you for my lunchtime entertainment, so I expect to see at least 2 new pages worth of posts each day. A paltry 10 posts, with no parodies and very few insults just doesn't cut it. Remember - every second you spend away from this thread, the Yeard grows more powerful. I expect a complete and total return to form tomorrow. Perhaps throw in some extra content to make up for your lack of performance last night. Death Choosers!!!!!
  4. Red Templar

    Goodkind XXVII: Welcome to the Yeard Reich

    Yeah, but I didn't want to over-complicate things for him.
  5. Red Templar

    Goodkind XXVII: Welcome to the Yeard Reich

    Very true. In fact, I've always known this. It is my job to do their thinking for them. Tairy sub-contracts this work out to me. And let me tell ya... man, is it ever exhausting. Here's a sample from an IM string I had to endure last night: #1 TG FAN: Hey, RT, do you have a minute? I have a situation. RT: Sure. What's up? #1 TG FAN: It's about my superman jammies. They're itchy. RT: Change them. #1 TG FAN: Into what? Anti-itch cream? I'm not a magician like Zedd. RT: *sighs* Take them off and put on a different pair of jammies. #1 TG FAN: Oh. Good idea. What do I do about the poop? RT: What poop? #1 TG FAN: In my pants. If I take them off, the poop will fall out onto the floor. RT: Why didn't you use the toilet when you felt the urge to poop? #1 TG FAN: I tried to IM you at the time, but you weren't online. The toilet seat was down. RT: *double sigh* I told you before - if that ever happens again, just lift the seat and do your business. You don't need to ask me. #1 TG FAN: Yeah. I remember. But the cat was on the seat. I couldn't lift it without squooshing him. RT: Have you considered a colostomy bag? #1 TG FAN: A what? RT: Never mind. Is the cat still on the seat? #1 TG FAN: No. RT: Good. Lift the seat and put your poop in the toilet. Don't forget to flush. #1 TG FAN: Okay. Ewww. My hands are getting messy from holding the poop. Should I wash them? RT: You could lick them clean. #1 TG FAN: Huh? Are you sure? RT: Absolutely. How does your cat clean himself? #1 TG FAN: Ummm... *scratches head* By licking? RT: Correct. And aren't cats extremely clean animals? Think about it, they're always fussing about their appearence. #1 TG FAN: They are!!! So it's okay to lick myself clean, then? RT: Why not? If it's good enough for a cat, it must be good enough for you. Right? #1 TG FAN: Right!!! Wow! Thanks for the help again. One more question... RT: Sure. What? #1 TG FAN: Which pair of jammies should I wear? The Spiderman or the Hello Kitty? RT: Easy. Choose Hello Kitty, and choose life!
  6. Red Templar

    Goodkind XXVII: Welcome to the Yeard Reich

    Definitely can't forget about the ether... The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge. And I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon. ETA: Can't forget about the Gars, either. We're right in the middle of a fucking Gar zoo! And somebody's giving booze to these goddamn things!
  7. Red Templar

    Goodkind XXVII: Welcome to the Yeard Reich

    Perhaps he's a Doctor of Journalism? He's just misused, that's all. Team him up with Spider Jerusalem, and then tell me he's lame.
  8. Red Templar

    Goodkind XXVII: Welcome to the Yeard Reich

    And don't try to hit them with the "red + blue = purple" thing, either. It's best just to give them a purple crayon and tell them to try and stay inside the lines.
  9. Red Templar

    Goodkind XXVII: Welcome to the Yeard Reich

    Should I admit that I like Jean Grey, and think Doctor Doom is totally cool?
  10. Red Templar

    Goodkind XXVII: Welcome to the Yeard Reich

    It's just as well, then. I never had much use for pants anyway.
  11. Red Templar

    Goodkind XXVII: Welcome to the Yeard Reich

    There's only 1 problem with this - WLU, word, and Myshkin are already dead, defiled, walking, posting corpses. How else can you explain the sheer sinisterness (is that a word?) of the "W" phenomenon?
  12. Red Templar

    Goodkind XXVII: Welcome to the Yeard Reich

    I see how it is now. I go on vacation and things get decided behind my back. This conspiracy must stop now!!! ETA: Besides, I'm too damn lazy to edit.
  13. Red Templar

    Goodkind XXVII: Welcome to the Yeard Reich

    Alright, I'm confused now. I thought double posts were indicitave of real men?
  14. Red Templar

    Goodkind XXVII: Welcome to the Yeard Reich

    Great post Min!!! You better get this bit above copyrighted before Tairy steals it for his next book.
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